Justin breathed out hard, breaking our stare. “I waited, Annie. I gave you space and you didn’t change your mind. It’s been two months since I kissed you—since I told you I wanted you.” Justin shook his head, taking a step back. “You just don’t like that I met someone else. That I didn’t wait for you forever.”
“I didn’t ask you to wait for me. I never expected you to, but I have to admit that standing around waiting for you and Finley to leave so that you can have sex with her is way harder for me than I thought it would be. I don’t want you to be with her,” I said softly.
“So, this is an attempt to keep me from sleeping with her?”
“No. I’m trying to tell you…” My eyes flickered to Justin’s. “That night at the resort I felt like sleeping with you would have ruined us. Not doing it has made everything worse.” Justin’s eyes cut away, his expression like stone. “The one thing I didn’t want to happen to our relationship is happening. I feel you slipping away, Justin, and it’s breaking the hell out of my heart.”
“I told you, you’re never going to lose me. I’ve been here this whole time, Annie. You would have seen that if you weren’t so busy hiding from me.”
“I thought it would make things easier; make my feelings go away.”
“Why are you playing games with me?”
“I’m not playing a game.”
“Feels like you are. I’ve been seeing Finley almost a month, and you never even hinted that it bothered you.”
“That’s bullshit, you knew it bothered me. You knew how much I hated it the instant you met her.”
“I’m not a mind reader, Annie. You’ve been avoiding me for months. I hardly see you anymore. You never tell me anything—least of all how you feel.”
“I’m sorry.”
Justin paced in a tight circle, and then stopped. “What do you want from me?”
“I wasn’t ready then—” “But you are now?” Justin gasped. “Your timing is pretty suspect.”
I put my hands back on Justin’s chest and looked into his eyes. “I thought I could let you be with someone else and just be your friend, but I can’t do that. If you still feel anything for me…” Tears filled my eyes. My voice was lost. I couldn’t say the rest.
“I’m on a date, Annie.” Justin ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “It’s not fair of you to do this now.”
“I know.”
When he didn’t say anything, I let go of Justin and turned to leave. Before I could take a second step, he spun me around and rested my back against the brick wall behind us, his eyes penetrating mine. “I feel everything for you, that’s the fucking problem. If you thought all I wanted that night was to get inside you—to get something out of the way…” He shook his head. “When I said I wanted you, I meant all of you. Everything.” Justin’s jaw tightened. “I don’t know what you think you feel right now, if you’re only jealous or if it’s something more than that, but I don’t think you could ever let me have everything, Annie, and I think you know that, too.”
He may have been right, but I couldn’t let him slip away from me. Justin was all I had left in this world and I would fight for him.
“Please don’t leave with her,” I muttered, before placing a soft, desperate kiss on his lips. His eyes remained closed after I moved my mouth away. “You’re the one person I’m always going to want in my life.” I rested my cheek against his cheek. “I miss you. I need you. Come home to me.” I slid away from Justin, walked inside, got my coat and left.
37
Justin
I’m not sure how long I stood frozen in place after Annie left, but I eventually staggered my way back inside the house. Her scent, I wanted to be buried in it. That simple kiss—touching her, consumed me.
Annie asking me not to leave with Finley was royally screwing with my head, but so was not knowing if she’d spoken up now to keep me from sleeping with Finley, while she figured out if she wanted to be with me or if she truly wanted me.
“You okay, Son?” my dad asked. I looked at him, but didn’t know what to say—how to begin. My head was full of ideas. Hope.
“Annie left,” I finally said.
“Did she say anything before going?”
“She asked me not to leave with Finley,” I said numbly.
“Oh.” His voice was deep, knowing.
“I didn’t think she cared. I didn’t think she… she asked me not to leave with Finley,” I repeated.
“There you are,” Finley sang, sliding her arm around my waist, snuggling against me.
“Hey,” I staggered, caught off guard.
My dad looked at me. “Looks like you’ve got a decision to make,” he said, before walking away.
“What decision?” Finley asked me.
“Something Annie just said to me… something about our apartment,” I lied.
I was pissed at Annie for letting me get close to Finley. I didn’t love her or anything, but she was right, I’d planned to spend the night with her. Now, Annie was in my head screwing everything to hell.
“Are you ready to go?” Finley asked, a sweet smile on her mouth, eyes lit with anticipation.
After saying goodbye to my parents, I drove us to Finley’s apartment. As she opened the door to get out of my truck, I sat still. “Aren’t you coming?” she asked.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Why not?” Her voice cracked. “We’ve been talking about tonight all day.” After a moment, Finley closed the truck door and turned to face me. “What’d she say?”
“What?”
“Annie. What’d she say to you? You were fine until you talked to her tonight.”
“I’m still fine. I’m just not sure...”
“Of what?”
I felt like such an ass. “Of us,” I said, and looked her in the eye.
“Which us are you talking about?” she snapped. “You and I, or you and Annie?”
“You and I.”
“Your dad said you had a choice to make. A choice between me and her, right?” Finley barked.
