by Shirley Jump
He’d been a jerk that day, and knew it. He remembered every detail, and back then, in the foolish naïveté of the young, he’d thought he was doing Meri a favor.
He remembered the way the sun had been streaming in through the garage windows, glinting off Meri’s blond hair like strands of gold. She’d been beautiful, but then again, she’d always been beautiful. He remembered wondering where the real Meri was, because she’d turned into a facade of herself over the year he’d dated her, sinking more and more into that pageant world of false eyelashes and false smiles. And he’d told himself he was better off without this Meri in his life, because then he could concentrate on the military and not get distracted.
But the Meri who had returned to Stone Gap was real. It was as if by peeling away all the layers of makeup and glittery gowns, he’d seen the woman he’d been looking for years ago. That intrigued him, and with her naked in the water beside him, it made him wonder what else had grown up about Meri.
“Seems to me, if we’re here swimming naked together, that isn’t all she wrote,” Jack said. “And in case you haven’t noticed, I still want you, Meri.”
If he’d hoped that she would just swim into his arms and answer this pounding need in his body, he’d been wrong. Instead she put a little more distance between them. “Then why did you break up with me? Was it just because of the pageants?”
“That was part of it, but not the whole reason.” He couldn’t keep hiding his feelings and thoughts forever. It hadn’t gotten him anywhere but sitting alone on his porch, drinking beer and beating himself up. “And I’ve been sorry ever since.” He met her gaze. “I’m sorry, Meri.”
She looked away. “It was a long time ago.”
“Maybe so, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been a jerk a few dozen times, starting with that day. I broke up with you because I had this weird superstition that if I had someone waiting for me back home, it meant I would die in some godforsaken country. I told myself it would be better for you, and for me, if I wasn’t attached to anyone.”
“That’s silly.”
He shrugged. “Most soldiers have superstitions. They wear a lucky pair of socks or carry a lucky coin.”
“And for you, your superstition was no unlucky connections?”
Now that she put it that way, it did sound silly. The one thing he had craved when he was overseas was the very connections he had left behind. The voices, the faces of those he loved. “Yeah. You’re right, it was silly. I should have known better. And I should have kept you in my life.”
“I don’t think it was silly. I think it was sweet.” She swam up to him and draped her arms around his neck. Her legs brushed his every few seconds. The hurt had ebbed in her features and a smile curved her lips. He’d always liked that about Meri, how quick she was to forgive, to move forward. “You are a very sweet man, Jack Barlow.”
“I was going for smoldering and dangerous.”
Her leg trailed along his and sparked nerve endings on every inch of its path. “Oh, you are that, and much more.”
“Not me,” he said, shaking his head. “You are the smoldering, dangerous one.”
A slow, sexy smile curved up her face. “You’re just trying to butter me up.”
“And what would I be trying to butter you up for?”
She took in a breath, like this was a big step, admitting the truth. The breath raised her chest, giving him a too-brief peek of her nipples. “Taking advantage of my naked state.”
“The thought never occurred to me.” He affected an innocent tone, but inside his brain, his hormones were staging a mutiny against common sense.
She laughed, a light sound that seemed to carry on the breeze and nestle in his chest. “Liar.”
“What makes you think I’m lying?” He slid his legs along hers, then roamed his hands down her breasts, over her hips. She let out a little gasp but didn’t move away, didn’t stop him. She was like silk beneath his touch, and he couldn’t seem to stop touching her, feeling her. All he wanted was to slip inside her. “Because I’m totally not thinking about sex right now.”
“Really? Neither am I.” Meri hesitated only a second, then she slipped her right hand under the water, and trailed along his belly. She grabbed his erection and let her palm slide up and down.
Electricity arced in his veins and he groaned, aching with need for her. He wrapped one leg around hers, pinning her body against his, but it made them bob under the water and pop back up, sputtering and laughing. “We could drown doing this in the deep water.”
“Then maybe we should take it a little...inland.”
They swam toward the shore until their feet touched the soft bottom of the lake. The houses around the lake were dark, the residents gone to bed, and the only light came from the moon above them. Jack had told himself not to get involved with Meri, not to get close to Meri, but she was the only thing that seemed right in his world.
Just one night, he told himself. Just one. Then she would go back to New York and he’d go back to burying himself in work and chores and sweat equity, and he would never have to tell her about Eli and that day.
One night.
Was it selfish of him to want that?
When she slid her hand along his erection again, he stopped debating and took action instead. He lowered his mouth to hers, his hands going to her back, sliding down to cup her ass and haul her body against his. He deepened the kiss, dancing with her tongue.
It was all hands and legs and bodies, a slippery, sliding, amazing frenzy to touch, to feel, to have her. Jack cupped her breasts, letting his thumbs drift over her firm, hard nipples. She gasped, arched against him, raising one leg as she did. He slid into her in one easy, fast move. She called out his name, and in that moment, Jack was a goner.
He hoisted her weight in his hands while she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned back into his palms, allowing him deeper access. The dark night covered them from view, and the warm water amplified every stroke.
