by Kim Lawrence
His dark eyes flickered across her face before his chin dropped to his chest. Someone who goes where angels fear to tread, had been Rafes exact words.
Or a really stupid one, she muttered under her breath as she drew back the fingers that hovered just above his dark hair. Her heart ached to see him so vulnerable. It must have been a terrible time for you and your family, she said huskily.
It was not good. He gave a twisted smile. But at the time there were things to doarrangementsno time to think. Later it was harder and my parents took it very badly.
And everyone expected Francesco to cope, Erin thought, looking at his broad shoulders and thinking of the problems people offloaded on them.
My mother especially He lifted his head, dragging a hand through his tousled dark hair before revealing, There was always a special bond between her and Rafe. Nothing in his expression or manner suggested he had in any way resented this special relationship. She hasnt been the same since.
She still has you! The indignant protest died on Erins tongue when, without warning, he reached across and took her face between his hands.
You had me, too, cara , but you didnt want me.
Didnt want him? God, if only that were true. If she had ever fooled herself into believing she didnt love him the last few minutes had destroyed that illusion. Seeing the depth of pain in his eyes had torn at her heart. She had felt his grief and loss as though it had been her ownand had felt helpless.
If she could have she would have taken his pain on herself. And yet she was about to add to it by taking away his chance to be a full-time father.
She just couldnt do that to him; Francesco had lost enough without losing his child.
I always wanted you, Francesco. And Ill always love you!
Francescos eyes darkened and a muscle in his lean cheek clenched as he sucked in a deep breath. Erin His hands slid to her shoulders as he said something thick in his own language. As he bent his head towards hers Erin closed her eyes, her eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings against her flushed cheeks.
Perhaps we could make a go of it?
Francescos hands fell away and his head came up with a jerk. His dark eyes raked her face with an intensity she found hard to endure. You are agreeing to come back to Italy with me?
My God, is that what Im doing? Do I really want to be pregnant in a foreign country loving a man who only wants me back because of the child Im carrying?
Im prepared to give it a go, for the sake of the baby. You are crazy, Erin . But the secrets have to stop. And dont say there were no secrets, because our marriage was based on a tissue of lies and omissions from day one. You never once mentioned your twin
I suppose it was a relief to be with someone who didnt know about Rafe, to escape the interminable sympathy. The conversations that stopped when I walked into a room. Death is one of the last taboo subjects in our society. It makes people uncomfortable to be around someone who is bereaved. They either gush or cross the street to avoid you.
When did hewhen did Rafe die? She could actually see how a man like Francesco, a man who was fiercely private and self-contained, might find well-wishers intrusive.
Six months ago.
Six months! No wonder Francescos feelings were so raw. Thats no time at all she began, then stopped, the colour seeping from her face.
That meant that when she had met Francesco his brother had only been dead for three months.
Their meeting. The whirlwind romance, the reckless dash into marriageall suddenly made a horrible kind of sense.
The behaviour she had attributed to a man in love could equally be attributed to a man unwilling to confront his feelings.
Some men in similar circumstances might have turned to drink or relied on prescription drugs.
In Francescos case he had turned to her!
It all made perfect horrible sense!
Francesco, half out of his head with grief and unwilling to acknowledge his feelings of anger and guilt, had used anything to distract himself. She had been the ultimate distraction and he had used her to ease the pain he was going through. Not consciouslyshe did not believe he was capable of being that callous.
Had he already begun to realise that he didnt really love her the night of the ball? It would explain why he had not done more to stop her going. Sure, his pride had been hurt that it had been her who had walked away, but maybe deep down he had been secretly relieved? Until he had found out about the baby.
Youre cold, Francesco said as she shivered.
She gave a forced smile and stood up, clutching the robe tight around her. A little.
Are you all right?
Fine. I think Ill go change.
You can keep the shirt.
My heart for your shirt. The exchange hardly seemed fair. Repressing the hysterical laugh that was lodged in her throat, she nodded tightly and left the room.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
E RIN managed to maintain a shaky illusion of composure until she was safely in her own room. Once there she sank onto the bed with her head in her hands.
Her face was tear-stained when a few minutes later she lifted her head and exclaimed out loud, Oh, my God, I really said Id go back to Italy with him.
Walking over to the old-fashioned washstand, she turned on the cold tap and splashed her face with water. There were water droplets trembling on her lashes as she looked at herself in the mirror. The indent between her feathery brows deepened as she sighed.
How did I manage to fool myself? she wondered. It seemed incredible that she had for one moment believed that just because it would be convenient she had fallen out of love with Francesco.
Love didnt work that way; at least it didnt for her. The important thing now was that she didnt lose sight of the fact that love didnt automatically equate with happy ever after, especially when the object of your affections had never really been in love with you in the first place.
No more self-delusionshe had to see things as they really were, she told herself sternly.
