by Kylie Walker
Once again, she was taken back to her childhood. Nothing but scenes of torture and abuse littered her mind when she went there. The long nights when she was too young to leave the house…too small to get away…too afraid to fight back. The nights when her adoptive mother and sister would turn a blind eye to the cries that came from her room when her drunken adoptive father would force his way in…
“No,” was all she said.
“Something about it calms me,” he said. “I can be completely undone after a day at work and a walk on the beach renews my spirit.”
She knew what he was talking about. Every step they took caused the sand to shift under their feet and squish up through their toes. Chloe didn’t verbally agree or disagree with him. She didn’t want him to feel like he was bonding with her over a common goal as they watched the white tipped waves roll in and spread themselves across the beach softly. Chloe found it strange that she could stand here next to this man and feel so comfortable in his quiet presence that was until she felt him touch her. He had simply reached over and took her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. His touch was gentle and warm, but after two years of being alone…and mostly afraid, it was foreign. She shuddered involuntarily.
“Are you cold?” he asked. He stopped walking and let go of her hand. She didn’t want to tell him that she was now, suddenly. He didn’t wait for her answer anyways. He slipped off his jacket and offered it to her.
“I’m okay,” she said. Derek smiled at her and draped the jacket around her shoulders.
They were face to face, so close that she could feel his warm breath on her face. For a fraction of a second, she thought he was going to kiss her. The most frightening part of that was that she wasn’t sure how she would react if he did. Part of her was aching for it. Her pounding heart and suddenly ragged breath were indicators of how badly she wanted to feel his lips against hers. The knot that remained twisted up in her stomach however said otherwise.
She moved her hands up and pulled the jacket around her. “Thank you,” she said as she once again took a step back, putting a distance between them that she was comfortable with.
They started walking again and he said, “How long have you lived in Rhode Island?” It was an ordinary question for a first date. He was trying hard to make conversation and she knew that she wasn’t making it easy.
Taking a deep breath she said, “A couple of years.”
He nodded and said, “And how long have you worked for Roxi?”
“About a year and a half,” she said.
Something suddenly made her want to tell him that she didn’t enjoy it. She didn’t like gyrating to sleazy music and sliding her body up and down an oiled pole half naked while men got off watching her. Part of her wanted him to know the real Chloe…the one who didn’t have far to go to finish her degree and become a teacher, the one who got straight “A’s” in school and got a full ride scholarship to college…but she caught herself before she opened her mouth. That was the Chloe who was too much like Kelly Ward…she had to do something with Derek that she didn’t have to do with other people…remind herself to be careful.
“Do you like to dance?” he asked.
She had to be careful, “Yes.” She said, simply. She wondered if he was getting frustrated with her one word answers. She wondered if he was regretting spending the evening with someone who didn’t seem able or willing to open up and let him know who she really was. She wondered why she cared so much. On their walk back up towards the car, he took her hand again. She let him and this time her body didn’t even react in a shudder.
On the helicopter ride home she began to feel bad about the scanty conversation they’d had throughout the evening and she said, “Did you start your company yourself, or was it a family business?”
“I started it myself,” he said. “I can’t claim that I could have done it without some initial financial backing from my father, but I paid him that all back eventually so that now I can truly claim the success as my own.”
“That’s something to be proud of,” she said, sincerely.
“It feels good,” he said. He didn’t seem arrogant about it in the least although Chloe knew he had to be a lot more than lucky to get where he was at such a young age. She hadn’t asked him, but according to the bio’s she’d read online he was only thirty-one. He did have a lot to be proud of.
“Do you have any brothers or sister’s Chloe?”
She thought about Daphne, her adoptive sister. Chloe was adopted at birth so one might think that she thought of Daphne as her sister and Marg and Tom Ward her “Mom and Dad,” but one would be wrong. The only thing she held onto after she found out that she didn’t come from them biologically was that at least she didn’t have the same evil DNA that seemingly ran rampant through their blood.
