“One more push, baby, just one more and the baby will be here.” I coached her from the top of the bed. The doctor sat between her legs, Georgia practiced her breathing as she pushed with every ounce of strength she had in her.
My wife blew my mind.
I was in awe of the strength she mustered to bring our baby into the world. A year and a half into our marriage, and she was still taking my breath away.
A loud cry pierced the room.
“It’s a boy! Good job, Mama.”
“He’s here? Oh, Tristan,” she whimpered as tears fell down her cheeks.
“You did so good, baby.” I swiped the hair off her forehead and pressed my lips to her damp skin. “You did so good.”
“Want to cut the cord, Daddy?”
My eyes widened in fear.
“Come on.” The doctor waved me over, my squirming boy in her hands. I took the scissors from the nurse and cut where she instructed. Anxiety and happiness in equal parts chocked my throat as I realized that I'd just severed the tie that had connected him to his momma, my beautiful wife. She'd sustained him for all those months, held him in her body and cherished him in her heart and now it was my turn.
“Perfect. Want to hold your son before we start his tests?”
I only nodded. I couldn’t force the words from my lips.
The doctor pushed the baby into my arms and I stared down into his beautiful little face. Round cheeks and grey eyes, a button nose and the most beautiful little bow-tie lips. Georgia’s lips. My son had Georgia’s lips and a fine layer of blond hair. He was ours. A perfect mixture of us.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. My whole body shook as I held my son and took in his beauty.
“Hey, little guy, we’ve been waiting so long for you.” I placed a kiss on his head. I sucked in a long breath and inhaled him just like Georgia did me. I took him in, made him mine.
He owned me.
His little face owned me completely.
“Baby,” I whispered as I brought him to Georgia. “He’s got your lips.” Tears filled my eyes and trailed down my cheeks as I laid him in her arms. “He looks like you, baby.”
“Hey, sweetheart.” She kissed his little head and his dark little eyes stared up at her face, took her in, recognizing her voice.
She captivated him just like she did me.
He needed her to breathe, just like I did.
Neither one of us ever stood a chance. From the moment we'd laid eyes on her, she owned us both.
“Can you change Brady’s diaper?” she called from down the hall.
“I had the last one,” I yelled as my eyes trained back on the football game.
“Babe, I can’t change the diaper, seriously. It will make me sick,” she whined as she stepped into the room, Brady wiggling in her arms in only a diaper.
“Shouldn’t he be potty trained by now anyway?” I groaned as I stood from the couch.
“He’s only eighteen months old, so no.” She thrust my boy into my arms.
“Jesus,” I held his stinky self at arm’s length.
“Come on, buddy, don’t you want to use the toilet like a big boy?”
“No.” Ah, there it was, no, one of the few words he knew and used excessively.
“What a bum deal if you’re going to be like this the whole pregnancy,” I grumbled as I headed down the hall and into the nursery.
“It’s just the beginning that my nose is so sensitive.” She rubbed her tummy softly.
“Better be. If your nose is so sensitive, how is it you’re able to stand in here with me while I change the diaper?” I arched an eyebrow at her.
“It’s just standing right over it I can’t take.” She wrinkled her nose and darted out of the room as a grin split across her face. I had a feeling she was bullshitting me about the sensitive nose thing. I knew she was sensitive to smells, coffee for one, but this dirty diaper sensitivity was way too convenient.
Lucky for her, I didn’t care. I knew she had it rough, carrying a baby while a toddler ran around the house, leaving mass chaos in his wake. If I had diaper duty for the rest of the pregnancy, I was okay with that; it was the least I could do after watching her push our son into the world. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to give her a hard time about it, though. I couldn’t let her know she owned me so completely and could walk all over me, and I’d still have a smile on my face. Georgia did that to me. Got her way in all things and I happily gave it to her, gave her everything, because she’d given me everything.
“Come on, boys, let’s go,” I called from the beach.
“Where’s Daddy and Brady?” My beautiful little girl looked up at me, golden ringlets pulled into a ponytail, dark brown eyes dancing with excitement.
