"Melanie... I know that this couldn't come at a worse time... But I have to go." Clay said, after regaining his composure from having had been startled.
"What? Go where?" Melanie asked incredulously, pushing her upper body from the bed and propping herself up on her elbows.
"We're just getting settled in here. All of these people need you, and you're planning on leaving?" Melanie prodded, anger becoming slightly evident in her hushed voice.
"Melanie, I'm sorry. But there is someone back home, who I need to... I need to find out whether or not they are still alive." Clay said apologetically.
Melanie's argument paused momentarily and silence filled their immediate area once again.
"Is it a woman?" she asked, her tone changing from anger to what Clay perceived as either sympathy or disappointment.
"Yes." he answered.
Melanie fell silent. She pulled her knees into her chest and stared at the bed mattress which she had been seated on, obviously deep in thought about the implications of being without Clay.
"Well, I'm coming with you..." Melanie offered finally.
"No." he immediately responded.
"You can't go alone, Clay. That's been one of your rules since we hooked up together. No one does anything alone." Melanie said, trying to use Clay's own words to convince him of her position.
"I said no, Melanie. You can't come. I need people here who are capable of running this little show of ours. The people who are most capable of doing that are yourself and Kevin." Clay gently explained.
"Fuck you!" Mel said angrily.
"What these people need is you. You know that as well as I do. Before you, they were stuck inside that apartment without a clue about how the hell they were going to get out." Melanie continued, but was quickly interrupted by Clay.
"I'll be back, Mel. I won't be gone for long. Where I'm going is a suburb on the edge of town, so it shouldn't be too dangerous." he explained.
"No! No, you won't be coming back if you go alone. If you really give a shit about these people, you'll do everything you can, not to abandon them. That includes running off on a foolish errand all by yourself." Melanie persisted with her argument.
"You're exactly right about this being a foolish errand Melanie, but it's something I have to do. I won't be responsible for your death because I brought you along with me." Clay replied.
"No, instead you'll be responsible for my eventual death because you left us without a real leader. And I will die Clay. We all will. It might not be today, or tomorrow, or next week, but eventually we will die and it will be a direct result of not having you with us. Look around, Clay. I told you yesterday, that all of these people were brought here safely because of you! Not me, not Kevin, but you!" Melanie said, now seated on her knees facing Clay, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed with his back towards her.
Clay wasn't sure what to say. Melanie, while having raised some valid points, hadn't completely convinced him of the necessity of his presence within the group. He wasn't being coy, or on a fishing trip for compliments. Clay whole heartedly felt that he was an outrageously poor choice for a leader. Instead of responding, Clay instead sat quietly; choosing to mull over Melanie's argument in his head. As unlikely as it was that Melanie had become who she had become, Clay would also have to become something he had never been. They had only been together for a few days, but during that time Clay had taught her a great deal. She had assumed the role which he had deemed that she had the potential to fill; even embracing it regardless of how much she felt that role was outside of her character. Clay too would have to embrace a role that he was uncomfortable with.
"A few days ago you told me that we would both have to learn some new skills... I know you don't believe yourself to be leadership material Clay, but that's exactly what makes you a leader. You've been doing it all along and look at how much you've accomplished." Melanie said, interrupting Clay's thoughts.
Clay wasn't entirely sure that he agreed with Melanie's perspective on the past few days, but what he was certain of was that she, as well as the others who had joined them, were clearly looking to him for leadership. Whether or not that was a wise decision in Clay's opinion was irrelevant. People naturally gravitate towards those who demonstrate the qualities of a good leader. While unwilling to accept Mel's opinion of himself in its entirety, he was willing to accept that the likelihood of him successfully infiltrating the city and making it back to the store with or without Brooke in tow on his own was unlikely.
"Alright, Mel." he said, finally submitting to her argument.
"Once everyone is awake, we'll gather them up and explain to them the situation. But if you're coming, we're not going to be looking for supplies, or screwing around in any way. We're going to make our way to my home and then we're leaving." he finished.
"Okay... Good..." Melanie replied.
The argument that Clay and Melanie were having had begun to wake those who had been asleep around them. They both immediately ceased their discussion, looking around sheepishly. Regrettably, everyone would soon be required to rise anyway. There was work to be done and the participation of all who were present would be needed.
