Awakening Her Soul to Destiny

by Deborah R Stigall

  Jared rose from his seat beside Etain, squatting on his heels in front of Kaitla. Looking up into Kaitla’s face, he gently took her hands and held them in his own. The warm large hands felt strong and reassuring. The deep gray eyes gazed deeply into hers as she warily tried to lean away from the kneeling man. “Kaitla, ye must trust me. I came here with Etain to help and protect ye.” Jared took her chin in his hand, forcing her to look directly at him. “I will never harm ye or let anything else harm ye. I’ve sworn this oath to your father as I now swear it to you.” His deep voice was soft, imploring Kaitla to believe him. It seemed as though he could sense the inner turmoil and confusion she was struggling with and he honestly wanted to help her. With that said, he released her hands and face and slowly stood by her side, “Ye’ve much to learn and much to be wary of, but Etain and I are not the ones ye have to fear.”

  Rubbing her temples with both hands, Kaitla finally just closed her eyes. She didn’t want to look up, think or react because she didn’t know what to do. She just wanted to roll up into a ball, keeping her eyes shut until everyone went away and left her alone. As unbelievable as all the circumstances were; the pieces of the puzzle of her life, all the oddities and fragments slowly started falling into place.

  Kaitla had never felt as though she really belonged anywhere. She had always been a loner, the outcast all the other kids thought was weird. The one nobody wanted to invite to slumber parties or sit by at lunch. Even after she had struggled through puberty, blossoming into a beautiful young girl, she hadn’t been accepted by any “group”. Her golden eyes had been labeled “cat eyes” and even in this “modern” age, there had been whispers and rumors of “witch”.

  Relationships during her adult years hadn’t fared much better. After the miserable experiences of childhood and adolescence, she’d taught herself to never trust anyone. Unable to ever really open up and reveal her true self, none of her relationships had survived. She had never belonged or been loved by anyone and now she was beginning to understand why.

  Lifting her head from her hands, Kaitla found herself sitting in the over stuffed loveseat back in the corner of her bedroom. Now that she had heard the truth and believed it, all pretenses of subtlety were over. The gloves were apparently off and she was about to embark upon her destiny, whether she was ready or not.

  After all the revelations of the past few hours, she weakly climbed into the bed not even bothering to remove her shoes. Curling into a fetal position, Kaitla hugged the bunched up comforter fiercely to her chest. Suddenly, she felt a gentle hand stroking her hair tenderly. She opened her eyes to find Etain sitting on the bed beside her, eyeing her with a sympathetic smile.

  “I know it’s not easy, child.” Etain spoke softly, as though Kaitla was five years old instead of thirty-five. “But ye will soon warm to your gifts,” she assured Kaitla, “Once ye again feel your homeland beneath your feet, your spirit will fare rejoice!”

  Kaitla eyed Etain warily, barely managing to whisper, “I’m afraid…why can’t you just leave me alone?” Edging away from Etain’s comforting hand, Kaitla retreated backwards atop the bed until she felt the cool smooth headboard pressing against her back. As Tobias jumped to the bed to survey the situation, Kaitla quickly snatched him up into her arms, cradling him against her chest in desperation. Tobias was the only familiar friend she had right now…the only scrap of sanity she was certain of. Everything she had always known about her life, all the realities she had been trained to accept…nothing came close to preparing her for the story Etain had unfurled and laid open at her feet.

  Setting her mouth in a thin firm line, Etain gazed at Kaitla thoughtfully. “Dinna fear what I’m about to do…ye must try yer best ta’ trust me,” she instructed carefully, moving slowly closer to Kaitla as she spoke.

  Something in the fathomless reflection of Etain’s dark-eyed gaze seemed to strike a chord somewhere within Kaitla’s being. Etain might have completely shocked her with the revelations of her true past, but somehow deep within Kaitla’s heart, she knew Etain would never harm her. Nodding silently to Etain, Kaitla remained motionless as Etain placed her tiny hands gently on Kaitla’s temples. Closing her eyes, Etain slowly pressed her forehead softly against Kaitla’s brow.

