by Jay Quinn
“Here’s a key and a note with the alarm code,” Bill said, interrupting Kai’s reverie.
As Bill sat down, Kai opened his eyes and watched him as he came into focus through the sun’s glare that had permeated his closed eyelids. He took the key and note from Bill’s outstretched hand and said, “Thanks.”
“How long do you think it will take in terms of days for you to finish the work?” Bill asked. “I’m just wondering when I can schedule getting in the guys to lay the new hardwood floor I’m going to put in.”
“I plan to be finished in two weeks, maybe less if the lacquer dries well,” Kai told him confidently. “Would it bother you if I need to work next weekend?”
“Not at all,” Bill replied. “But I don’t want you to feel like I’m rushing you. I want it done right. You can take all the time you need.”
Kai smiled and said, “Oh, I don’t think more than two weeks will be necessary. Like I said, I’m pretty free right now, though I will have some appointments during the time I’ll be working on it. But considering how long it’ll take for all the coats of paint and lacquer to dry, I should still have plenty of time. And to tell you the truth, I won’t be working the week of Thanksgiving. I have a friend coming down from the Outer Banks for the holiday.”
“Someone special?” Bill asked carefully.
“Yes,” Kai responded quietly. “Pretty special, actually.” He watched Bill’s eyes flicker with interest and hold his with both empathy and a shade of envy.
Bill nodded his head and leaned forward to rest with his forearms on the table top. “Then you must take that week off. Take it from me, if you have someone really special, every moment is a treasure. You don’t realize it until they’re gone.”
Kai looked down and picked up his pad. “I’ll type up this proposal and bring you a copy tomorrow when I come to start painting. I should be here as soon as I can get the paint and supplies. If you want to check in at lunch, I should be here,” he said and stood to leave.
“I’ll do that,” Bill said and stood as well. “Thanks for taking this on, Kai. I appreciate it.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Kai said confidently. “It’ll be good to get working again.” With that, he held out his hand for Bill to shake once more. As Bill took his hand and clasped it briefly, Kai thought about what Bill had told him. He realized he had heard exactly what he needed to hear.
Kai had surprised himself by agreeing to get started so fast, but he knew if he had to sit in his mom’s kitchen chain smoking and listening to the radio he would go crazy. He needed to be working in order to jump the rails his mind was running on. As he said goodbye to Bill Kellogg and got in his truck, he allowed himself to smile. It looked as if things were starting to turn around.
Chapter Thirteen
THE MEETING broke up just before five, and Bill followed Maura to her office as they left the conference room chatting about the project. Once Maura sat by her desk, Bill leaned against the door jamb and looked at her with concern. “How are you feeling these days, Maura?”
Maura sighed and clasped her hands over her stomach. “I’m good, for the most part. I seem to get tired more easily. I thought I was going to fall asleep in that meeting. Emerson does drone on and on, doesn’t he? Why do you ask?”
Bill crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her with a concerned smile. “I don’t know. You and I have been friends for a long time and I like to think I’m a caring boss. I just want to make sure you’re up to your work load while you’re carrying this baby.”
Maura felt a tug of insecurity but quickly dismissed it. While she had always prided herself on playing her angle without any excuses that might come off as particularly “female” in her male-dominated office, she did know Bill was sincerely concerned about her. He wasn’t looking for an excuse to get rid of her. She gave him a quiet smile and said, “Bill, I appreciate your concern, but I’m going to be fine. My doctor says I’m healthy as a horse. While I am a little old to be carrying a baby, I feel great, and I don’t foresee any problems with working.”
Bill nodded and thought a minute before he said, “How much sick leave do you have built up?”
Maura offered him a level gaze and said, “After all these years with the firm? Are you kidding? I have over six months of sick leave and five weeks of vacation I’ve never taken.”
“I see,” Bill said as he shifted his weight to his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, I want you to take it as you see fit. If you need to take it easy in the middle of the week, do it. Okay?”
