by Carnal, MJ
I stiffen when Nick takes a seat directly across from me. Because of the way the couches are set up, our legs brush against each other’s when he extends his legs to get comfortable. He locks eyes with mine and takes a sip of his amber drink; I take a sip of mine. The redhead sits in the seat beside him and my stomach turns when she leans in to whisper something in his ear. They continue their conversation, as Shea’s conversation with the lady in red has progressed to him sticking his tongue down her throat, and I just sit here, alternating between staring at my drink, taking large sips and sorting through my clutch purse.
When Shea leans in to me and asks if I want to dance, my eyes dart to Nick, who’s explaining something to the girl he’s with. She looks completely enthralled by the conversation and he looks just as into it, using his hands to emphasize his every word. I catch random words of it and notice they’re talking about producing, which is better than sexual positions, but it still makes me crazy.
“Oh, you decided to come up for air,” I say to Shea, who laughs, throwing both arms around me and squeezing.
“Jealous?” he asks playfully.
“Fuck no,” I respond, and it’s the truth. I’m more disgusted at him than jealous of him, and knowing that the entire universe thinks he’s exclusively dating Gia and he’s in here making out with some nobody is even more of a turn-off. “What would Gia say if she walked in the door right now and saw you?” I ask curiously. It’s not like Gia is a saint either.
Shea drops his arms and shrugs, scrunching his nose the way he does when he thinks. “I dunno, never really thought about it … she’d either be pissed or want to join us.”
I make a face. “Gross.”
Shea laughs. “So you wanna dance?”
Throwing back the rest of my drink, I look at Nick, whose eyes are now on me, even though the redhead has now moved so close to him that she’s almost sitting on his lap. I smile at him, showing no teeth because I’m grinding them together, and stand up, adjusting my dress as I do. Nick’s eyes travel slowly from my feet all the way up my legs, taking in every inch of skin I’m showing. He doesn’t stop until he reaches my eyes, and when he does, his are filled with the kind of desire that makes it hard for me to breathe.
Memories of what we shared in the bathroom of the airplane and in the hotel room come flooding into me, making my stomach clench. I know that we’re totally eye fucking each other, I can feel that we are and it crosses my mind that we’re being rude, but I can’t find it in me to care. Shea pulls my hand suddenly, breaking the spell Nick has cast on me, and drags me to the dance floor. I feel Nick’s eyes boring into me as I walk away from him. I’m not sure if I should relish the fact that he’s looking or let the feeling of uneasiness that is tingling through me win. In the end, the music squashes the uneasiness, and I find myself dancing to a hip hop song with Shea.
I think one of the things I always liked about dancing with Shea when we went out was the way people made room for us, even at a crowded club. This lounge isn’t crowded, but the dance floor opens for us just the same, giving us room to move around, not that we need it with the way we dance. Shea and I have the art of seductive dancing down to a science, even though we make it look more like a dirty sonnet. We’ve done it so many times and have heard so many cheers, and we both know the right moves that will get us that praise. And we do it tonight, just like we always do.
He puts his arm around me and grinds against me in a sensual motion that drives women all around the world crazy, gaining us hoots and hollers. When he spins me to face the crowd, I notice that Nick is standing, watching us intently. I almost expect him to grab his date and leave, but he doesn’t, he just stays there, his eyes transfixed on mine, daring me to look away from him—so I don’t. I watch him the entire time my body moves against Shea’s. I see the way his eyes blaze when Shea takes his hand and places it flat over my stomach, and the way his jaw clenches when Shea dips me toward him. Thankfully the song switches to another one, and even though we get a request for an encore, I hear Shea turn it down. I don’t even pay attention to the cheers coming from the crowd; I don’t bask in them the way I normally would because the person whose praise I want is looking at me like he just experienced his own death before his eyes. It’s not an upset look; it’s more of a tortured look, one that makes my heart feel hollow.
