“But your kid doesn’t have to be that way. I mean, you get to make your relationship with him or her as you see fit. At least, until they’re in high school.” Brie laughs.
“So, you think I will still have time to write with a baby?” I ask.
“Of course you will. They sleep a hell of a lot and that will be your time to yourself.”
“And what about traveling? I’ve always loved to go to new places.”
“Well, now you’ll have a little person to go with you. How fun would that be?”
I shrug. I never thought of it that way. Like this little baby can be my companion.
“Remember Charlie?” Brie asks. How could I forget? Charlie was my old dog. “You two used to go everywhere together. You even took her camping when you drove out to Montana with your boyfriend. And she wasn’t an easy dog to take places.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. I miss Charlie so much; my heart breaks into a million pieces just thinking about her. But Brie is right. I did take Charlie everywhere and she wasn’t exactly a friendly dog. She was a spaniel who didn’t like anyone. Not other people. Not other dogs. That pretty much meant that when we traveled together, I couldn’t really take her inside any establishments.
“I’m a firm believer that if you made traveling work with Charlie, the baby will be a breeze. Man, she was a handful.”
I smile through the tears.
“The thing is, Ellie, I’m not trying to convince you to go either way with this decision. It’s your body and your life. But I just don’t want you thinking that this baby will consume your life for the worse. You will still be able to be you. You will still be able to pursue your dreams and do what you want. Being a mom won’t change who you are at your core, no matter what television shows and movies try to tell you. It will be challenging and tiring at times, but it will also be wonderful. It may the best thing that will ever happen to you.”
“I really appreciate it,” I say, giving her a warm hug. “And thanks for making this decision easier,” I add sarcastically. Brie laughs.
We spend the afternoon sitting around and gabbing. I haven’t laughed this hard in a really long time. Not since…Caroline. We order some Indian food and put on Thelma and Louise as we wait for dinner to come.
“This movie is amazing,” Brie says. “Way ahead of its time. We talked about it both in my film class and my women’s studies class.”
“It’s one of my favorites. And Brad Pitt isn’t too hard on the eyes in it either.”
“I think this is one of his earliest roles.”
When the buzzer goes off, Brie gets the food and pays the delivery man. The bags immediately fill the house with the aroma of curry, making my mouth salivate. Unfortunately, a moment later, I find myself running to the bathroom to puke. I refuse to come out until Brie sticks the food out onto the balcony or the refrigerator. When I do finally emerge, I can still smell it.
“Wow, you’re really sick,” Brie says.
“Yeah, and this is with taking four pills a day.”
“Is there anything else you can do?”
I shake my head, no. “Without the pills, I’d probably be in the emergency room getting fluids. Kate Middleton was like this. I think she ended up at the hospital. Listen, I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Okay,” Brie says. “So what do you want to talk about?”
I shrug.
“So, what are you going to do?” she asks after a moment. I shrug again.
“Listen, that was a great talk and all and I totally see your point. But I still have no idea what I’m going to do about this pregnancy. I still have no idea if it’s the right thing for me, at this moment.”
Brie nods.
“Besides, whatever I do, I have to tell the father first.”
“Oh, Aiden Black,” Brie says.
I furrow my brow. I don’t like the tone with which she says his name.
“Yes?” I say. “You don’t approve?”
She shakes her head.
“Oh, c’mon, Brie. You haven’t even met him.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll give you that. But, Ellie, the CEO of Owl? Really?”
“At least, he’s got a job,” I say.
“Whatever.” She shakes her head. She hasn’t approved of many of my boyfriends, but something is different about her attitude toward Aiden.
“What’s wrong?” I ask. She shrugs. “Brie?”
“Okay, fine. You know that he’s a playboy, right? You know about his reputation? I mean, he must’ve dated every woman in the Victoria’s Secret catalog, going back a decade.”
“He’s a nice guy, Brie.”
“His reputation is worse than Leonardo DiCaprio’s when it comes to womanizing.”
“Brie, he’s a really good guy, okay? He hasn’t cheated on me. Yes, he dated a lot of models in the past. And I definitely don’t look like one. But… I don’t know, we have this connection.”
“What kind of connection?”
I try to explain how Aiden and I feel about each other, but it doesn’t really come out right. It’s hard to put into words.
“Besides, he’s not a creep or anything, if you’re thinking that. He doesn’t molest or hit on women who aren’t interested. If you’re worried about him being accused of that by the #MeToo movement, you don’t have to worry.”
“I just thought that he was a horn-dog,” Brie says after a moment. “I didn’t think he assaulted anyone.”
“Okay, good. Well, I just wanted to make that clear.”
That’s when Blake and Tom pop into my head. Brie doesn’t know anything about that part of my life. And it’s about to become a lot more public, so I decide to come clean. I start with the auction, at the beginning, and talk for close to an hour without an interruption. Brie listens carefully before reaching over and giving me a warm embrace.
“I’m really sorry,” she whispers, her eyes wet with tears. “I can’t believe you went through all of that…and you didn’t tell me about it earlier.”
