by West, Harper
"You could just tell me how you feel," I murmured, trying not to sound like I was begging.
"I feel angry," she said. "And used a little bit. I feel like you don't think before you do things, and you're so used to things working out for you no matter how stupid they are that you never stop to consider what might happen if they don't. What if I say no? What if I walk away right now and tell you not to follow me? Not to contact me again."
Each word weighed heavy on my chest, but I took it, standing there in the darkness of the beach, some distance still from the house. "Then I'll accept that," I told her. "It's your call."
Her eyes narrowed. "If I told you to fuck off, you would?"
I nodded. "Yeah. If that would make you happy."
Somehow I didn't think it would, but I wasn't going to press my luck and say that. Caro was the sort of person who would ignore her own feelings just to prove a point, and I didn't want to force her hand and tempt her to do that.
"I need to think," she said finally. "This is all... It was already too much, and now there's more on top of it, and I can't make a decision right now. I have an early flight in the morning, and I need to finish packing."
"Okay," I said. "That's fair."
Even though she was lying. There was no way in hell she'd left her packing for that late. It just wasn't who she was. But I wasn't going to press her.
"I'll call you when I get back to New York. When I've had some space and some time. Okay? I'll let you know."
"Okay," I said again. "Sure."
And I stood there and watched her walk away.
I took my time going back to the house. My head was a whirlwind of emotions, and I wasn't used to that. I was thinking about Christine and how she'd been a convenient partner and how most of the other women I'd been with had also been convenient in some way.
Because it was the right place and time or because we were both drunk and in the mood or we had friends in common. I was pretty sure Caro was the only person I'd ever been with because I wanted to be with her. Because my feelings were strong.
I wondered if it was the same for her.
She put her work first, and it was hard for some people to understand that, but I was pretty sure I was one of the few.
We were perfect for each other, and I could only hope she could see that.
Chapter 18
Kevin
New York was cold and gray compared to Hawaii.
I’d gotten a text from Caro telling me she’d gotten home safely and that my agent had the bill for her services, and that was about it. Three days had gone by since then, and I hadn’t heard from her since.
We’d left things on good enough terms, I thought. Enough that she hadn’t been spitting mad and she hadn’t outright told me no. She wanted time to think, and I had to give her that.
So I was content to wait.
Well. Not content, but aware I didn’t have any other choice in the matter. The ball was firmly in her court, and all I could do was wait and see what she decided in the end.
I distracted myself with training. With hanging out with my friends.
Christine called me a few times, but I ignored her. Anything she had to say to me couldn’t be important, and with Caro’s thorough job of getting me back good in the public eye, anything she said now would be seen as shallow and grasping. Just a way to get attention, which was all it was in the first place.
I couldn’t even be mad at her anymore, really. Her stunt had brought Caro back into my life, after all, and I could only be happy about that.
Even if things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, it was nice to know she was doing well. Nice to see that whatever had happened between us hadn’t messed up her life.
And Caro had done her job well, too. When I left New York for Hawaii, my reputation had been on the mend, but when I got back, things were back the way they were. I was on top, I had new offers for endorsements, and my coach was happy. Even Kathleen reluctantly admitted that things had worked out alright, even though she was giving Caro all the credit for it. Which was good. She deserved the credit. She’d worked really hard.
It was nice to be able to live my life without worrying about some reporter or amateur blogger or whatever breathing down my neck.
Still, when it hit the one week point since I'd gotten back from Hawaii, I was beginning to lose hope a little. Seven days was a long time to wait when your heart was on the line, after all.
"Are you okay?" Manny asked me when we were leaving the gym that afternoon. "You seem distracted as hell."
"Yeah," I said. "There's just a lot on my mind. Stuff I'm trying to figure out."
He nodded. "You're making some changes after everything? I don't think you've gone out once since you've been back."
"I've been out," I told him. "With you and the rest of the guys."
"Yeah, but that's not like. Out, out, you know? Not on your own, looking for ladies or whatever."
"Oh." I shrugged. "I guess I haven't really been in the mood."
"That's why I'm asking if you're good. You're usually always in the mood."
And he wasn't wrong. It was rare for me to let so much time pass without blowing off some steam in my usual way, but I had my head fixated on one thing, and I couldn't focus on anything or anyone else until I knew how it was going to turn out.
I started walking home, and Manny headed in the opposite direction, toward the area he lived in. As I walked, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, and I thought about ignoring it, but there was a little voice in the back of my head that said it might be worth paying attention to.
So I pulled it out.
It was Caro.
With butterflies in my stomach, I answered. "Hey. Long time, no see."
She laughed softly. "Sorry. I bet you were going crazy."
"Nah. I'm cool and collected all the time, didn't you know?"
"Sure you are," she replied. "Do you have a minute?"
"Yeah, of course. I'm just walking home."
"From where?"
"Dinner. With one of my teammates. You don't have to worry, I'm not up to the old shit."
