And as for Linda... Alice's lips thinned just at the thought of her. Linda might well have been more pleasant today, but the daggers coming from her icy eyes hadn't gone unnoticed by Alice. Her first impressions about Linda, Alice concluded, had been right, and she wasn't about to be fooled. One thing she prided herself on was being an excellent judge of character—except with Marcus, she reminded herself ruefully.
Not just Marcus, Alice thought in surprise as the lift doors opened to the maternity section. She had been rehearsing what to say. Her plan had been to ask at the nurses' station if she could have a word with Josh in the corridor. Jeremy had obviously had the same idea.
Both men turned as she made her way along the carpeted floor towards them.
'I hope you're here to see me and not looking for the delivery room?' Josh smiled. But despite the welcoming, half-joking words and the apparently casual hug, Alice knew he was devastated. His eyes were swollen and red-rimmed and he held onto her tightly for a second before letting her go.
'Hopefully not for a few weeks yet, Josh. How are you and Dianne doing?' She was terrified to ask after the twins in case the news had become worse!
'Holding up. Dianne's been marvellous. She's exhausted, though. Insisting on expressing milk and sitting in the intensive care unit. The nurses have just given her a couple of sleeping tablets so hopefully she'll get a few hours' rest.'
'How are the boys?' Alice asked finally.
'Declan's great,' he swallowed hard. 'I was just telling Jeremy it's not so good for Eamon.' Alice looked up at Jeremy for the first time and gave a small nod of greeting. Turning back to Josh, she was horrified to see huge tears splashing down his cheeks. 'It doesn't look too great,' Josh said, his words strangled as he tried to control his emotions.
Alice put a comforting hand on his arm. 'It's all right Josh. You don't have to go through it all for me. Jeremy can tell me. I just came to see how you were doing. To see if there was anything I could do to help.'
She felt so helpless standing there.
'Actually, there is something,' Josh said.
'Tell me,' Alice urged.
A hint of a blush crept over Josh's freckled face. 'Well, we left in rather a rush, as you know. Dianne didn't bring her...' He paused. 'You know... There's a chemist down in the foyer. Would you mind, Alice?'
'For heaven's sake, Josh!' It was the first time Jeremy had spoken. 'I thought you were a new age kind of guy.'
'I know, I know.' Josh replied, blushing ever deeper. 'How would you like having to buy them? That would ruin your cool image a bit, wouldn't it?'
The light-hearted jostling was a welcome relief after the previous tension.
'There's nothing to it,' Jeremy insisted. 'I'll be back in five. Get him a sandwich or something, will you, Alice? I've tried and he won't eat a thing. Maybe a woman will have more luck. He looks as if he's about to faint.'
Once Jeremy had gone Alice linked an arm through one of Josh's. 'You heard the boss. Come on, you need to eat.'
At the entrance the women's auxiliary had a small stall, selling drinks and snacks along with an assortment of hand-knitted baby goods and handmade teddy bears. Balloons with congratulatory messages for a baby boy, girl...twins adorned the stall.
Josh eyed them ruefully as Alice returned with a sandwich for Josh and two coffees.
'Not a "get well soon" balloon in sight,' Josh said pensively. 'You just never think it's going to go so wrong.'
Alice recalled Fi's words of that morning but didn't say anything, allowing Josh to continue.
'That's not strictly true. I imagined every possible scenario but deep down I just thought I was worrying unnecessarily, that everything would be fine.'
Alice put a hand over Josh's cold one. 'That's what we all do, Josh. You'd go crazy otherwise. But you also know deep down that, whatever happens, you'll deal with it. It's not as if we have much choice in these things.'
Josh stared into his coffee for a few minutes. 'Fancy Jeremy coming up to see me. He told me not to worry about work, to take all the time I needed. He's a good egg, Jeremy, despite what everyone says.'
'You really like him, don't you?' Alice asked, unable to keep the hint of surprise out of her voice. She was so used to hearing Jeremy derided.
'I think he's great; I always have. Why do you sound so surprised?'
Alice shrugged, not sure what to say. 'He's got such a reputation. I mean, I know he's a great surgeon, but he's stepped on a lot of toes.'
