'Better?' Jeremy enquired as she padded out into the kitchen.
'Much. I'll just go and get dressed.'
'Alice, relax. We're not at the Hyatt now; you look fine as you are.'
So she did relax, curling up on the sofa as Jeremy finished off dinner preparations.
'Something smells nice. What is it?'
'It's supposed to be a risotto.' Jeremy grimaced as he brought a laden tray over to where she sat. 'But we might have to think of another name for it by the time I'm finished. It was either that or toast. I'll have to go and do a shop tomorrow.'
Strange, Alice thought. The words 'shopping' and 'Jeremy' somehow didn't equate.
'It's delicious,' Alice uttered as she took her first mouthful. 'Funny, I never imagined you could cook so well.'
Jeremy eyebrows shot up in horror. 'Me! Cook? Rose, the housekeeper, would have dropped this into the fridge this morning. All I had to do was heat it up and warm through the bread.'
'So all that banging and crashing was you just heating it up? Jeremy, I thought you were shelling fish in there.'
Jeremy flashed her an embarrassed smile. 'I should have kept my mouth shut, shouldn't I? Anyway, I grated the Parmesan—I've got the Band-Aid on to prove it.' He held up a finger and Alice started to laugh.
They sat together on the sofa after dinner. Jeremy had opened the huge glass doors, and the darkened bay provided a magnificent backdrop. He was very easy to talk to, and she found herself opening up as she had never done, sharing with him her hopes and fears for herself and her baby.
'I just worry the baby's missing out on so much, not having a father.'
'He'll have you.'
Alice looked up. 'Or she,' she pointed out, then sighed. 'But am I enough?'
Jeremy placed his empty plate on the coffee-table. 'Of course you are. From what I've seen of Marcus—well, put it this way, I think a reluctant access visit once a month and the occasional present will screw a kid up far more than having one passionate parent who really cares.'
Alice blinked in surprise. 'It sounds like you've given it some thought.'
Jeremy shifted uncomfortably. 'I have.' He hesitated before continuing, his eyes staring out at the bay and then turning back to her. 'I've never told anyone this before, not anyone,' he emphasised, 'because it simply didn't seem relevant. My biological mother walked out on my father and I when I was three months old. I've never seen her since, not that I remember her from then obviously. Apart from a few photos dotted in albums, I have no idea what she's like.'
Alice couldn't keep the surprise from her voice. 'So the mother you talk about isn't your real mother?'
She could have bitten her tongue off as she watched his face darken. 'Yes, she is, Alice, in every way. Mavis is my real mother.' His features softened and Alice listened as he continued. 'She came as a nanny at first, but within a few months my father and she fell in love. They had a brilliant marriage.'
'Had?' Alice ventured.
'He died a few months ago, after I had my accident. They were the best parents anyone could ask for. Mavis was the one who got up to me at night when I was teething, saw me take my first steps, picked me up from school, helped me get through uni. It was Mavis sitting day and night beside my bed when I was in Intensive Care. Mavis is every bit my "real" mum.'
'But surely you must be inquisitive. I mean, don't you ever think about your real—I mean your biological mum?'
Jeremy shrugged. 'Not if I can help it. Sure, when I was a spotty, moody teenager, I gave Mum a bit of hard time, saying she had no right to talk to me like that, that she wasn't my real mother, but all teenagers give their parents grey hairs.'
Alice found herself smiling at the thought of Jeremy as a moody adolescent. 'So it really didn't affect you?'
'Who can tell? I'm sure I could pay a shrink a fortune to tell me that my mother's desertion is the reason I treat women so appallingly but, as I said before, that's just a load of mumbo-jumbo. The buck stops here, Alice. I had a perfectly nice childhood with two wonderful parents.'
'So why do you treat women so appallingly?' She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she asked him, but it was something that had to be confronted. Jeremy's colourful past was something that needed to be discussed if things were ever to move further.
Slowly his eyes met hers. They were as blue and deep as the bay outside—and just as easy to drown in, Alice reminded herself. She needed a clear head for this.