“No,” she’d said. “No siblings, how about you?”
“I have a brother,” he said.
She couldn’t really tell from the way he’d said it if that was a good thing or not. Then he went on to say, “He lives in New York. He’s an attorney…he and my father both. We’re only two years apart, he’s older. We were close growing up but now life just kind of gets in the way.”
Chloe could identify with that as well. For all her trying to not like this guy, she had failed miserably. By the time the helicopter landed in Rhode Island she liked him…a lot. When they stepped off the helicopter and she saw the driver standing next to the Bentley with the door open she felt a twinge of regret that the night was over. Somewhere deep down in the part of her brain that still allowed fanciful things to slip in, she’d still hoped for a kiss.
He walked her to the car and told the driver, “It’s okay George, I’ll get the door for her.”
The driver went around and discreetly disappeared into the driver’s seat. Derek was standing between her and the car and Chloe wondered if he was going to ride back to town with them. Her question was answered when suddenly he cupped her chin in his fingers and brought her head up so that they were looking at each other’s faces. “I’m going to let George drop you back at the club so you can get your car and drive yourself home as promised. I won’t be back to the club…I don’t want to be one of Roxi’s clients. I want to see you again Chloe but I get the feeling that’s still a quandary for you…so I’m leaving it in your hands.”
He slipped a business card into one of her hands and said, “Tonight was about proving to you that I’m not like those other guys you dance for. I want so much more than the beauty I see when I look at you’re outside. I want to know what’s inside…what’s behind those pretty brown-rimmed blue eyes. I want you to know me and know that you don’t always have to be poised to run away. I won’t hurt you. There are a lot of things I’d like to do to you and with you…but none of them involve pain.”
Then before Chloe could even formulate a response in her currently muddled brain his sweet, warm lips met hers in a whisper-soft kiss that was so light and so brief, it could have almost been imagined. She hadn’t even had time to tense up.
“Good night, beautiful Chloe,” he whispered as he stepped out of the way so she could get into the car.
“Good night,” she managed to squeak out through the gigantic lump that had found its way into her throat.
He closed the door and stood watching them as they drove away. Chloe watched him until he was out of sight and by the time they got to the main road she realized that all of her limbs were shaking. For the first time in years it was because she was feeling desire…not fear. She shook her head and hoped the driver didn’t hear her as she mumbled, “Trouble, trouble, trouble.”
Chapter 15
The first few days were the hardest. Those were the days…and nights that every time Chloe let her guard down, her mind would want to travel back to that kiss. His lips had been as soft, and as sweet as she’d believed they would be…and twice as unforgettable. She had to fight off the urge to use the card he’d given her and call him up. She wanted to see him again
…but she didn’t. She wanted another kiss, more than that…but she didn’t. The bottom line was she knew better. All she had to do was look past the fact that he’d been a perfect gentleman and that he’d kept every one of his promises…even the one to not show back up at the club and remember Jesse. On the third day after their dinner, she took out her journal and wrote:
June 8, 2011
Okay, I let myself have it…three days of agonizing over how badly I want him, three nights of dreaming about taking that sweet kiss to the next level…and now I’m finished. Today is the day that I remind myself how sweet Jesse’s kisses used to be. Today I remember the first day I saw him on campus…it was like an ethereal vision and I knew in my heart that he was the one. Today I remember our first fight and how he’d left me feeling so small and insignificant as he went out with his friends and got drunk…and then I’ll remember how he’d come home that night and pawed all over me and I had let him, calling it “making love” in my heart, but knowing it was something dark and twisted inside my head.
Today I remember the first time he hit me and the first time he brought me flowers to say he was sorry. Jesse wasn’t a perfect gentleman…he was a perfect actor who gradually morphed into a thing that nightmares are made of. I am nowhere near ready to trust that isn’t who and what Derek is as well. I threw the card away…I’m not going to call him. I’ve worked too hard and come too far to risk it all for a pair of crystal blue eyes.
