‘Can’t make it both. One or the other and if we stretch it out it’ll be neither so make up your mind.’
‘What’s got you so touchy, love?’
‘It’s melting, dammit, and that means ants at the picnic.’
‘We knew it was coming—’
‘So what? Ants is ants.’
They settled down onto the bank, waving at mosquitoes. Ursto unstoppered the jug as Pinosel unwrapped the hamper. He reached for a tidbit and she slapped his hand away. He offered her the jug and she scowled, then accepted it. With her hands full, he snatched the tidbit then leaned back, content as he popped the morsel into his mouth.
Then gagged. ‘Errant’s ear, what is this?’
‘That was a clay ball, love. For the scribing. And now, we’re going to have to dig us up some more. Or, you are, since it was you who ate the one we had.’
‘Well, it wasn’t all bad, really. Here, give me that jug so’s I can wash it down.’
A pleasant evening, Ursto reflected somewhat blearily, to just sit and watch a pond melt.
At least until the giant demon trapped in the ice broke loose. At that disquieting thought, he shot his wife and sometime lover a glance, remembering the day long ago when they’d been sitting here, all peaceful and the like, and she’d been on at him to get married and he’d said – oh well, he’d said it and now here they were and that might’ve been the Errant’s nudge but he didn’t think so.
No matter what the Errant thought.
‘I seen that nostalgic look in your eyes, hubby-bubby. What say we have a baby?’
Ursto choked a second time, but on nothing so prosaic as a ball of clay.
The central compound of the Patriotists, the Lether Empire’s knotted core of fear and intimidation, was under siege. Periodically, mobs heaved against the walls, rocks and jugs of oil with burning rag wicks sailing over to crash down in the compound. Flames had taken the stables and four other outbuildings three nights past, and the terrible sound of screaming horses had filled the smoky air. It had been all the trapped Patriotists could do to keep the main block from catching fire.
Twice the main gate had been breached, and a dozen agents had died pushing the frenzied citizens back. Now an enormous barricade of rubble, charred beams and furniture blocked the passage. Through the stench and sooty puddles of the compound, figures walked, armoured as soldiers might be and awkward in the heavy gear. Few spoke, few met the eyes of others, in dread of seeing revealed the haunted, stunned disbelief that resided in their own souls.
The world did not work like this. The people could always be cowed, the ringleaders isolated and betrayed with a purse of coin or, failing that, quietly removed. But the agents could not set out into the streets to twist the dark deals. There were watchers, and gangs of thugs nearby who delighted in beating hapless agents to death, then flinging their heads back over the wall. And whatever operatives remained at large in the city had ceased all efforts at communicating – either had gone into hiding or were dead.
The vast network had been torn apart.
If it had been simple, Tanal Yathvanar knew, if it had been as easy as negotiating the release of prisoners according to the demands of the mob, then order could be restored. But those people beyond the compound wall were not friends and relatives of the scores of scholars, intellectuals and artists still locked up in the cells below. They didn’t care a whit about the prisoners and would be just as happy to see them all burn along with the main block. So there was no noble cause to all of this. It was, he now understood, nothing but bloodlust.
Is it any wonder we were needed? To control them. To control their baser instincts. Now look what has happened.
He stood near the front door, watching the pike-wielding agents patrolling the filthy compound. A number of times, in fact, they’d heard shouted demands for Tehol Beddict. The mob wanted him for themselves. They wanted to tear him to pieces. The Grand Drowning at dusk on the morrow was not enough to appease their savage need.
But there would be no releasing Tehol Beddict. Not as long as Karos Invictad remained in charge.
Yet, if we gave him up, they might all calm down and go away. And we could begin again. Yes. Were I in charge, they could have Tehol Beddict, with my blessing.
But not Janath. Oh no, she is mine. For ever now. He had been shocked to discover that she had few memories of her previous incarceration, but he had taken great pleasure in re-educating her. Ha, re-educating the teacher. I like that one. At least Karos Invictad had been generous there, giving her to him. And now she resided in a private cell, chained to a bed, and he made use of her day and night. Even when the crowds raged against the walls and agents were dying keeping them out, he would lie atop her and have his way. And she’d fast learned to say all the right things, how to beg for more, whispering her undying desire (no, he would not force her to speak of love, because that word was dead now between them. For ever dead) until those words of desire became real for her.