'Are you sure you want to hear this?' he asked heavily, and Alice gave a small nod. 'Because I always get away with it.' He didn't say anything for a moment. 'Not a great excuse, I know, but it's the truth.'
'Have you ever been in love—I mean with any of them?'
For an age he didn't answer, but when he slowly nodded Alice felt a surge of panic. She had asked for the truth but she wasn't entirely sure she was up to hearing it. 'Just one.' He stood up and made his way over to the decking as Alice struggled up from the sofa to join him. 'And I made her life hell.'
'What was her name?' Despite her reluctance, Alice needed the details.
'Olivia,' he said softly, and Alice had to strain to hear. 'We were together five years and I mucked it all up.'
'Did you have an affair?'
Jeremy gave a low laugh but she could hear the despair in it. 'One that she knew about and one that she didn't.'
'But why, Jeremy? If you say you loved her, how could you do that?'
'Because when we were together I didn't realise that I did love her. Looking back, I actually don't think I was capable of loving anyone then. I was so into myself there wasn't room for anyone else. Anyway, when Olivia found out she promptly dumped me and made a dash for the bush. Once she'd gone I realised how much she'd meant to me. She got sick and I went after her, but it was too late. She'd met someone else by then and didn't want to know.
'Well, you'd think I'd learnt my lesson, but instead of slowing down I just went into overdrive, chatting everyone up and living life in the fast lane. "I'll show her", so to speak. Pretty immature, huh?'
'So what happened then?'
'The accident. Too tired, too fast and I nearly ended up dead. Waking up in Intensive Care and spending three months flat on your back in traction is a pretty big wake-up call. I had plenty of time to think, to realise what a jerk I'd been.'
'Did Olivia come to see you?'
Jeremy nodded. 'I thought she'd come to gloat, but she's too nice for that. She came to my father's funeral as well, and she said that all things considered, she probably knew Dad better than she knew me. She was probably right.'
Alice felt a surge of jealousy for this woman who seemed to have a claim on Jeremy's heart. 'You still loved her?' she asked, dreading the answer.
'I hardly recognised her. She looked so relaxed, so happy in herself. I then realised how much I had hurt her. I never want to feel like that again, to be the cause of so much misery.'
'If she took you back...'
'Don't go there, Alice, it's not going to happen. She's head over heels in love and probably popping out little redheaded babies now, and I'm happy for her, I really am. I may have loved her, and I still care about her, but we've both moved on. Life doesn't stay still. Sooner or later you have to get on with living, which I intend to, only this time not at the expense of other people's happiness. Hopefully I can prove to you that I've changed, if you'll give me that chance.'
Alice stood there a moment, pondering his words. She was somewhat disarmed by what he had revealed, but also touched by his honesty. It couldn't have been easy to tell it how it was, to not cover up the truth or apportion blame for his actions. She also knew they had moved on considerably, that the road they were taking in revealing so much of themselves was leading somewhere. It was a road Alice hadn't considered she would be taking for some time yet, certainly not while she was pregnant. Yet never before had she felt such an overwhelming feeling of closeness and acceptance. The fact they were attracted to each other was a given—the consequences
of acting on that attraction were what terrified her.
Standing there on the decking, swamped in a bathrobe, her hair a fluffy dark cloud blowing gently in the night's breeze around her flushed face, Alice didn't look like a woman who was wrestling with the weight of indecision.
Jeremy, just inches away, was like a magnet pulling her ever nearer. His eyes seemed to be inviting her to move closer yet he never moved, leaving it for her to take that tiny but monumental leap. Slowly, hesitantly she took a step towards him. The consent in her movement was all the encouragement Jeremy needed and he held out his arms to her. Pulling Alice towards him, he held her still for a moment.
She leant against him, feeling the bulge of her baby pressing into him, his strong arms around her. Slowly his hands moved upwards and, taking her face into his hands, he kissed her slowly, deeply. Drunk on desire, she kissed him back, his thick blond hair like silk beneath her fingers, his heady scent intoxicating her senses. His kiss was all that afternoon's had been, and more. Lost in the moment, all that filled her mind was Jeremy, but it was he that pulled away, he that called a gentle halt.