Maura nodded and smiled once more. “I will, I promise. But you still need to be able to depend on me. I plan to work as long as the doctor tells me I’m okay. If anything changes, you’ll be the first to know.”
Bill nodded and said, “I want you to know I’ve been impressed with the work your son is doing at my house. He’s gotten a lot done in the past two days. He’s pretty conscientious, but I suppose the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.”
“I’m glad you’re pleased,” Maura said confidently. “I think finding a job like yours is just what he needs right now. He was pretty depressed for the first week after he got home, but he’s come out of it surprisingly quickly now that he has a reason to.”
“He mentioned he was going to have a visitor over Thanksgiving. He wasn’t very forthcoming, but I could tell he’s looking forward to it,” Bill mentioned off-handedly.
Maura motioned for him to step into her office and said softly, “Close the door.”
Bill stepped into her small office and closed the door behind him before settling into one of the chairs across from Maura’s desk. Once he’d crossed one leg over the other he looked at her expectantly.
“His visitor is his housemate from up on the Banks,” Maura said. “You’re the only one besides Matt I can talk to about this,” she said and looked away. After a moment she shook her head and said, “My son has finally fallen in love. With another boy… well, man. Named Robin. Though he looks like he’s about sixteen. It’s not like I care, as long as he’s happy, but…”
“But you have your reservations,” Bill concluded for her. “That’s understandable.”
“Not for the reasons you might think,” Maura said seriously. “I really don’t care about the gay aspect of it. God knows, I’m just happy he has the capacity to love anyone. My reservations have to do with how fragile he seems right now. I don’t know how far he intends to pursue this relationship. It’s problematic just in distance, much less anything else.”
“You think he’s that serious about this kid?” Bill asked calmly.
Maura nodded. “You see, I don’t think Kai’s ever really been in love before. He’s never gone through the knocks most of us go through as teenagers. You know, first love gone bad, that sort of thing. From the little I’ve gotten him to talk about it, he’s still conflicted about being known as gay, but he freely admits he loves Robin. I don’t know. It just seems problematic for so many reasons,” she concluded sadly.
Bill chuckled and said, “I don’t think you really have anything to worry about. It’ll either work out for Kai or it won’t. Either way, he’s twenty-seven years old. Sooner or later, he’s going to have to come to terms with his attractions.”
“That’s true,” Maura admitted. “Of course, I’m probably worrying for nothing. I’ve just never met Robin. I have no idea what kind of person he is, or whether or not he’s really prepared to deal with Kai and his challenges.”
“You’re just acting like a mother, Maura,” Bill said consolingly. “Sooner or later you’re going to have to trust someone to come along and love and look after your boy like you always have. It’s the way life goes. It’s just taken you an extremely long time to get to this point.”
Maura sighed and gave Bill a brittle smile. “You’re absolutely right, of course. I find myself hoping this Robin is a good kid and capable of taking Kai off my hands, in a way.”
“For your sake, I hope
so too,” Bill told her. “You’re going to have your hands full with a baby, Maura. The little one is going to need your full attention. Hopefully Robin loves Kai as much as Kai loves him. If he does, you’d be looking at a pretty healthy scenario for both of them, despite Kai’s challenges.”
“God, I hope you’re right,” Maura said. Bill had made her feel better. She looked across at him and noted the lines on his face that hadn’t been there before his partner had died. “How about you, Bill? Are you seeing anyone these days?”
Bill gave her a wan smile and shook his head no. “I’m still grieving, if you want to know the truth. I don’t want to have anyone come into our home, even though it’s just mine now. Besides, I’m not good-looking anymore and most of the guys my age are looking for a twenty-year-old for arm candy. The last thing I want or need is some kid who’s never heard of Aretha Franklin. I’m just fine on my own.”