I shook my head, not wanting to admit it.
“I don’t like to be screwed with. You need to think real hard before you leave here tonight. I want to be with you, I’m sure of my feelings. She’s not.”
“How do you know?” I asked automatically.
“Because she would have said something before tonight. She knew you were planning to stay with me, didn’t she?”
“I told her we had plans after the party.”
“If you leave me for her, you’re a sucker. If you do leave, don’t ever call me again.”
Finley got out of the truck and slammed the door. I watched her go inside her apartment, and for a split-second, I felt an urge to follow her. Being with her would be less complicated than trying to make it work with Annie.
Finley’s apartment door swung open, she stood beneath the flood of light coming from the fixture above her, as if she was waiting for me. I was sure Finley was right about Annie, she should have spoken up before now.
I turned off my truck, pulled the keys from the ignition, climbed out, and went to her.
38
Annie
I poured myself a glass of wine to help calm my nerves, sat on the couch in front of the television, which I never turned on, and nervously sipped as I waited—hoping Justin would show up.
After almost two hours, I was sure he wasn’t coming. That he’d chosen to spend the night with Finley instead of me.
I went to my bedroom, took my suitcase from the closet, and began meticulously packing. I folded my jeans and t-shirts and tucked them neatly inside my suitcase.
“Are you leaving?” Justin’s voice startled me. I hadn’t heard him come in. I didn’t look at him as I answered. “I thought it might be a good idea.”
He stepped inside the room, closer to me. I stopped folding my clothes and limply stood in place. Justin pushed my hair past my shoulder; his hand slowly moved down my arm as he stared at the f
loor.
“I took Finley home,” he said, his voice barely audible. “I went inside with her, but I didn’t stay. I told her I couldn’t see her anymore.”
Relief rolled through me.
I watched Justin, his head still bowed, appearing so torn. “Sometimes when I look at you…” He stopped talking and clutched his chest. “Sometimes when I look at you, I can’t breathe.” His eyes slowly made their way to mine; his hands fell hopelessly to his sides. “You let me get so close to you.” His teeth gritted. “Then you push me away. I can’t let you keep doing that to me.”
“I won’t stop this time, I promise,” I breathed, taking Justin’s face in my hands. “I was afraid before.”
“I’m not talking about sex, Annie. I’m talking about letting your fears about us—the future—shut you down. I was afraid, too. Honestly, I still am. But I feel something for you that’s stronger than that fear.” His voice lowered. “I always have.”
Apart from the fear I’d had of destroying our friendship, I wasn’t sure I was ready for what Justin wanted. I didn’t think I could have given that to him them. Part of me still wasn’t sure I could now, but I wanted to try.
“I want to give you everything,” I muttered, pushing Justin’s jacket off his shoulders.
“I only want to do this if you’re sure it’s what you want. That I’m what you want.”
“I am. You are.” I put my hands against his chest and began carefully unbuttoning his shirt, watching the small, pearl colored chips disappear as I pushed them away from the neatly stitched openings that held them.
As I finished the last one, Justin pulled the shirt off and threw it down. I put my hands back on him. My fingers skimmed the planes of his chest down to the ridges in his stomach. Touching him made me so nervous; I couldn’t believe I wasn’t shaking.
Justin tilted my head back and kissed me, tightening his hold on me, breathing heavily, loudly against my mouth. It was intoxicating. His breath, his hands, his body against mine. Being close to Justin felt good, but it always had. I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in the scent of his skin, allowing his warmth to radiate against me.
I dared myself to unbuckle his belt. I was surprised that I was able to do it without looking, and so quickly. I moved backward a couple of steps and pulled, watching it slowly move through the loops, until the end had fallen to the floor.
Then I stood frozen in place thinking about what I was doing. Undressing Justin felt like a dream. I knew nothing would be the same after this night. Nothing would allow us to take back what we were about to do, but I needed to hear the lie anyway.
“Tell me it won’t change anything,” I asked in a shallow breath, not looking at him.
Justin took my face in his hands. “Me and you are me and you. Nothing will ever change that.”
I peeked up at him, into his fiery blue eyes and eagerly kissed him again. It made me feel like mush, as if I was standing purely due to the adrenaline pumping through me, because the rest of me felt useless.
Justin watched me closely as his fingers slid beneath the gathered ruffles on the cap sleeves of my dress. He pushed them past my shoulders, guiding them down my arms. We stared into each other’s eyes as the fabric lazily slid from my skin, landing silently on the floor.
Justin took my hand and led me to his room, I thought it was because my bed was covered in clothes. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing me again, gentler, slower than before while somehow gracefully twisting us until we were on the bed. I kept my eyes closed when he moved his mouth away. I felt my breathing was so deep that my chest was caving in each time I released air.
I sensed Justin’s eyes on my face as his fingers brushed over my cheek. I loved the way it felt. I wanted him to touch me more. Justin whispered my name and I wondered if he’d decided he couldn’t go through with it — if he’d changed his mind.
I counted to three before I opened my eyes to his, so blue and vivid, scanning my face, as if waiting for permission to go further.
