by W. A Castle
What the hell? I frowned as I ran to the door and looked through the peep hole. It was Trevor.
I opened the door and was surprised to see a little boy hugging himself into a second skin against Trevor. I looked up at Trevor and I took in his anxious expression and noticed that they were each carrying overstuffed backpacks, which I decided to ignore as I let them, into the house. The little boy carried an adult sized backpack on his back and a small kid-sized iron man backpack gripped in his little hands. The sight of him struck me as peculiar for some reason.
“What’s going on?” I asked Trevor.
“Suwaru.” Trevor tapped the little boy’s shoulder and pointed at the couch.
The little boy paused in front of me and gave me a watery smile, “Hello, I’m Eli. Are you Trevor’s friend?” He asked, extending a hand towards me.
I got down on one knee and took his hand, “Hi Eli, nice to meet you. Yes, I’m your brother’s friend, Maddie.” I gave him a sweet smile, “Would you mind watching baby Diego for a bit while your brother and I talk?”
Eli eagerly nodded his head and wiped at his eyes as he waddled (it was obvious the brothers weren’t traveling light) towards the edge of the couch and sat crossed legged next to Diego, enthralled by the baby’s movements and gurgling sounds.
I turned back to Trevor with a raised eyebrow.
“Where’s Sue-Anne? She needs to hear this too.” Trevor leaned in and whispered harshly. I looked at him for a second trying to get a reading on his face but in the end I just nodded.
A few seconds later I came back into the living room with momma trailing right behind me. When momma saw Eli playing with Diego she smiled widely, “You’ve decided to come and stay with us?” Momma turned to Trevor but her smile faded when she saw his expression. “What’s wrong?”
Trevor looked at momma and I and he glowered, “There’s a horde of flesh eaters coming this way.” He blurted out, his words making no sense to me for a second.
“W-what?” was all my dumbfounded brain allowed me to stutter out.
“I spotted them, maybe,” Trevor looked down at his watch, “fifteen minutes ago. I looked out the window and… maybe you need to see it for yourselves.” Trevor roughly rubbed his face with his hands and exhaled loudly. “It’s… it’s pretty bad.” He dropped his bags and walked towards the door, momma and I followed in suit.
“I just… packed our things and came here to warn you guys. We’re going to have to warn everyone.” Trevor looked at momma and his expression conveyed the uneasiness we were all feeling. As I turned towards the intersection my jaw fell open so far it hurt. I opened my eyes wider to make sure I was truly seeing what I thought I was seeing. Off in the distance I could see a black, writhing wall slowly coming closer and closer.
Fucknuts, and here I thought we could make our neighborhood a safe haven. That horde could easily destroy our houses just by walking through our neighborhood; no one could hide from this. Hiding in our houses would mean a certain death, our glass windows are nothing against these things, and if they caught a whiff of chow, then it really was game over. I shook my head and moved my trembling hand over my mouth. Subconsciously I took a step back, and then two more, trying to put as much distance between me and the flesh eaters, even though they were pretty far away still. I bumped right into something hard and in a momentary panic I flung my arms around.
“It’s okay. It’s just me.” I felt Trevor’s words against my ear.
“I’m sorry.” I said weakly. I was pretty sure I’d stomped on all his toes in my panic.
I didn’t move when he wrapped an arm around me. The small friendly gesture was enough to break through my defenses and tears finally started streaming down my face, I leaned into him. Momma turned to face us, her face characteristically stoic, “We need to gather everyone and get out of here.” Momma said with determination.
I looked out to the horizon again. The flesh eaters were still far away enough that we had at most a few hours to gather our things and bounce, but not far away enough to stop the sight of them from prickling my skin and sending a bucket of ice cold terror down my back. Feeling my shudder, Trevor wrapped his other arm around my shoulders. An irrational wave of relief washed over me at feeling his embrace. I pushed away the warm feelings and after indulging in another second of physical contact I gradually eased away from his arms.
Without replying to momma’s words, I left Trevor and momma out in the street and made my way back inside the house.
I couldn’t leave. No.
