by Nell Dixon
Dark circles had formed under Polly’s eyes. He wanted to get her home before the air got too cold and triggered her coughing. “We’d better take you back to Nanny’s for tea. It’s getting late.”
Polly cuddled her doll close to her. “Are you going to see the lady from the river?” she asked.
“Do you mind?” Evan smiled at his daughter.
“I liked her. She knew where to get duck food.”
Evan grinned. Nathalie had scored major brownie points with Polly. The problem was, he doubted if his own score was very high with Nathalie.
A few hours later, as he rang her parents’ doorbell, he wondered if he would ever manage to restore himself into Nathalie’s good books. From the way his heartbeat quickened when he looked into her dark blue eyes as she opened the door, he knew that, more than anything else, he wanted to be back on her good side.
When he’d lost Nathalie, he’d made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. Now he’d met her again, and it confirmed his feelings of regret. He owed it to her to try to put things right and to give her the apology and explanation she deserved.
Chapter Three
Nathalie licked her dry lips. Being around Evan always made her nervous. The dark, serious look he gave her now made her feel even more nervous than usual.
“You’d better come in. I need to get my coat.” She stepped back into the hallway, and Evan followed her inside. His wide frame filled the narrow entranceway. His proximity flustered her as she hurried along the hall to the coat stand, keen to put some space between them.
“Hey, Evan!” Jerome called through the open lounge door.
“Evening.” Evan greeted her parents and brother.
Relieved he wasn’t still standing so near to her, Nathalie took advantage of his going into the lounge to tidy her hair and apply a fresh coat of lip gloss. She pulled on her marshmallow pink jacket and joined them. “I’m ready to go.” The evening ahead would be difficult enough without Jerome adding to her anxiety, so she was eager to leave as soon as possible.
“Have a nice time, dear,” her father remarked. “And it’s good to see you again, Evan.”
Nathalie followed Evan out of her parents’ home, conscious of the curious gazes of her family watching them as they left. She hadn’t felt so awkward since she’d been a teenager and had first started dating. “Where are we going?”
Evan opened the door of his 4x4 for her. “I thought we might go to The Lion, down by the river. It was always nice there.”
Anxiety swirled in her stomach as she climbed into the passenger seat. “It’s been a long time since I went there.” Not since you left, she thought. She had always thought of the pub as “their place.” In the summer, they sat at tables near the water’s edge and watched the boats glide up and down the river. In the winter, they’d sat inside near the inglenook fireplace, where the logs had crackled and popped as the flames flickered up the chimney and the horse brasses had twinkled in the firelight.
She sighed, knowing her perception of The Lion being special was hers alone. She doubted it had any such connotations for Evan.
****
Evan watched the range of emotions play across her face. He’d suggested The Lion because it was familiar, and all his memories of time spent there were pleasant. When he thought about it, most of his time spent there had been with Nathalie.
“For a minute back there, I thought your dad was about to give us a curfew,” he joked.
Nathalie grinned. “Me too. I think they forget sometimes that I’m not a teenager anymore.”
“I take it you don’t live at home?”
“No, I moved out a while ago, when my business took off and Nate moved out. I live nearer to town, as it’s handy for the shop. None of us live there anymore, although Jerome often calls around.”
Evan swung the car into the narrow country lane that led to the pub. “This place doesn’t look as if it’s changed much,” he remarked as they pulled in to the car park. Yellow-tinted floodlights illuminated the white walls of the building, and a wisp of smoke curled from the chimney into the evening sky. He jumped out of his seat and went to open the door for Nathalie.
“It seems quiet here tonight.” She looked around the almost deserted car park.
“I expect it’ll get busy later.” Evan reached for her hand as she climbed out of the car. She ignored the gesture and instead turned to lead the way through the small side gate to the entrance of the pub. He followed behind her, disappointed that she had snubbed him and surprised by how much it stung.
The lounge was quiet. Another couple sat at a corner table, sipping their drinks. An elderly man stood at the bar, deep in conversation with the landlord.
“What would you like to drink?” Evan asked. In the past, Nathalie had always ordered soft drinks.
“Orange juice, please. I had wine at lunch, and I need to drive home from Mum’s later.”
Evan smiled as he collected the drinks and took a seat opposite her by the fireplace. Maybe some things didn’t change. Nathalie had taken off her jacket and hung it on the corner coat stand. In the soft light from the fire, her face appeared shadowed, almost mysterious. A frisson of electricity ran through his body. She was a beautiful woman.
“I’m glad you agreed to come out with me.” He had thought that she would refuse. In truth, he wouldn’t have blamed her if she hadn’t wanted to see him again. He owed her an apology — one that was long overdue.
“I guess I’m either a sucker for punishment, or I want an explanation.” Her voice sounded brittle and her eyes were downcast, as if the wood grain of the table held some secret meaning.
Evan sighed. He felt like a heel. “I never intended to hurt you, Tali.”
Her eyes snapped up to meet his. “I never thought you did.” He wished he could believe her words, but the pain on her face told a different story.
