‘Want some help?’
Hero jumped. ‘God, you frightened the life out of me. But no, thanks. I’m nearly done anyway.’
The silence of the night was broken only by the rustle of the paper as Hero squashed the last of it into the box.
‘Thanks for the riding coat. You shouldn’t have though.’
‘I could hardly leave you out.’ It was a statement of fact more than anything.
Nick stepped closer, leaning on the shelf. He ran a hand across his face, a shadow of dark stubble framing his jaw. ‘Why do you do that?’
‘Do what?’ she asked, applying a level of concentration to her task far deeper than was required, keeping her eyes lowered.
‘That!’ He waved a hand. ‘Act like that. Like you don’t care about anything. Or anyone. We all know it’s not true.’
Hero folded the bin liner unnecessarily, waiting for him to leave. But he didn’t. He raised his eyebrows expectantly.
Hero sighed. ‘What?’
‘I’m waiting for an answer.’
‘An answer?’
‘Yes.’
‘And what exactly was the question again?’
Nick gritted his teeth, doing his best to control his temper. Hero could see the flicker in his jaw but kept her expression blank. She had to. It was the only defence she had.
‘The question was why you feel you have to put on this act? I can maybe understand that you have to do it in your career, but you don’t need to do it out here. Surely you know that!’
Hero’s heart was racing but she knew she couldn’t show him. She waited a beat before meeting his eyes coolly. ‘There is no act, Nick. This is me. I’m sorry if you don’t like it but I can’t really help that. This is who I am.’
He looked down into the startling green eyes, studying the face with its perfect make-up, as always, before replying softly. ‘No, it’s not. This isn’t you at all.’
Hero stepped back. Her eyes flashed for a moment before she covered herself. Nick wasn’t sure whether it was insecurity or anger. Probably both.
‘I really do advise you to stick to the day job, Nick. It would seem your psychology degree is a long way off yet.’ Grabbing the empty rubbish bag, she pushed past him and strode back into the house. Nick watched her go. However much she denied it, there was no escaping the fact he’d hit a nerve.
***
‘Are you sure you can’t stay a bit longer?’ Disappointment sounded in Juliet’s voice. ‘The children would love it so much if you could. They’ll be so disappointed when Jack and Gill bring them back from the city tomorrow.’ She tilted her head. ‘We’d all love you to stay longer.’
Not quite all of you …
Hero bit down on her bottom lip. ‘I know. I’m sorry. I hoped I’d be able to. But a shoot I’m doing has got moved up, and I can’t back out of it. I’m really sorry, Jules. I’ll make it up to you.’
‘There’s nothing to make up for. It’s just nice having you around.’
Hero smiled briefly as she finished packing her case. She really had hoped to stay out here longer this time. There was so much space, physically and metaphorically. Just you and the sky, with several thousand sheep thrown in for company. Every time she returned to her own world after being here, it seemed to suffocate her a little more. But she couldn’t. Not now. Nick’s words the other night had unsettled her. The truth unsettled her.
He was right about it. About everything. But she couldn’t help it. There was no way he could understand. She didn’t expect him to. But, as much as he railed against it, she needed that shield. It was her only protection from the world. It kept people out, kept them away from her real feelings. Kept them from damaging them. It was a matter of survival. She’d learned from an early age, courtesy of her mother, that being open with people just made it easier for them to hurt you, and her career had only reinforced that. She’d never had a thick skin, so she’d had to work out a different defence strategy. But was Nick right? Had she done it too well?
Back when Juliet was in England, it had been easier to let her in, lowering the defences to one of the few people she trusted. But as the miles between them had grown, Hero had retreated into herself more and more. Rupert didn’t stand for it and she loved him for that. Anya just rolled her eyes and made her laugh, but as Anya’s own romantic relationship had become more serious, along with her plans for returning home, Hero had seen her less and less and it had all just become a habit, an automatic setting that Hero fell into almost each and every day. It was, she knew, becoming more permanent. Just as Nick had said. And something about him knowing that frightened her.
