WOMAN [to SMALL MAN]: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Pause.
All I asked you was if I could get a bus from here to Shepherds Bush.
Pause.
Nobody asked you to start making insinuations.
Pause.
Who do you think you are?
Pause.
Huh. I know your sort, I know your type. Don’t worry, I know all about people like you.
Pause.
We can all tell where you come from. They’re putting your sort inside every day of the week.
Pause.
All I’ve got to do, is report you, and you’d be standing in the dock in next to no time. One of my best friends is a plain clothes detective.
Pause.
I know all about it. Standing there as if butter wouldn’t melt in your mouth. Meet you in a dark alley it’d be … another story. [To the others‚ who stare into space.] You heard what this man said to me. All I asked him was if I could get a bus from here to Shepherds Bush. [To him.] I’ve got witnesses, don’t you worry about that.
Pause.
Impertinence.
Pause.
Ask a man a civil question he treats you like a threepenny bit. [To him.] I’ve got better things to do, my lad, I can assure you. I’m not going to stand here and be insulted on a public highway. Anyone can tell you’re a foreigner. I was born just around the corner. Anyone can tell you’re just up from the country for a bit of a lark. I know your sort.
Pause.
She goes to a LADY.
Excuse me lady. I’m thinking of taking this man up to the magistrate’s court, you heard him make that crack, would you like to be a witness?
The LADY steps into the road.
LADY: Taxi …
She disappears.
WOMAN: We know what sort she is. [Back to position.] I was the first in this queue.
Pause.
Born just round the corner. Born and bred. These people from the country haven’t the faintest idea of how to behave. Peruvians. You’re bloody lucky I don’t put you on a charge. You ask a straightforward question—
The others suddenly thrust out their arms at a passing bus. They run off left after it. The WOMAN, alone, clicks her teeth and mutters. A man walks from the right to the stop, and waits. She looks at him out of the corner of her eye. At length she speaks shyly, hesitantly, with a slight smile.
Excuse me. Do you know if I can get a bus from here … to Marble Arch?
LAST TO GO
A coffee stall. A BARMAN and an old NEWSPAPER SELLER. The BARMAN leans on his counter, the OLD MAN stands with tea. Silence.
MAN: You was a bit busier earlier.
BARMAN: Ah.
MAN: Round about ten.
BARMAN: Ten, was it?
MAN: About then.
Pause.
I passed by here about then.
BARMAN: Oh yes?
MAN: I noticed you were doing a bit of trade.
Pause.
BARMAN: Yes, trade was very brisk here about ten.
MAN: Yes, I noticed.
Pause.
I sold my last one about then. Yes. About nine forty-five.
BARMAN: Sold your last then, did you?
MAN: Yes, my last ‘Evening News’ it was. Went about twenty to ten.
Pause.
BARMAN: ‘Evening News’, was it?
MAN: Yes.
Pause.
Sometimes it’s the ‘Star’ is the last to go.
BARMAN: Ah.
MAN: Or the … whatsisname.
BARMAN: ‘Standard’.
MAN: Yes.
Pause.
All I had left tonight was the ‘Evening News’.
Pause.
BARMAN: Then that went, did it?
MAN: Yes.
Pause.
Like a shot.
Pause.
BARMAN: You didn’t have any left, eh?
MAN: No. Not after I sold that one.
Pause.
BARMAN: It was after that you must have come by here then, was it?
MAN: Yes, I come by here after that, see, after I packed up.
BARMAN: You didn’t stop here though, did you?
MAN: When?
BARMAN: I mean, you didn’t stop here and have a cup of tea then, did you?
MAN: What, about ten?
BARMAN: Yes.
MAN: No, I went up to Victoria.
BARMAN: No, I thought I didn’t see you.
MAN: I had to go up to Victoria.
Pause.
BARMAN: Yes, trade was very brisk here about then.
Pause.
MAN: I went to see if I could get hold of George.
