by Carnal, MJ
I could look at him forever. His tattooed body, the stubble on his chin, the eyes that bring me to my knees. He’s everything. I fell for him over a year ago. The feelings are even stronger now. He notices I’m staring and winks. He pulls my face toward him, holding my cheeks and rubbing his thumbs against my skin. It’s an intimate gesture and my heart pounds.
“Nothing has ever felt this good.” He’s winded and sweating. He’s delicious. “I don’t want this to end.”
His lips find mine. His pace slows and his kiss deepens. He circles his hips, causing his erection to rub against my G spot once more. The warmth is immediate. I feel so full. A tingle starts deep in my body. It’s like it starts at my toes. It’s so intense. He notices my reaction and does it again. And again. I’m going to come.
“Come with me, Mia.” His voice shakes as he circles his hips again. He doesn’t need to tell me twice. I feel his cock swell and that’s all I need. My orgasm hits and it’s blinding. I grab his arms and hold on. I’m boneless and completed sated. I’ve never been so satisfied.
As his aftershocks subside, he collapses against me. He’s out of breath. It’s a scene that I’ve imagined so many times and it’s finally happening. It was so much better than my dreams. He kisses me again, then leans his forehead against mine.
“That was amazing.” His smile lights up his whole face. “I want to do this a lot.”
I laugh. “Deal.”
A knock sounds at the door and I cringe. I’m not ready for this to be over yet. He groans as he pulls out of me. After discarding the condom in the trash, he hands me my dress and waits for me to get dressed before he moves to the door.
“Yo, D Rey.” It’s Max. He yells through the locked door. “Just wondering if you’ve seen Mia. I’ve been looking for her. I’d like to introduce my girlfriend to Oksana.”
“Fuck.” Damien grabs his shirt off the floor and pulls it over his head.
“Is that code? What’s happening?” I straighten my hair in the mirror. Every move I make aches. It’s an amazing ache. I know I will feel him every time I move tomorrow.
“I assume Oksana is here and Max is giving me a warning.” Damien’s hands are fisted at his side and his posture is uneasy.
He opens the door and Max pushes by him. He locks eyes with me and makes a mad dash to my side. He pulls me into an embrace and whispers in my ear. “Make this real, doll. There’s media everywhere.”
Oksana steps into the room. I want to throw up. She reeks of cheap perfume. She’s gorgeous but something’s off. She steps into Damien’s space and hugs him. Flashes go off behind her before Mr. Scary, the bodyguard, steps into the doorframe, blocking any further shots.
“Hi baby.” She slurs and kisses his neck. “I’ve missed you so much.” Her eyes burn holes through me.
“What are you doing here?” Damien is cold, his voice strained. Max clears his throat and Damien instantly goes into actor mode. Another flash goes off and he jumps. “I mean, I didn’t expect you to come to the show tonight. You must be exhausted from all your traveling.”
Joshua moves the security guard out of the way and enters the room. “We have a press conference set up for you. The world is waiting to hear about your engagement.” He looks at Max and visibly relaxes. “I’ve held them off as long as I could. The rest of the guys are already set up. Let’s go.”
“I’d like to keep our relationship as private as possible.” Damien’s smile is forced.
“Come on, pookie. We’re the biggest story of the year. We can’t leave our fans waiting.” Oksana pulls his arm.
He looks over his shoulder at me but it’s too late. My heart is breaking. Tears fill my eyes. Max takes my hand and smiles down at me. His voice is barely a whisper. “It’s ok, Mia. None of this is real. He just needs to play the game. We all do.”
“Max, tell us about the woman at your side. Any big announcements from you too?” A journalist scribbles in his notebook as the man next to him snaps our picture. I’m startled by the flashes. I want to run out of here.
Max chuckles next to me. He squeezes my hand in his to give me comfort. “No news from me. She’s a special friend. Nothing more. This press conference isn’t about me anyway.”
