“I’m sorry,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter. Let me up.”
“You saw the pictures. My dad said you thought she was you at first, too.”
“But she wasn’t me, Ryan!” Annie yelled, finally looking at me. “You put me through hell. Sleeping with Katie, getting her pregnant, separating us to keep your stupid money—I supported you through all of that and you couldn’t show me a shred of the grace that I showed you. Move!”
“It hurt me to see you with Justin that night.”
“I bet it wasn’t as painful as seeing that,” she said, pointing to my wedding band.
“I only married her because I thought you cheated.”
“Let me up,” she demanded, tears in her eyes.
“Alright, enough disruption,” Professor Rice said. “You both may go.”
I scooted my desk away from Annie’s. She got up and almost ran from the room. I followed her. I knew if I didn’t, I’d probably never get another chance to talk to her.
“Annie, wait,” I called. She didn’t stop until she was outside of the building. She was so upset. All I wanted was to comfort her. I pulled her into my arms and started talking, saying the first things that popped into my mind.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry I was so stupid. I’m sorry I put you through all of this. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I made all the wrong choices. I’m sorry I was so selfish.”
“You smell like her,” she complained and pushed herself away from me.
“I’m sorry for that, too.”
“I have to go,” she said, and walked away. That time I let her. She wasn’t ready to forgive me. She probably never would be.
51
Justin
Annie slammed the door and blindly slung her books across the room. I was sure she hadn’t seen me standing in the kitchen.
“You okay?” I asked, startling her.
“Yeah, I’m sorry; I thought you’d gone to class.” She’d been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy. She tried to hide it by not looking directly at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, although I already knew. Nothing got to her like Ryan Mullins.
“Nothing. I’m fine.” She wiped at her eyes.
I carefully took her hand. She breathed out hard, fell into my arms, and sobbed.
“What did he do?”
“He was in my human behavior class. I dropped it. It’s fine.”
I knew I shouldn’t push her, that we’d end up in an argument if I did, but something happened for her to be so upset.
“Did you talk?”
“Professor Rice made us sit next to each other.”
“What’d he say?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She tried to walk away and I should have let her.
“I know how much he hurt you. I was there. I don’t want you to backslide.”
“I’m not backsliding. We go to the same school. I was bound to see Ryan on campus, eventually. Why are you making such a big deal about this?”
“I know how important he is to you.”
“Was! He’s not important anymore.”
“He is or you wouldn’t be so upset.”
“Why are you pushing me?”
“I’m not pushing you. I just want you to tell me the truth.”
“Why did you kiss me that night—spring break before you went back to school?” she asked, then stood still, as if she regretted asking the question. Since she didn’t take it back, I answered.
“You know why I kissed you.”
“Ryan saw us. He came to talk to me about the pictures and saw you kissing me.”
My blood surged. “So, you think it’s my fault that Ryan married Katie?”
“I don’t think it’s your fault.”
“But you think it contributed to his decision.” I shook my head. “I don’t get it, Annie. After everything he’s done to you, and everything you and I have shared recently, I can’t believe you’re still hung up on that asshole. I knew this would happen.” I grabbed my backpack and looked at her.
“The land that he sacrificed your relationship for—I would have let every acre burn before spending one night away from you,” I said and left.
She didn’t stop me.
52
Annie
As all of the pieces fell into place and I realized why everything had happened, I broke down again. It was so unfair that Valerie had cheated Ryan and me out of our happy ending for a higher social standing, and had used Justin to do it.
Her deception caused both of us to make choices and do things that could never be undone. I was still angry that Ryan believed the worst in me. Even after seeing me with Justin, he still should have had a conversation with me before going off the rails and marrying Katie.
The longer I stood there alone, the angrier I got. When I heard Justin’s truck fire up outside, I stormed out after him. I knew exactly where he was going.
53
Justin
After wearing a path in the grass from pacing, trying to figure out what to do, I jumped in my truck, and drove to Ryan’s house. I knew finding out he’d been tricked would make him want Annie back and I wasn’t going to let it happen.
Ryan threw a duffle bag into his trunk and closed it as I was pulling up.
I got out of my truck and he walked toward me. “What the hell do you want?” he asked.
“I want you to stay away from Annie.”
“The same way you stayed away from her?”
“I was there for her. I picked up the million pieces you broke her into—what was left after you shattered her world. I’m the one who put her back together. Leave her alone or I’ll come for you, I swear.” My hands fidgeted at my sides, hoping he’d do or say something that would warrant me busting his face.
“You can threaten me all you want. Hit me every time you see me, but you know she still loves me, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. It’s her choice whether she wants to see me, not yours.”
I hated that he was right. I had no control over Annie and her decisions.
“Things are different now that I know the truth.”