She put the journal away, slipped on her robe and went out to make the coffee. She was surprised to find Lexi up already until her “tax guy” suddenly came into view. He had the decency to at least be wearing pants and look embarrassed about being in her kitchen without a shirt on.
“Good morning,” Lexi almost sang out. Chloe couldn’t help but smile at her. She seemed almost giddy.
“Good morning,” she said to her roommate. Then she looked at the man who Lexi had introduced her to last week and said, “Good morning Brett.”
“Good morning, Chloe,” he said as she went over to pour her coffee. She heard him rise behind her and when she turned back around, he’d left the room. She looked questioningly at Lexi and her friend said, “He went to put on his shirt. Do you mind if he comes with us today?”
“To the playground?”
“Yeah, I told him this was our weekend to help and he said he’d love to lend a hand. We never have enough men to do the heavy lifting and he has tools…”
“He can come,” Chloe laughed, “I’m not going to be responsible for turning down help. This playground has been closed down for almost a year. It’s a mess. Did you tell him that?”
Lexi shrugged, “He’ll be fine with it. Are you working tonight?”
“No, Roxi gave me this weekend off since I worked the last three. Are you?”
“Yeah, but I don’t have to go in until seven. I’m just covering for Callie for a few hours.”
Brett came back in then, dressed in a Hawaiian print shirt and a pair of jeans. He looked like a tax guy…on vacation. Chloe excused herself and went to take her shower. She dressed in a pair of faded cut-off jean shorts and a pink t-shirt and tennis shoes. Today was her day of the month that she volunteered for Hannah’s hearts. She was looking forward to it more than usual. They’d be working on cleaning up a playground on the west end of Providence that needed a lot of work and TLC. It would give her mind a much needed break from dwelling on Derek. She pulled her long brown hair back into a ponytail at the nape of her neck before slipping the blue contact lenses she’d taken off before her shower back on to cover her own brown irises. She grabbed her back pack that she’d filled with odds and ends she buys for the project when she has a little bit of extra money and went out to let Lexi and Brett know she was ready.
Brett insisted they ride in his pick-up to the park in case Liz…the lady in charge of the project needed anything hauled in or out. Chloe could tell that he was trying hard to impress Lexi, and it was working. That was okay though, he seemed like a nice guy and after having to put up with creeps all week, Lexi deserved some time with one of those.
There were already quite a few volunteers there when they got to the park. Chloe went on ahead and found Liz.
“Hey,” she said, “Where do you want me to start?”
“Hi Chloe, thanks for coming. How about you help Donny and his brothers with trash detail for a while until we’re ready to start hanging up swings and painting. Is that okay?”
“Sure,” Chloe agreed.
Donny was a sixteen year old kid who had a huge crush on her. He was sweet though and always respectful, so Chloe didn’t mind. His brothers on the other hand were ten year old twins and if she suspected right they suffered from ADHD…or she should probably say that everyone on the west end suffered from their ADHD. They weren’t bad kids…they just had way too much energy and it usually got them into trouble.
“Hi Donny,” she said as she walked up behind him. He was picking up trash next to the dirty little man-made pond and his wild little brothers were chasing a goose behind him.
“Oh hey, Chloe,” the boy said with his face coloring instantly. “How are you?”
“I’m good. What about you?”
“Ah, I’m okay. Mom made me bring the boys today. She had to work.” Donny’s mother worked for an escort service. Chloe knew that because Liz told her. She wasn’t sure if Donny knew it or not.
“At least they have lots of room to run around,” she said with a smile. “You have an extra bag?”
“Yeah, here you go.” He handed her a bag and then said, “Here, I made these for us.”
He handed her a stick that had been sharpened to a point on the end. “That way we don’t have to touch some of the more questionable things. Even with gloves, it can be kind of gross.” Chloe put on her gloves and thanked him. She completely agreed.