"We'll address everyone about this later on, okay?” Clay said, being intent on finishing the discussion before drawing the attention of those who were beginning to wake.
"Fine." Melanie replied curtly.
Clay shook his head in response to Melanie's continued combativeness. He knew that should he formally assume the role of leader, there would come a time when not everyone would be pleased with a decision that he would make. Although the debate had been an annoyance to Clay, he felt that it was important to remain receptive to the opinions and ideas of others. Melanie was in fact correct in her argument, in that every future decision he made would affect every individual in one way or another.
Clay's line of thought was suddenly interrupted by Lindsay who had been sleeping in the bed located next to his own, along with her daughter. The two had both sat up from their slumber and Lindsay had begun to run her fingers through the young girl’s hair in an attempt to unknot it.
"So, what's the plan for today?" she asked, while sleepily looking towards Clay.
Tim walked between the two from outside of Clay's peripheral vision. With his arm's outstretched into the air, he attempted to wake himself while on route to Lindsay. After sitting down on the bed beside her daughter, Tim nudged her gently with his elbow, inducing a tired smile from the little girl.
"How ya doin’, kiddo?" he asked quietly, obviously not intending to interrupt the discussion that Clay and Lindsay were about the embark on.
Clay had wondered to himself as they had travelled along the tracks, about the group dynamic of those who had been trapped together in the apartment. He had assumed that there would be some who got along and others who didn't. Clay had even expected that there may be some animosity between those who might have been capable of escaping the building had they of attempted to outrun the infected, and those who had refused to leave behind the several elderly members of the group. It appeared to Clay, that there was no paternal relation between Tim, and Lindsay's daughter, but had seemingly developed some form of bond. Lindsay had not reacted negatively to the addition of Tim's presence. In fact, she hadn't reacted to it at all, leading Clay to believe that Tim's behaviour was of the norm. Maybe the group had developed stronger ties than Clay had anticipated, forming impromptu family groups who cared for each other as if they were directly related. People had a tendency to react to high levels of stress in ways that are entirely unpredictable, leaving Clay without a clue regarding the group dynamic between the liberated peoples.
"We need to begin fortifying the building." Clay said, finally responding to Lindsay.
"Luckily, this store has a pretty diverse inventory and we should be able to find most of what we need without having to leave here." Clay continued.
"Most of what we need? What are we missing?" Tim asked.
Clay shifted his gaze towards Tim, who now had Lindsay's daughter resting her head against his shoulder. Other members of the group had now begun meandering towards the ongoing discussion, including Kevin.
"Lumber is the biggest concern of mine right now. We're going to have to start posting sentries on the roof top. But without anything to hide their silhouettes against the skyline, we'll likely attract all of the undead that we are attempting to look out for." Clay answered.
"There's a lumber yard on the edge of town. It's not a small lumber yard either. It will likely have everything we need." Kevin stated.
"Um... Not to sound unappreciative of being rescued, and having had been brought here. But... There sure are a lot of us living in a small place. Any plans on making our living quarters more comfortable?" said a woman who now sat on the bed beside Lindsay. Clay recognized her as being Kevin's wife.
"You're right. I'm sure we could all use a little privacy. Was anyone here a contractor in their previous life?" Clay said with a smirk.
Clay's comment had induced a quiet chuckle from those around him.
"Excuse me, young man." sounded a tired old voice from the back of the group.
Everyone quieted, allowing for the withered words to be heard by Clay, who craned his neck in an attempt to see who had addressed him. The group began to part, all of them knowing who had spoken and allowing for Clay to lay eyes on the man.
"When I was younger, I had been a cabinet maker." said the old man, who was sitting on the edge of the bed located to the far side of Lindsay's own.
"You'll have to forgive me, but I'm not entirely sure what that entails." Clay replied, unsure of how this man could assist him in their plan.
"Well, I imagine that you'd like to know roughly how much material you'll need before you head to the lumber yard. I've got more than a little bit of knowledge regarding that subject." he replied.
"What about the design? Any chance that you might have any input on that as well?" Clay asked, probing further after having begun to take the man more seriously.
The old man stood to his feet with the assistance of an elderly woman, who appeared to be his wife.
"I think I can come up with something suitable for both the roof and our sleeping arrangements." he replied.
"What's your name, sir?" Clay asked.