BARMAN: Who?
MAN: George.
Pause.
BARMAN: George who?
MAN: George … whatsisname.
BARMAN: Oh.
Pause.
Did you get hold of him?
MAN: No. No, I couldn’t get hold of him. I couldn’t locate him.
BARMAN: He’s not about much now, is he?
Pause.
MAN: When did you last see him then?
BARMAN: Oh, I haven’t seen him for years.
MAN: No, nor me.
Pause.
BARMAN: Used to suffer very bad from arthritis.
MAN: Arthritis?
BARMAN: Yes.
MAN: He never suffered from arthritis.
BARMAN: Suffered very bad.
Pause.
MAN: Not when I knew him.
Pause.
BARMAN: I think he must have left the area.
Pause.
MAN: Yes, it was the ‘Evening News’ was the last to go tonight.
BARMAN: Not always the last though, is it, though?
MAN: No. Oh no. I mean sometimes it’s the ‘News’. Other times it’s one of the others. No way of telling beforehand. Until you’ve got your last one left, of course. Then you can tell which one it’s going to be.
BARMAN: Yes.
Pause.
MAN: Oh yes.
Pause.
I think he must have left the area.
SPECIAL OFFER
SECRETARY (at a desk in an office): Yes, I was in the rest room at Swan and Edgars, having a little rest. Just sitting there, interfering with nobody, when this old crone suddenly came right up to me and sat beside me. You’re on the staff of the B.B.C. she said, aren’t you? I’ve got just the thing for you, she said, and put a little card into my hand. Do you know what was written on it? MEN FOR SALE! What on earth do you mean? I said. Men, she said, all sorts shapes and sizes, for sale. What on earth can you possibly mean? I said. It’s an international congress, she said, got up for the entertainment and relief of lady members of the civil service. You can hear some of the boys we’ve got speak through a microphone, especially for your pleasure, singing little folk tunes we’re sure you’ve never heard before. Tea is on the house and every day we have the very best pastries. For the cabaret at teatime the boys do a rare dance imported all the way from Buenos Aires, dressed in nothing but a pair of cricket pads. Every single one of them is tried and tested, very best quality, and at very reasonable rates. If you like one of them by any of his individual characteristics you can buy him, but for you not at retail price. As you work for the B.B.C. we’ll be glad to make a special reduction. If you’re at all dissatisfied you can send him back within seven days and have your money refunded. That’s very kind of you, I said, but as a matter of fact I’ve just been on leave, I start work tomorrow and am perfectly refreshed. And I left her where she was. Men for Sale! What an extraordinary idea! I’ve never heard of anything so outrageous, have you? Look – here’s the card.
Pause.
Do you think it’s a joke … or serious?
About the Author
Harold Pinter was born in London in 1930. He lived with Antonia Fraser from 1975 and they married in 1980. In 1995 he won the David Cohen British Literature Prize,
awarded for a lifetime’s achievement in literature. In 1996 he was given the Laurence Olivier Award for a lifetime’s achievement in theatre. In 2002 he was made a Companion of Honour for services to literature. In 2005 he was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature and, in the same year, the Wilfred Owen Award for Poetry and the Franz Kafka Award (Prague). In 2006 he was awarded the Europe Theatre Prize and, in 2007, the highest French honour, the Légion d’honneur. He died in December 2008.
