Justin was happy with everything except for the headboard in his room. It was covered in massive seashells, which was odd because we were hundreds of miles from an ocean. He was happy, that is, until he discovered there was no television in any of the rooms. He mumbled, complained, and paced until he finally plopped down on the couch and put his face in his hands. I laughed at him, although I knew he was aggravated.
“What are we supposed to do while we’re here?” he asked.
“Talk, rock on the back porch, play games.” I pulled a book from a shelf across from us, and waved it in the air. “Read.”
Justin rolled his eyes.
“You’re not really mad at me because we’re here, are you?” I asked.
“No,” he sighed. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Then what’s wrong with you?” I knew he wasn’t that torn up over not having a TV.
“Alden’s just so hard for me to understand. One minute she’s one way and the next she’s another. She’s constantly changing her mind. It’s confusing.”
“Have you talked to her about it?” He looked at me as if I were nuts. The answer was no. “I shouldn’t have even brought this up to you. Just forget it,” he told me as he heaved himself off the couch.”I’m going to get ready for dinner,” he mumbled.
42
Ryan
After Katie told me about seeing Annie and Justin together, I lay in the dark on Annie’s pillow, staring up at nothing, thinking about them holding hands. I’d thought a dozen times in the days since about asking Katie for specifics, but couldn’t do it. I knew Annie, and I trusted her. I felt in my soul that there wasn’t anything to worry about. She and Justin were only friends.
Besides, Katie had never seen Annie in person. She could have gotten her confused with someone else, I told myself, remembering that Katie had said Annie changed her hair. But as I was driving to Ronnie’s sporting goods store, I passed Pam’s clothing store and thought about going in. I’d never been there, but Annie had talked about it. Since my mother never said I had to stay away from Justin or his family I pulled over and went inside the store, wondering why I hadn’t thought about talking to Justin before—to get messages to Annie.
I was met at the door by a sales girl. “Hello, can I help you?”she asked.
“I’m a friend of Justin’s. Is he around?”
“No, they’re out of town.”
“They?
“Yeah, he went with a girl—I can’t remember her name.”
“Annie, maybe?”
“I really don’t remember. I just started working here. I only met her once—a couple days ago.”
“What’d she look like?” I asked, my guts tangled and throbbing. The girl smiled at me, seeming intrigued by my curiosity.
“She’s around my height, long brown hair. Really pretty.”
“Straight hair?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know where they went?”
“No.” She probably thought I was a nutty stalker. “Pam said they’ll be back in a couple days. Do you want to leave a message for Justin?”
“No. Thanks. I’ll catch up with him later.”
I was consumed by anger and regret. If I hadn’t agreed to this separation, then Annie wouldn’t be wherever she was with Justin doing who knew what.
43
Justin
Annie and I hung out with my parents for a while after dinner, before going back to our cabin. I’d invited Alden to come with us because I didn’t want to be alone with Annie overnight. I kept telling myself to move on, but every time I looked into Annie’s eyes, saw her smile, or got a hint of her scent, I knew I’d never be able to do it.
Alden had been acting weird, or maybe she’d always been weird and I hadn’t noticed because I was trying so hard to make something happen with her— to kill my feelings for Annie.
I went to my room and tried to lie down, but that shell covered headboard was making me paranoid. That, and the fact that it was pitch black and eerily quiet outside. I got up and went to Annie’s room. I’d convinced myself it was because I’d never see her once she and Ryan reunited. Truthfully, I just wanted to be close to her.
She was wearing a tank top and shorts, propped up in bed reading a book. “Can I come in with you? The headboard in my room is creeping me out.”
She laughed and waved me on.
“This place is boring as hell,” I said, lying down beside her. It was definitely for someone who wanted to get away from everything civilized, with the exception of indoor plumbing. There wasn’t even an alarm clock, and our phones didn’t work, either.
“I bet Pam and Larry have a TV in their room,” Annie said.
“And I bet they have cable.”
“I bet they know what time it is, too.”
“Why does it matter what time it is?”
“I’m just wondering how long until it’s light outside again.”
“You scared, Reynolds?”
“Nah, just bored out of my mind.”
I laughed. “Well, it is your fault we’re here, so if anyone deserves boredom, it’s you.”
“Ha-ha,” she groaned, then snapped her book shut. “Talk to me.”
“About what?”
“Tell me something I don’t know about you.”
“You mean, like, a secret?” I asked, mimicking girlish excitement.
Annie laughed. “Yeah, like a secret — a big, pink, frilly one.”
“I really don’t have any secrets from you.”
“Ha!” she shouted.
“You know what I mean.”
“I know what you can tell me,” Annie gasped. “You can tell me what you had on Kristy Prince.”
“No,” I answered flatly.
“Yes.”
I shook my head, confirming my answer.
“Oh, come on. She’s at Duke. I’ll never see her again.”
“No.”