“Hey Eli, I need to change Diego’s diaper, If my mom or Trevor ask for me tell them I’ll be right out. Help yourself to some cookies.” I said softly pushing a packet of Chips a hoy towards him, and before picking Diego up I ruffled Elis’s bowl cut hair. I laughed inwardly, who gives their kid a bowl cut haircut anymore?
Once in my room I closed the door with a soft click. I closed my eyes and tried to count my breaths. My hands were trembling so bad I had to set Diego down on my bed. Once I made sure he was comfortable I slid down to my knees and rested the top half of my body on my bed, my cheek resting on the soft duvet. I looked around my room. I couldn’t imagine leaving my home and never seeing my things again. I knew that if (when) we left, we weren’t going to come back.
I tried to muffle my sobs by crying into the bed. My home equaled safety, the outside world was uncertain and dangerous (Even before the whole damn apocalypse, but now? I can’t even allow myself to think how the outside world is now). I can’t walk 100 yards away from my home without suffering a debilitating panic attacks for crying out loud!
I felt my entire body begin to tremble and my chest felt like it was being squeezed by a boulder. I slid all the way down to the floor and curled into a ball. I won’t be able to survive this world.
I barely felt the pair of arms go around me and lift me into a half sitting position. I could vaguely make out words that were being whispered into my ear, and I couldn’t feel the hands that petted my hair in what was meant to be a soothing motion. Arms squeezed me tight and after a few minutes I could hear and see again. I realized I was gasping for air, clutching my chest. My fingers and limbs felt stiff when I tried to sit up by myself.
“It’s okay Maddison. You’re okay.” Momma whispered to me over and over. Her attentiveness and concern only made me cry harder. I was so useless. I took a deep, cleansing breath and got the chocking sounds emitting from my throat under control. Slowly my body recovered from the meltdown.
“I’m alright now, momma.” I whispered. I looked to the bed and I furrowed my brows, “Where is Diego?”
“Trevor is feeding him out in the living room,” Momma paused, a look of awkwardness quickly flashing through her face before disappearing, “Diego was crying, and when I came in to check the ruckus, you were on the floor, baby. Trevor took Diego while you recovered.” Momma briefly looked away from me.
My heart clutched and my stomach dropped. It’s not as if my agoraphobia was a state secret but I always cringed when someone saw one of my episodes. They always end up looking at me with pity and worry. And I hate (!) that. ‘Bless her heart” Momma’s friends used to say when I was a little girl. Anyone who is from the south knows that saying has a hundred and one uses. In other words what momma’s friends were really saying was ‘poor messed up kid, she’ll never have a normal life so let’s all just treat her like an invalid and give her our best ‘I pity you’ looks.’. (Sigh). Now Trevor was going to look at me like that too. I don’t know why but him thinking of me as weak just rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway, it’s done, he would have found out sooner or later, it’s not like it’s something I can very much hide. But still, yikes!!!!
I indulged momma with a tight lipped smile and got up to my feet.
“We should, uh, probably start packing huh? Flesh eater hordes wait for no one!” I said cheerfully.
“Don’t do that.” Momma crossed her arms over her chest and frowned.
I turned to look at her but decid
ed to keep my mouth shut. I wasn’t the only one going through this hell. And picking a fight with my mother in this stage of the game won’t result in any good. I quietly and quickly grabbed my camo survival backpack (you know, those big bulky ones that have the sleeping bag attached on the bottom). I packed changes of clothes (my most favorite clothes I owned plus some weather conscious pieces of wardrobe), some photographs and other mementos from my life. I made sure to leave space for food and bottles of water. I didn’t know what I should take and what I should leave, what was important or not. All the material things that made my life mine could never fit into a camo print backpack. The whole time I was packing I wanted to cry but I sucked it up. I looked around my room and spent a few moments to walk around my house to have a last good look at my home. My safe haven. The place I spent almost 24/7 of my life in for almost a decade. I wiped the tears away and made my way to the living room.
