Serena slammed the cage shut and stamped on the brakes of her speeding thoughts. She would not misread those practised looks or his artful words. Not ever again.
He made her vulnerable to him with a click of his über-talented fingers, but demons would dance with angels before he stole more of her heart or her pride. So she dug out the biggest smile in her arsenal and directed her voice to super-sweet.
‘Hey, Lothario, miss me?’
* * *
He wanted her now. Now! Fiercely. Possessively. Permanently.
When Mick Scott had texted him twenty minutes ago—Guess whose girl is here?—Finn hadn’t trusted his luck but had tossed some clothes on nonetheless.
Now if he could just get over the shattering bodily impact of his first sight of her in weeks maybe he could think straight. As it was he had claws digging into his guts, demanding he haul her into his arms, delve into those fiery locks and slash his mouth over hers. But he reckoned since he’d messed up so catastrophically that winning her heart was going to require some finesse.
Mick eased by, patted Finn’s shoulder and murmured, ‘Try not to mess it up this time.’
Finn swallowed. Hard. Then told himself to forget about his boss and focus on his future. His entire life wrapped in a sensational electric-blue sheath. If she’d have him. Forgive him. Let him love her. Because that was all he had—his love.
This was it. The greatest risk of all. Because nothing came close to the potent charge of adrenaline that barrelled through his system when he was within ten feet of her. Fifty championships wouldn’t even come close.
Had he missed her?
‘I certainly have, Miss Scott. In fact I can easily say I’ve been miserable since the moment you left.’
He’d been plunged back into another hellhole, this one definitely of his own making, and he was determined to rectify that, no matter how long it took.
Granted, his admission hadn’t worked the way he’d hoped—not if the stunned flash of incredulity in her sparkling grey gaze was anything to go by. Even the two feet separating them was a hot whirlpool that snap, crackled and popped with her pique.
Aw, man, maybe he was playing this all wrong. But the truth was he was nervous. Him. The man who flirted with death and had practically invented the word reckless.
‘Yeah, okay, which is why you’ve already moved on and couldn’t even spare me a phone call.’
Finn shoved his hands into his trouser pockets in case he lost his tenuous grip and just kissed the living daylights out of her. ‘I wanted to give you some time to figure out how you feel. It hasn’t been easy for me, Serena. It’s been bloody agonising. You have no idea how many times I drove to the airport—’
‘Going on holiday, were you?’
If his guts weren’t writhing in a chaotic mess he would smile. That sassy mouth drove him crazy. Always had. And clearly she’d re-erected those barriers of hers. Well, he’d just have to pull them down all over again. He was fighting to win, and Finn St George always won.
‘Dance with me?’ He held out his hand. ‘Give me your first dance—the one we didn’t share back at Silverstone. Please?’
The truth was he just wanted to hold her. If he could make her remember what they were like together maybe she’d give him a chance.
She took so long to make her decision—her flawless brow nipped as she scrutinised his face—that Finn was headed for an aneurysm by the time her dubious voice, said, ‘Okay. One dance.’
Before she changed her mind he grabbed her hand and practically dragged her across the courtyard—weaving around tables to a space right at the back of the dance floor, dimly lit, semi-private and leading to the gardens beyond.
Then he wrapped his hands around her dainty waist and hauled her into the tight circle of his arms to sway to an Italian love ballad. Perfect. She felt amazing, and when her deliciously evocative scent wrapped around his senses the ice in his veins started to melt.
‘Finn,’ she squeaked. ‘I can hardly breathe.’
‘Breathing is highly overrated. Do you really need to?’ This was bliss for him and, selfish as it was, he was taking what he could while he could. To hell with that. You’re gonna win her back—she isn’t leaving you again.
‘Yes, I do. I...’
She softened against him, twined her arms around his neck, and that glorious frisson of pleasure and pain jolted his heart.
When he pulled her closer still, crushing her soft breasts to his chest, a moan slipped past her lips—the kind she made when she was naked and sprawled all over him. Blood rushed to his head, making him simultaneously dizzy and hard. Not to mention astoundingly possessive—which he figured must be the reason he put his big fat foot in it.
‘Have you been...seeing anyone?’
The spark of her ire crackled in the air and she stiffened in his arms.
Seriously? Could he be making a worse job of this? Where was his famed charm and charisma? Gone. Obliterated. By a five-foot-four spectacular bundle of fire.
‘You’ve got some nerve,’ she whispered furiously. ‘Spouting rubbish about missing me, accusing me of seeing someone else, holding me as if you’re petrified I’m going to vanish into thin air when you couldn’t even last three weeks!’
Reluctantly he pulled back a touch. ‘Three weeks before what?’
‘Quenching your carnal appetites,’ she hissed.
Finn just shook his head. ‘You’ve lost me, beautiful.’
‘Does Hungary ring any bells? Your much publicised photographs with some flashy starlet were all over the front page, so don’t give me any bull crap.’
He couldn’t help it. He grinned for the first time in aeons. ‘You’re jealous, baby.’ Aw, man, he was definitely in with a chance. She had to feel something for him. Had to.