‘So it’s not something that can be moved?’ Juliet kept her tone conversational, but she knew there was something off with her sister. Hero had had that emotionless expression on her face almost constantly since late on Christmas Day, not to mention the fact that she’d barely looked at Juliet the whole time she’d been packing. There was something more to Hero’s inability to extend her stay than she’d said, and Juliet got the feeling that it had nothing to do with her job.
‘Not really. I told them a while ago that I was flexible on dates, but I just sort of forgot about it.’
‘Right.’ Juliet nodded, knowing for sure now that her sister was covering something. Hero was the most organised person she knew. She planned everything. Had to, almost, it seemed. Juliet suspected it gave her sister the feeling that she was in control of at least some small part of her life whilst the rest of it was run by agents and bookers and commented on almost constantly by the press. The sort of flexibility she’d mentioned wasn’t something she gave. Ever. It had caused some to label her as self-important and a diva – Hero knew that and accepted it, balancing that against the confidence of knowing her schedule exactly. It was, she’d told Juliet before, non-negotiable. Her sister’s strength in this belief had surprised Juliet but Hero had shrugged it off, claiming it as one of the benefits of being successful. Her reply hadn’t been egotistical. It was just fact. Which was exactly why Juliet didn’t believe Hero’s explanation as to why she was leaving the station first thing in the morning.
‘This is me you’re talking to,’ she tried again, her voice soft.
Her sister gave the briefest of nods as she folded the last items into her case. ‘I know.’
‘For God’s sake, Hero. What’s going on with you? Why do you insist on running away all the time?’
Hero looked up, shocked at the pain in her sister’s voice.
‘Jules …’ She leant across the bed, covering Juliet’s hand with her own. ‘Honestly, I’m not running away. Everything’s fine.’ Hero smiled but it didn’t feel right. Juliet was the one person she never, ever wanted to lie to, but she didn’t know what else to do. Turning back to the case, she checked it was secure before lifting it down off the bed and carrying it over to the door.
Juliet leant back against the headboard, her mind trawling back through the past few days, turning them over in her mind, looking for any clue that could explain her sister’s suddenly amended plans. She sat up as something jarred in her memory.
Hero saw the change in her sister’s expression as she pushed herself off the bed and half ran out of the room, storming down the stairs two at a time.
‘Jules?’ Leaning over the bannister, Hero saw Juliet’s blonde curls disappearing into the kitchen. Running down the stairs, she heard the sound of the kitchen door being pulled open, then banging on its hinges heavily. Hero ran after her, desperate to stop her sister, sensing where, or rather who, she was headed for.
‘What did you say to her?’ Juliet spat at her brother-in-law, her words loaded with fury. Nick and Pete both straightened up from where they had been studying a sickly tractor.
‘Jules?’ Pete said, his forehead creasing in surprise.
Beside him, Nick’s expression seemed almost expectant. As though he’d been waiting for this. His brother’s frown deepened.
‘What did you say to my sister?’ Juliet yelled. ‘Tel
l me! She’d been planning to stay on longer this time and now she’s not, and it’s because of you. I know it is! So just what the hell did you say to her?’
Nick opened his mouth to say something, but Juliet was there before him.
‘You just couldn’t be nice, could you? Couldn’t just try for a bit longer?’ Her voice broke and the tears that threatened burst through. Pete threw down the wrench he’d been holding, wrapping his arms protectively around his wife.
‘Come on, love.’ His voice was soft, the tone soothing.
Nick swallowed hard. His insides twisted with guilt, knowing that he was responsible for his sister-in-law’s tears. He loved Juliet and he’d die to protect her, but he couldn’t protect her from this. No one could.
‘I don’t understand,’ Juliet sobbed. ‘You’re a good man, Nick. You always do your best to get on with everyone. Why can’t you just accept my sister for who she is?’
Nick dropped his gaze to the ground. Letting out a breath slowly, he looked back up and met Juliet’s pleading look.
‘Because she doesn’t accept it herself.’
