by Jillian Neal
“Grant, please,” Kaitlyn screamed.
“You ain’t even worth it, you pathetic piece of shit,” snarled from Grant as he dropped Seth back to the ground. He reared his boot back. Before the heel collided with Seth’s chest, Kaitlyn heard another voice.
“Grant, stop.” It was her father. Gracefully, he managed to lower Grant’s leg. Everything around her was muted. She could couldn’t fully understand her father’s voice. All she knew was Grant was going to end up in jail on an assault charge that could ruin his life. It was inevitable now. And it was all her fault.
“There’s only so much I can get you out of. Go. Take Kaitlyn with you. Don’t make another appearance in Lincoln until you hear from me.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
“What did Daddy say to you? I couldn’t understand him.” They’d been driving for a half hour. Kaitlyn couldn’t stand the silence anymore. It hurt her far more than Seth’s hand had.
“Uh, he said to take you with me and not to come back to Lincoln until I heard from him.”
“He said that? He told you to take me with you?”
That only got her a nod.
“I’m so sorry about your hands. They look awful. Do you want me to drive? You’re bleeding.”
“I’m fine. Had far worse.”
“You have a scratch on your cheek.” Tenderly she touched the cut on his cheekbone, wishing she could heal him the way he always managed to take everything away that hurt her.
“Pansy ass shitstick fights like a bitch. What kind of grown-ass man doesn’t know how to take a punch?”
“The pansy-ass shitstick kind, I guess.”
This time she got a half smile.
“Your daddy also said there was only so much he could get me out of. Any idea what that meant?”
Kaitlyn’s heat refused her another beat. Oh God, oh God, no. She knew what that meant. There was no stopping him now. “He said that? I mean, obviously he said that or you wouldn’t have said that he said it. I’m just …”
“Hey, come on, I’m fine, sugar, okay? Feel a helluva lot better, actually. Been wanting to do that for near about a week now. Deep breaths for me. It’ll work itself out. Things almost always do.”
“What if he presses charges?” Whether he did or he didn’t the outcome would be the same. She’d never get to see Grant again. “I still can’t believe he hit me. He’s never done that before.” She tried desperately to fill the void with her own voice.
“And he’ll never do it again.”
“Thank you. I’m so sorry for all of the trouble I’ve caused you. I have no idea how you don’t hate me.”
“I could never hate you. Kinda goes against loving you.”
“I don’t deserve for you to love me. Love never works out right anyway.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Nothing. My dad’s going to try to get Seth not to press charges. They have to work together a lot. It matters to Seth what my dad thinks. His job depends on it.”
“Didn’t sound to me like he cares what your daddy thinks anymore since he’s trying to get money out of him.”
“Daddy can’t stand for anyone to think there’s anything wrong with our family. He’s using that against him.” He’ll use it against us, too. “And knowing Seth he’ll probably get what he wants. I can’t believe he actually went with a public humiliation charge. That’s ridiculous. No one ever wins those.”
“He knows that.”
“I know he does. I swear I have always hated him. I have no idea how I managed to pretend to be mildly interested in him for two years.”
“You tell yourself you’re not who you are long enough, it takes hold.”
“I’m so sorry about everything.”
“Stop. We’ll figure this shit out. Let’s just get back to the ranch and settle in. Austin and Summer are riding in that local rodeo tonight for charity. I promised I’d come help with the boys. After that, I want to get lost for a good long while.”
“That sounds perfect.” If only it were that easy.
“Wish you’d tell me what happened last night.”
The man had just beaten her ex’s face in and stood to go to prison for her. If he’d asked her to set herself on fire, she probably would’ve done it. “Apparently my mom had an affair after Keith left for Afghanistan.”
“Come again?”
“Yeah, and she filed for divorce the day before he died. She thinks it’s all her fault. Every time I think things can’t possibly get worse, they do. Dad came in while she was telling me and Sophie. He almost apologized. And then they started arguing about Keith and I just couldn’t stay there anymore.”
“That’s what he was talking about.”
“Who?”