"My name is William." the elderly man stated.
"Okay, William. When we're finished up here, take as many people as you need to assist you. Try to come up with something quickly though. I'd like to head to the lumber yard, sooner than later." Clay said.
"Kevin, any chance that you could figure out how we can move a large inventory of lumber across town, in a single trip?" Clay asked sarcastically.
“Oh common Clay, that's too easy!" Kevin said coyly.
"We have a company truck parked in the warehouse. We even have ourselves a driver." he continued, while looking down at Tim.
"You're kidding, right?" Clay asked Kevin, incredulously.
"Been driving truck for nineteen years now..." answered Tim.
Melanie began laughing from her position on the bed behind Clay.
"You should have checked the list you had me make last night, before you started your little speech." she said smartly.
"I think you're right..." Clay replied, shaking his head.
The group who had now fully encircled Clay, had all begun to chuckle along with Melanie and Clay.
"What about the rest of us?" Lindsay asked amidst the group's laughter.
Clay paused for a moment before responding to Lindsay. He honestly wasn't sure what they should all busy themselves with. Then again, he wondered. Maybe busying themselves is exactly what they should do. Melanie was correct in her assertion, that Clay should have taken the time to look over the inventory that he had requested her to complete, prior to assigning jobs for today. However, even without seeing the list, Clay had known that not everyone would have skills that would set them apart from the rest. Even so, everyone could contribute in their own way, making every individual in the group equally important. Busying themselves was exactly what they should do.
"Look everyone... I'm not sure if there is a delicate way to say this or not..." Clay began, while sounding apologetic.
"There is no telling how long we are going to be here. Hell, there is even the possibility that we will never depart. That leaves us with two options, as far as I see it. We can make do as things are now and await either military assistance or eviction by the infected... Or we can accept that our situation, as distasteful as it may be, could become improved if only slightly by our acceptance of the simple fact that we might be stuck here for a while..." he continued.
Clay paused briefly, taking a moment to observe the group's initial reactions to his statement. He made a point of making eye contact with as many individuals as he could during the short pause in his monologue.
"... Not all of us are going to have the skills or experience that make us noticeably stand apart from the rest of the group. I want each and every one of you to know, that even the most seemingly meagre contributions are equally as important as some of the most unique skills. If we are to stand any chance at surviving the days ahead of us, it's going to be by working together as a community. It is paramount that each and every one of us feels as though they belong to this community." Clay said.
He could see that his words had begun to hit home with the group. Clay was certain that they had all been sharing similar concerns regarding the future of everyone present, and what their role in the overall organization of the group would be. Clay intended on making the hierarchy of the community plainly evident to everyone who was now listening.
"Now, I'm sure that some of you are beginning to wonder about the relevance of your skills and how they may effect your position within the community. The answer to any questions that you may have regarding this subject is a simple one. There isn't going to be any hierarchy. No one person is going to be more important than another, nor is any opinion going to carry more weight than another." Clay went on.
The gigantic building had remained completely silent, save for the voice of Clay. Even Melanie, who had proven just prior to Clay beginning his speech that she wasn't shy about speaking her mind, listened quietly. Clay hunched forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he continued to speak.
"Based on the information provided to us by the military, it appears that this crisis isn't simply a local affair. Many of those who survived the outbreak, haven't been lucky enough to survive its aftermath. Now, I'm not attempting to iterate some kind of 'we can build a whole new world' speech. We are in no position to allow ourselves the belief that we are building anything. It stands to reason that for humanity to survive, a population is required and we are a part of that population. Our focus is to be solely on our survival. We can survive by running and hiding, abandoning the weak and forgetting what it actually means to be a human in general. Or we can create a new home here and at least make an attempt to carry on our lives, despite the situation at hand. When I look around at all of you, I don't see a bunch of individuals in front of me, but a large family..." he said.
Clay was quickly beginning to exhaust all of the material he had on this subject, although he hadn't felt as though his words had carried the weight which he had initially intended. Moments such as this were the source of the aversion that he felt towards leadership. Simply put, Clay felt inadequate as a leader. Without anything more to say, Clay's pause began to become awkwardly elongated.
Lindsay was quick to break the silence in the absence of Clay's voice.
Better Lucky than Good (Records of the Resistance) Page 12