by Kim Lawrence
I dont feel guilty, Erin protested.
You are not responsible for your parents. Its time you realised that they stay in their marriage, not because they have to, but because it suits them both.
Recalling the conversation now ignited the resentment Erin had felt at the time.
Yes, I spoke to your mother. She has explained in some detail how the mention of my name makes you feel sick and the only thing keeping you going is the thought of taking me for all Im worth.
And you believed her! It made her angry that he could consider her capable of being so mercenary.
Was she not following your instructions? He shook his head incredulously and loosed a bitter laugh. Believed her? One thing you are not guilty of, cara , is avarice! His eyes dropped and it seemed to a horror-struck Erin that he was staring at her still-flat stomach.
My God, he knows about the baby!
She froze, her eyes wide and shocked, the colour leaking from her face. Common sense reasserted itself about a heartbeat later. A shaky sigh of relief escaped her lips as she recognised her guilt-fuelled imagination was making her read things into his expression and body language that werent there.
Francesco couldnt possibly know, unless he was a mind-reader. Nobody but her doctor knew and she wasnt showing yet. In fact after the weeks of vile morning sickness she weighed less than she had ever done.
She allowed the hands she had instinctively brought up in a protective gesture to casually fall from her middle. I wont ask what I am guilty of.
Your mother didnt tell you about the calls?
Her eyes slid from his. I expect Mum was just trying to protect me.
From me? A muscle in his lean cheek clenched.
Erins head lifted. Its what mothers do.
Not yours, I think, he drawled.
Erins eyes flashed. How dare you criticise my mother?
You are angry because you know I am right, he observed with unforgivable accuracy. However, I did not come here to discuss your mother. I came here to hear you tell me you are carrying my child . There are things we need to discuss.
As Erin met his dark eyes her secret had never felt more of a burden. She gave an indifferent sniff.
Youre miserable? He looked as though the idea did not displease him. Well, if you are its your own doing. You are the author of your own misery, Erin. And mine .
The claim made her stare. Me! She loosed an incredulous laugh.
He bared his teeth in a white humourless smile. Yes, you! he flung back, dragging a shapely hand through his dark hair. From the outset you did not trust me. Every absence you expected me to account for, every woman I spoke to you regarded with suspicion. Breathing hard, Francesco fought to contain his escalating resentment and anger.
You werent talking to that woman, you were kissing her! The knife-cut of jealousy and betrayal was just as painful now as it had been on that night.
Erin, she had been drinking champagneshe kissed me.
His dismissive shrug made Erin see red. Breathing hard, she pinned him with an angry glare. She doubted he would dismiss it so readily if the situation had been reversed!
Of course hed managed to make the entire situation seem perfectly innocent, but how many times had she seen her father offer a totally plausible explanation for his serial philandering? He had been so convincing that half the time her mother had ended up apologising for doubting him! She was never ever going to fall into that trap.
So youre the innocent victim? she suggested bitterly.
Francesco dragged an angry hand through his hair. What was I meant to doscream? he suggested derisively. Have her arrested? Tell her my wife will think were in love?
His biting sarcasm brought a fresh flush of anger to her cheeks. What you were not meant to do was kiss her back, she retorted.
Grow up, Erin!
The weary recommendation drew a sharp gasp of anger from her throat.
And dont blame me for your self-esteem issues.
Dont try and make it out to be about my problem.
But didnt he have a point? Hadnt part of the problem been that deep down she had never really been able to believe that a man like Francesco could really want somebody like her? She had turned a deaf ear to her doubts because she had wanted him so much, but had she ever really expected it to last?
Francescos dark lashes lifted from his chiselled cheekbones that were lent extra prominence at that moment by the two bands of febrile colour along the sharp angles. His eyes were smouldering with an anger he was barely suppressing. You havent the faintest idea what is typical of me, Erin, or you would not treat me this way.
Is that a threat?
He folded his arms across his chest and gave a slow, dangerous smile that made her heart beat a little faster. It is a simple statement of fact
The response dragged a dry laugh that bordered on hysteria from her aching throatnothing about Francesco was simple. Her life had become impossibly complicated from the moment they had met!
Every time he looked at her the sheer enormity of her betrayal in concealing her pregnancy hit Francesco afresh.
Part of him wanted to demand the truth from her. He might have done just that had the situation not been further complicated by the fact he couldnt look at her without experiencing an even stronger compulsion to pull her into his arms and fill his nostrils with her warm feminine scent.
His bleak eyes stilled on her angry face. What happened to the woman I married?
The unexpected question sent a stab of pain through Erin. The expression in his eyes told her that whatever feelings he had had for the woman he spoke of were dead. The realisation hurt a lot more than it ought to have.
The woman who was warm and spontaneous
Erin tossed her head and shrugged. The weak quiver in her voice spoiled her tough pose as she claimed belligerently, She w-wised up.
Your father cheats therefore all men cheat?