Josh grinned. 'In his rush to get to the bedroom. Look, beneath all that smooth talk is a nice guy. Hell, if I looked like that...'
'Here you go.' Jeremy thrust a huge carrier bag into Josh's lap. 'Told you—nothing to it.'
'Jeremy.' Josh laughed. 'You've practically bought out the whole shop. 'Toothpaste, teddies, deodorant—did you hide the sanitary pads under them in the basket?'
This time it was Jeremy who blushed. 'I got them, didn't I?'
'Dr Winters.' Josh jumped as a midwife came over. 'Calm down, there's no change,' the midwife said quickly, seeing the look of utter panic on Josh's face. 'But Declan is awake and screaming at the top of his voice. Dianne will be out for a few hours yet. I thought you might like to give Declan some of Dianne's milk.'
Josh nodded eagerly. 'I'll be right there.' He gave a grateful smile. 'Thanks for coming by guys, it meant a hell of a lot.' He gave Alice a quick hug and shook Jeremy's hand before rushing off to the nursery.
Alice sat shyly after he had left.
'Hungry?' Jeremy asked.
'A bit. I might grab a sandwich myself. I can't be bothered to cook.'
'Hardly good for the baby, is it?'
Alice gave him a surprised look. 'You're an expert on maternal nutrition, are you? Actually, I was going to grab a beef and spinach foccacia. Full of iron.'
Jeremy screwed up his nose. 'Not by the time the women's auxiliary get hold of it. Come on, we'll go and grab something a bit more nutritious and tasty.'
His invitation was so casual it could hardly even be called that, and Alice knew she would look stupid if she turned him down, and yet...
'Come on,' he said irritably, as she hesitated. 'Where are you parked?'
'I haven't got a car,' Alice answered. 'I came on the tram.'
'Good, that makes it easier,' Jeremy replied.
Oh, well, she thought as she picked up her bag, what choice did she have?
Sitting beside Jeremy in his slick car made Alice feel positively claustrophobic. The seats were impossibly low and Jeremy had to help her with the seat belt, which Alice rightly assumed hadn't been designed with a pregnant woman in mind. Never had she felt so huge and unattractive, and never had she been more acutely aware of the fact that Jeremy Foster was every inch a man—his expensive suit brushing her arm, the weight of him as he leant across her, the subtle scent of his cologne mingling with the heavy scent of his maleness. Alice flattened herself against the seat in a vain attempt to appear thinner, and after a couple of attempts Jeremy managed to create enough slack in the seat belt to get the beastly strap across her huge stomach. Alice thought she would die of embarrassment.
She was also painfully aware that all she had in her purse was a fifty-dollar note which she had hoped to use as a deposit for a crib. The way Jeremy had sneered at the sandwiches the women's auxiliary had on offer didn't allow Alice to hold out much hope that they would be stopping at the nearest burger bar. She was right. Sliding the car into a space directly in front of the Hyatt Hotel, Jeremy jumped out as the doorman opened the car door for Alice. Hardly stopping to retrieve his receipt, Jeremy casually strolled up the entrance steps.
'How come he's parking it for you?' Alice asked, bewildered. 'Are you a guest here?'
'Might as well be, the amount of times I eat here.'
At least the Hyatt had a massive food court. Perhaps she could steer him towards the noodles. Jeremy, of course, baulked at the idea.
'I've either been standing in Theatre or Intensive Care all day. I
f you think I'm going to stand in line for my dinner, you're mistaken. Come on.'
Alice bristled. He was so haughty, so arrogant and superior. How dared he just assume she wanted to sit in some five-star restaurant and dine with him?
Her acrimony didn't last long. Lowering herself into a sumptuous seat, she caught his eye and Jeremy gave her the benefit of his perfect white smile. Murder—again that was the thought that sprang to mind; this man could get away with murder. But she did have her credit card on her. OK, she had sworn it was for emergencies only, but what was this? It was hardly everyday stuff, sitting in a luxury restaurant with the most gorgeous of men, who also happened to be your boss.
