by Carnal, MJ
My door slams open and Sly, Michelle and Gabbi come barreling in, all talking at once.
“Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again, bitch!” Gabbi shrieks.
“Thank God you’re ok!” Michelle cries as she plops down on the side of my bed making me wince.
“What did that bastard do to you?” Sly growls as soon as he sees my tear streaked face.
Looking at my friends, I lose it all again. The little composure I had gathered is obliterated. I remember every word that Connor said to me Saturday night at his apartment. The accusation, the hate, and the pain come crashing back down on me.
Sly is instantly at my side, gathering me in his arms. “Shh, baby. It’s ok. I got you.” He rubs his hand up and down my back as I cling to his shirt. “I won’t let him hurt you again.”
I feel Michelle shift closer to me on the other side of my bed and she wraps her arms around me too. “Honey, talk to us. What’s wrong?”
“It hurts so bad! Make it stop hurting. Please?” I whimper. But I know that there is no medicine that can take this pain away. This pain is too deep, too raw. You can’t fix a broken heart that’s stopped beating.
Sly gently pushes my shoulders back. “What was that, baby?”
I shake my head “no” and bury my face back in his chest. I need to be held. Despite the aching in my chest, my heart really wants to be held by another set of arms, even though at the same time, all it wants to do is push those arms away.
Sly and Michelle continue to hold me and rub my back. Gabbi paces the room back and forth. “Ok, whose balls to I need to cut off? Tell us what happened. All Wade told me was that you and Connor were at the top of the stairs, and you tripped and fell. This doesn’t seem like that’s all that happened. Did y’all have a fight? I’ll castrate that shithead if he hurt you. And Wade too for not telling me the damn truth!” Gabbi stops at the foot of my bed and crosses her arms over her chest.
Sly visibly tenses at Gabbi’s comment. I know he thinks that Connor is at fault. He thinks that Connor pushed me down the stairs. He may be the reason I’m a crying mess right now, but not because he physically hurt me. These wounds aren’t visible. Well, aside from the bruising on my arm from where Connor grabbed me, they aren’t physical.
Sly pushes me away again, and this time, he braces his hands on my shoulders to hold me in front of him. “Lynae, tell me he didn’t hurt you. I will fucking kill him if he laid a hand on you.”
I shake my head again and take a deep breath. “We had a fight. He saw us Friday night through the window.” My voice starts to crack. “He said I had been fucking around on him. Said that I had been lying all these years. Said that Matt didn’t rape me. Told me that I asked for it and that I was messing around with you.” I wrap my arms around my middle, trying to curl in on myself, but the pain in my ribs makes me groan.
“What the fuck!” Gabbi gasps.
I hadn’t told her everything about Matt. I couldn’t rehash all that pain more than I already had to with Michelle and Daddy. I thought I was moving past it. I thought that with Connor’s help I was going to be able to bury that subject. I can’t get into it right now. I can only handle so much trauma at one time, and right now, Connor is at the forefront of my mind.
Sly’s hold on my shoulders tightens to an almost painful grip and I can see the tension in his jaw as he grinds his teeth together. I have never seen him look so fierce. “I didn’t do anything to protect you while we were in school, but I’ll be damned if I let him get away with treating you like this. I will end him,” he says determinedly before stalking out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
“Sly! Stop!” I call out to him, but he doesn’t turn around. I’m left sitting in Michelle’s arms. I lean back into her embrace and let her rock me back and forth. Gabbi comes to sit in the spot on my bed vacated by Sly as she takes my hands in hers.
“Nae-Nae, honey, tell us everything that happened with Connor,” Michelle urges.
I start from the beginning, telling them everything I can actually remember. I’ve recalled everything from the moment I pulled into the garage and saw Marcus and Seth to walking up and finding Connor and Wade practicing in the living room. I tell them about Connor acting distant at first, then coming back and accusing me of messing around with Sly, and him seeing Sly carrying me into my room that night. I remember everything up to the moment I looked into his eyes and saw he was realizing that he was wrong about everything he was saying. I still can’t believe all that poison came out of his mouth.
