“I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that—”
Ma-a-a! Ma-a-a!
Wayne jerked his attention back to Tripod. The poor little critter had somehow managed to get one of her back feet stuck between a loose board and the wall in her stall.
“Guess I’d better see about getting Tripod set free from that board that’s holding her captive.” Wayne rose to his feet, and forgetting to use his crutches, he headed for the stall. He’d only made it halfway there when he stumbled and fell flat on the floor.
Loraine rushed forward. “Ach, Wayne! Did you hurt yourself?”
“I’m fine. Just lost my balance is all.”
She bent down and placed her hands around his waist. “Here, let me help you up.”
Wayne shrugged her hands away as his face heated up. “I’m fine. I can manage on my own.” Gritting his teeth and using the wall for support, he rose, wobbled, and fell back down.
Loraine rushed forward again. This time he swallowed his pride and allowed her to help him. With Loraine’s assistance, he made it over to the stall.
“If you have no objections, I’ll try to get the lamb’s leg free,” she said, looking up at him with compassion on her face.
Wayne wanted to argue, but his hands shook so badly, he wasn’t sure he could do what needed to be done. “Jah, okay,” Wayne mumbled, flopping onto the bale of straw. He sat there feeling like a helpless little baby while Loraine freed his lamb.
“Now do you see why we can’t be together?” Wayne asked when she returned to his side. “If you and I got married, you’d always feel obligated to help me, just like my mamm does now.”
“I wouldn’t mind helping at all.”
“Well, I would mind!”
A look of bewilderment spread across her face. “I try to reach out to you, and what do I get? You look at me with anger and push me away. Why, Wayne? Why?”
He tried to speak but couldn’t make his lips move. He wished he could run and hide, but he didn’t know where to go. Loraine deserved so much more than he could offer. She deserved a man who could take care of her, not a one-legged cripple who couldn’t even walk without falling on his backside.
With her gaze fixed somewhere near the center of his chest, Loraine whispered, “I love you, Wayne.”
A vein in Wayne’s temple began to throb. His arms ached to hold her. His lips yearned for the taste of hers.
Refusing to lose himself in the depths of her eyes, he stared at his hands, clasped tightly in his lap. “Why won’t you let this go? I’ve told you and told you that it won’t work for us anymore. You need to find happiness with someone else.” He paused for a second. “You need someone like Jake. I’m sure he still loves you. That’s why he came home, you know.”
“No. No, he didn’t. He said he came back because he heard about the accident and felt concern.”
“Then why is he still here? He’s seen how we all are and offered everyone his sympathies. He should have been gone by now—back to his horse ranch in Montana, don’t you think?”
“Well, I don’t know. I—”
Wayne pointed at Loraine. “You’re the reason Jake is still here.”
She slowly shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
Wayne shrugged. “Think what you want. I just know it’s over between us, and you need to get on with your life—with or without Jake Beechy.”
When tears pooled in Loraine’s eyes, it was almost his undoing. He clasped his fingers tighter as he struggled with the urge to take her hand. He wished she would go before he said or did something really stupid.
“You can’t mean that it’s over between us, Wayne.” She sniffed deeply. “I know you don’t.”
“Jah, I do mean it. I don’t love you anymore.” As the lie rolled off Wayne’s tongue, a bitter taste was left in his mouth. Until the accident happened, he’d always been honest with Loraine. Now, he was not only a cripple, but a terrible liar as well.
Loraine stood there a moment, staring at Wayne as though in disbelief. With a deep moan, she whirled around and dashed out the door.
Wayne’s head pounded as he watched her disappear. He knew he had hurt her, and it tore at his heart. Maybe someday when she was happily married to someone more deserving, she would realize he’d been right to end things as he had.
“She might even thank me for it,” he mumbled.
“Jah, I think you’re right.”
Wayne’s head snapped up. He was surprised when Mom stepped out of one of the empty horse stalls.
“How long have you been there?” he asked.
“Long enough to hear what you told Loraine about not loving her.”
Anger boiled in him like hot coals on the fire. “You were spying on us?”
She shook her head vigorously. “No, of course not. I came into the barn to see what you were doing out here, and when I heard you talking to Loraine, I ducked into the stall.”
“Why?”
Her face flamed. “Well, I—”
“You didn’t want to make your presence known because you were spying on us.”
She stared at him like he’d lost his mind, then she slowly shook her head. “This isn’t about me, son. This is about you and Loraine.”
“There is no me and Loraine anymore.” Wayne grimaced. “I’m sure after me telling Loraine that I don’t love her anymore, she finally believes it’s over between us.”
Mom nodded. “You did the right thing by being honest with her. A relationship built on pity would never last anyway.”
Wayne tipped his head. “You think she pities me?”
“Jah, I sure do. I also think she feels guilty for talking you into going to Hershey Park. She knows if you hadn’t gone along with her foolish idea that you’d still have both of your legs.” Mom took a seat beside him. “If Loraine really loved you, she wouldn’t be spending so much time with Jake.” She patted his knee. “You’re better off without her, son.”