Oh, well, when in Rome and all that. If she was going to use her credit card it might as well be for the benefit of the baby, Alice thought as she ordered a well-done steak with fresh garden vegetables.
Jeremy chose red snapper.
'Would sir like to see the wine list?'
Without looking up, Jeremy shook his head. 'I'll just have a mineral water, thanks. Alice?'
'The same for me, please.'
By the time their drinks had appeared, bread had been served and the wineglasses removed, Alice felt her butterflies start to disappear.
'How are you finding it?' Jeremy asked.
Alice smiled. 'Lovely. You were right. I'm sick of hospital sandwiches.'
'I meant work.'
Alice flushed. 'Oh.' The waiter appeared again and swapped Alice's knife for a steak knife. 'Work's fine, too,' she said once they were alone again.
'But not lovely?'
'I could think of other words to describe last night.'
Jeremy looked at her thoughtfully. 'I've spoken to Linda. She was always going to come, you know.'
'No, Jeremy, I didn't know,' Alice said forcefully, for the first time staring directly at him. 'I'm not interested in mind games. I accept that I'm a very junior doctor; I've got no delusions of grandeur on that count. When I rang Linda for help and she gave no indication that she was coming in time, I had to make a choice. At the end of the day it wouldn't have stood up too well in the Coroner's Court if I stated that I assumed she'd be coming and did nothing.'
Jeremy winced. 'Thank God it didn't come to that. He's a lot better this evening.'
Alice took a sip of her drink. 'Good. Look, Jeremy, to her credit, Linda did come—'
Jeremy interrupted her. 'But next time you'll think twice about ringing her?''
'Exactly. Which isn't the safest of situations.'
Jeremy stared at her thoughtfully. 'Which is why, and this is strictly between you and me, I ripped a strip off Linda last night. She is a good doctor, but she's got a lot to learn—mainly about how to treat her colleagues. Now, I think last night shook her up, so hopefully she'll lift her game. But don't worry, I'll be watching things closely. And if ever you are worried, I need you to promise me that you will ring Linda without hesitation, and if you get no joy ring me straight away. Don't jeopardise your career for the sake of ruffling a few feathers.'
'You don't have to worry about that,' Alice said seriously. 'I have no intention of jeopardising either my career or the patients' well-being. You've got no concerns there.'
'I know.'
Glad they'd at least got that out of the way, Alice started to eat the meal which had just arrived, but any thoughts of polite small talk flew out of the window when Jeremy voiced his next question. 'So, how did you get pregnant?'
Alice nearly choked on her steak. 'I beg your pardon?' she finally managed to get out when she had finished coughing. 'I would have thought that you of all people would know by now where babies come from.'
Jeremy grinned but pressed on, unfazed. 'It's a natural question to ask. Was it planned?'
'That's none of your business,' Alice retorted furiously, her eyes watering. 'You were the one who said I didn't have to reveal anything I didn't want to.'
'But that was to the patients,' Jeremy answered straightforwardly. 'I'm a friend.'
Alice looked at him, bemused. 'You're a colleague. You're my boss.'
'All right, then.' Jeremy shrugged. 'We can talk about me instead. I'm good at that.'
Again he flashed his impossible smile and Alice managed a small one back. Oh, well, what was the harm in telling him? It was hardly a state secret.
'It wasn't planned,' she admitted. 'I'd have thought that was obvious.'
'Some women choose to go it alone.' He leant over the table but didn't bother to lower his voice. 'My mother knows' someone who's a "miss" in every sense of the word. Apparently she's found some guy who's prepared to donate—'
Alice put up her hand. 'Spare me the details.' She flushed as a smirking waiter refilled her water glass.
Jeremy laughed, and there was something about the refreshing directness of his question that made Alice tentatively start Jo open up. In between mouthfuls of the most delicious steak she had tasted in years, she found herself filling Jeremy in on the most painful intimate details of her life.
'Marcus and I were going out for two years. We'd never really spoken about marriage, but I just assumed it would happen one day. He was a dental student and we were both at the same uni in Adelaide. Marcus had big plans. He was going to take over his uncle's dental practice here in Melbourne—'
'And what about you?' Jeremy cut in.