'Oh, Alice.' He buried his face in her hair, breathing in deeply her soft, slightly fragrant scent. 'You don't know how good you make me feel.'
His utterances were exactly what she was thinking, and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes as she held onto him.
'What was that?' Jeremy pulled back and gave her a shocked look. 'Was that the baby kicking?'
Talk about ruining the moment!' There was nothing Alice could do but laugh as she nodded.
'I think you're right. You really are giving birth to a gymnast.' He looked down at her stomach and his hand hovered nervously over the bulge. 'Can I?'
Taking his hand, she guided it to where the baby was moving. Pressing his hand into her she held on and watched his face as he waited. Jeremy's eyes were wide with an almost childlike fascination. Perhaps sensing an audience, the baby refused to perform.
'Must have gone to sleep,' Alice murmured as Jeremy reluctantly moved his hand away.
'And so must you.' He gave her a small, gentle kiss. 'It's been a long day for you.'
He led her to her bedroom and gave her a slow, unhurried kiss goodnight. When she'd closed the door on him Alice lay on the bed and almost wept. She wanted him so badly she could never have turned him down, yet she was infinitely grateful to him for not pushing it, for giving her the chance to think before they went any further.
Of course, with Jeremy watching her like a hawk she had forgotten to pack a nightie so, slipping out of her bathrobe, Alice slipped between the cotton sheets naked, carefully placing the robe at the end of the bed. How long she lay there, staring into the darkness and listening to the waves lapping against the shore, she couldn't be sure. She was painfully, achingly aware that Jeremy lay in the room next to hers. Her lips were still stinging from the weight of his kiss, and every nerve in her body seemed to be tingling like pins and needles, as if awoken from the longest sleep and slowly coming back to life. She tried not to think of what Jeremy would be like as a lover, and failed.
To be held in those arms with nothing between them. To feel his hot skin against hers, his tongue exploring her. Stop it, she warned, trying to will herself to sleep. But sleep, the one thing she had been longing for all week, suddenly seemed inconsequential. She also badly needed to go to the bathroom—with the baby now firmly head down and growing bigger each day, Alice had a bladder with the capacity of a thimble. She tried to ignore it but to no avail. Getting up, slipping the robe back on and tiptoeing out into the dark hall, she padded about in the unfamiliar house, finally locating the bathroom. Afterwards, making as little noise as possible, she made her way to the kitchen, opened the fridge, pulled out the jug and poured a glass of water to take back to bed.
'Is everything all right?'
Hearing Jeremy's voice, she turned and smiled, the light from the fridge illuminating her features. 'Everything's fine. I just needed a drink. I'm sorry if I woke you.'
'I couldn't sleep anyway.'
'Why?' Alice asked, then blushed as she remembered the reason for her own insomnia. But Jeremy, it seemed, had rather more practical concerns keeping him awake.
'I keep imagining you suddenly going into labour. Do I drive you to the nearest hospital or just head straight for the Women's and Children's, or do I call an ambulance?'
Alice stared at him, bemused. 'Jeremy, I'm not due for seven weeks yet. I'm sure I'll get a bit of warning. I'm not likely just to suddenly have it!'
'I know, I know.' He gave her a sheepish grin. 'I told you I'm terrified of pregnant women.'
'We're quite normal really. Come here.' She beckoned as the baby started to move. 'You might feel something now.'
This time when she placed his hand on her stomach the baby let out a hefty series of kicks, and Jeremy grinned in amazement.
'It's so strong,' he said in wonder.
Her eyes travelled over his near naked body, covered only by a small towel draped around his waist. A vivid raised scar held her gaze, out of place amongst such perfection. It looked angry and sore, and instinctively she reached out and touched it, her fingers, cool and soothing from the icy water, tracing the jagged edges of his wound.
Looking up, Alice caught her breath as he stared back at her.
'It looks sore,' she murmured.