She laughed again, and it was nice to have made her laugh twice in one conversation. "I wasn't worried. I think you've learned your lesson. I think...this isn't really a phone conversation. Do you want to come over?"
I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, blinking in surprise. It seemed like a big thing to be invited to Caro's apartment. I knew she was private.
"Sure. Yeah. I can do that. I can get a car right now. Text me the address?"
"Okay. I'll see you soon, then."
The address came through just a bit later, and I was already arranging a car over to her place, heart pounding. If she was just going to tell me to fuck off, she could have done that over the phone.
Unless she just wanted to let me down gently or something and didn't want to be callous about it. But then she could have come to my place or met me somewhere neutral.
For Caro, having me over had to be an intimate sort of thing. Right?
My mind was twisting over itself in circles, going round and round with the possibilities, and I had to make myself stop and breathe and focus on the way over there. I didn't want to come off as desperate and weird any more than I already had.
Her building was in one of the nicer areas of town, and I caught the door as one of her neighbors came out, heading for the elevators so I could go up to her floor.
I remembered the address from when I'd sent her coffee and pastries, of course, and I remembered how I'd wanted to come deliver them myself but knew she wouldn't let me get close to her door if she knew.
It was so different now, and that felt like ages ago.
I knocked when I got to her door, and I could hear her moving around inside before she came to let me in.
She was dressed down and comfortable for the weekend, her hair in a thick braid over one shoulder, sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt completing the look.
It
could have been frumpy on anyone else, but she was managing to look cozy enough that it made me want to curl up with her.
Caro smiled when she saw me and stepped back to let me in.
"Hi," I said, hoping I didn't sound too nervous.
"Hey. Welcome to the mess."
I glanced around, and of course her apartment wasn't messy. There were dishes in the sink and a blanket on the couch, but those were just signs of it being lived in.
"So," she continued before I could say anything. "I um. I guess we should talk."
I nodded. "Should we sit?"
"Yeah. Yes. Let's sit down."
Caro took the armchair and I took the couch, and we looked at each other for a long moment, neither of us speaking up just yet.
"I missed you," I finally said. "After having you back in my life, a week seemed like a long time."
She fiddled with the end of her braid, eyes on her lap. "You know, you're right. Six years without seeing you, and then you come crashing back into my life, and suddenly I'm thinking about you all the time. What's that about?"
"It's my magnetic personality," I teased her lightly. "But you're the same, you know. I saw you once and then I couldn't stop thinking about you. That time you came to the gym to talk to me? You were in my head the whole rest of my workout. And after it." I gave her a significant look, and she blushed, picking up on what I meant immediately.
"Yeah, well. There were some nights like that for me, too. None of them compared to the real thing."
"Same for me. Imagining that I had you was not even close to actually having you." I sucked in a breath and then let it out. "I'm sorry," I said. "I should have said that before."
"For what?"
"For using you. For making you come all the way out there just because I wanted you. It wasn't my brightest move."
"No," she said, and to my surprise, she chuckled a little. "It wasn't. But you know...it worked. Your stupid plan to spend a week sweeping me off my feet worked. I was swept. I wanted you more that week than I probably ever have, and I was mad at myself for it."
"You should let yourself have the things you want," I offered. "Especially when it goes both ways."
"Yeah, well. It's never been that easy for me. Not after...well, you know. I thought we were on the same page then, too. And it turned out we weren't. What if that happens again?"
"Then hopefully we're older and smarter now. I think I am. I know you are. We'll actually communicate."
"I'm not going to stop working so much," she continued. "I can't. I want to be a partner before too long, and I can't afford to slack off."
"I have to work just as much, Caro," I told her. "We're both busy. We always have been. That doesn't mean I won't try to make you take it easy, but I get your ambition. I'm not trying to stand in the way of it or make you choose me over it. Just like I know you'd never do that to me. I think one of the things that makes us so good for each other is that we both understand what the other one wants and how hard we're willing to work to get it."
A little smile played around her lips, and she chuckled again. It was a good sign, I was hoping. "I suppose that's true. I thought I was going to call you and give you a laundry list of reasons why this wouldn't work. I thought I was going to tell you that I was flattered, and I cared about you, but it was just not feasible."
"But?"
"But nothing I came up with held weight. And if it did, it was outweighed by the fact that I just really fucking want you. And I guess since you went to all that trouble, and you want me too, I should just let it happen."
My heart leapt when I heard that, and I was out of my seat and crossing to pull her up in a second.
"You sure?" I asked, needing to make sure before I let myself celebrate.
"Yeah," she said, looking up at me. "I'm sure."
And then I was kissing her. Pulling her close enough that there was no space between us and pressing our mouths together again and again.
I kissed her until we were both breathless and panting, eyes hazy as we looked at each other.
“I don’t know what it says about me that it only took you seven nights to seduce me,” she said, lifting an eyebrow as she looked at me with a smile.