I was kind of sulky when I walked into the living room and plopped down on my ugly green couch with the big floral prints. (The first time I saw this travesty I thought it was the ugliest couch I’d ever seen and immediately had to have it). As soon as my butt touched the cushion, Eli jumped up from his spot on the floor and sat right next to me, almost sitting on my lap.
“Personal space, Eli.” Trevor chastised with a smirk, holding a bottle for Diego to drink.
“It’s okay, it just so happens I like snuggles.” I looked down at Eli and wrapped an arm around him. The kid shot me a shy look and tentatively leaned against me, I pulled him in closer and snuggled him. I have never been the maternal type; or the touchy feely kind of person; in fact I always tried to steer away from children, but now the world was different and I could feel a pull I had never felt before in trying to protect the two kids I know had (because I knew that Trevor and Eli were going to now be a part of our little post-apocalyptic family). I looked at Trevor. Diego was nestled in his arm as he drank from his bottle.
“So, uh, you saw my meltdown earlier huh?” I whispered, feeling my ears get red hot with embarrassment.
“Yeah,” Trevor turned to look at me, “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” He said the last part quietly and ran the back of his finger across my burning cheek. The corners of my mouth tipped up and I nodded.
I was about to say something when momma rushed into the house panting and sweating.
“The few people who did open the door to me are packing their things as we speak and are joining us in the street in half an hour. There are some that just refused to listen to me and said they would take their chances.” Momma said between breaths.
“What? Why would anyone stay and face the horde?” Trevor stood up and paced around the living room, gently rocking Diego.
“We have to convince them to pack their things and leave with us.” I said trying to get up but Eli held on to me tighter. I leaned back on the couch and stroked his shoulder. I can’t imagine what is going through Eli’s mind and how he’s coping. Momma just looked at Trevor and me and shook her head.
“I’ll try to talk some sense into them.” Trevor handed Diego to momma and took a step towards the door. At seeing that, Eli tore himself away from me and ran to Trevor.
“Doko ni iku no?” Eli’s voice trembled when he spoke. Trevor picked Eli up in his arms, “Want to come help me talk some sense into some people?” Trevor asked in a playful voice. Eli grinned and wiped under his eyes, “Okay.”
With that, the two of them walked out of the house. When the door closed I got up and walked to the kitchen and left momma in the living room with Diego. It was childish, but I didn’t want to talk to her right now.
My heart fluttered and dropped to my stomach every time I remembered we were soon going to have to walk out here and find somewhere else to go. I got my phone out and my finger hovered over Jax’s name. An irrational part of me hoped Jax would walk up to my door any second now and tell me he was here to take me and momma to his bunker now. He hadn’t wanted us to go into the streets by ourselves but now we were being forced out by a horde of flesh eaters. We had no choice but to set up a rendezvous somewhere else.
I called Jax and as soon as he picked up I quickly explained what was happening.
“Shit!” he muttered into the phone, “Maddie, Christ, okay, give me a minute.” In the background I could hear the ruffling of papers and the static as he moved the phone around. He was most likely pulling out his map, taking his cue I pulled out the map book from the kitchen drawer. Just then Momma and Trevor walked into the kitchen, I held up a finger to my lips as they sat down on the table. I put the phone on speaker and set it on the table so everyone could hear.
“Okay, right now I’m in Holden, Utah. If you can get a car do you think you could make to Goodsprings, Nevada?” Jax paused for a brief second then continued, “No. No, that’s too dangerous, it’s too far for you and your mom to travel that distance.” I could hear him throw or kick something in the background.
“We aren’t alone Jax, dear, we will be travelling with a few of our neighbors. And there’s a young man here with his little brother who will stick by us no matter what, right Trevor?” Momma said, looking at Trevor expectantly.
“Uh, yes ma’am that’s correct.” Trevor replied. I could see splotches of color appear on his cheekbones.
Jax was quiet for a minute and I could almost hear his thoughts. Too many people; not enough room in his bunker for a bunch of strangers. (Well, maybe those were just my thoughts). I wanted to speak up and tell him that we hadn’t told anyone about his bunker, but I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut.