She could feel his breath on her cheek, his bronzed skin beneath her fingers, and she knew then what she was feeling was good and right, that her love and desire for Jeremy was an entity, that something so intrinsically right could never be wrong. Slowly, she bent her head, her cool lips gently kissing the length of his scar. She heard him exhale, one hand burrowing into her hair as the other crept to her belt and struggled with the knot. She moved to help him, the gesture an affirmation for him to continue. Standing back a touch, she swallowed nervously as he loosened the robe and it slipped off her shoulders, tumbling silently onto the floor.
The rapt expression on his face dispelled the last trace of her nerves. Never in her life had she felt as sensual, as feminine. The effect of her naked body on Jeremy was bewitching. With a low moan he buried his face' in her neck, his tongue cool and probing as she had known it would be as his hands skilfully explored the contours of her body until Alice thought she would faint with desire. Without an utterance they made their way to Jeremy's room, pulling back the sheet on the vast bed as he helped her down beside him.
'I want you, Alice,' he rasped. 'Tell me you want me as I want you.'
She answered him with a kiss. Hungrily her lips reached for him, their naked bodies blending together as they explored each other slowly, languorously. For Alice each stroke of his fingers, each touch of his tongue was a revelation. She had never imagined she could feel so sexually alive, so sensual, and it was Jeremy who made her feel this way. Every inch of him expressed his desire and they went on their journey of discovery together, both touchingly unsure of how they would get there but knowing they would in the end.
'I don't want to hurt you,' he said in a thick voice, his eyes like velvet as they gazed into hers. She sensed his hesitancy and knew she had to help him.
'You won't,' she murmured, slowly lowering herself onto him. They moved together, tentative at first but becoming bolder as desire and need took over. His hands cupped her glorious swollen breasts, his long fingers massaging her nipples, as ripe and tempting as summer berries. But through it all he held her with such gentleness, all the time careful, mindful of her condition, treating her with a certain reverence that further affirmed her new-found love.
Opening her eyes, she gazed down at his body beneath her. As if drawn, his eyes opened too, and she held his gaze. Their bodies joined, their eyes locked. They were one. Feeling the swell of him within her, she gave in to the sweet release, overwhelmed by throbbing intensity that seemed to ricochet through the entire length of her glistening, flushed body. And when the journey was over, as they lay together in an exhausted embrace and Jeremy pu
lled her closer to him, if that was possible, Alice knew that, really, the journey had only just begun.
'So that's what it feels like.'
His deep voice broke into her slumber. 'What's "it"?' she murmured, nestling deeper into his embrace.
'Love' came the simple, heart-rending reply.
Alice lay on her side, her dark cloud of hair fanning the pillow. Tenderly he smoothed her locks and nestled his face into her shoulder, tucking his body around hers. As he snuggled in deeper one arm pulled her closer as the other held her stomach in an almost protective gesture. Despite the joy of their love-making, despite the rapture of lying here in his arms, Alice felt a tear slide down her cheek, and she realised with a jolt that the one thing she wished more than anything was that the baby inside her could have been Jeremy's.
'Alice, is anything wrong?' His voice was deep, probing, and the genuine concern she heard prohibited her from answering in case he heard the emotion in her voice. Instead she gently shook her head.
"Night, then,' he murmured into her hair, the softest of kisses sweeping her exposed shoulder. He felt her relax against him, listened as her breathing evened out, and only when he was sure she was asleep did Jeremy finally give in and let himself start to doze. Feeling the baby swooping and kicking beneath his hands, his last conscious thought as he drifted off was that he wished the child he could feel cocooned safely inside the woman he knew now he loved was his.
CHAPTER FIVE
For three days and nights they disappeared from the world and lived only for each other. Long hazy days, spent lying in the sun, occasionally cooling off in the huge sparkling blue pool. They only ventured out once, walking the short distance into Sorrento where they went to a fish and chip shop which Jeremy assured her was the best in the southern hemisphere. Alice found herself agreeing as they sat on the beach, squeezing lemon over their king prawns, feeding each other as lovers do. The ferry bound for Queenscliff was setting off. Alice watched as it pulled away, idly throwing the remaining chips to the rapidly gathering seagulls.
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