by Carnal, MJ
"What?"
"Did I stutter?"
"Did you mean to?" I fired back.
"Kiss me." She wiggled on my lap. "Let me taste you… just this once… before we go back to Chicago before… just before. You said all I had to do was ask."
Her eyes were wild, haunted, like she needed assurance I wasn't going to turn her down. Like hell. The want scared me — terrified me. I'd never wanted something so violently before — so much that it consumed every cell in my body, demanded I do something to obtain it.
"Chicago changes nothing," I said.
She smiled sadly. "That's where you're wrong, Ax." Sighing, she lowered her head and softly touched her cheek to mine. "It changes everything."
I kissed her — hard. Maybe a bit too violently, a bit too aggressively. She bit down on my lip and I lost all sense of awareness as my body gave in to what it had been craving ever since she turned sixteen — ever since I became aware of her as a woman.
She could offer me only crumbs for the rest of my existence and it would feel like a meal.
Her mouth was hot, her tongue fought mine, fought for dominance. I jerked her against my body, wishing I could feel her around me — truly feel her. Not have so many damn clothes working against me.
She broke away from my kiss.
My lips traveled down her neck.
Her body arched when my tongue caressed her bare shoulder.
"Stop, Ax."
"No."
"Ax."
I stopped, my body shuddering in response. Closing my eyes tightly, I pulled back. "We have a long drive ahead of us."
"Yeah." She kissed my forehead. "We do."
She stopped me.
The only reason she would stop me was because she wasn't planning on giving me what I was only too willing to give — my all.
I helped her into her seat and pulled the car out of park, my voice was hoarse. "I'm not stupid."
"What?"
"That wasn't a kiss of barely restrained passion, of longing, of desire…"
"No?" Her voice was weak. "Then what was it?"
"Goodbye." My body trembled again. "You were saying goodbye."
Her breath hitched.
"I just wish I knew why."
"No." She leaned against the window. "You really don't."
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Amy
I didn't remember him being so perceptive. I wasn't stupid. And I really didn't take him for being stupid either. I knew, to an extant, how things worked. He would deliver me to the boss, thinking everything would be okay.
And I would die.
No loose ends.
They didn't do loose ends.
Ax was only doing his job — and in the end I couldn't blame him for wanting to save me. He always did have a hero complex. But he didn't realize by bringing me to the very people I was running from, he'd be dooming me in the process. I had no idea what they wanted with me.
Correction… I had no idea if what I thought they wanted was what they actually wanted.
And if I was right — there was no helping me. So why get more attached? Why allow myself the fairy tale of Ax… when in another twenty-four hours the man I loved could very well be the man to pull the trigger? It would hurt less if there were only two kisses — at least that's what I told myself.
Anyone capable of killing his own cousin would kill me. He wouldn't want to. He would be tortured, maybe try to turn the gun on himself, and then I would have to be brave. I would have to follow through. Because I couldn't let him keep sacrificing for me to live. My life wasn't worth enough — his was.
"Ames…" Ax's voice was low, gravelly… so many memories were attached to that voice. Memories that had my body aching. I wanted his hands on me again. I wanted his mouth everywhere.
"Yeah."
"Nothing bad is going to happen. You know that, right?"
What delusional world did he live in? The mafia showed no mercy.
"Sure."
"Ames."
"Just drive." I forced a smile. "How much longer do we have anyway?"
He laughed. "Uh, try around eight hours and that means we get in around two in the morning."
"Fantastic," I grumbled.
"Hey, at least you don't have to sit next to someone on the plane while they pull their shoes off."
"People do that on planes?"
"Not the ones I go in… then again taking a private jet down to get you would have been a little… extravagant."
"You think?"
His grin was toxic, so beautiful… my chest ached as I reached for his hand. He held it tight, no hesitation.
Then again, he wasn't a man of hesitation.
If he was… he'd be dead.
Eight hours. I had eight hours to hold his hand, to remember his touch, to memorize the lines of his face.
My life used to be defined by the sound of gunshots… and now? It was defined by sand sifting through the hourglass. I was powerless to stop it as it fell through my fingers.
But hey, at least I knew I had time left. Time to be with him. Time to be happy. For the first time in five years I was happy.
And all he was doing was squeezing my hand.
We talked for hours about nothing important. He asked if I still liked Chinese, I asked if he still hated it. We laughed. I didn't cry once. And when my eyes were too heavy to stay open anymore, he kissed my hand and told me to sleep.
I didn't want to sleep.
It was such a waste of the time I had left with him. So I tried to stay awake, but then he started rubbing my arm in slow circles, making me drunk with his touch. Finally, I succumbed to sleep, my head on his shoulder. My breathing matching his.
Life in that moment was perfect.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Axton
It bothered me that she was shutting me out. I knew in theory it was because she was afraid. But she had nothing to be afraid of. Did she think so little of me? That I would bring her into the firefight and then just back off if things went to hell?
I pulled up to the large gate and grimaced. I hated our house — our prison. It was huge, mansion huge, with three floors, over thirty bedrooms. Ridiculous, who needed that many bedrooms? Me and Sergio? Not likely.
