As the sun fell lower in the sky, the wind shifted, the waves died down, and the hot dog on the beach that day walked out of the water carrying his board, shook his slick wet hair, the curls springing to life, and ran towards the blanket where she was sitting, to give her a big kiss.
* * *
Katie got the job offer in D.C. It started in the fall. She was happy for Katie but a little depressed, it had been a great summer living together. “So I could come with you. I could look for a job down there.”
“Hasn’t he asked you to go to L.A. yet?”
“He hasn’t talked about L.A. much.”
“Well you need to talk to him. Maybe he isn’t going anymore. He might not want to leave you.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s still planning to go.”
“Well then, come right out and ask him. What are you afraid of?”
“That’s he’s going to leave without me.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible.”
“Or if he asks me to go, maybe I’ll get cold feet and say no.”
“Now why the hell would you do that?”
“Because according to my father, I have a tendency to shoot myself in the foot. And I’m afraid of commitment.”
“Well you need to get over that. You moved in with Nick, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, and it didn’t work out. I think in retrospect, I moved in for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't real love. This feels like the real thing, but how do I trust myself? Besides, nothing lasts forever. Just the thought of forever is pretty scary.”
“You're crazy. I think you need a shrink. Forever is not scary, it’s what we’re all looking for, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but two out of three marriages end in divorce. I’d rather go out on a high note.”
“No you wouldn’t and you know it. Stop it. Do you remember that nursing home I waitressed at in high school? When I used to wear those batik headbands all the time?”
“Oh right, you were headband girl.”
“Very funny. Did I ever tell you about the old couple I waited on every night? The husband was almost entirely deaf, but he had a little box thing that looked like an IPod and his wife could shout in it when she wanted to tell him something. She would usually order dinner for him, because she knew what he liked, but once in awhile she would shout out the special to him.”
“That’s cute.”
“Most of the time they sat in comfortable silence. One night I was given a different station and she was very upset. The hostess told me she wanted me to visit her table. She really liked me and always complemented me on my earrings and headbands. When I stopped by her table, she pointed to her hair. She had made a headband like mine, but hers was a chiffon type of material with red roses. She was so proud of it. Her husband smiled at her with such a look of love on his face, and reached out to take her hand.”
“Hmmm. That’s a really sweet story. What are you telling me?”
“Sometimes love lasts forever, but you will never know unless you try. Talk to him about L.A.”
* * *
The day of the annual company picnic was a spectacularly beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky. The weatherman predicted a top ten day. The office closed at noon, everyone was going to the beach a few miles away. Dan drove to work that day so he offered her a ride.
Tents and barbeques were set up on a grassy hill above a small beach, a gentle offshore breeze providing a break from the heat of the sun. Groups of co-workers sat on the grassy hillside, eating lobsters and drinking beers. She sat with Dan and a few other people she knew, the group from accounting sitting right next to them. The only person she recognized was Sophie. Always friendly, she often bumped into her in the ladies room. She sensed Sophie wasn’t happy in her cubicle either, as she said things like, “Thank God it’s Friday” or “Is it Friday yet?” Apparently, she lived for the weekends too.
Suddenly, people were shouting, “Stop”, in loud, panicked voices, cutting through the cheerful atmosphere. Looking up, she noticed a white van, seemingly moving in slow motion, backing down the hill into a group of picnickers. At first she didn’t understand what she was looking at. People were yelling and jumping up as the van kept making its awful descent down the hill. Why was someone backing into a group of people? Wasn’t the driver looking in the rearview mirror? White paper plates and bright red lobsters flew through the air, scattering across the lawn as people ran from the oncoming van. A few people actually ran towards the van, managing to stop it and place a rock under the tire to keep it from rolling any further. Someone banged on the window of the driver's side, screaming, "What the hell are you doing? People are under there." Standing now, just a few yards away from the accident, she looked at the people gathered around her. Everyone was in a state of shock, some crying and sobbing.
When the van had finally been stopped, it was apparent some people were hurt. She saw feet sticking out from underneath the vehicle. The stunned silence was broken. People began running and screaming, or hugged each, or made calls on their cell phones. She was stunned, unable to move. It didn’t take long for someone of authority to ask everyone to go down the hill to the beach. No one was allowed to leave, only one dirt road led to the picnic area, emergency vehicles were on their way.
Grabbing her beach bag and her beer, she wondered if it was inappropriate to finish the full beer, but she desperately wanted it. Following her co-workers down the sandy path to the beach, she saw Dan standing off to the side and grabbed his arm. “Oh my God. I can’t believe this.”
“No shit. My head is really fucked up right now. I’m thinking about my Dad. This is so fucked up.”
People were milling about in groups, dazed and mostly quiet. Also on the beach were a few families unrelated to the company picnic. Sailboats bobbed on their moorings, the sun sparkled on the water. A perfect summer day.
She started to panic thinking about the people she loved, her family and her boyfriend, not sure why she was worried about everyone. They were most likely going about their day. But weren’t they all just going about their day? She felt an overwhelming urge to call her boyfriend, although she had no idea how to articulate what just happened. She didn’t want to alarm him. She knew how he was about sudden tragedies and random catastrophes. Airplanes that flew into tall skyscrapers on beautiful days like today, high school students in trench coats shooting classmates. The phone call at two in the morning, the police at your door on an icy night.