“They’re coming, baby.” I patted her head just as Tristan and our four-year-old came bounding down the deck stairs of the beach house.
“Be careful,” I called, but I knew they couldn’t hear.
“Mama.” Brooke tugged on the hem of my cover-up.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Up.” She reached her chubby little arms up for me to hold her. A smile slid across my face as I heaved her into my arms. I looked back at my boys as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Tristan heaved Brady up on his shoulders and jogged to me, a beautiful smile crossing his face. My heart stuttered to a stop because it was just as I'd imagined in my daydream so many years ago. That summer we'd first met and I'd seen beautiful little blond-haired babies in the sand, a smiling Tristan entertaining them.
“Hey, Mama.” My gorgeous husband pressed a kiss to my lips. I adjusted Brooke on my hip and weaved a hand up to hold his cheek as I kissed him.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“You look beautiful,” he murmured as he pressed his forehead to mine.
“Thanks.” I took his lips with mine again.
“Daddy, I’m ready to swim.” Brady shook the bucket of beach toys in his hand.
“He’s ready to swim, Daddy.” I smiled sweetly.
“While they’re swimming, can I get some alone time with my girl?” He quirked an eyebrow suggestively.
“Wait till nap time, Mr. Howell.” I pulled away, but not before pinching his ass.
“Ow.”
“What, Daddy?” Concern crossed our little boy’s face.
“Mommy pinched Daddy.”
“You shit,” I whispered under my breath as Tristan’s eyes gleamed with amusement.
“No pinching, Mommy,” Brady chastised from atop Tristan's shoulders.
“Sorry, baby. Let’s go swim.” I darted off down the beach with Brooke squealing with delight in my arms. I set her down in the sand and she immediately started digging as the waves lapped at her chubby little feet.
“I’ll be out in a minute.” Tristan lifted Brady from his shoulders. Brady headed for his sister and plopped down, showing her how to make a sandcastle with the toys.
Tristan wrapped his arms around my waist and swayed me back and forth as he tucked his nose into my neck. I sucked in a contented breath and lay back against his chest.
“Thank you,” I sighed.
“For what?” His lips tickled the skin beneath my ear.
“For everything. All of it. From the beginning to the end, thank you.”
“Mmm, my pleasure, ma’am,” he said in his best southern drawl.
“Seriously. Buying this house? Best decision I ever made.” I turned in his arms and caught his gaze with my own. “That first day sailing? I'm so thankful you asked me and I said yes. Every minute I’m thankful for, even the hard ones.” Tears pricked behind my eyelids, as I looked at the beautiful boy that had been stopping and restarting my heart from the moment I’d met him.
“Oh, baby.” He kissed me softly. “Thank you, for bringing me back to life. For making this beat.” He put my hand on his heart. “It beats for you and them.” He gestured toward our babies playing in the sand.
I nodded and tucked my head into the crook of his n
eck. I inhaled deeply and took in his ocean fresh scent that had made my knees weak from the start. His lips whispered along my jaw line as he placed soft kisses across my skin.
“I love you,” I murmured.
“I love you so much more,” he replied before his lips took mine in a reverent kiss.
There he went again, stealing my breath, except he wasn’t stealing it; I gave it to him freely because he owned me. We owned each other.
From the beginning, our lives had been set on a course to find each other. There'd been no deviating. Despite the bumps in the road, it’d gotten us here, and here was so good.
Here was the best.
Here was right where we were meant to be.
If you enjoyed Light in Mourning please consider leaving a review. Reviews are like gold and I'll gladly send each and every one of you a cupcake in thanks, or a picture of a boy without a shirt, whichever you prefer ;)
Stay tuned for a excerpt from Love in Between by Sandi Lynn.