By the Same Author
plays
ASHES TO ASHES
BETRAYAL
THE BIRTHDAY PARTY
THE CARETAKER
CELEBRATION AND THE ROOM
THE COLLECTION AND THE LOVER
THE HOMECOMING
THE HOTHOUSE
LANDSCAPE AND SILENCE
MOUNTAIN LANGUAGE
MOONLIGHT
NO MAN’S LAND
OLD TIMES
ONE FOR THE ROAD
OTHER PLACES
(A Kind of Alaska, Victoria Station, Family Voices)
PARTY TIME
REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST (with Di Trevis)
THE ROOM AND THE DUMB WAITER
A SLIGHT ACHE AND OTHER PLAYS
TEA PARTY AND OTHER PLAYS
PLAYS ONE
(The Birthday Party, The Room, The Dumb Waiter, A Slight Ache, The Hothouse, A Night Out, The Black and White, The Examination)
PLAYS TWO
(The Caretaker, The Dwarfs, The Collection, The Lover, Night School, Trouble in the Works, The Black and White, Request Stop, Last to Go, Special Offer)
PLAYS THREE
(The Homecoming, Tea Party, The Basement, Landscape, Silence, Night, That’s Your Trouble, That’s All, Applicant, Interview, Dialogue for Three, Tea Party (short story), Old Times, No Man’s Land)
PLAYS FOUR
(Betrayal, Monologue, One for the Road, Mountain Language, Family Voices, A Kind of Alaska, Victoria Station, Precisely, The New World Order, Party Time, Moonlight, Ashes to Ashes, Celebration, Umbrellas, God’s District, Apart From That)
screenplays
HAROLD PINTER COLLECTED SCREENPLAYS ONE
(The Servant, The Pumpkin Eater, The Quiller Memorandum, Accident, The Last Tycoon, Langrishe, Go Down)
HAROLD PINTER COLLECTED SCREENPLAYS TWO
(The Go-Between, The Proust Screenplay, Victory, Turtle Diary, Reunion)
HAROLD PINTER COLLECTED SCREENPLAYS THREE
(The French Lieutenant’s Woman, The Heat of the Day, The Comfort of Strangers, The Trial, The Dreaming Child)
prose, poetry and politics
COLLECTED POEMS AND PROSE
THE DWARFS (a novel)
100 POEMS BY 100 POETS (an anthology)
99 POEMS IN TRANSLATION (an anthology)
VARIOUS VOICES: PROSE, POETRY, POLITICS 1948–1998
VARIOUS VOICES: PROSE, POETRY, POLITICS 1948–2005
WAR
Copyright
This collection first published in 1991
Originally published by Eyre Methuen Ltd in 1977
by Faber and Faber Ltd
Bloomsbury House
74–77 Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3DA
This ebook edition first published in 2013
The Caretaker first published by Methuen & Co. in 1960, revised in 1962
The Dwarfs, Trouble in the Works, The Black and White, Request Stop, Last To Go first published by Methuen & Co. in 1961, corrected in 1968
The Collection, The Lover first published by Methuen & Co. in 1963, second edition in 1964
Night School (television version) first published in 1979 reprint of this collection
Special Offer first published in Harold Pinter by Arnold P. Hinchcliffe, Twayne, New York, 1967
‘Writing for Myself’ first appeared in The Twentieth Century, February 1961
All rights reserved
This collection © Harold Pinter, 1991
The Caretaker © Harold Pinter, 1960, 1962
The Dwarfs, Trouble in the Works, The Black and White, Request Stop, Last To Go © Harold Pinter, 1961, 1966, 1968
The Collection, The Lover © H. Pinter Ltd, 1963, 1964
Night School © H. Pinter Ltd, 1979
Special Offer © H. Pinter Ltd, 1967
‘Writing for Myself’ © Harold Pinter, 1961
The right of Harold Pinter to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights whatsoever in these plays are strictly reserved and applications to perform them should be made in writing, before rehearsals begin, to Judy Daish Associates, 1 St Charles Place, London W10 6EG. The amateur rights for The Caretaker, The Dwarfs, The Collection and The Lover are held by Samuel French. Amateur applications for permission to perform these plays must be made in advance, before rehearsals begin, to Samuel French Ltd, 52 Fitzroy Street, London W1P 6JR. No performance may be given unless a license has first been obtained.
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly
ISBN 978–0–571–30078–5
Harold Pinter Plays 2 Page 19