Shea kisses me on the cheek and tells me he’s going to get laid before walking back to the girl in the red dress, leaving me standing there torn on what to do. Nick’s eyes stay on mine as he makes his way over to me. A guy with a thick black beard has now started to move beside me, probably thinking he’s going to get that show and maybe more out of me, but I don’t look at him. I can’t look at him, not with the way Nick is striding over to me like a cat trying to catch a mouse, even though the feral look in his eyes tells me he knows I won’t run.
When he reaches me, he cups one side of my face with one of his hands, his eyes boring into mine, and begins to walk me backwards. To everybody else we may look like we’re dancing, or moving to dance in another area, and maybe we are. I don’t know what he has planned; I just know I want to be part of it. I jump when my back hits a wall, my eyes widening as I look at him. The air, which started out as little clouds of desire, is now fogging around us, making it impossible to acknowledge anything but one another. Nick lowers his head slightly, close enough to kiss me, but doesn’t. It’s driving me crazy that he’s only touching my face.
“You never got a chance to tell me who you were here with,” he says, the rasp in his voice potent near my ear.
I swallow loudly, trying to unclog the haze in my ears that my ricocheting heart is causing. “I’m not with anybody,” I respond, surprised at how steady my voice is.
He pulls back, narrowing his eyes as he drops his hand from my face. “Fair enough. Who are you leaving with?” he asks.
Looking at him I can only think of one reply, so I answer before I chicken out. “You,” I say, mouthed, not spoken.
Nick closes his blazing eyes and takes a breath before opening them again. “Are you staying with me tonight?”
“Are you staying with me?” I retort.
He dips his head, his teeth clamping down on my lower lip before he sucks it into his mouth, and just when I think he’s going to stop, his lips begin to move against mine, his tongue slipping into my mouth and exploring it in a way that takes my breath away completely. I wrap my hands around his neck, squeezing it with my fingernails, moaning into his mouth at the sound he makes when I do that. Nick breaks the kiss and looks at me, both of us are panting, our eyes wild on each other’s.
“I’ll stay wherever the hell you want. Let’s get out of here,” he says, pulling me toward the exit and to the elevators of the hotel.
***
Our elevator ride up to the room is quiet, but when Nick takes my hand in his, I don’t feel the need for extra talking.
“Why didn’t you call me?” he asks, swinging our hands in a playful motion that makes me relax despite his question.
“I wasn’t sure what to say if I did,” I respond truthfully.
He takes the room key out of my hand and I stand beside the door waiting for him to unlock it, looking up at him when he doesn’t. He turns me so that my back is on the door and he’s hovering over me. Once again, I find myself getting lost in his scent, in his molten eyes and the way he looks at me, and when he dips his head and brushes his nose tenderly against the side of my face, I feel my resolve crack a little more.
“I want to take you into this room and lose myself inside of you,” he whispers roughly, voicing my sentiments.
I bite the inside of my cheek and nod. “Okay,” I whisper in response.
I watch the bop of his Adam’s apple as he backs away and swallows, staring at me with intent eyes. “Okay?” he asks quietly, dragging his thumb over my cheek, making me lean into it, savoring his touch.
“Yes,” I respond while I still have enough air to get it out.
Nick
looks at me for a moment longer before his lips crash against mine as he opens the suite door, grabbing my clutch purse and tossing it along with the key before lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. His lips never sway from mine. We’re frantic, me tugging on his shirt, trying to take it off. Him pulling my face closer to his, making our teeth clash against each other’s as our tongues dance together wildly. I’ve never felt this exhilarated when it comes to having sex with somebody, I’ve never felt this needed, this desire to possess and be possessed.
“Which room?” he asks, breathing heavily against me as we break our kiss.
“Whichever is closest,” I respond, making him chuckle darkly before he takes my lips again.