Michelle and Gabbi sit there stunned, silent. “I don’t remember what happened exactly after our argument, I just remember trying to get away from Connor, and then a sharp pain in my head,” I mumble. I feel emotionally and physically drained.
“From what Wade told us, which wasn’t everything apparently, that ass, you tripped over the ledge of the threshold of the loft, fell, hit your head on the railing and tumbled down the stairs. Luckily, Seth caught you before you landed at the bottom,” Gabbi finally speaks. “Babe, you could have been killed. You could have broken your neck!”
Realization of how close I actually came to losing my life, and the life of my unborn child, hits me hard. I didn’t know about the baby an hour ago, but I already feel the intense need to protect and love her. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I instantly think of the baby as a “her.” I instinctively place my palms over my belly.
“I could have lost the baby,” I whisper, more to myself than to my two best friends sitting in the room with me.
“What did you just say?” Michelle squeaks. “Did you say you could have lost the baby? When in the hell were you going to tell me that you were pregnant?”
Gabbi is sitting there with her mouth hanging open, speechless. I don’t think I have ever seen her speechless before.
“I just found out today. I didn’t know,” I murmur.
“Does Connor know?” Michelle’s arms around my shoulders tighten.
I nod my head. “The doctor was doing the ultrasound when I woke up. He knows.”
“I can’t believe it,” Gabbi says after a while. “I just can’t believe it.”
Michelle moves from behind me to sit facing me on the bed. Placing her hands over mine on my belly, she looks up at me. “You’re having a baby,” she repeats the words, almost like she’s trying to make sense of them.
“Yeah.” My voice seems small, even to me. “I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused.”
“You mean, you don’t know what to do about the baby?” Gabbi asks cautiously.
“God, no! I’m not confused about the baby. I’m confused about Connor. I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know how to handle him.”
Gabbi looks at me with knowing eyes. “You need to talk to him. As much as I want to totally kick his ass right now, I will tell you that he’s been a wreck these last couple of days. He never left your side except when your dad or Sly came in.”
Connor had looked like a wreck when I woke up. He had bags under his eyes, and it looked like he hadn’t showered or shaved in I don’t know how many days. My heart warms at the thought of him not leaving me, but it also aches to know that I wouldn’t have been where I am if it wasn’t for our fight. I want to hit him, but at the same time, I want to pull him to me and hold on for dear life. “I don’t think I can talk to him right now.”
“You don’t have to, babe.” Michelle gives my hands a gentle squeeze. “Just get some rest before Pops gets here. I know he’s gonna flip his lid.”
Oh God! Daddy! He’s going to be livid. Connor may not be around for me to talk to after Daddy gets through with him. That is, if Sly hasn’t already done something.
Chapter Three
Connor
After getting a shower and shaving, I actually feel a little bit better. I hated leaving the hospital, but I know that sitting in that waiting room is just gonna eat at my nerves too much. Knowing that my sweetness was three doors down, refusing to see me, kills me
.
The look in her eyes as she was yelling for me to leave her room haunts me. The light that had shone so brightly is gone; Lynae looked like a shell of herself. All I want is to rush right back over there, lock her in my arms and refuse to let go until she finally gives in and tells me that she still loves me. She has to still love me. I don’t think I can go on living if she doesn’t. When she said the words “I hate you” that night, it was the worst feeling ever.
I throw on a pair of jeans and dig through my drawer for a t-shirt. As I’m shuffling things around, I find a few of Lynae’s skimpy little shirts that she likes to sleep in that she left here. I bring one of them up to my nose and inhale. It smells like her. She made me buy some girlie fabric softener to do her laundry. Said that if she was gonna stay here, she might as well just do her laundry here too. God! I’m such a pussy. Just the scent of her damn night shirt brings me to my knees. I fold it, place in back in the drawer and grab a shirt for myself. Lynae will be back. I will beg her forgiveness every single day if I have to. I will prove to her that I am not the man that said all those poisonous words to her. I will earn her love back. I have to.
