“I did what I could at the time. I wasn’t the only one.”
“You’re not making this very easy,” he said. He leaned forward in his chair and put his hands together in front of him. “It’s generally not in my nature to be forgiving. Aside from which, it’s usually bad for business.”
“Did you send somebody to my cabin or not?”
“If I did?”
“Then I kill you,” I said. “Or I die trying.”
He tapped his fingertips together. “First of all, and please understand this…If I had indeed sent someone to your cabin, I would have sent him to kill you, not this woman you speak of, who I’m sure I’ve never even laid eyes on. And second, if I sent someone, you wouldn’t be here right now talking to me. You would be in the ground. Are we clear on those two points?”
“We’re clear.”
“This woman,” he said. “She was close to you?”
“Yes.”
He shook his head. “If Cap did this on his own…”
“He didn’t.”
“You’re sure about that.”
“I don’t believe he knew I was alive.”
“You think you’d know if he was lying.”
“I don’t think you can fake an immediate reaction like that. He was surprised that I was alive.”
“Okay, so you trust your gut on that one. I’m with you so far. But what did he say after that?”
“I don’t remember every word. The bottom line was that if you found out I was still alive, you’d send somebody else. And if that person found Natalie instead of me in my cabin…”
“You believed that?”
“I had no reason not to.”
“At some point, did he actually suggest that you come down here and kill me?”
“He didn’t have to,” I said. Although I was beginning to see the point. Shoot him in the head, he had told me. Don’t wait for him to say a word. Just shoot him in the head.
“Look at it from his point of view. What’s his biggest problem in the world right now?”
“That would probably be you.”
“I assure you, you can eliminate the word ‘probably.’”
“He told me which door to come in.”
“There you go. You wanted to believe it was me. So you did. Cap played you like a harp, Mr. McKnight.”
“Or else you’re the one playing me right now.”
“I think it’s time for you to use your gut again,” he said. “Now that you’re sitting here, who do you believe?”
I looked him in the eye. We both sat there for a long time. The television cast a an eerie green glow over everything in the room.
“If you did it,” I said, “then you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me. You’d just have your man here kill me and be done with it.”
“Actually, Mr. Stone doesn’t do that kind of housekeeping for me. But yes, aside from that, you’re exactly right. So what should we do now?”
“I don’t know.”
“My daughter got married two days ago. We had three hundred people here.”
If I was supposed to congratulate him, I missed the opportunity. I kept quiet.
“It was a beautiful day. Two days ago. You’re telling me that the very next day, yesterday…someone took this woman from you.”
“Yes.”
“You loved her.”
“Yes.”
“Enough to do this, to come here. The very day after she died.”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. McKnight. That’s all I can say. I know it’s not much.”
It was a strange thing to hear from him, this man who would next have to decide if I’d get a bullet in the head.
“In your case, you lost her in a second. Like that.”
He snapped his fingers.
“For me,” he said, “it was nineteen months of watching my wife die. If I could, I wonder if I’d trade places with you.”
He picked up the remote again. He weighed it in his hand.
“Thank you for helping my son,” he said. “Please go now and do not come back here again. Mr. Stone will show you out.”
He hit a button and the soccer players came back to life. The ball was advancing to the other side of the field now. I didn’t get the chance to see if they scored. Mr. Stone ushered me back to the front door. He followed me outside to my truck. When I was about to get in, he took my gun out of his pocket and gave it to me. He held it dangling between two fingers, like you’d hold a dead rat.
I took it from him. He turned around and went back to the house without saying a word to me. I started the truck, turned around, and went back out the driveway. When I got back to the main intersection, I stopped. My hands were shaking.
Easy, Alex. Easy.
Okay, I can go left here. Or I can go right. Left or right. Which way do I go?
I wasn’t lost. I knew exactly how to get back to I-75, how to go back to the Upper Peninsula and everything that was waiting for me up there. But in that moment, sitting there in my truck in St. Clair Shores, waiting for my hands to stop shaking, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go home.
I didn’t see the car pulling up behind me. When he honked his horn, I just about leaped out of my skin. I looked in the rearview mirror—it was a BMW convertible, some guy in sunglasses with both hands raised like I was the most helpless human being he ever had to wait behind. I was about to open the door and go after him, had my hand on the door handle in fact. I thought better of that idea, took the left turn, and headed down toward Detroit. I wasn’t sure what I would do there. I just couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.
I drove through the Grosse Pointes. It was funny how Jefferson Avenue meant one thing here, then all of a sudden you hit the Detroit city limit and the same street became something else entirely. It took me downtown, past Woodward Avenue, where I had been shot, where Franklin had died. How many years had that been the black hole in my life? I was free of it now. It was ancient history, utterly surpassed by this new thing.
I was so tired now. But I had to keep moving. I could feel the thing right behind me, waiting for me to slow down.
No. Not yet. Keep moving.
I drove by the old precinct house. I could walk in there now and not a soul would know me. The way I looked right now, they’d think I was a crazy person. An EDP, as they still probably call it. Emotionally disturbed person. Sure, you used to work here, they’d say to me. Sure, you were once a cop.