“Please, please, please tell me. Pleeeeeeeeeease, please, please, pl—” “You’re not going to stop that until I tell you, are you?”
“Nope.” She grinned, then took in a breath and exhaled, “Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.”
“I dated her,” I blurted.
“What!” Annie’s eyes were as wide a saucers. “When did you date Kristy Prince?”
“When we were fifteen.”
“Why did I not know this?”
“You did, actually.”
“I think I would have remembered you dating Kristy Prince.”
“Her name was Kristy Maynard then.”
“Nuh-uh. I met Kristy Maynard and she didn’t look anything like Kristy Prince.”
“I know. Her hair was shorter, and brown— so were her eyes.”
“She wears colored contacts?”
“Yeah, she also had a nose job.”
“Why? She was cute before, from what I remember. I never would have recognized her. How did you?”
“She heard my name when one of my teachers was calling roll and whipped around to look at me. I didn’t realize it was her until she’d turned back around. She’s got a scar on the back of her right arm from a car wreck when she was a kid.”
“She never tried to talk to you before that day in the parking lot?”
“No.”
“Wow, she really is a bitch.”
“She just didn’t want anyone to find out who she used to be.”
“Why’d she change her name?”
“Her mom had just married some rich guy when we were together. His last name was Prince. I guess he adopted her.”
“What was the big deal? She changed schools, right? Nobody at Hurst knew who she was anyway. What did she not want everyone to know— that she dated you?” Annie snickered.
“No. Her mother was a waitress and she lived in a trailer when I met her. Her dad left when she was little and they struggled. It was hard for her.”
“And that’s what she was so hell-bent on keeping secret?”
“Yeah.”<
br />
“That’s stupid.”
“I guess, but she was willing to be nice to you to keep me from telling anyone,” I said.
“Yeah, well that wore off, and I had to yank some of her hair out, remember?”
I laughed. “I remember.”
“You wouldn’t have told anybody anyway. She should have known better.”
“I was pretty convincing when I threatened to do it. I reminded her that I had pictures of us together.”
I looked at him as if I didn’t believe he had it in him. “Wow, so you and Kristy Prince, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Was she your first? Did you hit that?” Annie laughed.
“Seriously, Reynolds?”
“You know who mine is,” she pointed out.
“Yes, she was my first.”
“That is super weird.”
“Yeah, whatever. It’s your turn now,” I complained.
“I don’t have any secrets from you.”
“There has to be something you’ve never told me.”
She thought for a second, then smiled, amused. “I gave David permission to see other girls when we were together.”
“No, you didn’t!”
“Yes, I did.”
“Why?”
“I wasn’t gonna do it with him.”
“Wait. You didn’t just give him permission to see other girls. You gave him permission to screw other girls.”
Annie shrugged.
“I can’t believe that.”
“I didn’t love him, so I didn’t care what he did when I wasn’t around.”
“Why were you even with him?”
“I liked hanging out with him, and I thought he was hot.”
“Seriously?” I laughed.
“Lindsay thought so, too.”
“Lindsay thinks everybody’s hot.”
“Whatever.” Annie rolled her eyes. “What else is weird about Alden? Maybe I can help you,” she offered. I was sure she just wanted to avoid the subject of Lindsay and me.
“She’ll barely let me touch her.”
“Uh, maybe I can’t help you,” Annie complained.
“Not like that,” I protested. “I’ve only been seeing her a couple weeks. She won’t hold hands in public or let me pick her up when we go out. She always wants to meet me, and she’ll hardly let me kiss her.”
“But you’re so good at it,” Annie said, then instantly turned red. I’d love the chance to show her what else I was good at, I thought.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” she said, doing everything in her power to avoid eye contact with me.
“It’s okay. I already knew you liked it,” I boasted.
Her mouth dropped open. I laughed. “Well, you must have, because you kissed me later that night. I figure if you hadn’t liked it, you wouldn’t have come back for seconds.”
“Seconds! Seriously? Like it was dinner,” she said.
“Yeah, exactly like it was dinner.” I laughed.
“Whatever! That was your fault. You gave me that — that — look,” she stammered.
“What look? I didn’t give you any look.”
“Yes, you did! That thing you did with your eyes and something else with your hands,” she mumbled.
My hands? “What did I do with my hands?”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Annie protested, folding her arms over her chest.
“Why not? Because you liked it?” I asked.
“I was very drunk.”
“What does that have to do with my hands?”
“Shut up,” she snapped.
I laughed. “This is secret sharing time, remember?”
“Why does it matter? It was a one-time event never to be repeated.”
“With you, yes, but since Alden will barely let me kiss her I must be doing something wrong, and you can help me fix it.”
“That’s just weird. Go find a twelve-year-old girl and raid her Judy Bloom collection. You can learn all sorts of things from those books.”
“I don’t want to read a book. I want you to tell me what you loved so much about having my hands on you.”
“I never said I loved having your hands on me,” Annie objected, her tone sharp.
