by Apryl Baker
“I think that happens when someone smashes a door into one’s arm.”
“Well, fuck. Let’s get you to the emergency room and make sure it’s not broken. We can get you a blood test there too. Sometimes those pregnancy tests are wrong.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, a girlfriend of mine had a scare a while back. She took three and they all said she was pregnant, but her blood test was negative.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“You were about twelve at the time. I didn’t tell you everything.”
“I don’t think the test is wrong. My period’s late, two months.”
“It’s gonna be fine. Really. You, me, and the nugget. We got each other’s backs. Promise.”
Listening to Kade, Nikoli, and Victor made Angel think of her own brother. She never let herself think about Peter. She buried memories of him as much as she did those of Kade. The pain was too much. The only way she’d survived it was to lock it all away, to push it down and refuse to let herself think about any of it. It made her colder, harsher, more bitchy. She knew that, but it was how she survived.
She heard Nikoli and Lily downstairs. He refused to go until Kade came home. Angel didn’t have the energy to fight with him. She came upstairs instead and curled up on the bed, her knees hugged against her chest.
She cried. For the first time since Peter’s funeral, she cried for him. His memory was burned in hers, and even though it hurt to think about him, she let herself. Being that near to siblings cracked the vault, and Peter forced his way out. God, how she missed him.
He’d taken all her fear, balled it up in brotherly love, and tossed it away. Being pregnant, barely legal, and unsure of herself scared the hell out of her. He’d made her believe she could do it, that she’d be a good mama. He gave her strength, courage, and resolve. He would tell her to stop feeling sorry for herself, to get up and kick ass.
But he wasn’t here to tell her anything. And she couldn’t make herself move. It was all too much. Her walls were cracking, great chunks of the concrete in the dam around her heart falling down into the raging waters of her emotions swirling back to life.
She blamed Kade. Everything was fine when she’d been able to shut off her emotions, to pretend nothing was wrong. He wouldn’t let her. He didn’t even mean to do it, he just did. He was the only man she’d ever loved. Her heart ached for him, for what they’d had. Her body craved his touch. It refused to behave like a good little soldier.
Like today when he’d rushed in, scared to death. There had been real fear in his eyes, concern. For her. When he walked away from her, he said he’d never loved her, that it had all been a part of the job. He’d needed her to get close to Peter. The baby had just been collateral damage.
Collateral damage.
She slammed her fist into the mattress. Her anger burned bright, but it couldn’t outshine the fear she’d seen today. It reminded her of the same fear when he’d come to the hospital. Peter told him she’d had an accident, and he’d rushed into her hospital room much the same way he had today.
He was a hell of an actor to pull that off. Part of her refused to believe she meant nothing to him, the part that held out the last vestiges of hope. Maybe he cared, maybe he’d always cared.
Then why the fuck would he say such awful things to her and then walk away, she asked her traitorous inner voice. He walked away from us, not the other way around.
A knock broke the solitude of her room, and when the door opened, she didn’t need to look to know who it was. His scent haunted her. She’d know it anywhere. The bed dipped, and she tensed. Why was he here? What did he want? Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? All she wanted was to not have to feel anything, to be able to get up and face the day without a pain so deep it physically hurt to move cutting away at her.
That was what Kade and the memory of them was to her. Pain and grief and rage. It hurt so much. The only way she could live was to forget it all; her survival depended on it. Only how could she do that when he was right there? When he smelled like everything she’d associated with love? He smelled of home, and she couldn’t lie to herself. She loved him. God, she loved this man so much. The man who’d destroyed her life, and she still loved him.
He couldn’t know. He’d destroyed her once. She wouldn’t let him do it again. Her inner voice laughed at her. She knew the truth. She’d never been able to resist him.
She heaved a sob as another wave of despair and pain wracked her, and he moved. He crawled up the bed and pulled her against him. He didn’t say anything. He just held her while she cried. She cried and cried. She cried for Peter, she cried for the nugget, she cried for the man she loved.
She cried.
Chapter Twelve
Kade slipped off the bed after he was sure she’d fallen asleep. Exhaustion had finally claimed her after she’d cried enough to fill a river. He’d never seen Angel cry like that. It did something to him, and he didn’t like how he felt. He knew her tears were because of him, and he hated it.
Maybe he should tell her the truth. Would she even believe him after all these years? As much anger as she had bottled up, he doubted hearing the truth would make any difference. There was no point in waking up sleeping dogs that might only hurt her worse.
He opened the closet and sidestepped Nikoli’s freaky shit and found a blanket on the top shelf. He covered her up then left the room, closing the door behind him. Sleep was the best medicine for her right now.
He found a note from Nikoli downstairs. He and Lily probably left when they figured out he wasn’t coming back downstairs. It simply said:
Food in the fridge, call me.
His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten all day. The clock on the microwave told him it was 11:19. Wow. He’d been upstairs with Angel since a little after four.