Then again we did have two other people living with us. The Nicolasi boss, don't even get me started on that end of the story, and Campisi's sister, though I didn't find out about that fun little piece of information until it was too late.
The woman had just moved herself in.
As if there weren't three guys already living there, trying to keep our shit together.
I hadn't even had the great pleasure of staying one night in that monstrosity thanks to my assignment. I wasn't looking forward to the experience.
The gate buzzed open. I drove through and pulled around the front.
Sergio was leaning against the wall.
I wondered in that moment, if it was possible to heal the chasm between us. This one girl had defined our relationship. She was what had forced us both into hiding… and once again pulled us both out of it.
Phoenix De Lange stood next to him.
Just another man I really didn't care to see. Ever.
His mentor had died, leaving him in charge of one of the most powerful families next to mine and Campisi's. It seemed wrong, someone from such a tainted bloodline taking over the Nicolasis. Then again, they weren't exactly Cabbage Patch Kids so maybe it made sense.
There would only be one reason he would be waiting for me.
He wanted to see his cousin.
The one I'd been kissing and yearning for.
Excellent.
I took the safety off my gun — I never said I was stupid.
With restrained enthusiasm, I got out of the car and made my way towards both figures. Amy was asleep in the front seat.
"So…" Sergio smirked. "The prodigal returns, and a day early?"
"Mocking grin." Ah my fingers itched to punch him. "Looks stupid on yo
u, but thanks for the empty compliment."
"Damn." Phoenix rolled his eyes. "You guys are worse than Tex and Chase. Put on your big girl pants and stop acting like idiots. That's an order."
"Not our boss." I damn near sang that happy truth..
"Still own a gun." He slapped me on the back. "How is she?"
"Tired." My entire body was tense. "Freaked out."
"For good reason." He squinted towards the car. It was too dark to see inside, after all it really was two a.m. Black circles lined underneath his eyes as he examined the car for a few brief minutes. His brown hair had recently been cut shorter, to his face, making him look younger than the last time I'd seen him. He still looked like hell, just a younger version of it. He'd looked like hell when he'd moved in a week ago—and the shorter haircut didn't help him look any less haunted.
"So…" I pursed my lips. "She stays here, right?"
"Your room," Phoenix said slowly. "Bring her to your room, guard her, make sure she's happy. If I hear as much as a scream I'm shooting you in the thigh so you remember your place."
"My place," I said through grit teeth, "Is not in your family, Phoenix."
"That's where you're wrong." His smile was too confident…too knowing. "So, very, very, wrong." With a shake of his head he slapped me on the back. "But it's too late to talk business. Go to bed… there's always tomorrow."
"Is there?" I snorted.
He paused, his gaze calculating. "If I say no, will you leave? Steal her away? Go into hiding? Say I threaten to kill you… kill you for loving her. Would you leave?"
"No." I said, a bit pissed off he would even ask. "I would never run."
"Exactly," he snapped. "My point exactly."
He went back in the house leaving me more confused than before. Sergio was staring down at the ground.
"Mind telling me what that was about?"
"So much drama in the families now… so much testosterone, kind of chokes a man."
"So find a woman."
"Hah." He glanced down at the ground, face tense. "I did… she didn't want me."
I opened my mouth to say something — anything. But saying something would most likely make it worse. I couldn't say sorry because in the end it was best that he keep himself far away from Mo Abandonato. The woman he'd loved most of his life — loved from a distance, and now the wife to our leader. The wife to the Cappo. Yeah, life was rarely fair in our line of work.
And that's what bothered me.
"Take her upstairs," Sergio barked. "I'll see you two in a few hours, get some sleep you look like hell."
"I look better than Phoenix."
"A corpse looks better than Phoenix." He waved me off and went back into the house. With a sigh I made my way back to the car and opened the door, pulling Amy into my arms.
"Where are we?" she whispered, her head against my chest.
"Home." I kissed her forehead. "We're home."
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Amy
I was so warm and comfortable I didn't want to open my eyes. Instead, I snuggled back further into the warmth and let out a happy sigh. Then, I did it again, trying to burrow my body.
"Do that again and we're going to have a problem," Ax's hoarse voice whispered in my ear. "Then again, I'm a fan of that particular problem so yeah, go ahead, move all you want."
Embarrassed, I froze.
"I know you're awake Amy."
Swear my heart thudded so loudly against my chest people from the UK could hear it.
"Ames…" Ax's lips found my ear. I gasped when he licked and then kissed a trail down my neck. "Mmm… you taste good."
I tried to pull away from his arms.
Yeah, tried and failed, he was too strong and I was too weak. I wanted to be exactly where I was. Safe. Unafraid.
"Where are we again?" I asked, trying to look around the dimly lit room without moving.
"My house." He said softly, still kissing my neck. "My room."
"It's… big."
"Abandonatos don't do small… in any way."
"Oh." I breathed.