Maura nodded. “Well, I beg to disagree about your looks, but I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I feel so lucky to have found Matt. I was where you are a couple of years ago, so I understand exactly where you’re coming from. But hey, if I can find somebody, and even my disturbed child can find somebody, it’s got to be just a matter of time for you.”
Bill glanced at his watch and stood. “Maybe you’re right, Maura. Hell, I don’t know. What I do know is it’s now past five o’clock and we should be getting out of here. I’m ready to get home and see what your son accomplished today.”
Maura stood as well and said, “Thanks, Bill.”
“For what?” he asked blankly.
“For being so concerned about me for one thing. And for giving Kai some work. It’s made a real difference to him, I know. I can tell,” Maura said sincerely.
Bill waved her off as he turned and opened the door. “Forget about it,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Maura nodded and watched as he turned and walked down the hall toward his office. When he went inside, she looked at her computer resentfully. Knowing she should really check her email one last time, she instead crouched down and retrieved her purse from her lower desk drawer. It had been a long day and she was tired. After one last look around her office, she shouldered her purse and left without shutting her computer down for the night.
When she got home, she spied Kai lying on a lounge chair in the dying light outside. Heidi lay by the chair in the grass grooming her paws. Maura looked at Kai’s half-naked form appreciatively. It gave her a certain amount of satisfaction that she had borne a baby that had grown into such a well-knit man. With his hair still damp from the shower, curling on the crown of his head, Kai looked substantial soaking up what was left of the sun. It made Maura disbelieve his less substantial grip on the world he strode through it at war with the demons in his own mind.
She set her purse on the dining room table and eased her feet from her dress shoes before she walked to the sliding glass door and pulled it open. “Hey, surfer boy” she said. “How long have you been home?”
Kai lifted his arm to shield his eyes from the low sun’s brightness. “Not long. How was your day?”
Maura lingered in the door frame and said, “Not too bad, just long. You haven’t started any supper, have you?”
Kai sat up and gave her an apologetic look. “No, Mom. I’m sorry. I haven’t even thought about eating. But I can get up and check out what’s in the refrigerator if you don’t feel like cooking.”
“Screw it,” Maura said easily. “Matt’s not going to get in until late. He went to Orlando today. Maybe we’ll order Chinese. How does that sound?”
“Sounds good,” Kai admitted, obviously relieved he wouldn’t have to cook.
Heidi stood and shook herself all over before ambling to stand before Maura expectantly. Wordlessly, Maura took a step back and the dog came into the house and pushed her hand with her nose. “Have you fed Heidi?” Maura asked Kai.
“When I got home. She’s just looking for some attention,” Kai said.
Maura absently patted the dog’s head and said, “I’m going to go get changed.”
“Cool,” Kai responded before sinking back against the lounge chair’s frame.
Heidi looked up at Maura expectantly. “Come on, girl. We’ll get you a cookie,” Maura said as she turned and made her way toward the kitchen. The big dog trotted happily ahead of her and waited by the counter until Maura could retrieve a cookie from the old Blue Willow bowl. Maura tossed the cookie and Heidi caught it deftly. Maura gave her another quick stroke before she made her way to her bedroom to change.
Once she had changed into her after-work uniform, Maura went into the kitchen and poured herself a Diet Coke. She decided she wanted to join Kai outside and share the onset of evening. Now that it was getting near the end of daylight savings time, the day was drawing to a close more rapidly every day. The weather remained gorgeous, a gift of South Florida’s stubborn reluctance to show the seasons as they changed. She took her soft drink and stepped over Heidi who had sprawled out on the kitchen floor with a sizeable bone Kai had brought her from Publix.
Once Maura was outside, she dragged the other lounge chair close to her son’s and settled into it with a sigh. Lying down felt good. Her feet had swollen in her shoes during the day and they ached slightly. She stretched them and extended her toes, trying to squeeze the hurt out. “How’s Bill’s library coming?” she asked Kai easily.
Kai didn’t open his eyes as he replied sleepily, “It’s going good. I have only a few more shelves to cut and place, then it’ll be down to the final painting and lacquering. It’s looking really sharp.”