Nick throws me down on the bed, making me yelp, and crouches down. He begins to unstrap my shoes, kissing along the top of my feet as he does it. When they’re both off, he runs his lips up my calves, kissing, nipping, and sucking as he goes. My chest is heaving by the time he stops, just below the hem of my skirt, which is now bunched up to the top of my thighs.
“You have the sexiest legs,” he murmurs as he sucks on my thighs in a way that has me throwing my head back and gasping. “The things I want to do to you,” he whispers, so quietly that I almost don’t catch it. His words ignite a fury within my core that makes me bite down on my lip and intake a breath when I feel his fingers inching the edge of my underwear.
“Look at me, Brooklyn,” he says. I lift my head up and notice he’s still fully dressed, the fire in his eyes burning into mine. “I need to taste you,” he says, biting down on his lip when I moan and writhe at his words. “All of you.”
He stands, pulling me up with him, and peels my dress slowly over my head. I’m not wearing a bra since my back is exposed, and I feel the urge to cover myself up. I don’t though, because I don’t want to seem inexperienced, even if I am. Even though I’ve had sex with three guys, I’ve never been fully naked in front of any of them, not even Shea. Things have always been quick—in tour buses, bathrooms, in dressing rooms, the back of limos or cars, never like this. Never on a bed. Never with somebody that devours me with his eyes alone and makes me feel beautiful, wanted. He tugs his lip between his teeth as he trails over my mostly naked body with his hooded eyes and then he’s on me again, his mouth hot on mine as I stumble with the buttons of his dress shirt, trying to claw it off as fast as I can. By the time I manage to take most of it off with his help, it’s missing a couple of buttons and ends up in a heap with his shoes, socks, jeans, and my dress.
I let myself fall back on the bed when Nick walks me to it, and I admire him as he strides to his jeans, taking a condom out of his pocket. His body is perfection; it’s everything I’ve never touched before. The guys I’ve been with pale in comparison to Nick. While Nick belongs on Men’s Health, they belong on the cover of Teen Bop. His arms are well defined, curving in and out at every muscle, but not overly done that he looks like a juicehead. I can read the scripted tattoo of his family name, Wilde, on his inner bicep and look at the nice musical notes over the side of his ribs. His stomach is in perfect shape but not overly cut, though I can tell he definitely works hard on maintaining it. His legs are strong and thick. When my eyes move to his again, I catch him doing his own trail of my body, and I feel a little more self-conscious now that I’m lying before him. He looks like perfection, whereas I look like a regular girl with a butt and thighs that I doubt he’s used to. The women I’ve seen around him are all thin and tall and I’m just me, somebody who does Pilates four days a week and watches what I eat. I’ll never look like any of those women, but for some reason he’s not with one of them, he’s here with me.
When Nick looks into my eyes again, all of my insecurities take the backseat, because the only thing I see in them is blazing desire. He’s setting me on fire from the inside out. My breathing instantly turns ragged when he strides to the bed, the large erection very apparent in his boxers as he nudges my legs apart with his knees. He moves forward, placing both hands on either side of me and hovers over my mouth.
“I forgot to tell you how beautiful you looked in your dress, but you look downright gorgeous right now,” he says in a husky whisper before placing a kiss on my lips. “Any questions before I have my way with you?” he asks, the tip of his nose trailing over my face.
“No live-in girlfriend?” I ask just to make sure.
Nick chuckles. “No, ma’am,” he responds, sucking my earlobe into his mouth, making me moan.
“No girlfriends or women at all?” I ask, again, just to make sure we’re on the same page. Just to make sure I don’t get burned.
Nick backs away from me so that I can look into his eyes. “Nobody. You’re the only one I want.”
I swallow, allowing myself to let that sink in before wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing him back into me. “Then have me,” I say against his lips.
He growls and delves his tongue into my mouth in response, his hands skimming my body as mine do the same to his, reveling in the way his muscles clench beneath my wandering fingertips. His mouth leaves mine and traces kisses along my collarbone and to the valley of my breasts. He takes his time exploring before finally pulling a nipple into his mouth, moaning loudly as he does and making my body bow off the bed.