A raid of the fridge yielded a pan of lasagna and a plate of garlic bread. He cut himself a very large chunk and took a couple pieces of the bread which he consumed while he waited on the microwave to nuke his late supper. It smelled divine. Had to be Lily’s. The boy couldn’t boil water. He’d seen Nikoli burn a pan once trying to do just that. He’d forgotten he’d put water on and scorched the pan when it boiled dry.
Once he had his food in hand, he grabbed a beer out of the fridge and settled himself on the living room couch. Nikoli’s white cushions be damned. He was tired, cranky, and would pay for the cleaning if he spilled anything.
He fished out his phone and opened the FaceTime app. He needed to talk to his brother. Dimitri shouldn’t be asleep. It wasn’t that late in L.A. Kade had come to a decision holding Angel while she slept, and he needed advice. Dimitri was the one person who might be able to help him.
“What’s up, bro?”
Kade shook his head at his brother, who had his arm wrapped around a very pretty brunette. “You busy?”
“Nah. Babe, go find us some drinks. I’ll be back in a few.”
The image shook as Dimitri walked into what looked like his bedroom. The soft sounds of the radio played in the background. Booty call music, his babushka called it. Where an eighty-year-old woman heard that phrase, he did not want to know. It always cracked them up when she said it, though.
His brother’s face popped back up on the screen. Dimitri was the only Kincaid brother to look more like their mother than their father. He even had her white blond hair and sky blue eyes. The odd man out in photos. He used to tease Dimitri mercilessly about that. Until he got old enough to beat Kade’s ass.
“You look like shit, motherfucker.”
“Good to see you too, D.” Kade rubbed his chin. It was a fair assessment. He probably did look like shit.
“What’s going on?” Dimitri sat, giving Kade a view of the headboard. “You don’t look good. Is it the case you’re working on?”
“I fucked up. Big time.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You remember that undercover case I worked in Miami?”
“Yeah.” Dimitri nodded, his
eyes crinkling with concern. “You were fucked up when you got home. I’ve never seen you like that, brat, before or since. You refused to talk about it, even when I threated to beat it out of you.”
“I made a bad decision, and it fucked everything up.” He leaned back against the couch, not caring that the plate of lasagna was sliding off his knee onto Nik’s pearly white fabric. “I don’t know what to do.”
“First, slow down and calm down. What happened?”
“I met a girl while I was there.”
“A girl?” Dimitri looked away from the phone. “No, I’m busy. I’ll be down when I’m done.”
“Real smooth, there. If Mama heard you talk to a girl like that…”
“She never will.” Dimitri grinned, reminding him so much of Nikoli. “Besides, she’s lucky I didn’t tell her to get the fuck out. She’s being clingy. I can’t stand a clingy woman.”
“You’re starting to sound like me and Nik. I thought we were the only two assholes in the family when it came to women.”
“I guess I’m just bored with women who see a pretty face and fat wallet and think ‘goldmine.’”
“They’re not all like that, you know.” Angel certainly wasn’t. Neither was Lily.
“I know. I just haven’t met one yet who looks past the face and expensive car and sees me.”
“Well, maybe if you didn’t flaunt said expensive car?”
“Fuck that. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am.”
Dimitri was an author. A romance author, much to his brothers’ astonishment and mock contempt. They loved to tease him about it, but even they couldn’t dispute the fact he did well. Kade never realized how much an author had to actually work. He’d assumed it was all sitting on your ass at the computer, typing. What really went into a writing career blew his mind when Dimitri had walked him through what he did on a daily basis.
“No lecturing tonight. Tell me what’s going on with you. What about this girl you met? You run into her or something, and she recognized you? You’re not in any danger, are you? I mean, that cartel still has a hard on for you.’
“How do you know that?”
“I’m omniscient.” He preened until he realized it hadn’t impressed Kade. “I asked Viktor to keep an ear to the ground. Your name still gets mentioned in certain circles. So if this girl made you…”
“No, it’s not that.” Good to know he was still being hunted by Miami’s biggest drug cartel. His handler assured him there weren’t any feelers out. Kade checked in from time to time to be certain.
“Then what is it?” Dimitri regarded him curiously. “You’re starting to worry me.”
“I married her.”
“The fuck you say!” Disbelief warred with shock as Dimitri struggled to digest Kade’s little bombshell.
“She’s the sister of the guy I was told to get close to.”
“Sounds like you got a little too close, brat.”
“Yeah, you could say that.” Kade laughed, but the sound was hollow, empty. “I could never stay away from that girl.”
“Did you love her?”
“I still do.” That was the problem, wasn’t it? Being away from her, refusing to think about her, dulled the ache to a bearable level. Being this close to her? There was no dulling it. It was an open, bleeding wound. One that couldn’t be patched up. It just bled.
“So what’s the problem? She married now or something?”
“No.” Kade took a deep breath. “We’re still married.”
“Back up, Romeo. You’re still married? You need to start from the beginning.”
Kade sighed, but he did as Dimitri asked. He told him everything about Miami, the baby, the miscarriage, and then brought him up to date on the current events.
“You’re fucked, motherfucker.”