The attention. The end to loneliness. She had even cried out the last time, cried out his name as her back arched and her limbs thrashed against the manacles.
Cried out for him: Tanal Yathvanar, who even as a child had known he was destined for greatness – for was that not what they all told him, over and over again? Yes, he had found his perfect world, at last. And what had happened? The whole damned city had collapsed, threatening all he now possessed.
All because of Karos Invictad. Because he refused to hand over Tehol Beddict and spent all his waking time staring into a small wooden box at a two-headed insect that had – hah – outwitted him in its dim, obstinate stupidity. There is a truth hidden in that, isn’t there? I’m certain of it. Karos and his two-headed insect, going round and round and round and so it will go until it dies. And when it does, the great Invigilator will go mad.
But he now suspected he would not be able to wait for that. The mob was too hungry.
Beyond the walls there was quiet, for the moment, but something vast and thousand-headed was seething on the other side of Creeper Canal, and would soon cross over from Far Reaches and make its way down to North Tiers. He could hear its heavy susurration, a tide in the darkness pouring down streets, gushing into and out of alleys, spreading bloody and black into avenues and lanes. He could smell its hunger in the bitter smoke.
And it comes for us, and it will not wait. Not even for Karos Invictad, the Invigilator of the Patriotists, the wealthiest man in all the empire.
He allowed himself a soft laugh, then he turned about and entered the main block. Down the dusty corridor, walking unmindful over crusted streaks left behind when the wounded and dying had been dragged inside. The smell of stale sweat, spilled urine and faeces – as bad as the cells below – and yes, are we not prisoners now, too? With bare scraps for food and well water fouled with ashes and blood. Trapped here with a death sentence hanging round our necks with the weight of ten thousand docks, and nothing but deep water on all sides.
Another thought to amuse him; another thought to record in his private books.
Up the stairs now, his boots echoing on the cut limestone, and into the corridor leading to the Invigilator’s office, Karos Invictad’s sanctum. His own private cell. No guards in the passage – Karos no longer trusted them. In fact, he no longer trusted anyone. Except me. And that will prove his greatest error.
Reaching the door he pushed it open without knocking and stepped inside, then halted.
The room stank, and its source was sprawled in the chair opposite the Invigilator and his desk.
Tehol Beddict. Smeared in filth, cut and scabbed and bruised – Karos Invictad’s prohibition against such treatment was over, it seemed.
‘I have a guest,’ the Invigilator snapped. ‘You were not invited, Tanal Yathvanar. Furthermore, I did not hear you knock, yet another sign of your growing insolence.’
‘The mob will attack again,’ Tanal said, eyes flicking to Tehol. ‘Before dawn. I thought it best to inform you of our we
akened defences. We have but fourteen agents remaining still able to defend us. This time, I fear, they will break through.’
‘Fame is murderous,’ Tehol Beddict said through split lips. ‘I hesitate in recommending it.’
Karos Invictad continued glaring at Tanal for a moment longer, then he said, ‘In the hidden room – yes, you know of it, I’m aware, so I need not provide any more details – in the hidden room, then, Tanal, you will find a large chest filled with coins. Stacked beside it are a few hundred small cloth bags. Gather the wounded and have them fill sacks with coins. Then deliver them to the agents at the walls. They will be their weapons tonight.’
‘That could turn on you,’ Tehol observed, beating Tanal Yathvanar to the thought, ‘if they conclude there’s more still inside.’
‘They’ll be too busy fighting each other to conclude anything,’ Karos said dismissively. ‘Now, Tanal, if there is nothing else, go back to your sweet victim, who will no doubt plead desperately for your sordid attention.’
Tanal licked his lips. Was it time? Was he ready?
And then he saw, in the Invigilator’s eyes, an absolute awareness, chilling Tanal’s bones. He read my mind. He knows my thoughts.