“Oh God, Nick,” I pant, pulling at his hair. He does the same to the other and moves down to my stomach, nipping, sucking, kissing, as he pulls down the black lace thong I’m wearing. Raining kisses along the insides of my thighs, he spreads them, licking and sucking close enough to my lips that my hips begin to buck in anticipation. He chuckles when the hold I have on his hair tightens, and finally he begins to lick, up and down the center of my folds, turning his head sideways to suck. He does this, teasing me, making me pant out his name once, twice, three times, before giving my clit his full attention, moaning when he pulls it into his mouth.
“I could have this all day,” he says, his tongue diving inside of me, his words taking me on a natural high I’ve never experienced. His mouth suddenly clamps over my clit and he sucks, making my insides feel like they’re on fire, hot and cold, tingling and dizzying. My insides are fireworks as my body convulses.
He’s kissing my stomach, making his way back to my breasts as I come down from my high and gather up everything in me to flutter my eyes open again. My vision traces his moving arm and I catch the muscles of his stomach flexing as he pleasures himself, looking down at me through half-mast eyes as he bites down on his lip. He dips his head and kisses me, a slow, sensual, languid kiss as he positions himself between me, his thick tip sliding in but not enough. I arch my back and plant my heels on the bed, aiming him inside of me, but Nick backs away, breaking the kiss to look at me.
“You’re sure,” he says, more than asks.
“Positive,” I respond without hesitation.
His eyes search my face again, dropping to my bare chest and to the spot where we’re united but not.
“Please fuck me,” I whisper, arching myself against him again. His nostrils flair as his eyes dart to mine again, blazing, and he dips his face to mine, biting down on my lip. Hard. I close my eyes as reveling in the way he makes me feel.
“Open your eyes and say that again, Brooklyn,” he says, his voice strained.
I want to keep my eyes closed, afraid of looking at him, afraid of him seeing me in this moment, a moment I’ve never shared with anybody before him. I’ve never made eye contact during sex; it’s always been weird to me, which I know sounds weird to most. They say the eyes are the doors to your soul and I’ve never wanted to let anybody in that deep when they’re inside me physically. Besides, I’m used to seeing the faraway look guys have when they’re high and inside me. I’m not used to seeing the awed look Nick is giving me when I look into his, as if I might disappear if he looks away.
He waits, pushing in slightly, but not enough.
“Take me,” I whimper, squirming for him.
He closes his eyes as if to savor the moment and opens them
back quickly, letting me know the yearning he has for me as he pushes himself slowly inside of me, letting out a guttural moan as he rocks himself deeper. My breath falls away from me, eyes fluttering closed at the feel of him, at the completeness I feel with him in there.
“I want you to look at me,” he says quietly. “I want to remember the look on your face when I make you come again.” He rocks his hips into me. “I want you to remember the look on mine when I come inside of you for the first time.”
Opening my eyes, I shudder at his words and can’t bring myself to look away again. This time, as I lay below him, with him thrusting into me at a leisurely pace, I let myself drown in those eyes of his.
“The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says, his voice barely a whisper. His eyes bore into mine, letting me know he speaks the truth, daring me to question his statement, and I find that I can’t, because when Nick looks at me that’s exactly how I feel.
My head is in the clouds as I lay in Nick’s arms as he traces over the bee tattoo on my hip. I don’t know what to do with my hands, I’ve never lain in somebody’s arms after sex, so I awkwardly place my arm over the side of his body, letting my hand hang over his back.
“What are the notes for?” I ask quietly, bringing my fingers to trace over them.
Nick shifts beneath me so that I can get a better look. “It’s a song I composed a while back,” he explains, tucking my hair behind my ear and touching my face lightly.
The way he looks at me makes me feel whole, which scares and confuses me. I’ve never been one of those women that walks around looking for her other half, but the way he looks at me makes me wonder if that other half talk is real.