I put my hand on his cheek and gently kissed his mouth. That was my yes.
39
Justin
The anticipation of being with Annie was crushing. I’d wanted this for so long. I was nervous I would screw it up; do something wrong and turn her off. Make her wish she’d never let me have her. Then I wondered if she would think of Mullins. If she would think he was better than me.
Looking down at her wavy blond hair spread across the pillow, the tremendous beauty in her face, her mouth plump and red from kissing me, the way she looked both nervously and seductively at me made me confident that I could keep Ryan Mullins from entering her thoughts.
The smooth warmth of her skin beneath my hands was maddening. Although not being able to see her was killing me, I held her body against me, bare chest to bare chest. I’d waited so long to hold her this close that I didn’t want any space between us.
Kissing her, my hands roamed her body, touching every curve, memorizing the feel of her. It was surreal. I’d almost given up thinking this would be possible.
“It’s been a while for me,” she murmured. “Go slow, please.”
I’d planned to. I wanted to savor every moment of this night. I traced the structure of her face as I pushed slowly inside her. She breathed out deeply, a hint of a whimper attached to it. Her brown eyes seemed to darken further as they focused on mine. Seeing the relief in her expression almost ended me right then.
I knew from that moment on that I would be ruined. Annie was everything to me. My best friend. The girl I’d loved since I was twelve. The girl I wanted forever with. I wanted so badly to tell her all of this, but didn’t want to scare her. I only wanted to let this moment burn into my brain.
Annie lifted her head and kissed me teasingly as her hands moved through my hair, then down my back, pulling me closer to her, singeing my already overheated skin. I kissed every part of her that my mouth could reach, drowning in the sweet scent of her skin.
I found the perfect rhythm based on her breathing. When it became shallow, I knew I was doing something right. Something she liked. Her eyes closed, her back slightly arched, and she bit down on her bottom lip. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
I pulled back to watch her, holding her waist. Her hands wrenched around my wrists, clutching so tightly that it might have hurt me if I could have felt anything other than her softness.
Her legs encircled me, the heels of her shoes dug into my back. Instead of hurting, it somehow made this whole thing even hotter. Annie tried to stifle the noise she was making, so I kissed her, letting her moan into my mouth as she trembled beneath me. And then I lost it.
As much as I didn’t want to leave her body, I knew I couldn’t rest all of my weight against her. I lay next to her catching my breath. She was completely silent. I wondered if she regretted it, or would hate me now. She rolled toward me and nuzzled her face in the crook of my neck.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yes, are you?”
“Stupid question,” I chuckled and ran a hand down her arm. Goose bumps appeared. She shivered and snuggled closer to me.
“Cold?” I asked.
“No.”
“You’re shivering.”
“Not because I’m cold,” she said, and pressed slow kisses against my neck.
“Oh,” I breathed, catching on. I pulled closer and held her; the heat between us could have started a fire. Before either of us knew what was happening, our bodies had reconnected, and I was so lost in her that I never wanted to be found.
40
Annie
When I woke up, Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed gazing at me. He was already dressed in jeans and a teal blue polo shirt. He wore a black baseball cap that shaded his face, making his white smile seem even more brilliant.
“What are you doing?” I asked, unable to keep from smiling.
“Sounds corny, but I got caught up in watching you sleep.”
“That is pre
tty corny.”
Justin stared at me for a moment, and then smiled in a way that made me blush. I covered my face with the sheet I was tangled up in. “What time is it?”
“About one-thirty.”
“One-thirty! Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I already told you, I was watching you sleep.” He smiled. “Pam wants me to come over.”
“Why?” I gasped.
Justin laughed. “She asked me to help clean up today.”
“Doesn’t she usually hire people to do that?”
“Yes.”
“What’s the deal, then?”
“I think she just wants to be nosy since you told her that I’d planned to spend the night at Finley’s,” he admitted quietly.
“I’m not going over there.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not ready for her to know about this. What if she gets mad? What if she doesn’t approve? What if she tells us we’re making a mistake? Oh my gosh,” I gasped. “What if she thinks I’m a home wrecker?” We’d spent one night together; we were so new that I didn’t want to deal with revealing that to family yet.
Justin laughed. “You are seriously overreacting.”
“You just said you were supposed to have been with Finley last night. You weren’t with her because of me.”
“I’ll tell Pam it didn’t work out with Finley. Come with me. I promise I won’t say anything.”
“Swear. Promising isn’t good enough.”
Justin laughed. “I swear I won’t tell my mother about all the naughty things you did to me last night.”
I swung my pillow around and hit him with it. He made keeping us from Pam sound so easy. “Fine,” I groaned, and began tugging at the sheet; realizing it was tucked between the box spring and mattress. I looked at him expectantly. “You have to turn around so I can get up,” I instructed.
“No, I don’t.” He shook his head slowly.
“Just because you’ve seen my body in the dark, doesn’t mean I want you to see it in the daylight,” I told him.
Breathe (Sway Part 2) Page 22