Madness ~ Muse
Animal ~ Neon Trees
Everything I Ask For ~ The Maine
Locked Out of Heaven ~ Boyce Avenue
Kiss Me Slowly ~ Parachute
She is Love ~ Parachute
Wherever You Will Go ~ Boyce Avenue
Falling ~ The Civil Wars
Stupid Boy ~ Keith Urban
If I Knew ~ Bruno Mars
It Will Rain ~ Bruno Mars
Love Remains the Same ~ Gavin Rossdale
I Won't Give Up ~ Jason Mraz
Safe & Sound ~ Taylor Swift, The Civil Wars
Between the Raindrops ~ Lifehouse
This Years Love ~ Boyce Avenue
Who You Are ~ Jessie J
I Choose You ~ Sara Bareilles
Find this playlist on Spotify along with more songs that inspired Light in Mourning.
Thank you to my loving and supportive hubs. Frozen food and dirty laundry have become a common occurrence in our house so I can write books. Our family has sacrificed, but hopefully the rewards are that much sweeter.
To the best sisters a girl could ask for—my SmutSisters. For all the support, love, boys without shirts (and sometimes without pants), laughs, and TMI conversations. My day isn't complete until I've chatted with you girls. Bring on Scotland!
To Nelle, you’ve become such a close and supportive friend. We growl about how tough it is to write books and dish about family and life; you're a blessing.
To Sandi, I have a blast chatting and bitching and beta-reading with you. I can't wait for all the signings in 2014!
And eternal thanks to my awesome, hilarious, and always supportive readers who love Tristan just as much as I do! You guys rock! I appreciate each and every message and review you so happily share!
Adriane Leigh was born and raised in a snowbank in Northern Michigan and now lives among the sand dunes of the Lake Michigan lakeshore.
She graduated with a Literature degree but never particularly enjoyed reading Shakespeare and Chaucer.
She is married to a tall, dark and handsome guy and is mama of two sweet baby girls. Also a voracious reader and knitter.
More from Adriane Leigh
Steel and Lace
The Mourning After
Light in Mourning
Wild (December 2013)
Please enjoy an excerpt from Love in Between by Sandi Lynn.
Prologue
“You’re the most beautiful bride that I’ve ever seen.”
“You have to say that; you’re my mom.” I smiled.
I stared at my white A-line strapless dress, embellished with rhinestone flowers that cascaded asymmetrically over the bodice as I ran my hands down my sides. I turned my head to make sure my cathedral bridal veil was placed perfectly amongst my elegant curly updo.
“I can’t believe you’re finally getting married!” Giselle smiled.
“You’re picture-perfect, Lily Gilmore,” Gretchen said as she snapped a picture with her phone.
I was so nervous; my hands were beginning to sweat. I couldn’t believe this day had finally arrived. The past year of planning the perfect wedding was torturous, but exciting. Hunter stood by my side and had agreed with everything that I liked. I think he just wanted to keep the peace, or he just didn’t care. He didn’t want a big wedding; he wanted to run off to Vegas and get married at one of those drive-by chapels. I’ve always dreamed of a big wedding, and he understood, so he nixed the idea of Vegas. Plus, my mother would have killed us both if we eloped.
People were gathered in the church, waiting for the ceremony to begin.
“Lily, where’s your sister?”
“I’m not sure, mom. She said she had to go get something and that she’d be right back.”
“She’s your maid of honor, and she needs to be here; the ceremony’s about to start.”
I sighed and headed out of the dressing room. I walked down the long hallway that connected to a small kitchen. I figured she probably went out behind the church to have a cigarette, so I proceeded through the kitchen and stopped when I heard a noise coming from one of the rooms off to the side. I put my hand on the knob and slowly turned it as I pushed opened the door. Nothing had prepared me for what I saw.
I pulled the door shut, and I ran out of the church. My heart was racing, and my stomach felt sick. I heard my mother’s voice following me from behind. I stopped when she asked me to. I put my hand on my head and paced in circles, not believing what I just saw. My breathing was rapid as I looked up and saw Hunter standing there, looking at me, and my sister standing behind him. Tears began to stream down my face as he slowly started walking towards me. I put my right hand up before he took three steps.
“Don’t you dare come near me, you bastard!” I screamed.
“Lily, Hunter, what the hell is going on?” my mother asked.