Pete’s eyes narrowed. This wasn’t what he was expecting. He’d expected Nick to deny it, shrug it off. His wife could get a little over-protective about Hero sometimes. It was understandable. Underneath all the show, she worried that her sister was lonely, and, despite plenty of reassurance to the contrary, Juliet still felt guilty that she may have added to that loneliness by moving way out here.
A cry of pain left Juliet as she lunged for Nick. ‘You—’
‘Stop it!’ Hero cried, running into the barn, and straight into the path of Juliet as she broke away from Pete. Nick didn’t move. The two sisters collided, Hero stumbling backwards into him as she blocked Juliet’s attack. Catching Hero, he steadied her as she regained her balance, then let his hands drop again to his sides.
‘What are you doing?’ Hero’s eyes were wide in shock as she stared at her sister.
‘He’s sending you away!’
‘No! He’s not!’
‘Yes, he is.’ Juliet turned her tear-stained eyes on her little sister, her breath hitching in her chest, the tears flowing freely now. ‘I don’t want you to go! I’m afraid I’m going to lose you, Hero. You slip away a little more each time. I used to be able to see behind that bloody mask you wear but now it’s there nearly all the time. Even with me.’ Drawing a breath, she looked cautiously at Nick. Hero followed her sister’s gaze. She took a step, placing herself in front of him, breaking Juliet’s line of vision.
‘Nick didn’t do anything, Juliet, so don’t start on him.’
Behind her, Nick blinked. Hero Scott was definitely a woman of surprises. She was the last person he’d thought would ever jump to his defence. Especially when he knew he didn’t deserve it.
‘I just thought he—’
‘He didn’t. Whatever you think. He didn’t. We might never be the best of friends, but Nick would never intentionally upset me because he knows in doing that, he would be hurting you, and both of us know he wouldn’t do that for the world.’
Juliet looked from her sister to Nick, then back to Hero again.
‘So why are you leaving?’
‘I told you.’
Juliet’s eyes searched her sister’s face but there was nothing to read there. Her gaze slid up to meet Nick’s.
‘I just wish you could be friends.’
‘We are. In our own way.’ Hero moved a little, tilting her head catch Nick’s eye. He understood the silent plea.
Nick nodded, the briefest of smiles showing agreement. What she’d said was true – for the most part. An uncomfortable knot still sat in his stomach, knowing he was responsible for all, or even a part of this. Juliet had been so excited her sister was coming, especially as she’d half got her to agree to extend the visit. He hadn’t planned on calling Hero out. If the truth were told, he didn’t want Hero to leave either. Ever since the night of the wedding, when he had finally slipped under her defences, his insides still did a little flip whenever he remembered the smile she had given him, how she had felt in his arms, her head resting on his chest, the pleasure he had felt at her childlike compliment on his hands. Not once had he ever been able to get back under those defences – but he hadn’t forgotten a moment of it. Whatever happened, that memory was lodged in his heart, his soul, forever.
Juliet switched her gaze between them before letting it rest on Hero.
‘You’ll come back soon though?’
‘Yes. I promise.’
Juliet nodded in acceptance, a loose tear running down her face as she did so. Hero stepped forward, hugging her sister tightly, hating that she was responsible for a part of her sadness, if not all of it. Juliet released her, then looked up at Nick, her eyes searching his face for forgiveness. He shook his head and pulled her close.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. Nick’s hug tightened a little and Juliet knew she was forgiven.
Stepping back, she reached for her husband’s hand. Pete gave his brother an exasperated look then led his wife out of the shed, leaving their respective siblings alone together. When Nick was sure that the others were out of earshot, he turned to Hero who was now leaning on the open doorway of the shed, watching the retreating figures enter the cool interior of the house.
‘Is she right?’
Hero didn’t turn. ‘Of course not.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. Look, I know you don’t like me—’
‘I do like you.’
Hero turned, astonishment clear on her face.
How could she ever think that he didn’t? Nick pushed through. This door had been opened and it was now or never. There was only so long they could carry this charade on. At least there was for him.