I almost stopped at a bar. From somewhere inside me a little voice told me that would be the worst possible thing to do right now. The exact opposite of “keep moving.” Besides, they wouldn’t have Canadian beer.
I could go to Windsor to get some. It was right across the river, just a few minutes away.
No, not that either. Not Canada.
I drove by Comerica Park, where the Tigers played now. Next to it was Ford Field, the new park for the Lions. For old time’s sake, I drove by the old Tiger Stadium. The great gray battleship. What next? My old high school? The house in Redford? From out of nowhere I remembered a day in my life, a million years ago when I was a sixteen-year-old sophomore playing on the varsity baseball team. My first game in the uniform. First at-bat, I walked. Second at-bat I nailed one over the center-field wall. It was a 3–0 count. I even remember that. I didn’t take the pitch. I always hated to take a pitch. I swung and I crushed it.
Why do I remember that right now? Why does it come back to me like it just happened? Everything about that day.
It was an away game. In Dearborn. I had to go see that ball field. Before I faced anything else, I had to go see where that day happened.
Dearborn is right next to Detroit. Home of the Ford Motor Company, where my father had put in so many years. I took Michigan Avenue to Telegraph. Took that north, over the Rouge River. Where was that ball field again? I needed to find it. I was afraid to stop and ask somebody. I was afraid they’d have no idea what I was talking about, or if it was an old-timer,
that they’d tell me the field had been turned into something else a long, long time ago. No more center-field fence, just a parking lot or a row of houses or whatever the hell else.
When I got to Warren Avenue, I started to wonder if I’d gone too far. There had been a hardware store here when I was a kid. Tela-Warren Hardware, that was its name. All this stuff coming back to me today. Where was it coming from?
I was starting to see double. I almost sideswiped somebody and pulled over while two or three cars honked at me. There was a big salt dump here now, where the hardware store had been. A big building full of salt and sand for the trucks to spread on the road during the winter. It was a lonely place now, a place out of season. I stopped the truck in front of it. I’ll be no bother to anybody here, unless I’m still here in a few months when the snow starts falling.
I put my head back. I closed my eyes. After being in motion all day long, it felt strange to be still now. Who’d have thought this is where I’d end up? Next to a big pile of salt in Dearborn, Michigan.
I don’t want to sleep now. I just want to rest my eyes.
Just rest my eyes. Yes. That’s all…
The banging woke me up. I had no idea how long I’d been out, but it was dark outside now. How the hell did that happen? And who the hell—
Somebody was banging on my side window. A beam of light came stabbing into the truck, blinding me. A flashlight. I rolled down the window.
“Excuse me, Mr. McKnight?”
“What? How do you know my name?”
“I called in your plate, sir. They told me the Michigan State Police are looking for you.”
That didn’t sound good. Next he’ll say they need to speak to me, that I need to come with him, the whole routine. Not that I cared anymore.
“They’re very worried about you,” he said. “I understand you lost your, um…”
I finally looked up at his face. It was a local Dearborn cop. He looked like he was about fourteen years old.
“That you lost your companion, sir. I’m sorry to hear of your loss.”
Companion. An odd word. An odd thing to say to me. And yet it sounded about right. That’s what Natalie was. After a life of being lonely, she was my companion.
“Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate it.”
“If you’d like, I can find a place for you to stay tonight.”
“No, thanks. I should head home. What time is it?”
“It’s about nine thirty. Would you like me to call the state guys? Get you a ride back up there?”
“No. I’ll be all right.”
“Okay, then. Please drive carefully.”
“I will,” I said. “I will. Thank you.”
When he was gone, I pulled out onto Telegraph, heading north. The sleep had given me a little energy boost. I felt like I could make it all the way if I really wanted to.
I stopped for gas again. A million insects buzzed in the bright lights above my head as I filled up the tank. I got a big mug of coffee and hit the road.
I spent the next four hours driving. Straight up I-75. I had the vent open so the fresh air would hit me in the face. The air getting colder and colder as I drove.
By the time I hit the Mackinac Bridge, it felt like November again. Just a few hours on the road and I was back in the land with no summer. It was a stolen season.
My right headlight started to flicker. Finally, it went out. It must have been damaged when I ran Cap off the road. Hard to believe it was just this morning. Hard to believe, as it hit midnight, that the world had made one complete revolution since the thing happened.
The thing.
Another hour on the road until I hit Paradise. The last town on the edge of the earth, it felt like. Lights on in the Glasgow Inn. I kept going, turned onto my road. Drove up past Vinnie’s place. His truck there, the lights out. Past my cabin. Where the thing happened.
The thing. The thing.
I went to the second cabin, my new base of operations. My new home, if I had to have one. I went inside, turned the lights on. I put some wood in the stove. Then I finally took off my jacket, heard the rattle in my pocket. I put my hand in, pulled out the bottle of pills.