Erins eyes fell from his uncomfortably perceptive gaze. Francesco had touched on a subject that had been in her thoughts frequently during the last few weeks, and common sense told her he had a point.
A person couldnt watch her mother choose time after time to believe her cheating husbands lies rather than face the truth and not be affected in some way. Had she been so determined not to allow herself to become a victim whom people pitied that she had made a terrible mistake? For as long as she could remember shed despised her mother for believing the lies her father told. Am I so damned sure, she asked herself, that I wont do exactly what Mum did?
She couldnt let herself find out.
Not that the question was anything but academic now; she had made her decision and there was no going back even if she had wanted to.
Sometimes, Erin, she heard him say as she passed a not quite steady hand across her eyes, an innocent kiss is just that, innocent. Your reaction was totally irrational; you must realise that.
Erin shook her head in stubborn rejection. I dont consider it irrational to expect fidelity.
You were the woman I married. The woman who is carrying my child . He dragged his eyes upwards from her still-flat stomach where they kept drifting.
His original intention had been to confront Erin immediately. His plan had been simple: reveal the phone, play back the message and watch her face when she realised that he knew her secret.
Now he found himself wondering how long she would be prepared to prolong this lie of omission. How long she would be able to look him in the eye and conceal the truth.
You were the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with
The throaty catch in his deep voice brought Erins downcast eyes sweeping upwards. It wasnt the molten anger she encountered as their eyes connected that drew the involuntary gasp of shock from her throat, but the unexpected glitter of pain and loss she saw in the smoky, expressive depths of his thickly lashed eyes.
That, he added, bracing one hand against the back of a leather armchair, should have been enough for you.
A full thirty seconds nerve-shredding silence elapsed before Erin could drag her eyes from his mesmeric dark gaze. You mean I should take whatever crumbs you throw in my direction and not ask too many awkward questions.
I mean that my word should have been enough for you.
I should have been enough for you, she countered, dismayed because his simple statement increased her growing sense of irrational guilt.
But was it irrational? What if it was merited? A chill swept over her at the unbidden thought and without wanting to she remembered how none of the many who had witnessed the embrace on the night of the ball had looked at her with anything that approached discomfort when Francesco had ruefully disentangled himself from the tipsy blonde.
Im not the one who had cause to feel guilty, she reminded herself deliberately. The image of the curvaceous blonde plastered all over him brought the taste of bile to Erins mouth.
They had been married almost a month and had still been enjoying their extended honeymoon. The charity ball in Venice, a glittering society affair, had been the firstand as it turned out the lastpublic event they had attended together.
It was his intention, Francesco had explained, to use the occasion to show off his beautiful new wife to the world.
It had clearly not occurred to him that the idea of being paraded in public scared her stiff.
When he had commented with some concern on her quietness the day leading up to the ball, Erin had finally confessed that she was nervous.
What if I let you down by using the wrong fork or saying the wrong thing? What if your friends dont like me?
Francesco seemed astonished by her anxieties, but she had already worked out that concern for what people thought of him did not register with the man she had married.
He laughed at her fears. Of course theyll like you. Just be yourself.
I will, she promised, wishing that herself was more interesting.
So dressed in unaccustomed designer finery, her confidence buoyed by the sensual glow in Francescos eyes as she had paraded before him in the slim black silk sheath dress that swished deliciously against her bare legs as she moved, Erin walked in beside her handsome husband. Her head held high, her stomach tied in nervous knots.
The scene inside the spectacular room took her breath away. She was dazzled as much by the people as the chandeliers glittering overhead.
The first people Francesco introduced her to were a colleague of his, and his wife.
The sophisticated-looking brunette was so charming to her that Erin actually began to relax and think that this might not be so bad after all. This made her even less prepared for the sudden change in the older womans manner when the men briefly excused themselves to speak to a mutual acquaintance.
Her charming smile stayed fixed, but there was a hostility in the other womans eyes that bordered on malice as she looked Erin up and down in a way that brought Erins insecurities rushing back.
Married? Well, youve succeeded where many before you have failed, so I suppose there must be something more to you than meets the eye. I cant say I envy youFrancesco is the sort of man who makes a perfect lover, and Im not the only woman in the room tonight who is in a position to vouch for that. But as a husband? She arched an artfully shaped brow. He would, I think, be difficult to manage.
The men returned before Erin could respond and the woman switched to being sweetness and light again, going as far as to suggest that Erin join her for lunch the following week.
Erin smiled and thought, Over my dead body .
Francesco, one hand lightly in the small of her back, bent his head to speak in her ear as they left the other couple. SeeI told you everyone would love you.
Shivering in response to the warmth of his breath on her neck, she lifted her head and smiled serenely. So you did, but youre prejudicedat least, she amended, I hope you are?
Deep down she had never been able to believe that a man like her lethally handsome husband could really be satisfied with someone as ordinary as her and the evil seeds of distrust the other woman had planted in Erins mind fed on this self doubt.