“I spoke with Bill today,” Maura said as she closed her own eyes and rested her head against the lounge’s taunt fabric. “He is really pleased with the job you’re doing.”
“That’s good,” Kai answered. “I didn’t overcharge him, but he’s still spending some bucks to get it done. I want him to be good with it so he’ll refer me to his friends.”
“I’m sure he’s pleased,” Maura responded. “And if I know Bill, he’ll be happy to pass your name along. In his clique, someone is always renovating or redoing something in their houses.”
“Gay guys are like that,” Kai said off-handedly. “They like things to be just so. I guess I could get into it if I had the money and my own place.”
Maura let the comment pass, though she noted Kai had spoken of himself and “gay guys” in the same sentence without making any disparaging comments. She let it float away in the warm air between them for many long minutes as she sipped her Coke and enjoyed the breeze. After a few minutes, she carefully asked, “How’s Robin?”
Kai opened his eyes and turned his head to give her a wary look. When she met his gaze with an open expression of simple interest he sighed, scratched his side, and said, “He’s good. Looking forward to coming down, I think. I know I’m looking forward to seeing him.”
“So you’re a little less conflicted about the situation between you two, I take it,” Maura answered casually.
Kai sat up and turned so that he was sitting on the side of the lounge chair with his feet resting on the ground and looked at his mother. “I’ve had some time to think things through. Now that my meds have kicked in, I haven’t been too panicky to deal with it. I think the answer to the whole deal is pretty clear.”
Maura nodded encouragingly for him to continue and took a long swallow from her glass.
Kai leaned down and plucked a blade of grass from the lawn and then, placing it between his thumb and forefinger, began to spool it into a tight cylinder with his other hand. “I’m going to ask him to move down here to be with me,” he announced confidently.
“Do you think he will? Really?” Maura asked gently.
Kai answered first with an elaborate shrug before finally admitting, “I hope so, but it’s complicated. He’s got a great job and he makes a lot of money. And he has a chance to buy the house we live in for a pretty good price. The owners moved to bumfuck Texas or somewh
ere and they’re willing to finance the deal since the economy has gone to shit. There’s plenty to tempt him to stay put.”
“I can see that,” Maura said thoughtfully. “But if he loves you, what good is having a house if there’s nobody to love in it?”
Kai shrugged once more as he studied the tight cylinder of grass between his fingers. “I don’t know. You did it when you were still in love with Dad.”
“Ah, but I had you,” Maura answered with certainty. “It’s not as if I was alone.”
Kai nodded, but didn’t reply. Instead he stretched and went back to playing with his blade of grass.
“Would it kill you to move back up to the Banks if he doesn’t want to move down here?” Maura asked him sincerely.
Again, Kai shrugged, but the force of his response belied his interest. He said, “I hate that place now. I feel like I’m under surveillance all the time when I’m there. Somebody is always watching and somebody’s always got something to say about your business. Down here is totally not like that. You know what I’m talking about, Mom. C’mon.”
“Does it really matter what people say, Kai? You and I both know they always find something else to talk about after a while,” Maura replied rationally.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Kai said dejectedly. “But even so, it’s so easy to fuck up there. In the winters I get so into myself and everything’s so fucking bleak. I don’t think I can live like that anymore.”
“Was last winter so bad, when you were with Robin, I mean?” Maura asked him gently.
Kai tossed the blade of grass away and promptly plucked another one and began the process of rolling it up all over again. After a few minutes he said, “No, Mom. It was pretty good with Robin, actually. We get along so well. I was never bored and we never fought. It was actually pretty fucking great now that I think about it. Not working, watching movies, hanging out… all the time really enjoying being around him.” Unexpectedly he flung away his blade of grass and slumped back into the lounge chair. “Oh man, I don’t know if I’ve really fucked everything up or if everything’s really going to work out. I hate this not knowing.”