  As Tobias wriggled free of her grasp, Kaitla experienced a brilliant flash of light. Feeling a lurching shift in her equilibrium, she felt as though she had come to a sudden stop while traveling at a high rate of speed. Opening her eyes she found herself cradled in Etain’s arms, staring and cooing into her face. But the Etain she was looking at now was much younger then the Etain sitting on her bed only moments ago. This Etain’s eyes were filled with sorrow and her voice caught in her throat as she hummed an ancient Celtic lullaby to the baby within her arms. As she placed the wriggling baby in a box against the bench, tears coursed down her cheeks, as the infant Kaitla crowed indignantly to be picked back up. Kaitla relived the moment of her abandonment, this time witnessing and remembering Etain’s suffering as she left the child alone in an unknown world. Etain had truly loved her.

  Returning abruptly to the present, Kaitla now scooted closer to the familiar woman, placing her head upon her lap. Kaitla now remembered her completely; and felt Etain was the nearest thing to a real loving relative she had ever known. Etain continued gently stroking her hair, disentangling the errant strands that were stuck to Kaitla’s tear-stained face.

  “I know ye are afraid, lass…there is no shame in that,” Etain continued softly. “But ye must believe in yourself and those of us that love ye.” She gently stood, carefully placing Kaitla’s head upon one of the pillows from the head of the bed. “Rest now. After ye’ve had a wee nap, Jared and I will show ye the wondrous things ye can do.” As Kaitla watched her, Etain suddenly dissolved into the tiny little finch Kaitla had been feeding on the sill and flew out the open window. As she lay in a fog of weariness, Kaitla was vaguely aware of the stray black dog curling up on the bed beside her. Tossing an arm across his body and snuggling close to his soft fur, Kaitla closed her eyes and finally escaped into a fitful sleep.

  ~*~

  Kaitla awoke from her nap slightly more rested but no less confused about everything Etain had revealed to her. Rising stiffly from the bed, she stumbled into the bathroom. Leaning against the cold porcelain sink with both hands, Kaitla peered into the mirror, studying her reflection as though looking at her face for very the first time.

  The golden eyes that had caused her to be teased and ridiculed during her early years stared back at her. The reddish blonde hair surrounding her face tumbled unkempt past her shoulders. The full lips reminded her of the image of the woman Etain had shown her earlier, her mouth crooking slightly to one side whenever she smiled.

  The image of the woman…her mother. Kaitla finally knew where she was from and why she had been separated from her parents. For years, she had always wondered what had landed her in the many foster homes she had grown up in. But never in her wildest dreams had she imagined what the truth might actually be. Shaking her head in a vain attempt to clear it, she filled the sink with cold refreshing water. Splashing the water on her face, she ran her still wet hands through her hair, failing all attempts at controlling the errant strands. Blindly locating the handtowel, she patted her face dry, straightening once again to look into the mirror. Gazing back at her this time was not only her own golden eyes but a familiar pair of gray ones as well!

  “MUST you insist on sneaking up on me?” she snapped, whirling around to face Jared. Throwing the handtowel at his broad chest, Kaitla pushed past him to the dressing table in the bedroom. Plopping down on the small stool before the table, she attempted to tame a few of the snarls out of her tousled hair.

  “Forgive me, Kaitla, but ye DID call for me,” Jared observed quietly as he neatly folded the towel, then placed it on the dresser beside the bathroom door.

  “Called for you! I wasn’t even thinking about you!” Kaitla snarled, yanking the brush through a handful of hair, successfully
tangling the mass of curls even worse.

  “Aye, ye did call for me but perhaps ye dinna realize it. Here, let me help ye with that rat’s nest.” Jared gently took the brush out of her hand. Slowly, he began brushing out the worst of the snarls, carefully picking out the tangles. “Since I’ve sworn to serve your father and take care of ye as well, whenever ye’re in need of me, I’m able to sense it, ye ken?” He continued running the brush through the auburn gold tresses with slow deliberate strokes. “’Tis only natural, these feelin’s your havin’. Etain has allowed me to view snippets of your life for years to prepare me for this time. I’ve been watching o’er ye for years. But today was the first day I’d seen the memories from the very beginning.”