“I’d received a letter from Laurel that morning when I last saw you. I’d seen her a few times when I was in London. I broke up with her a couple of months before you and I, you know, started to see each other as a couple.” He took a long pull of his beer. “She said she was pregnant.”
“I knew you’d seen someone before we started to date, so why didn’t you tell me?”
Evan raked his hand through his hair. “I didn’t know if she was telling the truth, or what her plans were. I had to go and see her.” He struggled to find the words to explain his emotions from that fateful summer. How much he’d hoped Laurel was mistaken.
“I see.” Her voice sounded cool.
“I intended to come back when I’d found out what was going on. I thought — hoped — she was lying.” How he’d hoped.
“But she wasn’t.”
He drew a deep breath. “No, she wasn’t.” Only the crackling of the wood as it shifted in the fireplace broke the silence between them. “Believe me, Tali, I would have done anything to have made it not true.”
“So, you married her.” Her voice dropped so low he had to bend his head forward a little to catch what she said.
“She said she loved me and she was pregnant with my baby.” What else could he have done? He’d had a duty toward Laurel and his unborn child.
“I loved you,” she said, her pain eloquent in those few words. For a moment, hope flared in his heart—maybe she could come to feel that way again—but the unmistakable spark of fury in her eyes quenched it.
“Nathalie, I…” He wasn’t sure what else he could say. Laurel had trapped him into a marriage he hadn’t wanted, and while he bitterly regretted the way he had treated Nathalie, he would never regret his daughter.
“I thought we had something special back then, Evan. We’d talked, made plans together, then you kissed me goodbye after Maria’s wedding and vanished.” She shook her head and a long tendril of hair fell loose across her cheek. “I felt so stupid. No phone call, no letter, nothing. Then Jerome told me you’d settled in London and weren’t coming back.” She glared at him.
“I
f I’d told you back then about Laurel, would it have made any difference?” he asked.
“I could have slugged you a good one.”
“That’s fair. I would have deserved it. I behaved appallingly. I just convinced myself at the time that I had done the right thing.” He’d thought a clean break would be better for both of them. Except for Nathalie, it must have felt as if he’d simply lost interest and dumped her.
She drained the remainder of her drink. Her hand shook as she placed the empty glass back down on the beer mat. “Why is Polly with you now?”
Evan swished the dregs of his beer around in the bottom of his glass. “The relationship was wrong from the start. We weren’t in love. The only bond between us was the baby. Laurel — or Laura, as she was then — was just beginning to establish her career. She didn’t want a child, but at the time, it seemed all the major female celebrities were pregnant. It was fashionable.” He couldn’t hide a grimace as he swallowed the rest of his drink.
“What happened?” Nathalie’s eyes were dark in the dim light.
“She hated being pregnant. After Polly was born, she abandoned any pretence of loving her once the cameras had stopped snapping at the various photo shoots she dragged Polly along to.” He paused as he relived the past, angry at the way he’d allowed himself and his daughter to be used and manipulated.
“When did you leave?” Nathalie smoothed the stray curl of hair back from her face. Her expression had blanked again, telling him nothing of how she felt.
“Once Laurel’s career began to take off, we were never together. She was travelling and working long hours, or so she said. I took care of Polly. Laurel liked the idea that I was still around as a sort of financial safety net if her career nose-dived. But I finally got her to agree to a divorce six months ago.”
Nathalie blinked, and he wondered if she had any idea what it had cost him to tell her all this. “Poor Polly,” she murmured.
“Polly doesn’t have the best health. Ever since she was born, she’s had eczema and asthma. The eczema is better now that she’s older, and her doctor is optimistic that she’ll grow out of the asthma as well. But Laurel resented Polly’s illness. It made her less photogenic.”
“That’s terrible. Does she see her mother?” Nathalie’s eyes widened with concern.
“Laurel visits occasionally, usually if she wants something.” Evan tried to keep the bitter note out of his voice. He always found it hard to be civil to his ex when she made one of her fleeting appearances in their lives. Her sporadic visits always brought Polly more sorrow than pleasure. But she was still Polly’s mother, so what could he do?
He grew aware of the increased volume of voices around them, and he realised the room had filled with customers whilst they had been talking. “Would you like another drink?”
Nathalie looked at the empty glasses before them, then around at the busy room. “No, I’m fine. Perhaps we ought to go.”
Evan took the empty glasses back to the bar. She had every right to be angry with him over the way he’d treated her. He should have got in touch with her sooner, explained about Laurel and the baby. He’d never thought of himself as a coward and had prided himself on doing the right thing, but seeing the pain in Nathalie’s eyes, he knew his pride had been misplaced.
****
Nathalie collected her coat and waited by the door for Evan to return. Her head buzzed with everything he’d told her. His story hadn’t given her the closure she’d hoped for. Instead, it had reopened old wounds, just as she had feared it might. Laurel might be a monster, but she had succeeded in giving Evan something Nathalie couldn’t: a child. She knew from seeing them together that Evan loved Polly very much.