Pleasure, pure pleasure. That was all Jack felt as he made love to Meri. The past he had been running from disappeared in those sweet, hot moments between them. His mind emptied of everything but her, listening to her soft mews, then hearing her gasp, feeling her clutch at him as he increased his strokes and she called out his name again, this time in one long, aching breath. His world exploded and he came inside her, in a wonderful, breathless release that for just a minute washed away the pain that crowded his every thought.
Chapter Thirteen
Five seconds after she arrived, Meri regretted her decision. She was wearing a pale pink dress she hated, makeup that felt like a mask. She had curled her hair and left it down around her shoulders, but sprayed the strands within an inch of their life to keep the style from bending to the hot, humid air.
Her mother crossed the lawn with effortless strides, having somehow managed the walking-in-heels-on-grass thing years ago. Meri had chosen flats for today, the dressiest option she had that also allowed her to move freely.
“I’m so glad you came, Meredith,” her mother said. “It’ll be so delightful for people to catch up with you.”
“I’m here to take pictures, Momma.” Meri raised the camera as evidence and snapped a few wide shots of the party, then a close-up of one of the floral arrangements on a nearby cocktail table. Working would keep her from thinking about last night with Jack, about their sweet, delicious, wonderful lovemaking in the water. She’d gone to sleep thinking about Jack, woken up thinking about Jack and spent half the morning daydreaming about Jack. They’d made plans to meet tonight for a picnic by the lake, and she could hardly wait for that hour to arrive. “I plan on working, not socializing.”
Her mother waved away the sentence. “A lady doesn’t work, Meredith Lee. She attends.”
Attends? A shiver of foreboding slithered along Mer
i’s spine. All the right things were in place for one of her mother’s parties: the carefully arranged finger foods tended by tuxedoed waitstaff; the polite, demure waitresses handing out mimosas and champagne; the colorful flower arrangements designed not to overpower the tables yet still make an impact.
“I’m here for professional reasons only. Remember?”
“Of course, of course. And you will take your pictures. But first I wanted you to say hello to Bert Mathers.” Anna Lee took Meri’s elbow and began detouring her toward the buffet table. “You remember him, don’t you, dear?”
Meri stopped walking. “Bert? What is he doing here?”
The pieces jigsawed into place. Meri glanced around and recognized the director of the first pageant she had competed in, her coach during the years she’d competed nationally, the designer who had created Meri’s custom glittery dresses. Across the lawn stood Dexter Cornwell, who had taken over his father’s events company, talking to Luke Barlow. Beside them were two other coaches in the industry and Bert’s assistant. At least ninety percent of the people in attendance worked in the pageant arena in one way or another.
“What is going on?” Meri asked.
“Oh, and look,” Anna Lee went on. “There’s Harvey Stills. You remember him, don’t you, Meredith Lee? He’s that plastic surgeon out of Charleston.” Her mother leaned in, as if she was sharing a privileged secret. “He comes highly recommended.”
“To fix imperfections?” Outrage exploded in her chest. “Is that why you invited him? So you can make me perfect again?”
Her mother pursed her lips. “I merely thought you might like to be...restored.”
Restored? As if she was some kind of dented antique that needed a new finish before it could be displayed? “What the hell is this about? Why am I really here?”
Anna Lee gasped. “A lady does not curse, Meredith Lee. Now try not to slouch and don’t forget to smile. These people have worked very hard to help get you where you are today.”
Meri refused to move. She flung off her mother’s hand. “You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you? I don’t think you’ve listened to anything I’ve said since the day I was born. I don’t want to go back to pageants. I don’t want to compete. I don’t want to smile nice and walk tall and pretend my shoes aren’t killing my feet.”
Anna Lee let out a little laugh. “Who said anything about competing? I merely thought you would like to be involved again. Maybe in coaching or judging. After all, this was such a big part of your life. I can imagine how hard it was to walk away.” Anna Lee patted Meri’s hand. “If you’re worried about how people will react to you after you dropped out of Miss America—”
“I didn’t drop out, Momma. I ran away. Ran as far as I could go. Because I knew if I didn’t, you’d keep on shoving me into those pageants until the day I died.”
“You just had a little breakdown. I pushed you too hard.” Anna Lee flicked her wrist as if that made the past disappear. “That’s neither here nor there. You are here now.”
“Because you asked me to be, Momma. Because I thought you finally cared about what I did and what made me happy.” Meri shook her head and cursed the tears that sprang to her eyes. “Do you even know why I did all those pageants?”
“Because you enjoyed them, of course.” Her mother put on the fake, sugary smile she used for museum visits and long church sermons. “It’s such fun to get dressed up and—”
“Because I wanted to spend time with you, Momma.” Meri met her mother’s eyes, so similar to her own, yet they saw the world in radically different colors. “The only time you were with me, and not at some charity function or some event, was when I did pageants. I needed a mother, and if having her meant standing on a stage and posing with a smile on my face, I did it.”
Anna Lee’s perfectly painted coral lips parted, closed. “I...I thought you enjoyed them. I thought you were having fun.”