“The motherfucker I just beat into the ground. He figured out about the affair.”
“He must’ve somehow seen the papers Mom filed at the courthouse or something, and that’s also how he knows my dad will pay him off.”
Vomit and bile continued to swirl in Kaitlyn’s stomach. She watched Grant try to process everything going on and waited for him to finally decide she just wasn’t worth the trouble. That seemed inevitable, too.
“So, that’s blackmail, right? Or extortion or some other legal word I don’t know.”
“They fall under the same law here in Nebraska, so you do know what you’re talking about. Usually with extortion something is being stolen or someone is being coerced and willingly pays money to keep something bad from happening. Blackmail is what he’s doing. Threatening to reveal information if he isn’t paid.”
“You think your daddy will arrest him for that?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because not arresting him for that is the only way he could possibly get Seth not to charge you with assault, and the sentence for assault could send you to prison for years.”
“Oh.”
“And I don’t know if my father even heard anything before the fight. I bet he just heard Seth screaming and came outside. He doesn’t know what Seth knows.”
“Yeah, didn’t think about that.”
“I swear, I will do anything I can even if I have to go back to him to keep you from getting into any trouble over this.”
“Don’t ever say shit like that again. You understand me? You ain’t going back to him. I don’t give a damn what happens to me.”
“Well, I do care.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I wish I knew why he keeps saying I ruined everything. Surely, he isn’t talking about our marriage. He ruined that. Actually, it was doomed from the moment Dad brought him home to meet me. I just don’t understand what he’s talking about. His daddy owns half of Lancaster county. It’s not like he needs the money. And he would never want the D.A. to see that he’d even filed a lawsuit he was guaranteed to lose even if it’s not going to claims court. He’s just being an asshole as usual.”
“Can we talk about anything else, sugar? Please.”
“Sorry. You talk. I’m not doing a very good job.” Defeat tightened the vise seizing her heart.
“That ain’t at all what I said. I just want to get back home. City makes me crazy. Bunch of bullshit I don’t understand everywhere I look. Never going back suits me just fine.”
Kaitlyn wished it were that easy. If she could simply erase her existence in Lincoln altogether, maybe she could figure out how to believe that they weren’t doomed.
Chapter Thirty-Six
“And my daddy’s gonna ride that big huge bull, ain’t he Uncle Grant, ‘cause he ain’t scared of anything. Ain’t that right?” J.J. demanded that night as they circled the dusty lot that had been set up for the purposes of the Western Nebraska Stampede Rodeo for Kids in Need.
“Yep. He’ll be up in a few minutes, little man. You want another snow cone?”
“Grant, he’s already had three, and two bags of popcorn, and a corn dog. If you let him have one more of those it’s not all going to stay down. His tong
ue is already purple and blue from the last two.” Kaitlyn beamed at him while she balanced Hank on her hip. He was half asleep on her shoulder and seemed quite content.
“I figure it’s my job to spoil ‘em up right. If he pukes, Austin can clean it up,” he tried to tease her, but with every passing hour she pulled further and further away. He watched the proverbial blade slip slowly into his chest. Inch by inch, she convinced herself she wasn’t worth it and that love wasn’t even real.
He couldn’t get through to her. A million unspoken fears haunted her eyes. Checking his watch for the tenth time that hour alone, he willed Austin to get on with his ride. Grant wasn’t going down without a fight. He’d throw all he had in to save this. He’d figure out how to make it work, come hell or high water. He wouldn’t watch her walk away because city folk were nothing but a bunch of chickenshit who were incapable of keeping their word when they said I do.
“I can’t believe Austin is going to ride one of those.” She gestured her head to a bull being loaded into a chute. She was trying. God, she was trying so damn hard to pretend the weight of her life wasn’t crushing her. It killed him. “I’m sorry. I know he’s your brother, but that’s insane.” She mouthed while J.J. was playing in a pile of sand nearby.
“He was the champ a few years back, darlin’. He knows what he’s doing.”
“Coach Camden, Coach Camden,” rang from behind them.