“We just haven’t been talking much lately,” I say. “And frankly, I was a little embarrassed.”
“So, Caroline killed herself after all, huh?”
I nod. This is the first person outside of Aiden who knows the truth. But she won’t be the last.
“You know, I might not know this Aiden Black, but I think he did the right thing telling the DA about Caroline. I think that leaving that letter was her way of letting you know that she really did want people to know. She just needed help sharing it with the world.”
I nod. I know she’s right, I just hate it.
Chapter 7 - Ellie
When he shows up…
After spending my morning with my head buried in the toilet, I bring my laptop into bed with me and open my last project. It’s the next book in the auction series. I skim over the last 3,000 words that I’ve written to refresh my memory and look over the notes that I made before I got sick. Well, not sick exactly. It’s not like being pregnant is being sick, but it’s definitely not being well. Everything seems in order. I have the next chapter all laid out. I type up the notes on what I want to cover and start the timer. I always write in twenty minute intervals. That way if nothing comes out, I only write for twenty minutes and the whole process doesn’t seem that overwhelming. But usually I just keep going. Twenty minutes quickly turns into forty and then sixty. Typically, I manage to get through three sessions before I get tired or need to take a break. Not this time though.
I sit in front of my computer and stare at the cursor. Nothing comes to mind. I mean, everything is planned out, but words are just so hard to come by. I sit staring at the blank page for exactly six minutes and thirty nine seconds before I give up and stop the timer.
“Shit,” I say. This is much worse than I thought. I mean, I knew that the nausea made it hard to walk around and function as a person, but I didn’t know that it would actually have an effect on my brain. It’s not that I feel particularly tired this morning. I just feel
…drained.
Then I do what any writer should never do. Turn on Facebook and read my
Newsfeed. When I get bored, I follow that up with about ten articles on BuzzPost. I even take a few of their useless quizzes, the ones I used to write. I find out that I should retire in Belize based on the type of kitchen I like and that I should paint my house white based on the number of pets I have (or don’t have as it is in my case). I avoid the quiz about how many kids I will have based on the kind of 90’s shows I like. That one just hits a little bit too close to home.
And then something occurs to me. I’m not sure where it comes from except that the idea formulates somewhere in the back of my head. It’s a story about a guy who loves his family and child, but feels trapped by the whole thing. Trapped because he has to work as a teacher when he really wants to be a writer. One day, he goes on a run and stumbles upon the body of a dead girl. When he’s about to call the police, he sees a large suitcase full of cash next to her. The bag contains over two million dollars. He takes it and that’s when things start to go bad for him. It’s just a kernel of an idea. I don’t really have any idea of where it will go or why, but I quickly pick up a piece of paper and start outlining. I write down what happens in chapter after chapter and the ideas just pour out of me. It reminds me of the time when I was writing my first romance book, about the auction. It was true to what really happened and then I thought that the words came so easily because I didn’t have to make anything up. Yet now, I’m making up every last bit and the story is unfolding just as fast. I must be onto something.
An hour later, the outline for The Dead Girl is complete. I have no idea why I’m working on this. I doubt that it’s going to go anywhere. I mean, I don’t even have a thriller name, a brand, or even a mailing list, and yet it feels exciting just to think about working on it. There’s something intriguing about a man who finds a bag of money and sees it as an escape from his life. And yet, after going through all of that drama and action, what he realizes at the end is that what he really wants is to have his family again.
“Ellie, there’s someone here to see you!” Brie yells from the living room. I have gotten so involved in my story, with instrumental pop music blaring in my earphones, that I didn’t hear the door.
“Hey,” he says. I turn around and see Aiden standing in my doorway. I glance over at Brie who is hovering behind him, with her arms crossed at her chest. She is clearly not approving of this.
“Oh, hey,” I mumble.
“Ellie, what’s going on?” Aiden asks. “I’ve been calling. And texting.”
“I know.”
“Didn’t you want to see me?”
“Didn’t you get my texts?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Yes, of course. But all you said was that you couldn’t see me that day.”
I have been unfair. I’ve been pushing Aiden away and not explaining a thing. But that’s because I needed to buy time. I needed time to figure some things out.
I look up at him. Wow, I had somewhat forgotten how handsome he really is. That thick, gorgeous hair. Those large eyes and long eyelashes. They’re almost feminine in their delicateness, conveying both depth and sorrow. He just came from work - lunch hour? - so he’s still dressed in one of his perfectly tailored gray suits, which hugs his toned body in just the right way.
“Aiden, that’s my sister, Brie.”
“Yes, we’ve met,” he says.
“Ellie, do you want me to get him out of here?” Brie asks. I smile. I like her no-nonsense way of being. People never took her seriously, but that haircut really gives her an edge. By the look on Aiden’s face, I can tell that he’s taking her seriously.
“No, it’s fine,” I say.
“Are you sure?”
I nod.
“Well, just let me know,” she says. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”
“Your sister is scary,” Aiden says, half-jokingly.