“Well, if it makes you feel better, I had a six year head start.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not sure if that helped or hurt you, actually, but I guess it doesn’t really matter now.”
I grinned and pulled her closer once more, kissing her long and deep. And the amazing thing was that it really didn’t matter. I had her now.
Chapter 1
Ash
"Hey, Ash! Ash!"
I froze with one foot on the step, looking towards the door of my apartment. I was so close that I could run for it and make it before the landlord got there, but then I'd just have to deal with him pounding on the door, demanding to talk to me.
I'd been successfully avoiding him for the last three or four days but coming home in the middle of the afternoon had been my downfall, clearly. I sighed and stepped down, waiting for him to catch up to me.
"What's up, Evan?" I asked, even though I knew full well.
He gave me the best version of his 'sympathetic look'. Everyone had one. It was a look that said 'hey, I understand you're going through something right now, but I'm really going to need my money'.
"Ash, it's Friday," he said. "You said you'd have the rent today."
I sighed. "Yeah, I know."
The look didn't let up. "Listen, I know you've got a lot going on with school and work and everything, but I can't let people live here for free. You're a good tenant, and I never get any complaints about you. You're not growing weed in your closet like the guy in 207, but I need the rent. This is the third time you've been late."
"I know," I said again. "I just need a couple more days, Evan, I promise. I'll get my check from my other job, and I'll hand it right to you, I swear."
The thing was, he'd definitely heard me say that before. He sighed and rubbed a hand through his greying hair. "Okay, Ash. I'll give you until the end of next week to get it to me, but you have to have it on time next month, or...I'm going to have to evict you. This is a popular spot for people your age, and I can rent your apartment out to someone who can afford it pretty easily, so."
"I can afford it!" I insisted.
He looked skeptical. "Okay. I'm not trying to insinuate anything. I'm just looking at your track record. So just. Get me the money and be on time next month. Can you do that?"
I forced a smile and gave him a salute. With the wrong hand. "Sure can. You don't even need to worry about it. I can handle it." I started walking up the stairs backwards, almost desperate to get to my apartment door.
"Okay," he said again. "I'm expecting a check on the first. Not an IOU or a promise of a check. An actual, real life, able to be cashed check."
It was a huge effort not to tell him to go fuck himself, but he did have a point. "Yep. You'll get it. See you, Evan."
I jammed the key in the lock and let myself in, closing the door behind me with a grateful sigh.
Evan was being beyond nice by giving me more time, and most other landlords would have already had my ass on the street by the time I'd been late twice. He was giving me extra time, but the thing was, I didn't know if I'd have the money in a week. And I definitely couldn't promise I'd be able to pay on the first.
Everything that could go wrong was going wrong.
My first job, working as a receptionist at the local art gallery, had cut back my hours, and even though I made up for it by taking more hours at the coffee shop, it was just not enough to cover everything.
I was constantly rearranging payment dates, and stalking my bank account to see when my direct deposits would come in. Both of my credit cards were maxed out from buying groceries and paying for textbooks, and even the stash of money my parents had sent me 'for emergencies' was dangerously close to being gone.
I didn't know what I was going to do.
If I lost this apartment, I had nowhere else to go except back home to my parents, and they lived about two thousand miles away. That meant I'd have to drop out of my graduate program at the university, and go back home with my tail between my legs in shame.
I'd talked so much shit about how I was moving to the big city to follow my passions and I didn't need a job at my dad's store. I could do things on my own.
And now I was at rock bottom with no idea how to climb back up.
I groaned and slid down to sit on the floor, back pressed against the door. There was no use panicking and getting depressed about it now. I had to come up with a plan. Maybe if I moved some stuff around and was late on a few other things I could get the rent covered.
I could call in a favor or two, maybe. I'd covered some shifts for coworkers for the extra money, maybe they'd let me borrow...
Ugh, I hated the idea of that. From a young age my parents had drilled it into my head that borrowing money was a bad thing to do. It made things awkward between friends and put a weird dynamic in place.
My dad didn't even believe in credit cards. "If you can't afford it, don't buy it," he always said. Of course, he was a weirdo who still tried to pay for everything with cash in the year 2019, but every time I thought about getting a loan or asking for money, the words came back to haunt me.
So I wouldn't be going down that road.
Only problem was there weren't a lot of other roads to go down. I had no idea what to do about the situation.
Pulling out my phone to check my bank account sure as hell didn't help. Apparently my phone bill had gone through, even though I was pretty sure I'd taken it off automatic payments. I'd almost had enough to cover it, but the forty-three cents that I'd been short had overdrafted my account. So, unless I could get some money in there, I'd be hit with a charming fee.
Why me? Why did terrible things always happen to me? Between two jobs and school, I was busting my ass. If I had the time for a third job, I'd take it, but I was already stretched too thin and not sleeping enough.