Wayne pressed his hands against his stomach, hoping he wouldn’t get sick. He didn’t know if the churning in his stomach was from the pain medicine or because he felt like such a heel for lying to Loraine. “I don’t want to hear any more about Loraine! I just want to be alone.”
Mom blinked several times. “Are you asking me to leave?”
He gave a quick nod.
She hesitated a minute, then fled from the barn.
Wayne remained on the bale of straw with his head in his hands. He had lied to himself, as well as to Loraine. He’d yelled at Mom and told her to go. He really was a poor excuse for a man!
CHAPTER 22
Loraine’s horse stamped nervously and blew a burst of steam from its nostrils as she fumbled with the reins. Her hands shook so badly she could barely make them work.
Wayne’s words resounded in her head: “I don’t love you anymore. You’d be better off with Jake.” The finality of his tone could have etched the words in steel.
A tremor shot through her body. It really was over between them. How could she go to work and put a smile on her face when her whole world was falling apart?
“This isn’t how I wanted things to turn out!” she murmured tearfully as she guided her horse and buggy down the road.
How did you want them to turn out? an inner voice asked.
The buggy hit a pothole that jarred her, and she winced. “Jake and I are not supposed to be together! We’re just good friends. I’m supposed to be with Wayne. I promised him I would always be his.”
Loraine gripped the reins tighter, hoping to gain control of her swirling emotions, more than guiding the horse. No way could she allow herself to love Jake again. She couldn’t let her guard down. She couldn’t allow him to sweep her off her feet the way he’d done before. Wayne might not realize it, but he needed her now more than ever. Surely he couldn’t have meant it when he said he didn’t love her anymore.
A film of tears clouded Loraine’s vision. Soon they started running down her cheeks. She sniffed and wiped them awa
y. “Things have to get better,” she mumbled, hoping to make herself feel more secure. “Wayne’s bound to come to his senses, and I can’t give up on him just because he said he doesn’t love me anymore.”
More tears fell, until Loraine couldn’t see well enough to drive anymore. She guided Trixie to the side of the road, knowing she needed to get herself under control before she went any farther.
She reached for her handbag and fumbled inside until she found a tissue, and then she blew her nose. Leaning forward, and closing her eyes, she began to pray.
“Dear Lord, please give me some direction and a sense of peace. I know I can’t keep pestering Wayne to change his mind about us, but should I give up and let him go? If Wayne and I are meant to be together, then help him see that. If we’re not, then I need some assurance and confirmation.”
***
“Whoa!” Jake called to his horse after he spotted a horse and buggy parked along the side of the road. He wondered if the driver might have encountered some kind of problem. He pulled in behind it, climbed down from his buggy, and raced around to the driver’s side of the other rig. When he saw Loraine sitting in the driver’s seat with her head bowed, his heart gave a lurch. Had something happened to her? Could some impatient driver have run her horse and buggy off the road? He knew it happened at times when some wild teenagers decided it would be fun to have a good time at someone else’s expense.
He jerked the door open, and her head snapped up. “Ach!” she gasped. “You scared me, Jake!”
“You scared me! When I saw you sitting here with your head down, I was afraid something terrible had happened to you.”
“No, no. I’m fine.” Her eyes glistened with tears, and her chin trembled like the petals of a flower on a breezy day.
“You’re obviously not fine, or you wouldn’t be crying.” Jake flapped his hand at her. “Move over and let me come in.”
Her eyes widened. “What for?”
“So we can talk about whatever made you cry.”
With a wordless shrug, Loraine scooted to the passenger’s side, and Jake climbed in beside her.
“So what’s wrong?” he asked.
She sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with the tissue she held in her hand. “I ... I’ve just come from seeing Wayne.”
“Is he worse?”
“Not physically, but he’s so negative, and he seems determined to push me out of his life.”
“What do you mean?”
Sniff! Sniff! “He said he doesn’t love me anymore, and—” Her voice cracked, and she sniffed a couple more times. “I just can’t accept the idea that things are over between us. It doesn’t seem right.”
She blew her nose and put the tissue in her purse, bumping Jake’s arm in the process.
Jake felt a jolt of electricity zip from his arm to the tips of his fingers. He wished he could tell Loraine how he felt about her—that he’d never stopped loving her, that he wished he could stay here in Indiana and ask her to marry him. He swallowed hard and resisted the urge to pull Loraine into his arms. “I can see how unhappy you are,” he said gently. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
She shrugged.
“Would you like me to talk to Wayne—see if I can get him to rethink his decision?”
Her chin quivered. “You—you would do that?”
I don’t want to, but I’d do it for you. He nodded. “If you want me to, I will.”
Her lips curved into a smile. “Danki, Jake. You’re such a good friend.”
Good friend, Jake fumed. Is that all I’ll ever be to you? “I’ll do my best to get through to Wayne,” he said with a nod.
She touched his arm, sending another jolt of electricity all the way to his fingers. “Before you stopped, I was praying for some direction. I think you might be the answer to my prayers.”
He ground his teeth. Maybe so, but I don’t think it’s the same answer I’m hoping for.