Tanal quickly saluted, then hurried from the room. How can I defeat such a man? He is ever ten steps ahead of me. Perhaps I should wait, until the troubles have passed, then make my move when he relaxes, when he feels most secure.
He had gone to Invictad’s office to confirm that the man remained alone with his puzzle. Whereupon he had planned to head down to the cells and collect Tehol Beddict. Bound, gagged and hooded, up and out into the compound. To appease the mob, to see them away and so save his own life. Instead, the Invigilator had Tehol in his very office.
For what? A conversation? An extended gloat? Oh, each time I think I know that man…
He found an agent and quickly conveyed Invictad’s instruction, as well as directions to the once-hidden room. Then he continued on, only faintly aware of the irony in following the Invigilator’s orders to the letter.
Onto a lower level, down another corridor, this one thicker with dust than most of the others, barring where his own boots had scraped an eager path. To the door, where he drew a key and unlocked the latch. Stepping inside.
‘I knew you’d be lonely,’ he said.
The lantern’s wick had almost burned down and he went over to the table where it sat. ‘Thirsty? I’m sure you are.’ He glanced over his shoulder and saw her watching him, saw the desire in her eyes. ‘There’s more trouble in the city, Janath. But I will protect you. I will always protect you. You are safe. You do understand that, yes? For ever safe.’
She nodded, and he saw her spread her legs wider on the bed, then invite him with a thrust of her pelvis.
And Tanal Yathvanar smiled. He had his perfect woman.
Karos Invictad regarded Tehol Beddict from above steepled fingers. ‘Very close,’ he said after a time.
Tehol, who had been staring dazedly at the puzzle box on the desk, stirred slightly then looked up with his mismatched eyes.
‘Very close,’ Karos repeated. ‘The measure of your intelligence, compared with mine. You are, I believe, the closest to my equal of any man I have met.’
‘Really? Thank you.’
‘I normally do not express my admiration for intelligence in others. Primarily because I am surrounded by idiots and fools—’
‘Even idiots and fools need supreme leaders,’ Tehol cut in, then smiled, then winced as cuts opened on his lips, then smiled more broadly than before.
‘Attempts at humour, alas,’ Karos said with a sigh, ‘poorly disguise the deficiencies of one’s intelligence. Perhaps that alone is what distinguishes the two of us.’
Tehol’s smile faded and suddenly he looked dismayed. ‘You never attempt humour, Invigilator?’
‘The mind is capable of playing countless games, Tehol Beddict. Some are useful. Others are worthless, a waste of time. Humour is a prime example of the latter.’
‘Funny.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Oh, sorry, I was just thinking. Funny.’
‘What is?’
‘You wouldn’t get it, alas.’
‘You actually imagine yourself brighter than me?’
‘I have no idea regarding that. But, since you abjure all aspects of humour, anything I might consider and then observe with the word “funny” is obviously something you would not understand.’ Tehol then leaned slightly forward. ‘But wait, that’s just it!’
‘What nonsense are you—’
‘It’s why I am, after all, much smarter than you.’
Karos Invictad smiled. ‘Indeed. Please, do explain yourself.’
‘Why, without a sense of humour, you are blind to so much in this world. To human nature. To the absurdity of so much that we say and do. Consider this, a most poignant example: a mob approaches, seeking my head because I stole all their money, and what do you do to appease them? Why, throw them all the money you’ve stolen from them! And yet, it’s clear that you were completely unaware of just how hilarious that really is – you made your decision unmindful of what, eighty per cent of its delicious nuances. Ninety per cent! Ninety-three per cent! And a half or just shy of a half, but more than a third but less than…oh, somewhere close to a half, then.’
Karos Invictad waggled a finger. ‘Incorrect, I’m afraid. It is not that I was unmindful. It is that I was indifferent to such nuances, as you call them. They are, in fact, entirely meaningless.’
‘Well, you may have a point there, since you seem capable of being appreciative of your own brilliance despite your ignorance. But let’s see, perhaps I can come up with another example.’