I stood there, pointing my finger. “Why don’t you ask that cheating bastard over there and his dirty whore standing behind him?!” I spat.
My mother turned her head and looked at my sister, Brynn. She stood there, shaking her head; then looked at Hunter. By this time, a crowd of people had emerged from the church and were gathered around to see what all the commotion was. The way my mother was looking at Brynn and Hunter gave me the feeling that she knew what was going on between them.
“Lily, please let me—”Hunter started to say.
“Don’t you ever say a fucking word to me again!” I screamed, cutting him off.
I stood there, feeling about as small as an ant, and raised my arms up in the air. “Well, it looks like there isn’t going to be a wedding today, folks! Unless, my whore of a sister over there wants to marry this cheating bastard!” I yelled as I pointed to Hunter.
“Lily! That’s enough!” my mother commanded.
I looked at her with disgrace and slowly walked towards her. “You knew, didn’t you? You knew they were screwing behind my back!”
She stared at me with a look of guilt. She didn’t have to say a word; her reaction said it all. I shook my head as I looked at my sister who was standing on the steps, crying. “Why are you crying? Isn’t this what you wanted? You can have him, baby sister, because the two of you were made for each other!”
I ripped off my veil and threw it on the ground as I turned on my heels and stomped away. Giselle and Gretchen followed behind, and we took the limo back to their hotel room.
We stepped into the hotel room, and I immediately sat on the edge of the bed. I was still in my wedding dress. The only tears that fell were the ones outside the church. I was still in shock until Giselle sat down next to me and told me that it was ok to cry. I broke down as she held me. Gretchen walked over and sat on the other side as all three of us hugged each other.
“It’s going to be ok, Lily,” Gretchen whispered.
“How could he do this to me?” I sobbed.
“He’s an asshole, and it’s better that you found out now,” Giselle said.
“She’s right, honey, it’s better now
than five years from now,” Gretchen spoke.
I sniffled as Giselle handed me some tissues. “What are you going to do now?” Gretchen asked.
“Gretchen!” Giselle scolded.
“It’s ok. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t go back home, and I can’t face my family. I can’t believe my mother knew about Hunter and Brynn. How could she do that to me after what my father did to her?”
“I don’t know, sweetie, it’s pretty fucked up that she knew, and your sister, my god, why would she do that to you?”
“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” I said as I sprang from the bed and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
* * *
I stayed in the hotel room for an entire week. I didn’t get out of bed except to use the bathroom. I kept my phone off and gave strict instructions to Giselle and Gretchen not to let anyone know where I was staying. They went out and bought me a new cell phone so that we could keep in touch, because they needed to get back to California for their jobs. I ordered room service when I felt like it, but I mostly stared at the ceiling, thinking about how much my life sucked. I cried until it felt like my eyes were going to fall out, and I didn’t understand why Hunter would do that to me. Oh wait, yes I do. It’s because he’s a man, and that’s what men do. They’re cheating, lying bastards who can’t commit to one woman. Are all men like that? I’m starting to believe they are. Then, there was my sister.
* * *
It was Wednesday, so I knew my mother would be at her charity meeting and that my sister would be having lunch with her friends. It was something they did every Wednesday. As the cab pulled up to the house, I stared at it for a minute through the window.
“Miss, are you getting out?” the driver asked.
I looked at him, and it took my brain a minute to register what he asked. “Yeah, I’m sorry.” I paid him the cab fare, got out of the cab, and stood in front of the long winding driveway that led to the only house that I’ve known my entire life. I slowly entered the house, making sure no one was home. I couldn’t face my family; not after what they’ve done to me. I went upstairs to my room, quickly grabbed my suitcases from the closet, and began throwing only the necessities inside. I needed to do this quick before someone came home. I grabbed a handful of clothes from my closet, my makeup, bras, underwear, and shoes. I had two suitcases packed and ready to go. I opened the top drawer of my desk, pulled out my bank book, and I stood in the doorway, looking at my room. I headed down the stairs with my suitcases. As I was approaching the front door, it opened, and my mother walked in. She froze when she saw me, and tears started to fill her eyes.
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