***
As Jake headed down the road in his buggy awhile later, he rehearsed in his mind what he was going to tell Wayne. Should he come right out and say that he’d spoken to Loraine and knew that Wayne had cut her out of his life? Or should he engage Wayne in idle conversation for a while and see if he volunteered anything himself?
Jake knew if there was any chance of getting back with Loraine, he’d have to figure out a way to win her trust again. He also needed to be sure things were really over between her and Wayne before he made a move. If things were to work out like he hoped, he could end up staying in Indiana for good. Between what he made shoeing horses and what he’d saved up working at the horse ranch, he might be able to buy a couple of standard-bred racing horses that could be trained to pull Amish buggies. At least it would be a start, and once he got his business going good, he’d be ready to join the church and felt sure he’d be able to support a wife.
Jake flicked the reins to get his horse moving faster. The sooner he talked to Wayne, the sooner he’d know which direction to take with Loraine.
***
Wayne had just put Tripod in the pasture with the other sheep and was preparing to head back to the house, when a horse and buggy pulled up next to the barn. He was surprised to see that it was Jake.
“It’s good to see you walking,” Jake said after he’d climbed down from the buggy and secured his horse to the hitching rail.
“Got my new leg yesterday.” Wayne pulled up his pant leg to reveal the prosthesis and lifted the end of one crutch. “My goal is to learn how to walk without using these for support.”
Jake smiled. “I’m sure you will once you’ve gotten used to the prosthesis.”
“I lost my balance in the barn awhile ago and ended up flat on my back. Had to rely on Loraine to help me get up.” Wayne grimaced. “If she hadn’t been there, I’d probably still be lying on the barn floor, feeling like a helpless invalid.”
“It’s good that Loraine was there. Does she come over to see you often?”
“She used to, but she won’t be anymore.”
“How come?”
“I told her to go—said things won’t work between us, so she may as well get on with her life.” Wayne leaned his crutches against the fence and wobbled a bit as he lowered himself to a wooden stool.
Jake took a seat on another stool. “Are you sure you really want to break up with her? I mean, don’t you want to reconsider that decision?”
Wayne folded his arms and shook his head. “I made it clear that there’s no future for us. Told her she ought to find someone else.” He bumped Jake’s arm. “I’m thinkin’ that someone oughta be you.”
Jake gave his earlobe a tug. “Wh–what makes you think that?”
“You and Loraine used to date. Fact is, if you’d come back from Montana sooner, you two might be married by now, and I wouldn’t even be in the picture.”
Jake popped a couple of knuckles on his left hand, and then he did the same to the knuckles on his right hand. “Wouldn’t you be jealous if Loraine and I started dating again?”
Of course I’d be jealous; I’d hate seeing the two of you together. I’d hate the reminder that I’ll never be with the woman I love.
Wayne forced a smile. “All I want is for Loraine to be happy. If she stayed with me, I’d only drag her down.” He pointed to Jake. “I think you, on the other hand, have just what it takes to make her happy.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you’re all she ever talked about when you first left home. She thought you were coming back. She thought you planned to marry her.”
Jake’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I did plan to come back and marry her, but then I met Roxanne.”
“Who’s Roxanne?”
“My boss’s daughter. I thought for a time that I was in love with her, but after she went away to Bible college, I realized what I’d felt for Roxanne had only been an infatuation. To tell you the truth, I didn’t even miss her that much.”
“Then why didn’t you come back for Loraine
then?”
Jake shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really know. Guess I got so caught up in working with the boss’s horses and tryin’ to put money away that I lost track of my original goal.”
“How do you feel about Loraine now that you’re back at home? Could you begin a relationship with her now?”
Jake’s face turned crimson. “Are you absolutely sure there’s no chance of you and Loraine getting back together? Because if there is—”
Wayne held up his hand. “Things will never be the same for me and Loraine. It’s over between us.”
“Can you honestly say you don’t love her anymore?”
“Jah, that’s how it is.” Each lie Wayne told seemed to get easier than the last. “Given a little time,” he said, “I’m sure Loraine will come to realize that she’s not in love with me, either.”
Just then, Wayne’s father stepped out of his shop and hollered, “Wayne, could you come here a minute? I need your help with something!”
Wayne reached for his crutches and grunted as he pulled himself up. “Guess I’d better go see what Pop wants.” He bumped Jake’s arm. “Think about what I said, okay?”
“Sure, I’ll give it some thought.” Jake stood and sprinted for his buggy.
As Wayne made his way up to Pop’s taxidermy shop, a wave of nausea washed over him. He’d literally given Loraine over to Jake with his blessings. As much as it had hurt him to do it, he was convinced that it was for her own good.
CHAPTER 23
“Are you sure you don’t want to take your wheelchair with you today?” Wayne’s mother asked as they prepared to leave for the benefit auction on Saturday morning.
He shook his head and kept walking toward the buggy Pop had rolled out of the buggy shed. “I need to get used to walking with my artificial leg, and that won’t happen if I sit around in my wheelchair all day.”
She stepped in front of him and pursed her lips. “I understand that, but it’s going to be a long day. If you get tired of standing or walking, you might wish you had your wheelchair.”
“I won’t be walking around that much. I’ll find a seat and stay put most of the time.”
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