‘You are wasting your time, Tehol Beddict. And mine.’
‘I am? It didn’t seem you were very busy. What is so occupying you, Invigilator? Apart from anarchy in the streets, economic collapse, invading armies, dead agents and burning horses, I mean.’
The answer was involuntary, as Karos Invictad’s eyes flicked down to the puzzle box. He corrected himself – but too late, for he saw a dawning realization in Tehol’s bruised face, and the man leaned yet farther forward in his chair.
‘What’s this, then? Some magic receptacle? In which will be found all the solutions to this troubled world? Must be, to so demand all of your formidable genius. Wait, is something moving in there?’
‘The puzzle is nothing,’ Karos Invictad said, waving one bejewelled hand. ‘We were speaking of your failings.’
Tehol Beddict leaned back, grimacing. ‘Oh, my failings. Was that the topic of this sizzling discourse? I’m afraid I got confused.’
‘Some puzzles have no solution,’ Karos said, and he could hear how his own voice had grown higher-pitched. He forced himself to draw a deep breath, then said in a lower tone, ‘Someone sought to confound me. Suggesting that a solution was possible. But I see now that no solution was ever possible. The fool did not play fair, and I so dislike such creatures and could I find him or her I would make an immediate arrest, and this entire building would echo with the fool’s screams and shrieks.’
Karos paused when he saw Tehol frowning at him. ‘What is it?’
‘Nothing. Funny, though.’
The Invigilator reached for his sceptre and lifted it from the desktop, pleased as ever with the solid weight of the symbol, how it felt in his hand.
‘Okay, not funny. Sorry I said anything. Don’t hit me with that thing again. Please. Although,’ Tehol added, ‘considering it’s the symbol of your office, hitting me with it, while somewhat heavy-handed, is nevertheless somewhat…funny.’
‘I am thinking of giving you over to the citizens of Letheras,’ Karos said, glancing up to gauge how the man would react to that statement. And was surprised to see the fool smiling again. ‘You think I jest?’
‘Never. Obviously.’
‘Then you would enjoy being torn apart by the mob?’
‘I doubt it. But then, I wouldn’
t be, would I? Torn apart, I mean.’
‘Oh, and why not?’
‘Because, not only do I have more money than you, Invigilator, I am – unlike you – entirely indifferent regarding who ends up owning it. Hand me over, by all means, sir. And watch me buy my life.’
Karos Invictad stared at the man.
Tehol wagged a broken finger. ‘People with no sense or appreciation of humour, Invigilator, always take money too seriously. Its possession, anyway. Which is why they spend all their time stacking coins, counting this and that, gazing lovingly over their hoards and so on. They’re compensating for the abject penury everywhere else in their lives. Nice rings, by the way.’
Karos forced himself to remain calm in the face of such overt insults. ‘I said I was thinking of handing you over. Alas, you have just given me reason not to. So, you assure your own Drowning come the morrow. Satisfied?’
‘Well, if my satisfaction is essential, then might I suggest—’
‘Enough, Tehol Beddict. You no longer interest me.’
‘Good, can I go now?’
‘Yes.’ Karos rose, tapping the sceptre onto one shoulder. ‘And I, alas, must needs escort you.’
‘Good help is hard to keep alive these days.’
‘Stand up, Tehol Beddict.’
The man had some difficulty following that instruction, but the Invigilator waited, having learned to be patient with such things.
As soon as Tehol fully straightened, however, a look of astonishment lit his features. ‘Why, it’s a two-headed insect! Going round and round!’
‘To the door now,’ Karos said.
‘What’s the challenge?’
‘It is pointless—’
‘Oh now, really, Invigilator. You claim to be smarter than me, and I’m about to die – I like puzzles. I design them, in fact. Very difficult puzzles.’
‘You are lying. I know all the designers and you do not number among them.’
‘Well, all right. I designed just one.’
‘Too bad, then, you will be unable to offer it to me, for my momentary pleasure, since you are now returning to your cell.’
The Complete Malazan Book of the Fallen Page 687