I feel like I’m being pulled down by the undertow. The constant noise and flash of the cameras is almost disorienting. All eyes are on me. There’s a buzzing around the room. The words mystery woman, relationship with Max Callum and unexpected revelations are thrown around like they’re nothing. Max remains calm at my side. Thank God for him. I know he’s just trying to help Damien. Maybe this life is too much for me. There are too many secrets already. I feel sick.
“Does this special friend have a name?” Another reporter. I wonder if I could run from the room without being noticed. I suppose the likelihood of that is about the same as a burning meteor crashing to the earth without being seen.
“This is Cathy. She’s visiting LA. You don’t need to know anything else.” He puts his arm around me and I’m instantly relaxed. It’s comforting to know he’s in this with me. “We’d like to keep things out of the spotlight as much as possible. I know we can count on you to keep us out of the media.”
“This question is for Harley. There’ve been rumors that you’ve had to up your security detail. Can you confirm that?” The female reporter asks, focusing everyone’s attention back on the panel at the front of the room.
I tune out the questions and focus my attention back on Max. “Why are you doing this? I could have just left.”
“Mia, you were in his dressing room. The press was all over the place and the minute I saw the wicked witch arrive backstage, I knew I had to do something. No way can you come out of his dressing room without rumors hitting the paper. You have no idea how close we are to losing our contract.”
“I’m sorry.” I put my head on his chest, enjoying the warmth of his body, the calming beating of his heart. He came to Damien’s rescue at the risk of putting himself in the spotlight. Max is the most private of the group, staying out of the tabloids as much as possible. He’s quiet at interviews and keeps to himself. I know he’s taking a risk for us. He’s thrown himself in the line of fire for me and I hardly know him.
“He’s only human. Meeting you changed him. It was a good change but he was scared. He’s spent half his life running away from anything that matters. He got lost out on the road. Fear is a powerful thing.” Max gets quiet, his mind lost in the past. I take the time to study him. His blond hair and boyish good looks make him seem so much younger than he is. “Anyway, we’re all a family. If one of us fucks up, we all take the blame. Damien did some shit on the road that wasn’t good for our image. We’re just all trying to keep shit together so we can get on with the tour.”
“Thank you for loving him so much.” My voice cracks with emotion. These men are more than a band. They’re family and it’s beautiful to see. “I don’t know how you guys do this. All this attention and micromanaging every second of your lives. I’m glad you have each other.”
“Want to get out of here?” Max winks and nods his head toward the exit. “You’ll have to trust me.”
“Hell yes. Let’s go.” I giggle when he stands up and offers me his hand. He’s so tall and goofy.
As we start to walk toward the exit, the cameras take aim at us. Max throws his arm around my shoulder. “Sorry guys. We don’t have much time together. We’re gonna go make the best of it.”
I make eye contact with Damien. He is holding Oksana’s hand, sitting front and center of all the media. His eyes are full of uncertainty. So is my heart. I don’t know what to do and I certainly don’t know what I’ll say to him. Each step away is like ripping my heart out. He only has two more nights in Los Angeles before they hit the road again. There’s no going back after what happened tonight. I want him in my life, even if it’s just in a small capacity. He’s become too important to me. My world doesn’t make sense without him. But seeing him as the center of attention, with the woman
they call his fiancé wrapped around him, I can’t help but think that I don’t have the resilience it will take to be a part of this.
Chapter 9
The road has come to an end, it’s time for goodbyes. It’s ripping me in pieces when you look into my eyes. Life isn’t fair, we knew that from the start. I’ll keep pieces of you with me, in my dreams, my thoughts, my heart. – Liquid Regret Joshua is sitting behind his big desk looking all smug. He knows this is ripping me apart. I know he’s doing his job. A part of me even knows he’s right. But mostly, I’m pissed. How he can think keeping me away from Mia is a good idea blows my mind. I’ve done everything short of offering to suck his dick. He’s not giving in. I feel like a seven year old about to have a temper tantrum. This cannot be happening.
“Damien, let me be clear. You walk through life like nothing can touch you. You didn’t give one shit about your image and the image of the band. You had your ass kicked, you fucked everything that moved, and you were threatened with a couple different lawsuits after fighting. You’re a liability to the label. When the story hit that you were engaged, they gave you a second look. No one gets a second chance in this industry. No one. You have been granted the impossible.”