Halting, Grant forced a grin as Colton Pearce skidded to a halt before he crashed right into Kaitlyn. The dust he kicked up flew in her face. Grant tried to shield her but hadn’t done any better with that than he had managing to keep anything else from hurting her. Her cheek was still red from where that limp-peckered motherfucker hit her.
“Whoa there, hoss.” Grant knelt down to Colton’s height. “You okay?”
“Yes, sir, I’m good. Sorry ‘bout that, ma’am.”
“It’s okay,” Kaitlyn gave him one of her sweet grins.
“I wanted to tell you I’ve been practicing every day after my chores. I’m gonna do what you said and go out for quarterback this season.”
“Sounds good to me. You almost had it last year. If you wanna come by the ranch some time, get your daddy to drop you off and I’ll help you with your long pass.”
“Thanks, Coach. I’ll do that.” Colton’s eyes roved over the scabs on Grant’s hands. “Hey, what happened to you? You get in a fight, Coach?”
“Nah,” Grant lied through his teeth. Kaitlyn cringed and brushed another kiss on Hank’s sweaty head. “You know nothing good ever comes from fightin’. I just forgot to wear my gloves when I was working today.”
Colton was eleven. He’d grown up helping his parents and his big brothers run their ranch. He knew Grant was lying through his teeth. “Come on, Coach. You even got a mark on your face. Who’d you beat up? Bet they were eating dirt fast weren’t they? Pow. Nobody can take on Coach Camden.”
Kaitlyn winced at Colton’s admiration.
Some part of the universe must’ve still been on Grant’s side. The announcer saved his ass. “Up next, legendary barrel racer, Summer Camden will be turning and burning for us on Whirlwind, ladies and gentlemen. You might remember her when she was barrel racing title bearer Summer Sanchez. Straight up out of Camden Ranch from right here in Pleasant Glen, let’s hear it for Summer and Whirlwind.”
“That’s my mama. That’s my mama! I want to see,” J.J. raced to the chutes.
Grant hoisted him up on his shoulders and pretended to be too distracted to answer any more of Colton’s questions.
“I’ll see ya later, Coach,” Colton called as he faded back into the crowds.
A quick gasp of breath left Kaitlyn’s mouth when Summer’s horse burst onto the dirt like he was flying. Summer rode low, leaning over his neck. Fierce determination broadcast from both the horse and her rider.
Kaitlyn had never seen anything like it. Summer rounded the first barrel like a shot. Her power and agility were awe inspiring. The ground shook to the rhythm of the horse’s hooves. Kaitlyn wished she could hear him gallop. She couldn’t make anything out over the roar of the crowd.
Summer reminded Kaitlyn of all she would never be. Strong. Powerful. Someone who could fight for what they knew they wanted. A cowgirl. Someone who could actually help her husband do things on the ranch where she belonged.
The city didn’t make any sense to Grant because he didn’t belong there. He was a cattle rancher through and through. Kaitlyn had no idea where she belonged. Sophie was right. Every foundation they’d been raised on had crumbled. Every truth stacked up to one big lie. The only place she felt at home was in Grant’s arms, and she was going to have to give that up as well.
Sheer determination to make certain Seth didn’t hurt Grant in any way was all that kept her firmly planted on the dusty ground. That and being beside Grant, feeling his gentle caresses, and the kisses he continually whispered in her hair, absorbing him. Eventually this was all going to fall apart just like everything else in her life. He would get sick and tired of the turmoil she constantly brought to his life. Seth would see to it that Grant paid for what he’d done. Her father would get his way. He always did. Nothing lasted forever.
Her father had been right, too. She was naïve to have ever believed anything would. But she would do everything in her power to make certain Grant didn’t lose his ranch or his freedom because of her.
“Can you hear me, peaches?” His voice in her ear jerked her back to the present and out of the bleak future she’d knew was coming.
“Always.” Keeping little Hank cradled against her, she laid her head on Grant’s chest.
Summer was no longer rounding the barrels. Her ride was over. The raucous applause was fading.