The problem was that seeing things as they were did not produce any magical solution. As she dried her face and applied a thin layer of concealing tinted moisturiser Erin nursed the depressing knowledge that there was no solution, magical or mundane.
God, this was a nightmare!
Her troubled gaze trained on the horses in the paddock underneath her window, she lifted her chin. Perhaps it was best not to try and think of a solution to everything, just concentrate instead on sorting one problem at a time.
The scene on the patio when she went downstairs was of domestic harmony. Sam was seated on a wrought-iron chair reading the newspaper while his wife was irritating him by reading aloud headlines that caught her eyes.
It was the sight of Francesco sitting on a rug spread on the grass, making baby Gianni, who was kicking his legs, chuckle by blowing raspberries on his bare tummy that stopped Erin in her tracks.
The hand around her heart tightened as she watched him. He would make the most incredible father.
Valentina was the first to notice her. Erin! Grab a scone before this greedy piglet scoffs the lot, she said, ruffling her husbands hair.
Erin glanced towards the plate of scones liberally laced with cream and shook her head. No, thanks. She made a conscious effort to look anywhere but at Francesco, who had turned his head when Valentina had called her name.
Erin looked at the spot on the rug that Francesco patted. She slipped off her shoes and began to walk towards him across the wet grass. Just looking at him made her ache with love. It was a mystery how she had ever managed to fool herself she could ever feel anything else for him
Before she reached them her phone began to ring. She gave an apologetic grimace and pulled it from her pocket. Its Mum, she said, pretending not to notice the looks her hosts exchanged at the information. Ill just take it She gave a vague gesture towards the house and walked barefoot in that direction.
Once out of sight of the group she lifted the phone to her ea
r. Damn, no signal! She gave a frustrated sigh and looked around. She spotted the flight of stone steps that led to the room above where Sam stored the horses feed and headed for it at a fast trot.
She slipped on her shoes before running lightly up the steps. At the top she scanned the screen on her phone and gave a sigh of relief when she saw she had a signal.
Mum, whats wrong? It was safe to assume that something was wrongher mother had a talent for timing her crises to coincide with social occasions. A less generous person might have suspected she timed it deliberately!
Erin sat on the top step and listened with more resignation than concernshed been there too many times before to panicas her tearful mother explained between sobs that her father had walked out.
Ill be right th She let out a startled yelp as the phone was pulled unceremoniously from her fingers. She lifted her head in time to see Francesco lift it to his ear.
No, Erin wont be there. She has a previous engagement.
What do you think youre doing? she yelled furiously.
Something you should have done a long time agocut the apron strings, he informed her callously.
Erin rose to her feet quivering with indignation. Though he was standing a couple of steps below her she still had to tilt her head to look him in the face. How dare you? You had no right! She was in a terrible state; she needs me.
No, she uses you, he contradicted.
Youre talking about my mother.
And shell carry on using you, he said, ignoring her furious insertion, until you break the cycle. Its about habit and guilt. If you go every time your mother calls youre simply reinforcing her behaviour.
Her eyes flashing dangerously in response to his extraordinarily high-handed attitude, she glared up at him. And if I let you run my life and decide who I talk to Im simply reinforcing your inclination to be a total despot! she yelled back. My mother needs me.
So does your family.
But she is my Lower lip caught between her teeth, she shook her head as she caught his meaning.
The baby and Iwe are your family now, Erin. What are you going to do when the baby is born? Drop everything including him when she calls? he suggested bitterly.
She felt as though she were being torn in two directions. At one level she knew he was righthe was after all only echoing thoughts she had had herself. But she resented him for making his point this way, for making no allowances for her feelings.
The situation is untenable, Erin, he said quietly.
Did he think she didnt know that? I feel responsible.
Get over it, he recommended unsympathetically. He tossed the phone and she automatically caught it. If you dont like the situation you can change itthe choice is yours.
Some choice , she thought, staring at the phone in her hand.
Youre asking me to choose between my mother and you.
He shrugged. It is not something you should have to think about.
You have no right to ask me! she quivered, lifting a hand to her head. Youre just as bad, she accused shrilly, as she is! Get out of my way. Ive had enough of this!
Thats right, he jeered. If things get difficult or even mildly uncomfortable, run away.
Mildly uncomfortable! she yelled back. Maybe this is a minor irritation to you
Youve never been a minor anything! he retorted.
Her mistake, Erin decided when analysing the moment at a later date, was turning her head to look back at him as she ducked under his arm to reach the next step. If she hadnt she would have been able to regain her balance when her heels snagged in the hem of her jeans and she wouldnt have taken a dive down the shallow flight of stone stairs and ended in an inelegant heap on the floor on the cobbled yard below.
She lay there, winded, her eyes wide open. As she struggled to get her breath she was aware of Francesco falling to his knees beside her.