“Are you ready to go?” His breath blew warm on the nape of her neck. Her skin tingled at his closeness as he helped her on with her coat. She might still have been angry with him, but when he stood so near, her body played traitor.
A refreshing blast of icy air hit her as she opened the door. She zipped her coat up, snuggling into the puffy down as they crossed the car park to Evan’s car. He made no move to take her hand this time. She shivered at the distance between them.
Evan unlocked the car and opened the door for her. “Polly thinks you’re the bee’s knees, by the way. Anyone who knows something as cool as where to find free duck food is a star in her eyes.”
Nathalie wriggled inside the Jeep, feeling slightly uncomfortable as she waited for Evan to get in the driver’s side. Polly had seemed a sweet little girl, but she hoped Evan didn’t think she was a candidate to replace Laurel as a mother figure.
“The car will soon warm up.” He started the engine and waited for the frozen screen to clear. “We talked a lot about me in there. What about you, Tali? You haven’t felt the urge to get married or start a family?”
“I’ve been dating, but I suppose I haven’t met the right person to settle down with yet.” Nathalie endeavoured to keep her voice light. She concentrated on the half-moon of screen as it cleared in front of her.
“What about children?” Evan asked.
“Not for me,” she declared emphatically and gripped the sides of her seat so hard her knuckles hurt, hoping he wouldn’t notice how much his probing affected her.
“You’ll change your mind one day,” Evan declared, his tone filled with confidence.
She couldn’t tell him the real reason she wasn’t planning a family. It felt too personal, too painful, and she didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. Too many people had made the same statement in the past — family, friends, customers, all blithely assuring her that she’d someday have a baby of her own. All of them unaware of how much it hurt her each time she heard those words.
“The screen’s cleared now; we’d better go.” Nathalie wanted to get home.
Evan gave her a puzzled glance, but he pulled out of the car park without any further comment.
“Drop me off at Mum’s, please. I need to collect my car.” She kept her eyes fixed on the windscreen in front of her. She didn’t trust herself to look at him.
“Okay. Tali, I wish I could make things right between us.”
“We’re friends again now, aren’t we?” She ignored the faint plea she thought she’d heard in his voice.
Silence hung heavy in the air for a moment before he answered her. “Friends? Yes, I suppose so.” He drew the car to a halt outside her parents’ home.
She blinked hard to keep back tears. “Friends it is, then.”
Evan clicked on the interior light, surprising her. She squeezed her eyes shut tight for a second against the harsh yellow glare that filled the car.
“Are you all right, Tali?” He sounded concerned.
“I’m fine. The light was a bit bright, that’s all.” She opened her eyes and forced a smile.
“I’m sorry. I should have warned you.” Evan studied her face, and she longed to close her eyes again, afraid of what he might read there.
“Well, I guess I’d better be going. Monday mornings are always busy at the shop. You know, people returning hire stuff.” She stopped talking, aware that her nerves had made her babble. She glanced toward her parents’ house and wondered if they’d heard the car.
“I know this is going to sound cheeky, but I’d hoped to ask you a favour.” Evan’s dark blue gaze was fixed on her face, pinning her to her seat.
Nathalie’s heart thumped. “What kind of favour?” She hoped she didn’t sound too breathless.
He sighed and looked away from her. “You know Polly and I are house hunting? We viewed some places today and to be honest, I really could use a woman’s perspective.”
“Why?” Nathalie knew she sounded blunt, but she had to protect herself. Getting closer to Evan would mean getting hurt all over again. She wasn’t sure if viewing houses with him would be a good idea.
“I’m okay looking at the structure, but imagining what it would be like decorated and if it’s suitable for Polly is pretty tricky. Plus, at every viewing today, I go
t asked where my wife was and if she would be coming to view the house too.” He turned to face her again, a hopeful look on his face.
“Well, I—”
“Please, Tali?”
“Okay, I suppose I could come.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
“I have some more appointments on Wednesday.”
“That would be fine as it’s my closing day, but I already have something on in the morning. I’ll be free after eleven.” She had almost told him about her hospital appointment that morning, but she bit the words back just in time.
“I think they’re all afternoon bookings. I really appreciate this, Nathalie.”
“What else are friends for?” she replied and turned to open the car door.
“Wait!” She felt the gentle pressure of his fingers on the sleeve of her coat. “I don’t have your address.”
Nathalie fumbled for her bag, struggling to ignore her body’s response to Evan’s casual touch. Being close to him was like being a diabetic in a sweet shop — she craved the sugar even though she knew it could kill her.
“Here.” She scribbled her address and phone number on the back of one of her business cards. “Pick me up at lunch time.”
He tucked the card securely inside his jacket pocket. “'Til Wednesday,” he said, and he leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek.
Nathalie slid from her seat. Her knees shook as she forced herself to appear calm and collected. She walked over to her car, unlocked the door, and waved to Evan as a sign that he could leave. Once she was secure inside her car with her engine started, she watched his Jeep pull away before she rested her trembling hands on the steering wheel.
Chapter Four