Her gorgeous face got madder still. ‘I am not jealous at all. I don’t give a flying fig who you dance the horizontal tango with—and don’t you dare call me baby.’
Damn. What had possessed him to suggest she was one of many? A woman who’d witnessed her own father go through women like rice puffs.
‘I never touched that actress, beautiful. It just so happens that was the only gig I went to and the woman couldn’t take the hint so I left. There’s been no one since you. In fact, you’re the only woman I’ve slept with in well over a year.’
Those impossibly long sooty lashes fluttered over and over.
‘Oh...’
And when she softened once more victory was a balmy rush, blooming out all over his skin.
Needing her taste in his mouth, he stole a lush, moist kiss from her lips. ‘What’s more I’ve never called anyone baby but you, Serena. And I never will. Because you’re mine.’ Another kiss. Then another. ‘All mine. Unique in every single way—’
Suddenly she wrenched from his hold, took a step back.
‘You’ve never called anyone baby but me, Finn? So you either lied to me then or you’re lying now. Either way, I’m not interested. I...I can’t do this again with you.’
The pain darkening her grey gaze punched him in the heart.
‘I don’t know if I can trust anything you say. I don’t even know if your touch is real.’
The blood drained to his toes and a cold sweat chased it. ‘You can. I’ll prove it to you—
‘Look, I just flew in a few hours ago and I could do with some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?’
Before he could say a word she darted off, swerving around the other couples on the dance floor.
Finn scrubbed a hand over his face. Okay. Maybe he should give her more time. The problem was, he couldn’t abide her thinking she meant nothing to him. He was beginning to realise he’d made another huge mistake in not going after her sooner. But he’d been broken and he’d wanted to be whole. For her.
/> Oh, to hell with it.
Finn caught her up halfway to the exit, mid-throng.
‘Oh, no you don’t,’ he said, swerving to block her path. She looked up, all flushed cheeks and wide eyes. Yet he couldn’t decide if she was astonished that he’d chased her or that he was garnering them an audience.
‘I’ll follow you to the far ends of the earth, Serena.’
As for the onlookers—if he had to unveil the real Finn St George to the world, show them the vulnerable man beneath to win her back, so be it.
‘You’re not getting away from me this time. I let you run once because I was scared, but I won’t make the same mistake twice. I’ve made too many mistakes with you and I’ll be damned if I make another.’
Finn would swear he could have heard a pin drop.
Until she breathed, ‘Scared?’
‘Terrified. But I’m not any more. I love you. You hear that, baby? I. Love. You.’ Then, in front of hundreds of guests, he cupped her astounded face in his palms and kissed her with everything he was. With all the love in his heart and the need roiling inside him. Until neither of them could breathe and her shock gave way to desire. To the incredible bond he could feel pulling at his soul.
‘Tell me you feel this,’ he whispered over her lips.
‘I...I feel this.’
‘This has never been a lie, beautiful.’
Now came the hard part, he acknowledged. Convincing her that he meant every single word.
* * *
Dazed and disorientated, Serena suddenly found herself being lowered to her feet beneath a secluded pergola in gardens enchanted by moonlight. The wolf whistles and the roar of the crowd still rang in her ears and her lips were swollen from the wild crush of his ardour...
‘Did you really just do that?’ He’d kissed her in front of everyone. She was sure he had. Then he’d carried her out of there. He must have.
Sucking in air, she inhaled the minty scent of dew-drenched leaves as Finn took a step back, his eyes dark with desire, gleaming with intent.
Heat skittered through her veins. She felt hunted, and it was the most sensational, awesome, stupendous feeling in the world. If only her pesky inner voice would cease whispering doubt because she’d been seduced by his charm before.
‘Finn? You do realise that come tomorrow morning the whole world will know you’ve just told me...’ She still wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. Or perhaps the truth of it was she couldn’t bear to hope. To dream.
‘That I love you? Good. It’s about time. Then everyone will know that you’re off limits.’
His voice was thick and possessive and dominating and it made her shiver. ‘And you too!’
‘That’s the point, Serena.’ Tenderly, he stroked his knuckles down her cheek. ‘Because until you start believing that I’m yours and you’re mine we’re going nowhere. Until you believe that you’re the only woman in the world for me there’ll always be doubt. I’ve lost your trust, and I need to win it back before it’s too late and I lose you forever.’
The impact of his words, his touch, his closeness, was earth-shattering. ‘Just be honest with me, Finn. That’s all I want.’
‘And that’s what you’re going to get. Always.’ His chest swelled as he inhaled deeply. ‘I let you believe our friendship had been because of a promise I made to Tom, but that was just an excuse I gave myself to be with you. To spend time with you. Truth is, I’ve always wanted you, Serena. Since the first moment I saw you. And when I was in that cell thoughts of you kept me going. Looking back, if you hadn’t come to Monaco and burst into my life again I would be dead right now. Because I was headed that way. I thought it should’ve been me. Not Tom. I wished I’d died instead. Until you.’
He cupped one side of her face and she nuzzled into his touch. Insanely grateful that he was still here.