Are you all right? Without waiting for her to respond, he added furiously, Dio ! You little idiot! What the hell did you think you were doing! Before she had either the breath or the opportunity to respond Francesco launched into a low, incensed sounding tirade in Italian.
Erin only understood one word in three, but one sentiment she did pick out was a very heartfelt wish that he had never set eyes on her.
And I, she gasped, hoping he attributed the weak tears that flooded her eyes to pain. wish Id never laid eyes on you, either.
You just threw yourself headlong down a flight of stairs. You could have killed yourself, and what about the baby?
There was no throwing involved. I just fell over my own feet. Clumsy, she was willing to admit to, but not stupid! And it wouldnt have happened in the first place if you hadnt been She stopped, wide eyes lifting to his face. Oh, my God, the baby! She tried to ease her weight off one hip and winced. The cramping pain that extended like a band around her middle made her gasp.
You are hurt!
She was, but it wasnt her own safety that Erin was worrying about.
Here, let me help you.
She shook her head. I think I might stay here for a moment. Please, please , God, make the baby all right.
If anything happened to it she would never forgive herself.
What is it? Whats wrong?
I think perhaps you should call an ambulance, just as a precaution.
Even before she had finished speaking he had his phone out and was punching in the emergency number.
Ambulance, he snapped. The nature of the emergency? My wife has fallen down a flight of stairs. No, shes conscious andlook, shes twelve weeks pregnant. Just get here. He gave the address before sliding his phone back into his pocket. They said just stay still.
Erin nodded as he pushed the hair back from her brow with cool brown fingers. Pretty much what I planned to do. You know Im sure everythings fine.
Of course it is, he agreed.
If it wasnthis firm jaw tightened as he pushed aside the thought he wouldnt permit himself to contemplate such a possibility.
Im just being c-cautious. Erin strove to hide her terror, but it was a struggle.
You want this baby a lot, dont you?
Yes, I do. She wanted this baby with a ferocity that she had not imagined she was capable of. She might not be able to have the man, but the baby was hers.
He reached out tentatively towards her stomach and then drew back. Are you still in pain?
A little, she admitted. I think I must have caught my side on the bottom step.
Francesco looked at the sharp edge and cursed under his breath. When he turned back to Erin she was dabbing the tip of her tongue to the beads of sweat along her upper lip. He had no doubt at all she was playing down her symptoms for his benefit.
You will make them save my baby, wont you, Francesco, if Im out of it for any reason?
Francesco, pale under his tan, closed his eyes. You wont be out of it, he told her hoarsely.
But just in case, she persisted.
I will do everything that is necessary. To keep you safe and well , he added silently.
The ambulance arrived a few minutes later. Francesco watched, feeling increasingly useless as they loaded Erin into the back of the ambulance. Before getting in himself, Francesco babbled a brief explanation to a shocked and concerned Sam and Valentina who had appeared.
The presence at Erins side of a paramedic who monitored her condition meant he couldnt even hold her hand. Once they reached the hospital casualty department the situation got, if anything, more frustrating. She was whisked away immediately, while they expected him to be content with a promise from a harassed-looking doctor that they would tell him as soon as they knew anything.
Francesco was not content.
He was expressing his discontent to an officious and most obstructive person whose name badge identified him as some sort of administrator when a doctor older than the one who had spoken to him earlier approached.
Mr Romanelli, is it?
Francesco took the hand extended to him.
Jame
s Ross.
What is happening to my wife? The conspiracy of silence was driving him crazy. Did these people not appreciate that with no information it was natural to assume the worst? I need to be with her.
The doctor gave a soothing smile. And you shall be, he promised. Come with mewell go somewhere a little more private.
Wasnt that what they said in medical dramas before they broke bad news?
Francesco refused tea, refused a seat, and explained that the only thing he was interested in was information concerning his wifes well-being.
Yes, well, Im afraid that your wife has some internal bleeding.
He looked understanding as Francesco, deathly pale beneath his naturally vibrant colouring, sank into the chair he had just rejected.
Francesco had felt like this only once before. On that occasion he could remember thinking that a man could only endure this sort of pain once. Yet here he was alive and feeling as if someone had pushed their hand into his chest and ripped out his heart.
That is bad?
Well, any surgical intervention carries a risk.
The breath left Francescos body in a long shuddering sigh. You mean you can do something?
Good Lord, yes! Im sorry I wasnt clear.
Francesco suspected it was his mental acuity and not the doctors communication skills that were at fault.
Hopefully we will be able to perform the procedure via a laparoscopeno need, you understand, for an incision? That is the method of choice, but there are no guarantees. Depending on what we find, we might have to go in.
Your wife is very concerned about what the operation will mean for the baby, but I have made it quite plain to her that there is really no option.
The baby is all rightalive? Amazement swept over him. I assumed when you said