Of course, she accepted that there must have been other women in Francescos lifeher husband was a very sensual, passionate man. But after the brunettes malicious comments Erin found it hard not to wonder when she saw a beautiful woman look at Francescowas there some secret message in her smile?
When she found herself on the brink of asking a particularly lovely woman if she had ever been Francescos lover Erin knew she had let things get out of hand. She excused herself and took refuge in the ladies room.
It was unfortunate that when she emerged a short while later almost able to laugh at her paranoia, the first thing she saw was her husband locked in a passionate embrace with a tall, leggy blonde.
As Francesco came up for air, his dark, sleek hair dishevelled from the clinch, his eyes met Erins over the womans shoulder. If he had displayed some sort of remorse or guilt that would have been something, but instead he rolled his eyes and gave a wry grin as if inviting her to share the joke. The humour died from his face to be replaced by concern and puzzlement as he saw Erins expression.
As he bodily put the tipsy blonde away from him and took a step towards her Erin gathered her long skirts in one hand and fled, not caring about the startled and speculative looks her exit drew.
Francesco caught up with her outside.
His initial concern quickly turned to annoyance when she rashly accused him of humiliating her.
Do not be ridiculous, he recommended curtly. Diane is totally harmless. She has just had a little too much to drink. If I wanted to embark on an illicit affair I would hardly advertise the fact to five hundred people who know me.
Have you ever slept with her? The moment the words were out of her mouth she regretted them, but it was too late.
Francescos expression had frozen into one of icy displeasure.
What I did before we were married is none of your business.
But what you do after is.
I am not your father, Erin.
The soft words stopped Erin in her tracks. This has nothing whatever to do with my parents marriage.
He angled a dark brow. Youre not stupid; I dont think you really believe that.
Erin shook her head. I want to leave, she said, flinching away when he touched her shoulder.
Francesco looked down at her, disdain and anger etched on his patrician features. We will not leave yet.
You can do what the hell you like! she yelled back. Im leaving. You stay; Im sure you wont be lonely.
Dio ! he breathed. Eyes narrowed, he stood there, the angles and planes of his face thrown into sharp relief by the lights illuminating the tree behind him.
You seem determined to push me into another womans arms, he observed in a voice that seemed clean of all emotion. Be careful, Erinyou just might get your wish, he warned before turning and striding towards the façade of the brightly illuminated building without a backward glance.
CHAPTER EIGHT
E RIN physically shaking in reaction to the row, had hailed a cab and returned to their hotel suite; by this time doubts about the moral high ground she had claimed had crept in. Her self-righteous anger had been the only thing holding back the tears and when that had dissipated the floodgates had opened and she had flung herself on the bed and wept.
Examining her tear-stained face in the mirror when the storm had subsided, she had forced herself to look at the evenings events through Francescos eyes.
It had not made pleasant viewing!
Youve got a problem, she told her reflection.
Still, problems had solutions, and Erin gave the matter a lot of serious thought as she stood under the reviving spray of the shower.
She decided that she had to be totally open and frank with Francesco. She genuinely thought that they could work this through togethershe just hoped that after tonight he still thought their marriage was worth the effort!
Despite all her protests it
was pretty hard under the circumstances to continue to claim that her parents dysfunctional marriage had not left its mark. When it came to men she had some serious trust issues.
It wasnt that she actually believed deep down that Francesco had any intention of being unfaithful. Her aggressive overreaction that evening had more to do with her deep-seated and previously unacknowledged fear that if faced with a similar situation she would react as her mother had.
Erin awaited his return with a mixture of trepidation and resolution. She would not give up on this marriage. It was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
Francesco was the best thing that had ever happened to her!
By three-thirty she was feeling less upbeat.
Around six-thirty she finally realised Francesco wasnt coming back at all. Her soul-searching of the night before now seemed utterly pathetic. While she had been trying to think of ways to heal their marriage he had been hitting out at her by sleeping with the first warm and willing body.
Recalling his warning parting shot, she didnt know why it had taken her this long to work that one out.
Erin knew without soul-searching that the one thing that was a total deal-breaker for her was infidelityshe couldnt and wouldnt live with that!
Around eight-thirty, looking more piratical than ever with the dark shadow on his lower face lending him an air of dangerously attractive dissipation, Francesco finally returned.
What are you doing? he asked, propping his shoulders against the wall.
She zipped up her flight bag and straightened up. Reminding herself of the reason for his drained and exhausted appearance enabled her to treat him to a dazzling and icy smile of total indifference.
Im doing exactly what it looks like. Now, if youll excuse meIll be late for my flight.
The colour seeped out from under his tan. He appeared genuinely shocked by her attitude. Youre not serious?
Never more so, she promised, fighting the crazy compulsion she had to sweep the hank of dark hair from his brow.
We need to talk about this.
Why? Are you going to tell theres a perfectly innocent reason for you staying out all night?