I scrub my hand down my face. I haven’t been able to eat for the past twenty-four hours. Seeing Mia leave with Max made me sick. She called to let me know she was going to take a shift at the aquarium to let her coworker have a day off. Selfishly, I wanted to scream at her that our time was running short. But I couldn’t. She’s put up with a lot of shit since I showed back up in her life. With me or not, she heard the stories. I know I meant something to her before I left last year. I hadn’t even considered her feelings in all of this.
“For how long? How long do we need to keep this up?” I’m defeated.
“It’s not forever. Be seen with Oksana at a couple venues, take her to a couple events. Paste on a smile and let the world believe you love her. If things get too hard and Mia decides she wants to come see a few shows, we fly her in. Max can pick her up at the airport. He’s agreed to be seen with her when needed.”
“He’s agreed to be seen with her.” I scratch my head. Like it’s so fucking difficult to be seen with her. “So we all live this big lie and everyone stays miserable.”
“Everyone stays employed.” Joshua stands up and shakes my hand. “Go do whatever it is you want to do before we head back out. The tour isn’t forever. I know it might feel like that but it won’t be long until you’re back here and you can live your life the way you want to.”
“You’re doing the right thing, bro.” Harley slaps me on the shoulder. Always the voice of reason. “Be honest with Mia. Tell her how you feel. Give her a reason to fight for the relationship. It’s not going to be easy but it won’t be forever. She’s worth it, man.”
“Ok.” I can’t think of anything else to say. It’s all been said. I laid my cards out on the table for the band. It’s time to do the same thing for Mia. I’ll fight for her until the day I die.
The drive to the aquarium isn’t long. I loved coming here as a kid. Walking through the lobby brings back so many memories. I miss how carefree my life was then. I miss how loving and safe things were. I miss running through the halls with Steve, racing each other to the shark tank to get the best seat to watch them swim. I miss his laugh as my mom would yell at me to slow down.
“Damien?” Her voice pulls me from my past. “What are you doing here?”
She’s keeping her distance. It’s been twenty minutes and I’ve already forgotten I can’t be seen with her in public. “Is there somewhere we can talk?”
She shrugs. “Sure. I’m heading into the theater to rehearse with a very unwilling dolphin. You could come with me if you’d like.”
“Unwilling, huh?” I follow her. “What is it that you’ve asked him to do? Maybe it’s beneath him. Maybe he’s shy?”
She laughs. “We lost one of our dolphins last week. He’d been taken out of the shows a couple months ago. He was old and it wasn’t unexpected.” She bends over and taps the surface. I jump back as a head breaks free of the water. “Don’t be such a girl.”
She zips up her wetsuit and jumps into the water. When she breaks the surface, so does the dolphin. I’m witnessing something that could bring tears to my eyes. She blows her whistle and the creature spins in a circle before splashing her in the face. She laughs, the love apparent in her eyes.
“Want to swim with us?” Mia calls out to me. Hell yes I do. “Grab one of the suits over on the hooks and come on in.”
I pull the suit on and watch in awe as she communicates with the bottlenose. She blows a series of whistles, each one commanding a different trick. She feeds him tiny fish when he gets something right. Seeing her like this, in her element, doing what she loves, makes me realize I could never ask her to give it up and join me on the road. We can make this work. We don’t need to figure it all out right now.
“Stormy, this is my friend Damien. Can you give him a kiss?” She motions to him and he kisses me on the mouth. “He looks like he didn’t like that. What do we think of that?” Another hand motion and Stormy blows air at me and it sounds ridiculously close to taunting.
“Why would you want to kiss me when she’s right here? She’s gorgeous. Certainly you see that.” I rub my hand across his face. He’s soft like satin. “This is incredible, Mia.” I don’t think I’ve smiled this much in weeks.
“Want to try something even better?” She smiles at me and all I can do is nod. “Swim over to the side. Stop about six feet from the edge. Do not panic.”