It took me a moment to remember how I’d gotten them. It was the day I went to the house in Hessel, back when I was stupid enough to think I could point a gun at those guys and scare them away. There had been two empty pill bottles on the kitchen counter, and this one, half full. The prescription was for a woman named Roseanne Felise. I was figuring Vinnie could take these, show them to Ms. Felise, and ask her why she sold them. That’s what I was thinking when I took them. But now…
I sat down at the table with the bottle in my hand. I opened it. I turned it over and watched the pills scatter out onto the table. I counted them. Twenty-three pills. Twenty-three perfect little Vicodins.
I thought back to what Mr. Gray had told me. About painkillers, about how some people need them and can’t get them. How much he was really motivated by that, I couldn’t say, but I did know one thing. When you really need them, these pills do the job. I knew that all too well.
A couple of these and I could close my eyes tonight. I could keep the thing away from me, not have to deal with it until the next day.
Unless I took a couple more of these tomorrow morning.
Or hell, if I took them all right now…I’d never have to deal with the thing at all.
I sat there for a long time, looking at the pills, making up my mind.
That’s when Vinnie came in the door. He didn’t knock. He came in and saw me sitting there looking at the pills on the table.
“What are those?” he said. One eye still swollen now, the other almost normal.
“Vinnie…”
“Alex, what are those pills?”
“Vinnie, she’s dead.”
He came over and tried to sweep the pills off the table. I grabbed his arm.
“Let me have them,” he said. He tried to hold me with one hand, going for the pills with the other. We were in a wrestling match now. I pulled at his shirt, got hold of his ponytail and tried to throw him to the ground. He put his shoulder into me and the whole table got turned over, the pills rolling off along the floor in every direction.
The thing was breaking through now. I couldn’t hold it off any longer.
“She’s dead, Vinnie. She’s dead. Do you hear me?”
“Yes,” he said, still holding on to me. “Yes.”
I had him by the collar now. I could have wrapped my hands around his neck and strangled him.
“Natalie is dead,” I said, my face just a few inches from his. “Somebody killed her.”
“I know, Alex. I know.”
I grabbed Vinnie’s shoulders. He put his hand behind my neck.
“Somebody killed her,” I said. The thing was all over me now, pouring through the broken ramparts. The rout was on.
“She’s dead, Vinnie. She’s dead.”
Chapter Fifteen
I slept. From complete and total physical exhaustion I fell into a deep sleep, with no dreams. Thank God for a night with no dreams, but the cold fact of what had happened was waiting for me when I woke up. I had to face it. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a strange bed. The second cabin. Yes. Vinnie there on the couch, still asleep.
Through the window I could see the gray sky and the long needles of a white pine. I could hear Vinnie breathing, a light wind outside, a bird calling to another. I could hear the last piece of wood burning down in the stove.
Then a loud knock on the door. It startled me, and woke up Vinnie. He looked around, disoriented for a moment, then saw me. The bag of ice he had pressed to his face the night before was now a bag of water. There was another knock on the door.
I got out of bed, still in my clothes from the day before. I opened the door. I was expecting Jackie. Maybe Leon. Maybe the state police detective catching up with me again. Instead I saw the last person I ever would have expected at my door.
It was Chi
ef Roy Maven.
“Chief,” I said. “What the hell.”
“Can I come in?”
I stood aside and let him in. He took off his hat.
“What are you doing here?” I said.
“Did the state police reach you yesterday?”
“No, I was gone most of the day. I got back late.”
“You know they were looking for you?”
“I’m sure they’ll find me sometime today. Why do you ask?”
“You didn’t hear the news, then. The Mounties found Natalie’s partner yesterday. He’d been dead for at least twenty-four hours.”
“What? Her partner’s dead, too? Don something.”
“Don Resnik. They believe he was killed a few hours before Natalie.”
I stood there holding on to the door.
“Umm,” Maven started to say. “I guess I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry about what happened.”
“Thank you. But how was Resnik killed? Was he shot?”
“Yes. Twice.”
“Do they think it was the same gun?”
“They don’t know that yet for sure. Maybe later today they will.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. Everything was starting to look different now. “I thought this was about me. I thought it was someone here in Michigan…Not from Canada.”
“They don’t know anything for sure yet.”
“Why did you come all the way out here? The state guys could have told me about Resnik.”
“I’m doing this as a personal favor to Staff Sergeant Moreland.”
“Moreland? Isn’t that Natalie’s commanding officer?”
“Yes. That’s him.”
“I don’t get it. Why would he want you to tell me about Natalie’s partner?”
“That’s not why I came here.”
“Then why?”
“I came here to take you to Canada. Please go get cleaned up.”
“You’re taking me to Canada?”
“Yes,” Maven said. “That’s what Moreland asked me to do. So come on, go take a shower, shave, put yourself together. It’s a long way to Sudbury.”
“Why are we going to Sudbury?”
“Because, McKnight—” He was about to lay into me, like I’d seen him do at least a dozen times in the past. Force of habit, I guess. But he stopped himself just in time. “Alex…we’re going to Sudbury because they’re going to have a service for Natalie there. Okay? Moreland asked me to bring you there.”
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