His hands moved down my waist, slowly lifting my shirt. "I want you."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Ames… I can do this all day long. I just want you to know, I want you now. I'll want you later. I'll dream about you tonight, and I'm not going to stop until you're mine. You can fight it all you want. Try running away. I'll spend my life finding you. Try your damndest to shut me out — I'll just push until you can't take it anymore. I don't know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours. I don't know why you'd say goodbye when this is just the beginning of our lives together. I let you go once, I'll be damned if I'm going to do it again."
What could I say? What could I possibly say to all of that? To the words I'd longed to hear for over five years? Thanks but no thanks? I was officially stuck. Because I knew, he was serious.
Dead serious.
If I ran, it would just put him in more jeopardy.
If I stayed… well… I had no choice but to stay, and face the jury, the judge, and the executioner.
My body tensed.
"I love you," Ax whispered in my ear. "I will always love you."
"Shouldn't that mean you should put my needs above your own?" I asked in a small voice. "What if I want to go?"
"You don't know what the hell you want, Amy," he fired back. "And even if you did, I wouldn't be stupid enough to give it to you, at least not when you're in the dark, without knowing the facts. You're afraid of the unknown, stop trying to figure everything out and just trust me."
"Trust?" I repeated. "The mafia?"
"Yeah."
"You're insane."
"Or just brilliant."
"I choose insane."
"Choose whatever makes you sleep better at night — but know this. You're mine and it's going to take a lot more than you being afraid of things that go bump in the night, for me to let you go."
"Did you even sleep last night?" I countered, turning on my side to face him. "Or did you just plot my kidnapping."
"Of course I slept." He rolled his eyes. "And plotted. I'm a multi-tasker."
I fought extremely hard not to smile at his ridiculously smug look.
"Smile." He kissed my mouth roughly. "You know you want to."
"How do you know what I want?"
Wrong thing to ask.
His eyes darkened as he pulled me flush against his body, his lips found my neck, tasting my pulse. "That right there, tells me, you want this so bad you can barely think straight."
"Cheater."
"When I want something…" He pulled back. "Absolutely. Now as much as I'd like to sit in bed with you all day, it's time to meet the guys."
"Guys," I repeated, my stomach doing somersaults. "What guys?"
"The guys… the men…" He sighed. "The bosses."
Air whooshed out of my lungs. "Are they going to have guns?"
"Yes." His eyes narrowed. "For protection, not because they're going to be trained on you."
"But I'm a De Lange."
"So is Phoenix." He scowled. "And now he's the freaking owner a few multi-million dollar companies, several overseas accounts, an old car collection, oh right and he has the ear of the Cappo. Your last name doesn't mean shit anymore."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because Nixon still lets Phoenix walk around without a limp — that alone tells me all I need to know."
"Huh?"
"Don't worry about it." He sighed. "Pick out something comfortable and meet me downstairs in a half hour. I'll have breakfast waiting."
"And the — the guys…"
"Will be here within the hour, so I'd hurry."
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Axton
Leaving her in bed. Alone. Was hard. I wanted to turn on my heel and push her against the nearest wall — naked.
Yeah, wrong thing to think of as I made my way downstairs and into the huge, obscene di
ning room with windows lining one entire wall.
Again, we didn't do small.
Breakfast was already set out.
Phoenix was drinking coffee and arranging food on his plate — bland food, because apparently he wasn't allowed to enjoy life anymore — or salt for that matter.
Bee, Campisi's sister, was right next to Phoenix, leaning towards him, most likely putting him through hell if his grimace was any indication. She was a handful, a gorgeous handful I wanted no contact with. We'd introduced ourselves and that was it. I knew her name; she knew mine. Done.
She was Phoenix's burden.
Sergio was at the head of the table reading the newspaper.
"Morning," I barked strolling into the room.
Bee smiled brightly.
Phoenix grunted and scooted away from her. She just followed. I had half a mind to feel sorry for him. His eyes were pleading when they met mine.
Fine. "Hey Bee." I cleared my throat. "I heard you make some killer espresso?"
She beamed. "All those years in Sicily."
"Care to make me one?" I winked. "Sorry it's just been a really long night and I've been missing my coffee."
"Sure!" She bounced up from her chair and made her way into the kitchen. When I knew the coast was clear I flashed my middle finger to Phoenix.
"Don't even care that you just flipped me off." He shook his head. "Thank you, seriously. Thank you."
"She's just a girl."
"No." He laughed without humor. "She's not. If she was just a girl I wouldn't be tempted to fall on my own knife."
"De Langes," I taunted. "So dramatic."
He gave me the middle finger back. Nice.
"The guys will be here soon." Sergio set down the newspaper. His dark hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. I always wondered why he grew it out, made him look like… a girl. He had too fine of features, at least to me he did, what the hell did he want to look like? A fairytale prince? Because he was totally channeling charming.
"What?" He squinted.
"Nice hair."
And more middle fingers.
I smirked and took a seat, piling my plate with food, just as Amy made her way into the room.
She cleared her throat.
I damn near fell out of my chair.
Why she'd chosen to wear black skinny jeans, heels, and a killer tight t-shirt, I had no clue but damn she looked better than breakfast.