“There’s Mama.” J.J. tugged on Grant’s hand. Summer’s broad grin as she made her approach stung Kaitlyn’s soul. Quelling the jealousy proved futile. Summer had everything Kailtyn had ever wanted, a loving husband, and a beautiful family, and a home to raise them in.
She’d been terrified to admit that was exactly what she wanted until she’d been on the precipice of having it all, only to have it jerked away.
“Mama,” Hank roused suddenly and leaned towards Summer.
“Here, I’ll take him. I know he gets heavy. Why don’t you both go get good and lost for a while. Long truck ride on a dirt road solves most any problem.”
“You sound like Austin,” Grant sighed.
“Just never tell him I was quoting him. I’ll deny it six ways from Sunday.”
“We can hang around and keep up with them,” Grant offered. “That way you can hand Austin his ropes.”
“Nah, I’ve handed him his ropes more times than I can count. You two look like you could use a night off. Go on. I’ve got them.”
“You looked amazing out there,” Kaitlyn vowed. She may have been envious of Summer, but she’d never begrudge her anything. “I’ve never been to a rodeo before but I know that was one heck of a ride.”
“Thanks. I need to leave it to the youngins coming up now. I’m getting too old to do this. I probably won’t be able to walk tomorrow. But every time she rounds that money barrel I get to remember who I used to be, and all the shit I went through to get where I’m standing, and why I’m so damn glad Austin refused to give up on me even when I didn’t think I was worth saving. It’s worth remembering.” The kiss she planted on Hank’s plump cheeks drove home her point.
“You sure you don’t mind if we go?” Grant asked again.
“Don’t you want to see your brother ride?” Kaitlyn didn’t want him to miss anything. If Seth got his way, he may not be able to see Austin bull ride for a very long time.
“I used to help him train. I’ve seen him ride hundreds of times. I’d rather go get lost somewhere with you.”
“What was Summer talking about?” Kaitlyn asked him as he helped her up into his truck.
“The money barrel? That’s the first barrel in the pattern. How well she makes that first turn set
s up her whole run.” That wasn’t what she wanted to know, and he had no idea why he didn’t want to tell her Austin and Summer’s story.
A shot of jealousy he’d been trying to kill most of the day over what his brothers had made him loathe himself all the more. Dammit, he should have done everything differently. He had no business belting her up and spanking her. She was too innocent. He’d fucked everything up. He should never have taken her home in the first place. And he sure as hell shouldn’t have ever let her within striking distance of Seth. Raw regret churned through his veins.
“I meant about the hell she’d said she’d gone through to get where she is.”
“Yeah, I figured that’s what you meant.”
“Do you not want to tell me?”
“It ain’t that. I’d just rather you tell me why you look ready to run every single time you think I ain’t looking atcha. I’m sorry I scared you. God, tell me you know I’d never lay a hand on you ever. All that stuff we did, I was stupid enough to think that’s what you wanted.”
“What on earth are you talking about? What stuff?”
“On my couch night before last.”
“Grant, that was what I wanted. It’s exactly what I want. You smacking my ass drives me wild. I almost came as soon as you had my hands behind my back. I am not weak. My deafness does not mean I don’t want to experience sexual things that some people might not like, but I do.”
“I never said it had anything to do with your hearing. I just kinda lost it this morning with Seth. Then Colton talking about me fightin’. I just … I lost my temper and I scared you. I am so sorry. When he hit you, I lost my fucking mind.”
“I am not scared of you Grant Camden. I am in love with you and that scares me to death.”
“Why?”
“Because Seth won’t back down. Because my father would rather have me home and away from you. Because I don’t have any idea how to be a cowgirl. Because all I want is to be married to you, and to have babies with you, and raise them, and cook suppers for you, and have Christmases, and birthdays, and a life with you. I want to have really dirty sex with you every night. And I can’t ever have any of that. And I’m not sure I can survive the pain of never being in your arms again or never getting to hear you call me peaches or tell me you love me. I’m not sure I’d even want to survive it.”