“The truth?” I laughed. “What you learned yesterday is no longer the truth. She wasn’t then, but she is sleeping with me now. And she can’t get enough.”
“Justin!” Annie shouted. I turned to see her standing behind me. She looked so hurt.
“I should have known you’d come here.” I walked closer to her, glaring into her eyes. “Have fun reuniting with this piece of shit. Maybe his wife will make room for the two of you in her bed tonight.”
Deep down, I knew she’d never truly be mine. The ache in my chest matched the anger I felt. I wanted to rip Mullins apart. My heart thudded in my ears. I was going to pop if I didn’t get out of there.
“Justin, I only came here because I knew you were here,” she murmured, her eyes begging me to understand.
I understood that I wasn’t the reason she’d come here, when she stood still, instead of leaving with me. I sped away, not looking at either of them again, but Ryan’s words echoed in my head. It was Annie’s choice. She’s the one who’d have to make it.
54
Annie
“I shouldn’t be here.”
“You’re with him now,” Ryan said.
“I have to go,” I said and ran towards home.
I stepped inside the apartment and leaned against the door.
“That was quick.” Justin’s voice startled me. He’d seemed so mad at me that I hadn’t expected him to be here. I’d been so distracted that I hadn’t noticed his truck in the parking lot. I opened my mouth to respond, but only released empty air.
“I get it,” he said. “You don’t have to say it.”
“What do you get?” I asked.
“The real reason you stopped me from being with Finley. It wasn’t because you wanted me; it was because you didn’t want her to have me.”
“That’s not true, I never
would have—” “Said all that bullshit to me the other night?”
“It wasn’t bullshit and you know it! You know me better than anyone, Justin, I would not have done or said those things if I didn’t mean them.”
“I should go,” he said.
“No—why?”
“I’m not going to wait around for you to break my heart. I know it’s coming, better to end it now.”
“Why are you trying to sabotage us?”
“I’m not. I can feel it, Annie. You’re going back to him. I told you not to get involved with me unless you were sure that I was what you wanted.”
“You are what I want, Justin. I love you! I want to be with you. Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t want me anymore. Maybe you got what you wanted and need an excuse to bail.”
“Sounds like you’re the one looking for an excuse.”
“Since we’ve been together you haven’t told me once how you feel about me.”
“Yes, I have!”
“Not out loud. I need to hear you say it.”
Justin was quiet for so long that my insides began to wither. “That’s what I thought. You don’t love me. At least you know what it was like to have a piece of me,” I said disdainfully.
Justin grabbed my arms. “I don’t love you,” he said. I screamed and tried to escape his embrace.
“I don’t love you like I did the day we met and you changed my mind about girls being losers.”
I quit struggling and looked at Justin.
“I don’t love you like I did when you were twelve and taught me how to throw a curveball. Or when you were thirteen and showed up to all of my games that summer. I don’t love you like I did when you were fourteen and you slid into home and hit the catcher so hard that you knocked her out. I don’t love you like I did when you were fifteen and we spent the whole summer riding jet skis on the lake. I don’t love you like I did when you were sixteen and I realized how beautiful you are. I don’t love you like I did when you were seventeen and I knew I wanted to be more than your friend. I don’t love you like I did when you were eighteen and I kissed you on the back porch. I don’t even love you like I did when I told you I loved you that night. I don’t love you like I did the night you forced me to dance with you to that trumpet music. I don’t love you like I did the first time we made love.” He smiled. “Or the second and so on.”
I was crying so hard I could barely see him anymore and laughing so hard at what he just said that my whole body was shaking.
“I love you like I don’t ever want you to be with anyone else, like I don’t ever want to be with anyone else, like I don’t know what I would do without you. I am truly, madly, deeply, crazy in love with you, Amelia Anne Reynolds. I love you and I want to spend every moment of every day with you for the rest of our lives.”
Justin slid his hands delicately around my waist, underneath my shirt, making me shudder. He leaned his body against me and pressed his perfect mouth gently to mine, and then kissed me persuasively, as if he were trying to convince me of something. When his mouth slowly parted from mine, I put my hands in his hair and twisted my fingers in, staring into his eyes.
“But I won’t wait for you if you go back to him, Annie. The thought of that happening is slowly destroying me.” Justin whispered.
I swallowed hard. My heart fell. Before I could say anything, he kissed me again so deeply that I felt my body melting in his hands. His mouth moved down my neck, holding me tighter against him.
“I want you, always,” he breathed, then placed one final kiss on my neck before releasing me.
“Where are you going? You can’t leave,” I panicked as he reached for the door.
“I’m not leaving you. I’m giving you time to know for sure what you want.”
“I want you.”
“We’ll see,” he said.
“I’m not letting you go,” I cried, my lip trembling. “I love you. I want you. How many times do I have to say it?”
“You love him, too.”
“I don’t want to,” I breathed.