That, right there. In a nutshell.
“I don’t know what to do. She hates me.”
“I’d fucking hate you too if I were her. You screwed up, man. I don’t know if you can fix this.”
“You’re the romance expert. I called you for advice, not for you to tell me what I already know.”
“Well, she fell for you once, didn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
“Then make her fall for you again.” Dimitri yawned. “Charm her. I’ve seen you at work. You’re as deadly as Nik when it comes to women. Make her remember why she loved you in the first place.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to do that when she won’t even have a civil conversation with me?”
“You two are holed up together until you catch this psycho, yes?” When Kade nodded, Dimitri continued. “Use that. Do what you need to. Talk to her, even when she refuses to talk to you. Fill the silence. It’s Christmas, for God’s sake. Do some holiday stuff. Women love all that Christmas shit. My point is, stop sulking like a girl feeling sorry for yourself.”
Leave it to Dimitri to be blunt.
“Look, I gotta go. Charlene is probably ready to kill me. Do you want me to fly out there? For support and backup? Romance writers are the perfect wingmen in this kind of situation.”
Kade started to say no, but changed his mind. Christmas was just around the corner, and with Nik here, it’d be nice to have another brother around. “If you think you can get away, I’d appreciate you coming. You can’t stay here, though.”
Dimitri laughed. “Fuck, no. You need all the alone time you can get with your wife.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Kade laughed.
“Fucker, get lost. I’ll see you when you get here. And, Dimitri, keep this to yourself. No telling the rest of the family. If this all goes to hell, well…”
“I got your back. Don’t worry. See you tomorrow, and good luck. You need it.”
Kade turned off the app and stared up at the ceiling. There was so much he needed to apologize for. So much he wanted to tell her. So much he’d always wanted to tell her, starting that day in the ER when he found out she was pregnant.
He’d driven like the hounds of hell were on his heels when he’d gotten Peter’s text saying she was hurt and at the ER. That was all his text said. No details, just that she’d had an accident and to get his ass to the emergency room.
The fear that nearly crippled him was the first big wakeup call. He’d argued with himself, told himself it was too soon, that she was just someone to hang out and have some fun with while he was there. But the thought of her being hurt, in pain, somewhere that wasn’t with him…he understood what it meant that day. Seeing her sitting on the exam table, pale, bruised, and crying drove the knowledge home. He loved her.
She’d been alone when he found her. She looked up, her green eyes wide and terrified. His first thought was that someone had attacked her. Her arm was a purple mess. The fear in her eyes made everything inside him bristle up. Whoever had fucking hurt his girl would pay for it.
“What happened?” He came into the room, working hard to control his temper at seeing the sight of her arm. “Who hurt you, Angel?”
She looked at her arm and shook her head. “It was an accident.”
“Who?” His anger bled through the whispered word, and her eyes widened.
“I fell in the bathroom and Peter broke the door down, not knowing I was right there. It bounced off my arm.”
“Peter fucking did this to you?” Red. He saw red. Peter did this?
She reached out and caught his arm. “He was trying to help me, Kade. He didn’t do it on purpose. I swear. He’d never hurt me.”
“Is it broken?” Her touch helped to soothe away some of the anger.
“I don’t know. They haven’t come back yet.”
He pushed her over a little and sat next to her on the hard surface. What little padding there was had been worn thin by countless others. He wrapped an arm around her and tucked her into his side. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? Do I need to go roust a nurse for pain meds?”
“Um…about that…” She kept her head down, refusing to look up at him.
“Hey.” He tilted her head up with his index finger. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I need to tell you something…”
A knock sounded at the door, and they looked up to see the doctor come in. He was an older man, in his early sixties and all smiles. “Miss Lemoraux, you’ll be glad to know there are no broken bones.”
Kade felt Angel exhale, her relief palpable.
“It is, however, an extremely deep tissue bruise and is going to be quite painful. Given your pregnancy, I can’t prescribe anything but acetaminophen for the pain. I am giving you a prescription for prenatal vitamins to get you started until you see your OBGYN. Do you have one?”
“No.” Her voice was quiet, hesitant.
Kade barely registered any of it. His mind got stuck on the word pregnancy. The doctor gave him a curious look, but continued to talk to Angel. Pregnant? How? They’d been careful, and she said she was on birth control. How could she be pregnant?
It. Was. Not. Possible.
No. This couldn’t be true. He was an undercover police officer. He wasn’t supposed to get involved like this. No. No. No. What the hell would his handler have to say?
He closed his eyes. Shit. What was Angel going to say when he busted her brother? It would devastate her. She’d hate him.
Pregnant.
There had to be a way to make this right. Some way to make her understand what was about to happen. How was he going to fix this?
Would she even let him near his kid when the truth came out?
“Kade?” Angel nudged his arm. “Are you okay?”
Pregnant.
Hell fucking no, he wasn’t okay.
They were too young; neither of them knew how to take care of a baby. What the fuck were they going to do? He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.
Fuck. Pregnant.
Kade slid off the table and stood there, shock raging.