They found a little bit of everything when they did these clean-ups and sometimes that thin rubber barrier didn’t seem like enough. She picked up her bag and with the chatter of the twins in her ears she began picking up trash. It never failed to amaze her how little respect people had for their own environment. She had been working for about a half an hour when she suddenly heard Donny say, “I’ll be damned, I wonder what that guy did.”
She looked in the direction that Donny was looking and couldn’t believe her eyes. It was Derek Stark, stepping out of a sleek, black SUV. He was wearing a white t-shirt that stretched nicely across his hard chest and biceps and a pair of blue jeans. He looked just like the rest of them, except for the shiny car and the fact that he was probably the most gorgeous thing this little old park had ever seen. She could actually feel her face go pale as the blood drained out of it. What the hell was he doing here?”
“You think he’s a rock star or something doing community service?”
“Um…I don’t think so,” she said. She held out her bag and said, “Hold this for me for a sec Donny, I’ll be right back.”
Chapter 16
Chloe walked quickly, wanting to catch him before he made it over to where Liz was at. When he saw her, he started to smile, that was until she took hold of his massive bicep with two hands and swung him around so his back was up against his vehicle.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
It took him a second to get his bearings back. That obviously was not the greeting that he was expecting. “Well good morning to you too, Chloe,” he said with an amused look when he realized that she’d just body slammed him.
“I’m serious, Derek! What are you doing here?”
“I signed up to help out today.”
“You promised the next move was up to me,” she said.
“I’m not breaking that promise. I had no idea you would be here today. I called Hannah’s and talked to Liz the day after our date. You had just gotten me thinking about it…”
“Bullshit! This is a blatant stalker move.”
Derek laughed, “Stalker? You’re the one who challenged me to do more tha
n write a check. I’m trying to do my civic duty. You being here I will admit is a bonus.”
He let his eyes run across her body taking in the tone, tan legs showing underneath the cut-off shorts. “I’m not stalking you, Chloe. Trust me, if I wanted to do that I’d spare no expense doing it and it wouldn’t involve me picking up trash.”
She thought about that for a second…he had a point. He had plenty of money and undoubtedly contacts that could track her down in a heartbeat. If he was a stalker it was doubtful he would show up in such a public forum…wasn’t it?
She rolled her eyes and started to walk away and that was when she felt his hand on her arm. She froze and looked down at it and then up at his face. “Please don’t touch me,” she said. He let go of her arm but didn’t break her gaze as he said, “I’m sorry.” He could have thrown the fact that she touched him first in her face…but he didn’t. Instead he looked her in the eyes and said, “I apologize if I caught you off guard. I really do only want to help.” Damn him for being so polite!
“It’s fine,” she said, “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. Liz is over there.” She pointed out the team leader and then just left him standing there and went back to her post. Her body was in turmoil. That simple touch of his hand…firm, but not aggressive in the least had all but melted her insides. This guy was too much. When she reached Donny he gave her a curious look but he didn’t say anything. She took the bag he held out to her and got back to work, trying not to look back where she knew Derek was at.
She began stabbing at trash right and left and after a few minutes she heard his smooth, silky voice say, “Wow, I wouldn’t want to be that trash.”
She turned around to find him holding a trash bag and one of Donny’s sticks. He smiled and said, “I’m on trash detail too, but don’t worry, I’ll stay out of your way.”
With a frustrated sigh, Chloe went back to her work and left him to his. She tried to work her way away from the little pond and put some space between them. She spent the next twenty minutes or so with her head down and nothing but the retrieval of trash on her mind. She picked up the empty food containers and soda cans that littered the dirty sand between the monkey bars and the swing set and watched Lexi and Brett start hanging the swings. When Lexi started in her direction, she wanted to run. She knew exactly what her friend was going to want to talk about, the one thing she was trying like hell to keep her mind off of.