“Okay, yes. If you have people with you, it means safety. So I will try to find you in Goodsprings. Maddie, keep me posted along the way… please.” Jax’s deep voice filtered through the speaker.
I picked up the phone and took him off speaker, walked towards the sink facing the window and leaned against the tile. I lifted the phone up to my ear and quietly asked, “How are you Jax?” My voice cracked at his name.
“I-I am fine. How are you holding up Maddie?” he asked softly.
I inhaled deeply trying not to be a crybaby, “I am dealing with things. But I am so worried about you. You’re out there on the road alone, I keep thinking that you shouldn’t risk yourself for us, we will go to you.”
“No Maddie, you are all I have left,” Jax paused and I inhaled in surprise at hearing his words, “I won’t risk you beyond what is absolutely necessary. It’s good that you’re going to be traveling with people, stick with them Maddison. I will find you.” The sound of his breath through the phone made my skin prickle and warmth to spread over me.
“Be safe Jax. I love you.” I heard myself saying those words I had never uttered before. I don’t know to what capacity I loved Jax, but I know I did love him.
“I love you too, little girl.” I heard him whisper before the line went dead.
I turned to the table and momma and Trevor were talking animatedly over the map, drawing line through it trying to figure out the best way to leave the city.
This was really happening; we were preparing to leave all of this, behind. My stomach flipped at the thought.
“I think it’s time for us to leave.” Trevor said standing up and looking at me briefly before to turning to momma, “The more distance we put between the horde and us the better. I’m going to go see if everyone is ready.” Trevor left soon after.
Momma and I grabbed last minute things from the pantry and headed to the living room.
My heart was pounding painfully in my chest as momma, Eli, Diego and I walked out of my house. Outside, Trevor was talking to the group that were coming with us and showing them the map. I counted seven other people that were leaving, seeing all these people kept my panic attack at bay (barely). As we walked towards them my chest tightened and my lungs constricted. My arms around Diego went numb and for a brief second I panicked that I might drop him.
“Were you able to convince the others to come?” Momma asked Trevor, looking ar
ound the cul-de-sac, oblivious to my inner panic.
“One other man, but he said he would catch up with us. The rest… the rest said they were staying.” Trevor readjusted his backpack as he spoke, obviously frustrated that there were people being left behind.
“That’s insane! Why would anyone be stupid enough to think they could out wait a horde of walking dead?” A brunette woman with glasses exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow; obviously neither momma nor Trevor had told them that the flesh eaters weren’t walking dead corpses.
“Clara.” Next to her, a young, blond man hissed, attempting to get her to calm down.
“I’m sorry Gary, but I don’t understand why they choose to stay.” Clara wrapped her arms around her stomach protectively.
Everyone briefly introduced themselves. Clara and Gary were fraternal twins; they had lost their parents when our neighborhood had been attacked that 4th (Well, technically, 5th) of July. Lexi and Adrie were renting a room in Mr. and Mrs. Johnsons house (an elderly couple that was well known for giving out baked sweets on holidays to everyone in the neighborhood) who hadn’t come back since everything went to hell. There was also a family that luckily had been able to make it to their house unscathed that night, Aaron, Valentina (who insisted we call her Val) and their ten year old girl Patty (short for Patricia). The man who was going to catch up to us later was a man named Ulises, Trevor told us Ulises had lost his wife and unborn child when the flesh eaters had attacked. I felt bad for him, losing his wife and unborn kid to these monsters was painful to even think about.
We all walked quietly as we walked in the direction of the horde, trying to get to the intersection at the end of the long street to cut them off before they got too close and we would be trapped in the cul-de-sac.
I held Diego in my arms, rocking him softly trying to watch where I was stepping and the same time trying not look at what I was stepping around. Body parts where littered all over the street and people’s yards. It made my stomach churn and my anxiety to spike to dangerous levels. I looked at the windows of the houses as we walked by trying to see if I saw anyone we had missed, but the houses that didn’t have wide open doors looked deserted from what I could see. My entire body was trembling and my ears felt like they needed popping. I just wanted to go back to my house and lay down. But I held on to Diego and kept willing my legs to keep moving.