She walked along the water’s edge, away from her co-workers, thinking how strange it was to share a tragic event with so many people she barely knew. The ones she did know, she didn’t know that well, except Dan, who was dealing with his own turmoil further down the beach. She thought about how odd it was to spend so many hours in a day with these people, but at this tragic moment she had no one to talk to. She walked in the water up to her knees, the hem of her short sundress getting wet as the gentle waves lapped her legs. She dialed his number.
“Hey, aren’t you at the picnic?”
“Yes, but something awful happened. I’m okay. I just...” Her voice cracked.
“What happened? Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t sound okay.” His voice was loud and sounded nervous.
“Yes, yes, I’m okay. I shouldn’t have called you and got you all alarmed. I’m sorry. There was an accident and a van hit some people. I think some of them are not okay.” She started crying.
“Honey, what are you talking about? Aren’t you at the beach? Who got hit by a van?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how or why it happened. We were sitting on a hill, eating lobsters, and this van just started rolling down the hill.”
“Where are you right now?”
“On the beach. We’re waiting for the ambulances to come.” She looked up to see a helicopter heading towards the beach. “Oh my God, I think one of those medical choppers is coming. Yes, it’s definitely a med flight and it’s landing here.”
His voice was get
ting louder and panicky. “Where are you right now?”
“I’m on the beach, standing in the water. I’m okay, the accident happened on the hill above us.”
“Jesus.”
“Listen, we can’t leave yet. I came with Dan and as soon as we can leave I’m going to get the train. I’ll call you.”
“Call me the second you’re on your way. I’ll come and get you. You’re sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“I don’t know. Why isn’t everyone okay? I love you.” She felt an uncontrollable urge to go swimming. She wanted to plunge into the cool Atlantic, to feel the water wrap around her while floating on her back. She didn't bring her bathing suit, but she was wearing new lingerie. The undies looked like short shorts and the bra looked like a bikini top. They were solid red and unlike most days, her panties matched the bra, because they were brand new. She thought they could definitely pass as a bathing suit.
She put her cell phone in her beach bag and pulled her dress over her head, quickly turning and running into the water, passing Sophie, who was standing at the shore up to her ankles, staring off into the distance. Diving into a small wave, she surfaced and flipping on her back, floating, she looked up at the blue sky. With her ears underwater, the sounds of the beach on a summer day were muffled and far away, including a second helicopter passing overhead. The water felt cool and soothing as it enveloped her, just like when she was lying in bed in the circle of his arms. She closed her eyes, bobbing along with the rhythm of the sea, deciding right then and there she was going to quit her job and move to L.A.
* * *
He was pacing back and forth on the platform when the train pulled into Newburyport. Quickly hopping off the train, she ran to him as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. She started sobbing. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Come on, let’s get you home.” On the short drive back to his place, she tried to explain what happened.
He suggested a hot bath. As she eased into the warm water, she realized every muscle in her body ached. Climbing in after her, he turned the jets on. Leaning back, she closed her eyes while they sat together quietly. She finally felt safe. “Hey, I need to talk to you.” His voice sounded raspy and deep.
She opened her eyes. “About what?”
“L.A. I realize I’ve been kind of slacking. I’m confused. I’m not sure if you’re ready to come with me and make that kind of commitment right now, so I’ve considered not going, to give you more time, you know? But my friend Nate has been talking to some people he knows and he says he can definitely get me a job, but I need to get out there soon. The opportunity is now. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I have to give it a shot. I want you to come with me.”
“So are you afraid I won’t come with you?”
“You seem to have some serious commitment issues. Maybe you need more time. You were talking about that job in New York, then you started talking about moving to D.C. with Katie.”
“Oh, that. I sent my resumé but I still haven’t heard anything. Apparently my job isn’t as great a resumé builder as Nick told me it would be. Not for cool, exciting jobs at the New York Times anyway. And Katie says I can’t come to D.C. with her. I have to ask you about L.A.”
He chuckled. “I love that Katie. You need to listen to her more often.” Stretching his leg across the tub, he poked her with his foot. “Listen, if you come, you can write you know. You don’t have to work. Writing will be your work, and Nate knows agents who read screenplays. I’ve talked to him about you. I have a place lined up to live. It’s a big house in Venice. Some rich dude’s dad bought if for him and Nate is really good friends with him. Nate and his girlfriend live there and the rich dude and his girlfriend and two other guys. He doesn’t charge a lot for rent ‘cus his dad owns the place. It’s got a pool. Nate says he would be cool with you staying with me. I already talked to him about it. I can pay the rent ‘cus I was gonna be paying it anyway.” He was talking fast, selling her on something he didn’t realize she had already decided she wanted.
She drifted over to him to put her finger on his lips. “Shhh. Slow down.” Floating onto his lap, she wrapped her legs around him. He took a deep breath and exhaled. “I went swimming after I called you and while I was floating out in the beautiful little cove, looking up at the sky and contemplating the meaning of life, I decided I was going to insist you take me to L.A.”