Just as I’m about to head back into the living room, I hear Seth’s raised voice. “Damn, man! What’s with you?”
“Where the fucking hell is he?” Sly bellows.
Shit! Shit! Shit! This is not going to go well. I take a deep breath and leave my bedroom. I deserve everything Sly is going to throw at me. The second I see him, I can practically feel the rage coming off his body. I square my shoulders and enter fully into the living room. “I’m right here.”
Sly is in my face in three long strides. His hands grip my shirt as he shoves me back against the wall with enough force to knock one of the pictures off the wall. “You piece of shit! I knew you were no good for her!” Sly cocks his arm back and slams his fist into my face. I feel and hear my nose break under the impact. “Motherfucking asshole!” he growls.
My hands fly up to my bleeding nose as Sly brings his fist back attempting to land another blow and another, but I block him with my forearm. I don’t fight back. I am numb to the pain.
Seth manages to get between us and shoves Sly away, back into the middle of the living room, as I slide down the wall to sit on the floor. “Calm the fuck down!” he barks at Sly. “Beating the shit out of him isn’t going to help anything! Back off!”
“It sure as hell is! That fuck could have killed her!” Sly bellows.
“He didn’t push her, man! She fell!” Seth retorts. “I saw her. I was there!”
“He fucking broke her! She was already a broken mess before he met her, now I don’t know if I’ll ever get her back!”
I can’t argue with him there, but for fuck’s sake, he didn’t even know what she had been through. He was right there when that dick raped her, he was friends with him, then lived with him, and he didn’t see what Matt was capable of. If he was supposed to be Lynae’s best friend, so in tune with her life, he should have known what Matt did to her. I may have broken her further, but I will be the one to put her back together again.
“Listen, Sly, I know I fucked up. But you did too! You let that piece of shit get close to her. I’m gonna make it up to her. I promise. I just have to get her to talk to me.”
“You stay the fuck away from her. I don’t give a shit what you have to say!” Sly squares his shoulders.
Seth is still standing between us, afraid that Sly may attack me again. He holds his hand out to help me stand up. He looks cautiously back and forth at the two of us. “Sly, you need to calm the hell down or just leave. This isn’t the way to deal with this stuff.”
“What the fuck do you know?”
Taking a step towards Sly, Seth shakes his head. “I was there, dumbass! I saw her fall! Maybe I shouldn’t have let her come up here, but I know what happened was an accident.”
I wipe the blood off my face, get up, then take a step towards Sly. “I love her. I will always love her. I’m not going to let her or the baby go through this alone, and I will be there for her. I don’t care how long it takes, or how many times I have to tell her I’m sorry, or how many times I have to beg.”
Sly whips his head around. “What did you just say? Baby?”
“You didn’t know?” Seth asks.
I thought surely Lynae would have told him when he went in to see her. She tells him everything. Well, almost everything. I guess the hothead ran out of the room before she got a chance to talk to him, or she doesn’t know yet either. No, she has to know. Lynae is an extremely smart woman, and there is no way that she didn’t understand what Dr. Greene was doing when she woke up.
Sly lunges across the room, tackling me to the floor. He has the collar of my shirt gripped tightly in his fist, and he’s practically sitting on my chest. I can barely breathe. “She’s pregnant? And you treat her like that! You fucking bastard!”
I try to push Sly way from me, but the fucker is strong as hell. “I didn’t know! I was drunk! I said some shit, but I swear to you, I didn’t hurt her on purpose!” I shove against Sly’s chest again, but I can’t move him. “I swear!”
Seth is pulling at Sly again. And now, I can see that Marcus has come up the stairs. “What the fuck?” he yells, then finally manages to help Seth pull Sly off of me. Marcus tosses Sly on the floor and gets in his face. “Listen, man, I know you’re pissed about what went down with Nae, but you need to chill out. Beating the shit out of Connor isn’t going to do anybody any good. You get me?”