“You know what I meant,” I said, trying to play it off as a joke.
“Yeah,” she mumbled.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s fine,” she said. But it didn’t feel fine.
44
Annie
A memory of us Christmas night flashed in my mind, instantly giving me goose bumps. Justin and I were wound around each other like tangled up yo-yo string, hands discovering bare skin to explore beneath our clothes while our mouths were fastened together. I swear I could still feel the silkiness of his tongue and the heat of his breath…
“Do you ever think about that night?” Justin asked, interrupting my thoughts. I wasn’t sure I should answer, but did anyway. “Sometimes,” I admitted. I had thought about that night more than I should have. “Do you?”
Justin seemed nervous, playing with his fingers. “Sometimes,” he breathed. “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you’d stayed?”
“You know what would have happened if I’d stayed,” I mumbled. Justin’s breath hitched. He must not have expected me to admit it.
“I know part of what would have happened, the physical part. But I wonder if we had spent the night together if this would have still happened.” Justin picked up my hand and brushed his fingers over my promise ring. He mumbled something inaudible, something I felt I wasn’t meant to hear. He tilted his head to look at me, still holding my hand in his.
I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I couldn’t breathe. I thought of how I’d had to force myself to leave him that night. How I’d wanted to stay and how I’d blamed my feelings on the champagne. Now, I knew that wasn’t entirely true.
Annie, I,” Justin started, but was interrupted by a hard thumping sound. “Is somebody knocking on the door?” I asked, my heart rate picking up pace.
When we heard it again, Justin slowly slid off the bed, unplugged the lamp on the nightstand, and carried it with him to the door, wrapping the cord around the base as he sneaked out of the bedroom. I would have laughed, but there was nothing else in the place that would have served as an appropriate weapon, should we need one.
I got up and crept behind him. “Who’s there?” Justin asked brusquely, leaned against the door.
“Justin, it’s me. Open up, it’s creepy out here.” We looked at each other like what the hell. He handed me the lamp and opened the door.
I was happy to see Alden only because she’d interrupted Justin. Whatever he was about to say would have only complicated my life further, I was sure of it.
Alden asked to sleep with me, and Justin slept on the couch. I guess he really did have a seashell phobia. I thought it was strange that Alden had driven all the way out here to end up bunking with me, but part of me was glad she hadn’t slept with Justin. Having the two of them together in a room four feet from mine would have driven me crazy.
45
Katie
Since Ryan had given me use of his BMW, I was picking up my own groceries and diapers, instead of allowing Valerie to have them delivered.
As the end of our arrangement neared, I began feeling slightly paranoid. I thought Valerie would think I owed her something if Ryan and I didn’t end up together.
I carried Jacob inside to get him settled so I could unload the car and found Ryan sitting at the kitchen table, a whiskey bottle in front of him, and a shot glass in his hand.
“What’s wrong?” I asked warily.
“I think Annie’s seeing Justin,” he answered without turning to look at me.
“What makes you think that?” I asked, putting Jacob in his play seat.
“The hand holding thing has been bothering me, so I went to see Justin, and was told
that he’d gone away with Annie for a couple days.”
“I’m sorry,” I said and carefully sat beside him at the table.
“I never should have agreed to this,” Ryan said. His eyes were bloodshot and the rims were red, making me think that he’d been crying. “Annie’s off somewhere with Justin and I can’t even talk to her about what she’s doing with him.”
“I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding,” I said, worried that Ryan may panic and take off. The last thing I needed was for him to leave and go chasing after Annie. If Ryan ended his agreement with Valerie, then I’d have no shot with him at all. And there’d be no way my father would give me access to his money or return my car if I came home early.
Everything would be so much easier if Annie was seeing Justin, but I had to convince Ryan that she wasn’t, in order to keep him still. I got him to bed and was able to talk him down. Fortunately, he’d drank enough that he was easily swayed, and for the moment, believed me when I told him there was no way Annie would cheat on him.
Once Ryan was sleeping, I called Valerie.
“What is it, dear?” she answered.
“I’m scared that I pushed Ryan too far. He tried to see Justin today. Luckily, he’s out of town.”
“Yes, I know. He’s with Annie at an Inn. They’re sharing a cabin.”
“How do you know that?”
“The same way I know that if you can keep Ryan settled until tomorrow afternoon, you and I will both get what we want,” she said, then hung up.
I was afraid to find out what she was up to, but knew deep down that I would be relieved if she could pull it off.
46
Annie
The next morning, Alden, Justin, and I made a plan for the day. Then I went to take a shower and get ready. When I came back, Justin was sitting on the couch alone.
“Where’s Alden?”
“She left.”
“Why?”
“She said she got a call and was needed at home. Family emergency,” he grimaced.
“But cell phones don’t work out here.”
“Duh.”
“Why would she lie?”
“I told you, Reynolds. She’s weird and I’m done with trying to figure her out.”
Breathe (Sway Part 2) Page 11