“Yes, she is.” I nod.
He walks over and sits down on the bed next to me. “Ellie, what’s going on?” he asks. “I’m really sorry about whatever it is that I did. I thought that everything was okay between us.”
“Yes, it’s fine,” I mumble. I take a deep breath. There’s no getting out of it. I have to tell him.
“So? Why have you been avoiding me?”
“Aiden, I have to tell you something.”
“You’re pregnant?” Aiden asks. I have already explained this to him twice and yet he still seems to have trouble processing it.
“Listen, like I said, you don’t have to be involved.”
“What do you mean not be involved?” he asks.
I shrug. I don’t know how he feels about this and I’m not sure if I want to.
“Of course I’m going to be here for you, Ellie,” Aiden says. “I love you.”
And with that simple phrase, the weight of the world suddenly lifts off my shoulders. I’ve run through a million different reactions in my head, but this one, frankly never came to mind.
“Ellie?” Aiden asks. I stare at him in disbelief.
“I don’t understand.”
“Ellie, I’m so…happy. I never really thought about having kids, honestly. But, now that you’re pregnant. I’m genuinely happy.”
“Really?”
“Are you not?”
I don’t know. I’ve been so worried about what I should be thinking and feeling that I haven’t given much thought to what I was actually thinking and feeling. And reality? Well, after having that long talk with Brie, I felt okay about it. Maybe even a little excited. Perhaps, it will be fine after all.
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Well, I know that it’s your decision, but if you want to hear my thoughts…” Aiden says.
I stare at him, waiting for him to continue.
“I’m really happy about it. I’d love to have a baby with you. I love you. And I want to be a family.”
Family. Oh my God. That word sends a shiver through my body. But when I look up at him, suddenly it all feels aright.
“I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring your calls,” I say. “I was just so worried about this. Worried and sick.”
“I wish you had told me. I mean, it must be hard trying to decide how you feel about this, throwing up so much like you are.”
I nod. He has a point. I’ve never been much of the mothering type, but being this sick all the time definitely hasn’t helped matters. For one thing, I felt depressed and down most of the day. I had never felt this way before. I thought that my feelings of melancholy came from the actual physical experience of being pregnant, but in reality they didn’t. I think they came from all the hormonal changes and the fact that I was throwing up all the time.
“I’m just so…confused,” I finally admit the truth. “I mean, one minute I think it’s going to be okay and the next, I’m completely freaking out.”
Aiden nods and takes me into his arms. He kisses the top of my head and tells me that it’s going to be okay. And then he just holds me. He doesn’t ask me any more questions or force me to put what I’m feeling into words. He just holds me and makes me feel like it’s all going to be okay. I breathe in and out and after a few minutes, I believe him.
“Listen, Ellie, whatever you decide, I’m here for you. I want you to know that,” he says after a while. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I mumble into his shirt.
“But I also want you to know that the thought of this baby…well, it makes me excited. I always thought that I would freak out or run away. That there was no way that I would ever have a kid, but now that it’s here…well, it feels ok. Right even. It feels like it’s something that should happen.”
I breathe in and out deeply.
“I don’t want to put any pressure on you. I’m not saying this to sway you either way. Please know that. I’m just telling you because I want you to know how I feel. To really know how I truly feel.”
I nod. Were it anyone else in his position, I’d
say it was bullshit - that the guy was just saying that to guilt me into having the baby. But by the earnest expression on Aiden’s face, I know that he’s telling me the truth. There are no ulterior motives here. No obfuscation. No lies. It’s the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
“So…what does this mean?” I ask slowly.
“It means that the decision is all yours. And I will support you no matter what.”
I inhale deeply. It’s crazy to think that only a minute ago I was so confused by what I should do. And now? Well, just the fact that he was into it, and not just into it, actually excited by the whole thing, well, that made me feel okay about it. Like, perhaps, this is something that I could really do - become a mom. Now, there’s a trip!
“I have to tell you something,” Aiden says, pulling away. The expression on his face grows serious and my heart sinks. Now what’s wrong?
“I have my job at Owl back for good.”
“You what?” I ask. I can hardly believe it.
“Yep, they want me back. Apparently, no one else can run it as well as I do.”
“Oh my God.” I throw my arms around his neck and give him a big kiss. He kisses me right back, so passionately that my knees grow weak. We fall into bed together with him on top of me.
“I guess we’ll have to postpone our trip to Belize for a bit,” Aiden says, pulling slightly away. He brushes my hair out of my face and gives me a little peck on the cheek.
“I guess so,” I say sadly. “If only I wasn’t so sick.”
“Well, you have a date there. As soon as you feel better, I’ll take time off and I’ll take you there. On a proper vacation.”
“I’d like that,” I whisper.
Aiden presses his lips to mine and I let his tongue make its way inside. I had forgotten what a good and gentle kisser he is. These are the kind of kisses that will make you forget just about everything in life, except maybe the one thing that I can’t forget - that I’m about to be a mom.
Auctioned to Him Book 8 Page 14