  Even though her hair hung down her back in a smooth shimmering river, Jared continued mesmerizing her senses with the slow methodical brushing. Filling both his hands with her silky tresses, Jared softly murmured, as he ran his fingers through her hair, “I didna’ realize what a past ye had survived until I saw everything in its own time, as it was today.”

  Slowly opening her eyes, Kaitla focused on Jared in the dressing table mirror. Carefully, Jared placed the brush beside her on the table. With one hand, he tenderly held aside the mass of hair, leaning down to gently kiss her neck. Without realizing she had been holding her breath, Kaitla slowly exhaled, closing her eyes against the emotions threatening to surface. She could feel her heart pounding, her senses heightened by the closeness of Jared’s body. She could feel his warm breath against her throat as he tenderly brushed her neck with his lips. She could smell him. A fresh woodsy sort of smell, as though he’d spent his entire life deep within a forest. His hands gently squeezed her shoulders as he barely brushed her skin with his lips. “Kaitla…I’ve trained to protect ye for years….but I had no idea the feelings ye’d stir inside me when I actually met ye.”

  Struggling to the surface of her emotions as though gulping for a breath of air, Kaitla pushed away from the dressing table, sliding from under Jared’s ministrations. “I t-think I feel better now….I think it’s t-time we started that training.” Kaitla stammered through her clenched teeth as she moved towards the door. “I just want to go find Etain. I have to learn more…. I’ve got to find a way to sort through it all.” Kaitla couldn’t stop her body from trembling, as her huge golden eyes reflected her inner turmoil.

  Jared smiled sadly, “Of course Kaitla, I’m sorry. I dinna mean to frighten ye.” He drew a deep breath, turning to open the doors to the veranda. “Etain is waiting for us in the gardens. It’ll be much easier for ye to feel your powers outside, closer to the elements. A breeze blowin’ through your hair will help to whisper the secrets to your soul.” Kaitla followed Jared outside, proceeding down the marble steps on the other end of the patio. She saw Etain up ahead, waiting for them in the midst of one of the herb gardens, seated on one of the wrought iron benches. The pungent smells of sage, rosemary, and basil filled the air around them. Kaitla noticed Etain had a handful of the herbs, idly crushing the leaves and tossing them to the ground.

  Raising her head at the sound of their approach, Etain first smiled at them in welcome, then her face gradually settled on Jared with a disapproving frown. Glancing quickly at Jared, Kaitla watched him avoid Etain’s gaze and silently wondered what had passed between the two of them.

  Kaitla took the bench opposite of Etain. Jared seated himself beside her. It was a beautiful clear day with a cool breeze rifting through her hair. Kaitla could hear the trees rustling in the wind behind her as though stretching and reveling in the sun. It was serene in the garden surrounded by the aromatic herbs and the songs of the various birds. Jared had been right. Coming outside had calmed her. Kaitla could feel the peacefulness of her surroundings soothing her worried mind.

  “Verra good, Kaitla” Etain remarked quietly, as she observed Kaitla’s gradual calming. “Ye draw strength from the wind, the earth and the living things around ye.” Etain, too, seemed more relaxed, perhaps even younger then before. Apparently, the confession of the past thirty-five years had done a great deal to lighten Etain’s soul. She had suffered unbearably over the years, unable to help the orphaned child growing up alone in a realm far away for fear of revealing Kaitla’s presence. But now the time had finally come for Kaitla to return to her home and reclaim the life that was rightfully hers.

  “The first thing ye must learn and commit to your heart is that those beautiful eyes are your greatest source of power and protection.” Etain looked deeply into Kaitla’s eyes, as if she was probing to the depths of her soul. “They help ye to focus yer powers, as well as ta’ see things that not everyone is so gifted ta’ see.” Etain surveyed Kaitla thoughtfully, as she continued, “Ye also have the ability to change yer form should ye have need of it.” Etain stood, gathering another handful of sage and continued to crush the leaves, filling the air with even more of the spicy perfume. “We dinna have time to train ye properly or show ye the many gifts ye have; but ye shall become aware of them as ye need them. Ye see child, the closer ye are to yer own realm, the stronger ye are and yer gifts will cease to lie dormant.” Etain walked over to Kaitla, brushing a stray tress out of her eyes, pushing it behind one ear in a motherly gesture. “The most difficult thing ye will find is learning to stop listening with your mind from this world and learn to listen with your heart and soul from Clas Myrddin,” she reflected with a gentle smile.