“But you do.”
“Don’t you still love Eve?”
“No, I don’t. I’ll always be fond of her, but I wasn’t pining for her six months after we broke up.”
“What a stupid word. I’m not pining for Ryan.”
“You just love him still. You’re right, there’s a big difference.”
“Would you stop, please?”
“I just want you to let him go, Annie.”
I placed my hands on Jusitn’s chest. “I want you for myself,” he whispered. “I don’t want to share you with him. I don’t want you what-iffing about him later.”
There was a hard knock on the door, startling me. “Open it,” Justin said somberly. “Deal with it.”
I shook my head, my eyes full of tears. I was so torn. I didn’t want to open the door and let Ryan in.
Justin pulled me to him and kissed my forehead. “Please don’t,” I murmured, gripping his shirt.
He opened the door anyway, cracking it, before crossing the room and walking out the back door.
The front door pushed the rest of the way open. My heart nearly stopped beating as I anticipated seeing Ryan enter, but it wasn’t him.
“Can we talk?” Katie asked. I was too dumbfounded to speak, so I nodded yes.
“I’ve just learned what Valerie did.”
“You mean, you weren’t in on it?”
“That’s not fair. You don’t know me.”
“What’s not fair is that you married my boyfriend while he was still my boyfriend.”
“He asked me.”
“Do you do everything you’re asked?”
Katie glared at me. I thought that given a few more seconds she’d probably start pulling my hair.
“Not usually, but I wanted to marry Ryan.”
I smirked.
“I didn’t, at first. Not until I got to know him better. He’s great with Jacob. I’m not needy, and my goal was never to break you up. I knew Valerie was up to something, I just didn’t know what.”
“What do you want?”
“I want my family to stay together.”
“No, I mean, from me,” I clarified.
“That is what I want from you. He’s in love with you, I know that. I’ve never felt like he was completely mine and I want that with him.”
“Katie, you should talk to Ryan about this. Not me.”
“He holds back because of you. If you let him know that he doesn’t have a shot, then he’ll realize that he belongs with his family. He was trying. We were getting closer.”
“What do you want me to say, that I’ll talk to Ryan and beg him to love you so you’ll be happy? If you want help manipulating Ryan, call Valerie. She’s awesome at it.”
“You know, Annie, prom night wasn’t all me. I’m sure he spun it to make you think so, but Ryan’s just as guilty as I am. I didn’t know about you until the next morning.”
“I don’t want to hear this,” I said, angry.
“I didn’t make Ryan do anything he didn’t want to that night.”
“It doesn’t matter to me anymore, Katie. I don’t care.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for hurting you.”
My first thought was to punch her in the throat, but I went with my second, and said, “Thank you.”
After all, Katie wasn’t the one coupled with me. She bared no responsibility to me. It was Ryan. He’s the one who was supposed to have been loyal and truthful and should have considered me—us—before making the choices he did.
“He’s in room 212 at the University Inn across from campus if you want to see him.”
“He moved out?”
“Yes, and I want him to come home,” she said, before exiting through the open front door.
55
Annie
I thought my heart would beat plum out of my chest as I approached Ryan’s room. I’d seen his car in the parking lot. One of the win
dows was cracked and as I walked by, I was hit with his scent. It brought back so many memories of us. Our first date, especially.
“Hi,” I said, my voice cracking, when Ryan answered the door.
“Hey.” He smiled. It was pained, but still so beautiful.
“Katie told me you’d be here.”
“Katie?”
I nodded, and stepped inside the room. “She said you left.”
“When did you talk to Katie?”
“A little while ago. She came to see me.”
“Why?”
“Because she wants her family to stay together.”
“What else did she say to you?”
“That she’s sorry for hurting me.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you, too.”
I nodded, looking at Ryan. At the boy who was supposed to have been my future—my forever—and started to cry. Ryan opened his arms. I wrapped myself around him and held on, as the realization of what I was about to do sliced at my insides.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you. My head was a wreck. Not being able to see or talk to you was so hard, and my mom and Katie put all this crap in my head, and then I saw you kissing Justin and I didn’t know what else to do. All I wanted was to make you hurt the way I did. I thought you’d given up on us. I wasn’t in my right mind when I married Katie. I’m ending it.”
I peeled myself away from Ryan and sat in one of two chairs in the room. Ryan sat in the other one.
“I hope you’re not ending it because of me,” I said.
“She lied to me.”
“Didn’t you lie to her about why you married her?”
“She knew I didn’t marry her because I loved her. She told me she knew.”
“She wants to make it work. I can’t blame her for wanting her family to be together.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Why not?”
“I love you, Annie. I never stopped.” Hearing him say that was crushing. I looked into his eyes and gave him a slight smile. “You don’t think you could grow to love Katie?”
Breathe (Sway Part 2) Page 26