‘Juliet’s right though. I still stand by what I said the other night, and what she said today. I like you, but the woman I like disappears more and more behind this other persona and I’m really not keen on her. She makes me nervous.’
Hero sat down heavily on a hay bale, and at his words she looked up.
‘You seem surprised.’
She shifted across on the bale to make room for him. It was a snug fit for the two of them. His hip rested against hers but she didn’t move.
‘I’ve just always had the impression very few things, if anything, would make you nervous.’
‘I’m not sure whether that makes me sound tough or just arrogant.’
‘Probably a little of both.’ Hero shrugged, but for once, he saw the honesty in her expression.
They sat for a few more moments in silence.
‘Are you still leaving?’
‘I have to.’
‘Why? You said before your ticket was open-ended. Why not stay a few more days?’
‘I just can’t.’
Hero saw the muscles in Nick’s jaw tighten. He turned, his leg bumping against hers in the sudden movement. A shiver of pleasure rippled through her at his touch. How ironic it was that this man could stimulate her body, her mind, so easily and unknowingly and yet he had no wish to. The men she’d dated, she’d slept with, those who had prided themselves on their skills – not one of them had ever come close to the effect that Nick Webster had just by looking at her.
‘Look me in the eye and tell me you can’t stay.’
Hero’s game face met Nick’s gaze. She saw the tick in his jaw, the steel in his eyes. He saw the lie.
Hero looked away. She was tired. Tired of trying to prove to him that she was something she wasn’t. But she’d spent such a long time building it up, adjusting, perfecting, it was hard to remember now a time she’d been without it. Her mother had put her on the first step of this path and her career had helped push her along it. Nick, Juliet, even Rupert – none of them could understand how exposed she felt in her professional life. In this celebrity-obsessed age, the lines had become blurred between what was personal and what was professional. Blurred and removed. The media, the public, everyone felt like they owned he
r. She was high profile. People who had never met her, who knew nothing about her, looked on from afar and passed judgement. It had begun to destroy her. Now it was just a matter of survival.
Nick stood, Hero immediately feeling the loss of his warmth against her.
‘You need to be careful about whose lives you’re playing with.’
Hero stood and frowned at him. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Exactly what it sounds like,’ Nick replied. ‘You come here and give your sister hope that she’ll have more time with you and then you change your mind. Every time you do it, you crush her that little bit more.’
‘That’s not fair! You know I’d stay if I could.’
Nick shook his head. ‘No. I don’t. And they don’t either.’ He jabbed a thumb back towards the house. ‘And it’s not just Juliet. It’s Joe too, and now the kids. Juliet might understand, but the others? All they see is you leaving when they’ve built up their hopes of seeing you for longer! I don’t know how it works in your world, but here that’s a pretty shitty thing to do.’
‘I would never hurt them. Even you must know that!’ Hero’s voice was strained but her eyes were dry. She saw Nick study her for a moment as if searching for something. Whatever it was, it was clear he didn’t find it.
‘No, Hero. I don’t. And if you want to know the truth, they don’t either.’ His voice was soft now. The anger had left now, replaced by … what? She met his eyes. There was nothing there. Nothing she could read and for the first time, Hero realised something. Those few people she loved in this world? This was what they saw in her. A blank canvas. No hint of the emotions that swelled within her. To them she was detached. Disinterested.
‘Please don’t say that,’ she whispered, pain flooding her heart.
Nick didn’t even look at her now. ‘I’m not one of your hangers on, Hero. I’m not going to tiptoe around you, and tell you how fantastic you are when the truth is you’re hurting people – children – who mean the world to me.’ He turned now, the soft brown of his eyes now dark with determination and defence. ‘We’re real, Hero. We’re not toys you can pick up and put down whenever the fancy takes you! What’s your sister supposed to say to the twins when they come back and you’re not here? Joe is going to be heartbroken. Again.’ He snatched his hat from his head and ran a hand through his dark hair. ‘You come here thinking that if you bring expensive presents, it absolves you from your crappy behaviour!’
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