  Kaitla looked doubtfully up at Etain, “What can I turn myself into?” The thought of shape shifting was sounded more then just a little intriguing. She’d been scolded more then once as a child, for straying too often into the land of make-believe. From what Etain was telling her, perhaps it was just her natural gifts attempting to assert themselves at a young age. If she was to be trapped in this strange new destiny, she might as well start exploring it now.

  “You mean I can really turn myself into the shape of something else?” Kaitla repeated in amazement. The more she learned of her legacy, the more astounded she became. It was as though all the legends she had read and enjoyed were actually history lessons…true accounts of the past.

  “Why, ye can become anything ye wish, child. Although the smaller varieties are usually a bit easier at first.” Etain once more seated herself beside Jared on the bench. “Ye must imagine that ye are what ye wish to become. Ye must try to feel what that form would feel... Try something,” Etain urged gently.

  “Well…let me see,” Kaitla nervously tapped her fingers on the bench. Finally settling on a creature, she closed her eyes, trying to envision herself as a powerful cougar she had once seen pacing back and forth within its cage at the St. Louis Zoo.

  Sudden laughter startling her, Kaitla flattened her ears, hissing and growling at Jared. Oh, she had managed to assume the shape of a cougar…one that was perhaps about eight weeks old. Kaitla sat with disgust, flipping her tail angrily against the stones of the path. Jared quickly bent and scooped her up, “Aye, what a cute wee cub!” He scratched behind her ears and in spite of herself, her furry little body was soon rumbling with a throaty purr.

  Etain reached over, retrieving Kaitla from Jared’s lap, and settling her back on the walk. “Concentrate, Kaitla, that’s the key,” she smiled, her eyes still sparkling with suppressed laughter. Kaitla waddled over to the other side of the walk, slightly stumbling over her over-sized paws and finding it impossible to slink gracefully with her round, pudgy belly and short, fat legs. She plopped down on her rump and tried again.

  This time she was rewarded with applause. Kaitla stood regally before Etain and Jared, a full-grown cougar, sleek and beautiful. She stretched her powerful paws, extending the razor claws as though sharpening them on the stones. Muscles rippling silently beneath her tawny coat, she gracefully walked over to Jared, butting him off the bench with her massive head. “Hmmm, this might not be so bad after all,” she thought to herself, reveling in the powerful body of the creature she had become. Leaning over the bench, Kaitla licked Jared full in the face with her rasp
y tongue, as he sat sprawled on the ground where he’d fallen.

  “Ugh, Kaitla, stop that!” rolling to get away from her, Jared retreated behind the bench on all fours. Before returning to her original form, Kaitla couldn’t resist one full-throated roar that scattered all the birds from the surrounding gardens.

  Etain couldn’t contain her laughter any longer. “Oh Jared, mmmmmhmmhm” she giggled uncontrollably, her shoulders shaking with mirth. “Ye’ve been yearnin’ for a kiss from the wee lass...Ye finally get it and ye tell her to stop! Heeheehee!” Jared glared sullenly at Etain from his place behind the bench.

  Resuming her original shape and form, Kaitla sat on the ground grinning at Jared. Sheepishly, he looked up from behind the other bench and slowly grinned back. She couldn’t resist the sparkle in his twinkling gray eyes and soon found herself giggling along with Etain. Jared’s deep rumbling laughter joined their giggles and snorts until the three of them were wiping tears from their eyes. “Well, done, lass! Well done!” Etain hiccuped uncontrollably.

  “Aye, lass!” coughed Jared picking himself up from the ground, brushing the leaves and dirt from his trousers. “Ye did a fine job but ye can keep that rough raspy tongue o’ yours to yourself!” Jared mopped his face once more to try to remove the last traces of her kiss from his face.