She’s laughing so I’m instantly scared. “Why? What are you doing?”
“Trust me.” She motions to Stormy and blows the whistle. He goes under water and I can’t see him. “When you feel him, push your legs down and try to stand. Just go with it.”
My heart is pounding. I feel him under me. I lock my legs and push up. I’m being pushed through the water. Just before we reach the other edge of the pool, he lets me go. It’s an adrenaline rush like no other. Mia is clapping and giving Stormy a fish.
“Congratulations, Mr. Reynolds. You mastered the foot push on the first try.” She swims towards me, her face completely void of makeup, her hair soaked. I could search the entire world and never find anyone more beautiful. “What’d you think?”
“I think you have the best job in the world.” I reach for her without thinking. I need her. My lips meet hers, my tongue begging for entry. She sighs and melts into me. I claim her mouth and I tell her everything I can’t say with words.
Water splashes us and Mia pulls away laughing. She splashes Stormy back. He clicks and whistles, happy to be in the same place she is. I don’t blame him. She raises her hands and he rockets from the water, propelling himself upright and through the water with the strength of his back fin. When he dives below the water, she blows her whistle. He comes up under her, launching her into the air before she dives back into the water. I have never been envious of anyone. But in this moment, I envy the life she has. Her joy is written all over her face. This breathtaking mammal put her smile there. I’m not embarrassed to admit, I’m jealous of a dolphin.
“Thank you for this.” She smiles as she swims to me. “He’s always showing off when someone else is here with us.” He needed this. He’s been so down since his buddy died. He relies on me to feed him and love him. He has no idea that I rely on him to love me back. He’s amazing therapy.”
“He’s not the only one.” Shit. The words are out before I even know what I’ve said. She stops swimming and stares at me. I need to touch her. I pull her to me, it’s now or never. “Do you have any idea how I feel?”
She bites her lip, tears forming in her eyes. She doesn’t speak. Just shakes her head and looks into my eyes. I can feel her shaking.
“I don’t know what this is. But I want to find out. I’ve never felt this way. It scares the shit out of me.” I pull her into a tight hug. “You’ve stayed with me, Mia. No matter w
here I went, part of you was there with me.”
“I feel the same way.” She wraps her legs around me. “I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with everything you have to deal with.”
“Baby, let me deal with all the hard stuff. I just want you to be here when I get home. Will you be?”
“Not if things are the same way they were the last time you went out on the road.” She’s being honest. I hurt her. I won’t do it again.
“You mean more to me than that. I hope you’ll trust me long enough to prove it to you.”
She smiles. “You leave tomorrow?” I nod my head. “Then come home with me tonight and show me why you’re worth waiting for.”
“That sounds a lot like a dare, Ms. Lee.” I laugh when she splashes me. “I plan on making sure you can’t forget me even if you try.”
Chapter 10
My heart is pounding while I wait for Damien. I’ve made him lasagna, salad, and crunchy garlic bread. My mouth is watering. My apartment smells amazing. I can’t wait to dig in, fill my belly and then spend the rest of the night lost in him.
He leaves tomorrow. It’s like déjà vu. I know that my heart will feel shattered in the morning. Watching him walk away the first time was hard. The second time will be impossible. But this time, there’s hope. He’ll be coming home eventually. And he knows exactly where I am.
A knock. Here go the butterflies. My hands are sweating. Why? I shake my head trying to focus. I reach for the knob, take a deep breath and open up my heart to all that he has to offer.
“Hi honey. I’m home.” He kicks the door shut with his foot. “Come here.”
I lean into him and he attacks my mouth. He takes hold of my cheeks, holding me captive against his mouth. Heat pools between my thighs. I can feel his excitement growing against my belly. The dinner might’ve been a waste. I need him.
He spins me around, pinning me against the door. His hands are frantic, unbuttoning my shorts and shoving them to the ground. He leans into me and pulls a condom from his pocket. His pants fall around his ankles. He rolls the condom on like a pro. Before I can even form a coherent thought, he pushes into me. “Dinner smells amazing.” He leans in and sniffs my neck. “But you smell even better.”