Sly grunts and stands to leave. “Stay away from her. Don’t go near her again.” He gives me a pointed stare. “If I see you anywhere near her, I will kill you. Matt already tore her apart, now you shattered what was left. Leave her the hell alone!”
I’m left panting on the floor, trying to catch my breath. I hate myself for putting Lynae through all of this pain. She’s already been through way too much. Sly’s right, I did shatter her.
After Sly stalks down the stairs, I make a vow to myself. I will not leave her alone, no matter what he says. I will not stay away from her. I can’t live without her. Lynae is my very reason for living. I don’t care if I have to walk through Hell and back again, I will get my family back. Lynae and the baby, they are my family. The only family I care about.
~
Laying with my head tilted back resting on the armrest of the couch, I hear the door open and close. I lift up the ice pack from my nose so I can see who it is and I immediately drop my head back down. Gabbi comes charging through the doors, tossing her bag on the kitchen island. Damn Wade for giving her a key to our apartment.
She comes over to the couch, shoves my feet off the end and plops down beside me. I can feel her eyes boring into me through the ice pack. “Sly sure did a number on you, didn’t he?”
I merely grunt in response. Of course she knows that Sly has been here. Who else would try to pick a fight with me other than myself?
“Listen, dipshit.” Gabbi smacks my leg, still trying to get me to respond to her. “You hurt my friend. I really want to kick your ass, but I’m not.” She reaches over, snatching the ice pack off my face, forcing me to look at her. “I said listen to me!”
“What?”
“I know that you didn’t mean all that word vomit you spouted at Lynae. You were a drunk ass. I get it. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to say that stuff.”
“Tell me something I don’t know. For fuck’s sake, I know that there is no excuse.” I grunt.
Gabbi shoves at my legs again. “Damn straight there’s not any excuse. She’s scared and she’s confused right now. I didn’t know about all that shit with Matt, but holy shit. You need to get your head out of your ass and get your act together.”
I sit up and rest my elbows on my knees. “Had she calmed down when you saw her? I was only with her for a few minutes after she woke up, and she was pretty hysterical.”
“I don’t know how long it was before we got there, but Michelle and I came down as soon as her nur
se called us. Sly was just walking up the stairs too, so we went in together. She got pretty upset,” Gabbi tells me. “As soon as Sly got to her, she broke down again, but he stormed off. I guess you already figured that part out.”
Looking over at her sitting beside me, I ask, “Does she know? About the baby?”
“Yeah. She knows. She’s scared. Lynae said she’s afraid to talk to you.” Gabbi gently starts rubbing my back up and down.
“I love her so fucking much it hurts.” I groan. My throat feels like it is going to close up at any moment. Tears are threatening to spill over the edge. I try taking some deep breaths in and out to control it, but it’s no use. My cheeks become wet as the pain becomes too much. “I can’t live without her. I need her so damn much.” I bury my face in my hands and let it out.
I vaguely feel Gabbi scoot closer beside me as she continues trying to console me. I don’t deserve her attention. She should be at Lynae’s side, helping her. My sweetness is the one that needs someone to take care of her. “She’s not by herself, is she?” Lynae doesn’t need to be alone right now. I wish I could be the one to be with her, but I know I’m the last person she wants to see.
“No, Michelle was going to stay with her until her dad got there. John was on his way over,” Gabbi reassures me. “Just because I’m being nice to you doesn’t mean I forgive you. I really hate you right now, but Wade told me to give you a chance to explain yourself.”
I nod my head in acknowledgment. I don’t blame her at all for hating me. I am really surprised she’s sitting here talking to me at all. I would have expected her to stay with Lynae and Michelle. I am glad to hear Michelle is still with her though. I don’t want her by herself.
The thought of Lynae having to face John and tell him about the baby without me kills me. I should be sitting there holding her hand while she tells him that he is going to be a grandfather. I know John would be pissed as hell at me that she’s pregnant, but now he's going to really hate me for the damage I’ve caused his little girl. They have such a strong relationship. I envy them, but I’m so happy that she has his support in her life.