'I'd do my internship here and then specialise.'
'In what?' Jeremy asked.
'I liked paeds,' Alice admitted. 'That was my first rotation, although A and E holds a certain fascination. It was paeds that got me into this mess.'
Jeremy raised his eyebrows but didn't interrupt again.
'We had a little girl in who was extremely unwell,' Alice explained. 'It turned out she had meningococcal meningitis. A few of us had been pretty hands-on with her so it was recommended that we take some antibiotics.'
'You surely knew that they interfere with the Pill, or at the very least the pharmacist should have warned you.'
'Yes to both,' Alice gave a resigned smile. 'The problem was that Marcus wasn't due to be in Melbourne for a fortnight so I assumed that the warnings didn't apply to me and promptly forgot them. When Marcus turned up for the weekend for a "surprise" visit it never even entered my head I might get pregnant.'
'What did Marcus say?'
Alice fiddled with the food on her plate before answering. 'A lot. But the long and the short of it was that he wanted me to have an abortion, and that's a polite way of putting it.'
'But you didn't—obviously?'
Alice shrugged. 'I'd love to say it never entered my head, but I'd be lying. I even made an appointment, but at the end of the day I just couldn't do it. Marcus was furious, said that I'd ruined all his plans for us, that children weren't on his agenda for years yet. I think he had a vision of us as a couple of yuppies, bringing in the big bucks and living in a penthouse.'
'And what was your vision?'
Alice thought for a moment before answering. 'I didn't really have one. Getting my registration was my next big thing, choosing an area in which to specialise. It certainly wasn't having children so soon, and definitely not on my own.'
'You'll be all right,' Jeremy said kindly, but Alice wasn't so sure.
'That's easy for you to say. The truth is, it's going to be a long, hard slog and I'll just have to make the best of it.'
'So you and Marcus are washed up? There's no chance he might reconsider when the baby comes along?'
'I doubt it. Anyway, it's entirely irrelevant how he feels. There's no way I'd go back to him after the way he's been.'
'What did your parents say?'
The flicker of pain in her eyes didn't go unnoticed by Jeremy. 'Everything Marcus did and ten times more. They really put themselves to the wall to get me through medical school—we're not really speaking at the moment.'
Jeremy gave her a sympathetic look and turned back to his meal but Alice, feeling more confident now, decided it was her turn to cross the line. 'You're still in
a lot of pain from your accident, aren't you?'
Jeremy responded to her probing question in a rather more dignified way than Alice had, but though he didn't promptly start coughing and spluttering he certainly looked suddenly uneasy.
'Has everyone noticed?'
Suddenly she felt sorry for him. He wasn't as cool as he made out. Maybe she shouldn't have mentioned it. 'No one—well, not as far as I know,' she said quickly. 'It was just that first day we started, seeing you after the clinic. I guess I realised then. And since then I've just noticed the odd couple of things, but only because I was looking. I'm sure that no one else would have.'
'I am in pain,' he said quietly. 'Not all of the time, and it certainly doesn't interfere with my work. I'd never put the patients at risk like that. But by the end of a long theatre list or the end of the day...' His voice trailed off.
'Are you taking anything for it?' she probed.
'Paracetamol—that's it. It helps a bit.'
'But not enough. Surely you could take something stronger. I mean, after all you've been through...'
'My doctor said the same, but at the end of the day I'm a surgeon. I have to have my wits about me one hundred per cent. Maybe I could take something but I have to go to my bed with my conscience. Take Lachlan Scott. It would be hard enough telling his parents if he'd died. Imagine my guilt if I'd been taking a painkiller that might have impaired my concentration.'
'But, Jeremy,' Alice reasoned, 'I'm not talking about anything mind-altering, just something a bit stronger.'
But Jeremy was resolute. 'I have to live with myself, Alice. If I need more than paracetamol to get me through then I came back too soon. I'll just have to get on with it.'
As exasperated as Alice was by his stubbornness, she also actually admired him for the stance he was taking and the personal sacrifice he was making to ensure his patients received the best of care.
The Pregnant Intern Page 5