‘And that made me feel guilty, because suddenly I wanted to live and I thought I didn’t deserve it. Then I was falling for you, and I wanted your love and I knew I’d never have it. You asked me a question that morning: why I’d waited and waited to tell you the truth, all the while digging myself into a deeper hole, until it was too late.’
She gave him a little nod.
‘I was scared. Scared out of my mind. Of losing any chance I’d ever have with you. Try telling the woman you love that you were responsible for her brother’s death.’
Her defences splintered as her heart swelled and beat so hard she feared it would burst from her chest. He loved her. He really loved her.
‘Oh, Finn, why didn’t you just tell me that? Why make out that I meant nothing to you? You hurt me.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry. But I was messed up. Just wanted to push you away. Didn’t believe for one second you could forgive me, let alone feel the same. The guilt and pain was crippling me, Serena. It wasn’t until I read your letter. Oh, baby, your letter.’ He wrapped one hand around her nape and gently kissed her forehead. ‘I’m so sorry you went through that. But the more I read it the more I realised that for you to trust me with your past you had to genuinely believe Tom’s death wasn’t my fault. It gave me hope you had feelings for me too. And when I thought about what you went through... I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re so beautiful and brave and strong. You make me want to fight. Be a survivor. For you.’
She could barely speak past the enormous lump in her throat. ‘I was so worried about you. Once I realised you had some kind of survivor’s guilt I thought, I’m going to lose him too. I would’ve done anything to prove that I didn’t blame you.’
He frowned pensively and brushed his thumb across his bottom lip in that boyish way he did sometimes. Uneasy. As if he wanted to ask her something.
Serena laid her hands on his chest, felt his heart pound beneath her palm. ‘Finn?’ God, she wished she was better at this man-woman thing.
He seemed to think better of it and said, ‘I owed my girl a wish, so I went to meet this shrink.’
Serena smiled up at him. She knew she was beaming but she was so proud of him.
‘We do this thing...the shrink and me...where I have to come up with worse outcomes. She said it was really difficult, except I had an answer in a nanosecond.’
‘What did you say?’
‘You could have been there too. You could’ve been taken from me too.’
‘Oh, Finn.’
‘So I’ve started being grateful for that, you know?’
That was it. Moisture flooded her eyes.
‘Aw, baby, I’m sorry. I keep making you cry.’ Leaning down, he kissed away her tears, dusting his lips over her cheeks.
‘Anything makes me cry these days. It’s not natural!’
‘Don’t tell me. Boys don’t cry, right? Wrong. I cried on and off for days when my mum died. Couldn’t understand the injustice of it all. She was the most loving, self-sacrificing woman you’d ever meet. The good people always die.’
‘That’s not true. You didn’t die, Finn, and every day I’m grateful for it.’
‘You are?’ he asked, with that pensive stare she couldn’t quite grasp. There was something oddly endearingly vulnerable about him.
‘Every day,’ she assured him.
‘Let it go, you said. Make a choice. Forgive myself. And I am. I’m trying. But the fact is it isn’t only Tom I have regrets over. I’ve carried guilt for years over abandoning Eva when my mother was diagnosed. I was so selfish. Only thinking about the next race. But when I look back, the truth was I couldn’t take watching her die. Seeing pain and heartbreak tear through my family again. I went to see Eva a couple weeks back, to say sorry. She doesn’t blame me, Serena, not one bit. She said I had to let it go, that life was too short.’
‘I like her already.’
‘You’ll love her. Her and Dante. They’ve just had a baby b
oy and he’s amazing, and when I watched the three of them—a perfect little family—all I could think of was you and how I wanted that with you. How I could easily give up everything—the racing, the risks—to have that with you. Only you.’
She gripped the lapels of his jacket in order to stay upright. ‘You want me and you to...have a family? A home? Like...together?’
He gave a somewhat sheepish shrug. ‘Well, yeah, a family would be nice—but only if you want to. I’ll be happy just to make you mine. Okay, you look horrified. It’s too soon. I’m jumping the gun—’
‘No. No. You’re not. I’ve just never thought that far ahead before. What was the point of hoping for something I’d never have? Guess I didn’t think I was wife material.’
That, she realised, had been the problem all along. Her insecurities. If she was honest she’d never been able to wrap her head around Finn wanting her. So it had been easy to think his every word and every touch was a lie. To avoid the pain of disillusionment. Heartache. So she’d run before she’d got too deep. Though in reality it had been too late. She’d already fallen.
And now—now she could have it all. And she felt like dancing and skipping and whooping and being really girly.
She bounced on her toes. ‘What does a wife do, anyway?’
‘She designs spectacular cars and wears biker boots and funky T-shirts. At least my wife will. I love you just the way you are, baby girl. You’re The One for me.’
Ohh, here came the tears again. ‘I am?’
‘Sure you are.’ He speared his fingers into her hair, rubbed the tip of her nose with his. ‘I won’t lie to you. I’m still scared of something happening to you. Of giving you my heart without ever holding yours in return. But if you give me a chance to prove my love, to prove that we could be good together, that I won’t let you down, I can win it. I can win your heart. Just give me a chance.’
The Woman Sent to Tame Him Page 18