“Sometimes, yes, I did. But then when I won Miss North Carolina and it was time for the Miss America pageant, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t pretend for one more day, just to get a crown that I didn’t even want. There were so many girls who truly did love the pageants and had worked harder than me and who deserved it far more than I did.” She shook her head. “So I left. I didn’t want to be known as a former Miss America contestant. I wanted to be known as just Meri Prescott.”
“You deserved that crown, Meredith Lee. You deserved it more than anyone. You’ve worked so hard, and you can have it all back. If you talk to Bert, he can—”
“You’re impossible.” Meri blew her hair out of her face. Why did she keep hoping for change? Her mother hadn’t done it in almost thirty years—she wasn’t going to start now. “I’m leaving.”
“Meredith Lee, do not embarrass me by storming out of here.” Her mother kept her voice low, the tone harsh. Meri half expected her to threaten her daughter with grounding. “These people are your friends.”
“None of them were my friends, Momma. And if you ever looked beneath the surface of anything in your life, you’d realize they were never yours either.”
Her mother gasped. “My daughter would never talk to me like that.”
“How would you know? You don’t know your daughter any better than you know the guy who cleans the pool.” Meri turned on her heel and walked away. Behind her, she could hear her mother sputtering, then switching gears to her polite voice as a guest came up to greet Anna Lee. Yet another sign that nothing had changed. Her mother was going to continue perpetuating this world made out of phony smiles.
Meri walked faster, hoping to get out of there before her mother could catch up or any of Anna Lee’s guests could come up and talk to her. But she didn’t move fast enough.
“Meredith Lee Prescott? Oh my goodness, you have changed!” Aspen Whitehall strode across the lawn—another grass-in-heels master—and gave Meri a small, practiced smile that showed just the right amount of perfectly straight and whitened teeth. Her blond hair was swept into a low chignon cemented in place by a whole lot of hair spray. Her brown eyes were turned blue by colored contacts—a secret only those who had competed with Aspen knew—and her slender body was emphasized with a little silicone on top and a little lipo on the bottom.
She had been Meri’s replacement—the runner-up who went to the Miss America pageant when Meri bailed at the last minute. And as Meri looked at the fake, glossified woman before her, she realized this was what she would have become if she had stayed in Stone Gap.
“Aspen, I’m leaving. Have fun at the party.”
“Wait.” Aspen put a hand on Meri’s arm. “Don’t go yet. I wanted to talk to you.”
“If this is about that pageant thing my mother wants me to do—”
“No. I, uh, wanted to ask you about that.” Aspen pointed to the scar on Meri’s cheek, then fluttered her hand down and gave Meri an embarrassed smile. “How...how do you live with that? I mean, all those years of worrying about how you look and now when you look in the mirror...I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just trying to understand how you learned to be...”
“Out in public with this hideous thing on my face?” Meri spat out the words, angry at her mother, angry at the guest list, angry at everything. “Sorry.”
“Oh, goodness, no, don’t apologize. That came out wrong. I don’t think you look hideous. Not at all.” Aspen shook her head and bit her lip. Moments passed, and as much as Meri wanted to leave, she sensed Aspen really wanted to talk. “How do you...well, how do you get to where you don’t give a crap what people think of how you look?”
Meri let out a sharp laugh. “Is that what you think? I don’t care?”
“God, no, this is coming out all wrong.” Aspen fidgeted, her cheeks red. Once, the two girls had been friends—or as good of friends as one could get during a competition—and had even been roommates a ti
me or two at pageants. They’d shared beauty tips and stage-fright episodes, caught in that world unto itself. For a moment, it seemed like they were sharing secrets over a despised vegetable tray in their room. “It’s just...I saw you walk in here, and everyone was staring and you...you didn’t care. You just did your job, and told off your mother, from what I heard, and I just think that’s...cool.”
“Cool? Me? You’re the one who competed in Miss America.”
“Only because you were strong enough to walk away. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be Miss America. But I didn’t win. And the day after the crowning, I realized that I had no life outside of pageants.” She raised one shoulder, let it drop. “It was what we always talked about before—what would come next? And here I was at that next place, except I had no job, no career, no experience in my life except at being pretty and perfect and cutting ribbons at events.”
“You’re a great writer, Aspen. You should do that.” Meri remembered the stories that Aspen had shared with her when they roomed together. Aspen had spent her nights scribbling in a thick journal, writing novels that she never published.
She shrugged. “Who’s gonna take me seriously?”
“It doesn’t matter. It only matters if one person does.”
“Who’s that?”
“You.” She had echoed Jack’s words and realized now how true they were. It didn’t matter what anyone in this town or in her life or in New York thought of Meri. It only mattered what she thought. She reached out and drew Aspen into a quick hug. “I gotta go. I have a long-overdue date to get to.”
* * *
There was nothing left on Jack’s to-do list, and the day stretched before him, long and empty and hot. The garage was closed for the day, without a single car in the bay to be fixed. The few renovation projects he had on his own list were waiting on a shipment from the home improvement store. Jack had gone for a run, gone for a swim, wandered around at loose ends for another hour, then gone over to visit with Ray, but had found Meri’s grandfather napping in his chair and decided to leave the old man alone. Luke had called twice to see if Jack had changed his mind about the Prescott party.