“You were?” he asked, with a grin. Smiling, she replied, “Yes. Life is short, sometimes frighteningly short. It could all end on a beautiful, ordinary day, so I really need to make every day count. I need to be happy. You make me happy.” She kissed him then whispered in his ear, “Besides I need to find my cat.”
Grinning, he said, “Oh, right. Jennie.”
A DAY JUST LIKE TODAY
Sophie was mad at Ray. It was Saturday and he was golfing again, while she and Lynn painted the master bathroom. There was still a lot of work to be done. The old bathroom needed to be ripped out and turned into a small laundry room and walk-in closet.
“This is so typical of him. He gets a burst of energy then his attention span wanders and he’s off with Miguel and two other buddies, golfing again. This is the second weekend in a row. It’s now July, and the house is still not on the market.”
Lynn stopped painting and put her hands on her hips. “Hey, we’re just about finished here. I say we goof off too and go to the beach. It’s a beautiful day.”
“I say you’re right. I have some cheese and crackers and a bottle of wine. We’ll stop and get some lunch. Let’s go.”
On the way to the beach, they stopped at a local Mexican place to get taco salads. The tide was getting higher and beach real estate was shrinking fast as they spread their blanket near a sand dune. Sophie opened the wine and Lynn set up their impromptu picnic as they discussed kids and work. Lynn found a part time job and Doug was freelancing, but they still didn’t have health insurance.
“The Supreme Court did the right thing anyway, so maybe those insurance exchanges will kick in sometime in the not too distant future. God, I’ve based so many decisions on getting health care instead of finding work I like, making horrible career choices like working in a cubicle doing boring, repetitive work just to insure my family.” Sophie sighed and shook her head. “So Lynn, does this mean we have to like Justice Roberts now?””
“No. And wait until 2014? I don’t think we can afford insurance on our own until then.”
“Well, maybe I’ll sell my house by then.” They sat quietly, looking out towards the surfers bobbing on the water. A Frisbee whizzed towards them, hitting Lynn in the calf. A very cute blond and bronzed eighteen year old ran up and said, “Sorry ma’am.”
“Did he just call you ma’am?” asked Sophie.
“He did,” said Lynn.
“I hate that. We’re invisible women now. I’m looking at that kid, thinking he’s hot, and he thinks I’m just some old lady. He doesn’t even really see us. Not that there’s anything worth looking at.”
“Hey, speak for yourself.”
Sophie laughed. “You think you’re hot, don’t you? Because some guy said you look like Annette Benning.”
“I am hot, I’m a movie star.”
“What a day, huh? You know it was a day just like today when that accident happened at my company picnic. It's almost a year ago.”
“Oh my God, that’s right. I can’t believe you witnessed something like that.”
“I know. It still haunts me. It was shortly after that I started writing.”
“How’s that coming along?”
“I’m almost done. Actually, would you want to read it? It’s no longer a screenplay, it’s a novel.”
“Really? Sure, what’s it about?”
“The picnic. I remember suddenly seeing this van backing down the hill into a crowd of people. I kept asking myself, what the hell is it doing? Doesn’t the driver know people are sitti
ng there? I still envision the image of those white paper plates and bright red lobsters flying up in the air as people scattered across the lawn. A few days later, we found out the driver lost control. When the van finally did come to a stop, those feet sticking out from under it..." Sophie wrapped her arms across her chest, shivering in the warm sun. "It was such a frightening, sickening sight. I don’t remember seeing people getting hit, although I was riveted to the sight of the van's descent down the hill. Maybe I blocked that part out. But knowing people were under there...” She shook her head and took a deep breath.
“How awful.”
“It was such a beautiful, ordinary day, when suddenly something so random happened and someone lost their life. Imagine going to a company picnic and in an instant, it turns into the last thing you ever do.”
“That’s the story?”
“Well, it’s about a lot more than that. After it happened, they made us all go down to the beach. I was so confused and distraught. It was such a hard thing to process. Here I am, standing at the water’s edge on a picture perfect day, unable to understand what I was feeling or what had just happened. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I saw Dan briefly and he was really upset. I like my boss, but she wasn’t at the picnic. Surrounded by people I spent more hours with than my husband and kids, I had no one to talk to. What does that tell you about alienating work in a cubicle?
"So, I just stood there, looking at the sun glistening on the water, a few sailboats bobbing up and down. I really wanted to go swimming, but I didn’t bring a bathing suit. No way was I wearing a bathing suit at a company picnic. I may be invisible, but that would sure get me noticed.” Lynn laughed quietly as she filled their cups with more wine.
“Suddenly a young girl, a friend of Dan’s, ran by and dove into the water. I saw her earlier, crying on her cell phone. I envied her youth, her ability to strip down, because I desperately wanted to go swimming too. I wanted to feel the embrace of the cool water. I needed the quiet, muffled sound you hear when you’re floating, because I had just seen a medical helicopter fly overhead. I knew something really bad was happening back up on the hill.”
The Reverse Commute Page 27