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Alisiyad

Page 54

by Sarah R. Suleski


  She decided, standing there, to wrap that knowledge up in a little box and hide it in a closet in her mind. It would never leave, but if she pushed it far enough down and covered it up with other things, maybe she wouldn’t notice it as much. She would tuck away all thoughts of what might have been had Alisiya not cut short the life of her child, her lost child with its reproachful eyes. What would she, Liseli Luenford, twenty years old, do with a child anyway? Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. A blessing that hurt, but was for the best in the end. She and Russ were in no position to be raising a child, no business trying to handle something like that when they barely had a grip on their own lives. Russ didn’t even need to know that there had been that chance already.

  So she closed her eyes to the memory of the Lost One’s face, and turned away from the balcony, quietly closing the doors of the window. Then she was ready to go find Russ and Adayzjia again. Ready to go home.

  * * *

  “Liseli.”

  Adayzjia was alone when Liseli found her, and she had a different, serious expression on her face. She was no less radiant, but her light had a purposeful, direct feel, as if she were fixing it on one spot rather than letting it shine all around.

  It made Liseli feel uncomfortable, for the spotlight of Adayzjia’s attention was on her. She took a step towards the goddess and asked, “Where’s Russ?”

  “We’ll go to him in a moment,” Adayzjia replied. “I want to speak with you.”

  Liseli lifted her eyebrows, and tried to pretend that she didn’t want to look away from Adayzjia’s face. “About?”

  Adayzjia closed the distance between them, with only one step, and gently touched Liseli’s face. Liseli’s instinct was to flinch away, but she remained steady. Adayzjia’s voice was low when she spoke:

  “I saw what she did. I know the pain she gave you, the life she took away. It’s left a darkness on your heart, which you try to hide.”

  Liseli did step back, then, and Adayzjia drew her hand away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Liseli. “I’m just tired. I’ve been through a lot.”

  Adayzjia disregarded the lie. “So has Russ,” she said. “But he doesn’t hide the same darkness or pain. I know what she did to you. I was there. I saw it.”

  Liseli did know what she was talking about; what Alisiya had done beside the waterfall that flowed over Adayzjia’s Gateway. She was ashamed to know that the Gate had been witness to her weakness, her failure.

  “Don’t tell Russ,” was all she could say.

  “I wouldn’t dream of it. That is for you to do.”

  “I don’t want him to know. I didn’t want anyone to know . . . .”

  “Liseli,” the Gate said gently, “I’m concerned for you.”

  “Don’t be. I’m fine. I’ll get over it.”

  Adayzjia sighed. “You must let me do something to help you. I feel as if it is my responsibility.”

  “You couldn’t have done anything to stop her,” Liseli objected. “It’s not your fault.”

  “And yet, it all began with me. The River’s power. Had I not set up my Gateway there, in that spot, under the waterfall, the Chaiorra would be a river like any other. It was the passing over my Gateway that first awoke the waters to magic. And from the first, it attracted the spirits of the lost, the dying, and the dead. I made it a Living River, and the dead are attracted to nothing moreso than Life.”

  Liseli took another step back as Adayzjia admitted her part in the mystery of the Chaiorra’s magical nature. So that’s why the water has such power, she thought. It holds the power of a goddess, and a Gate.

  Adayzjia paid no attention to Liseli’s shrinking away from her, and went on:

  “For hundreds of years the river has gathered the souls of the lost to it, and they have made it stronger, and more dangerous, than ever my own influence could. When the Gatebreaker’s daughter was born, she became mistress of its power, beloved of all the lost souls, and she used it for evil.

  “But it all comes back to the day I left my life as Goddess of the Earth to become a Gate, and chose my gateway ill. If the river had never become powerful, Alisiya would have been born a normal child, or not born at all, and none of this would have ever happened.

  “That is why I feel I am, in a way, responsible for the hurt and damage she caused you. Allow me to help you, in any way I can.”

  Liseli took a shaky breath. She didn’t blame Adayzjia, it didn’t really make sense to; how could she have guessed all those years ago that giving the river power would result in a madwoman abusing it for her own ends? And how could she have guessed it would affect Liseli, a girl from another world, in such a way? She wasn’t angry. She still just felt sad. But it seemed absurd that Adayzjia could do anything to make up for it.

  “Just take us to the Gate,” she said. “That’s all you can do. Just help me get home. This is something I have to deal with on my own.”

  Adayzjia looked disappointed; the light hiding behind her eyes dimmed slightly. Liseli knew she felt awful about what had happened, just beside her Gateway, but that was something the goddess would have to live with. There was nothing she could do to fix what Alisiya had done.

  “Very well,” said Adayzjia. “But if I may offer advice, I think you should tell Russ what has happened to you. He knows you are sad. He doesn’t understand why. And it is not good to wrap your hurt up and keep it inside. I have been alone for a hundred years. Believe me when I say that I know how terrible the loneliness and the dark can be. Do not force yourself to suffer alone when it does not have to be that way.”

  Liseli allowed herself to look full into the earnest eyes of the goddess. The light was more intense than ever, but it held her gaze.

  “If he’s knows about it, how will I ever be able to forget it?” she said, then shook her head, breaking away from that gaze. “Thanks for trying to help. But really, I’ll be fine. With time, it’ll just be a vague memory. I’m not alone, I’ve got Russ. He just can’t know. It’s for the best.”

  Adayzjia nodded, realizing Liseli wouldn’t be talked out of her resolution. “I see. But understand one thing, Liseli . . . the river’s power is not gone. It lies dormant, because you killed the one who stirred it to action, but all its power remains. It’s only sleeping. And that which you lost is not lost forever, so long as the river flows on.”

  Liseli fought back a shiver. “Dead is dead,” she insisted. “If you’re saying that whatever was left of my . . . of it, has now become part of the river, it’s still never going to be what it might have been.”

  “I just thought you should be aware that death does not always mean oblivion.”

  “Trust me, I know.”

  “Very well.” Adayzjia stepped aside. “I’ve said all that I can. My offer still remains, I will never take it back. If you ever need anything, I will do it for you. Do no forget that.”

  Liseli bowed her head, a little awed that the goddess would say something like that to her, though she hardly believed it. “I won’t forget,” she promised.

  “Then come along. Russ is waiting, and you will soon be home.”

  * * *

  It was a warm late spring day in Fayette when Russ and Liseli stepped out from the doorway of the old mill. The earth smelled like there had been rain recently, and the river flowed quickly by the broken mill wheel, lapping at the crumbling foundation that sagged over the bank. It had been a colder, grayer day when they left, and they knew that time had not stood still while they were gone. A week and one day had passed since they disappeared from their homeworld and found themselves in another.

  Liseli took a step forward, but Russ, still holding her hand, pulled her up short. “What’ll happen now?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Life goes on . . . we find out what happens as it happens.”

  “I meant with us. You know. You and me.”

  Liseli didn’t answer him. She’d assured him that she loved him before, she didn’t know how else she could say it. T
his time she just pulled at his hand insistently and said, “I don’t know about you but I’m hungry. We should get some food.”

  “At the . . . ?”

  “God no! They’re probably pissed off at us for ditching our jobs, anyway. Let’s go to my house. I need to introduce you to my family.” She paused, thoughtfully, remembering where things had stood before her world had been turned upside down. “They’re probably pissed off there, too,” she guessed. “I missed my mother’s wedding. But oh well; there’ll be others.”

  Russ looked at her strangely for a moment, as if wondering how she could be so aggressively nonchalant about it. Then he shrugged and squeezed her hand, saying, “Whatever you want to do, Liseli. We can go there.”

  the end

 

 

 


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