by Ward, Alice
It was kind of sad that I hadn’t been around enough for the employee to recognize who I was. “Yes’m. This is Cash.”
“Oh, yes, sir! It’s wonderful to speak with you, sir!” I still didn’t recognize the voice, but she sounded warm and pleased to hear from me, so I indulged her.
“You as well, ma’am.”
She promised to put me on the phone with my mother if I would be so kind as to wait a moment. A moment more passed before I heard the soft, slightly raspy voice that had sung me to sleep in my youth and come to my defense in later years when Dad was on my case.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mom.”
Shuffling and rustling muffled her greeting. “Was it you who just called me on my cell phone, honey? I heard it ringing, but I don’t like the thing, and—”
“Yes, Mom, it was me.” I rolled my eyes and grinned at the ceiling. “I’m the only person who calls you on your cell.”
She became clearer as she situated herself. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. Harlan tells me you’re still in Michigan.”
“Yeah, still here. I’m actually calling about something related to that. Multiple things, really.”
“Are you in trouble? Do you need money?”
It was a standard question she’d grown accustomed to asking me once I hit puberty. So often, I called her to tell her about some mess I’d gotten myself into, and if she could help it, she bailed me out in whatever way she could without telling Dad.
I was now thirty-five, owner of my own estate, and CEO of the business on which the family fortune had been built, but she still asked me if I was in trouble and needed money every time I spoke to her. In a weird way, I liked it. Maybe it made me a wimp, but there was something comforting about my mom looking out for me no matter how old I was.
“No, I’m fine. I mean, I don’t need money.” Tapering my mouth into a thoughtful line, I considered how best to tell her what had been going on. “Mom, what was Dad’s vision for me at Pennington’s?”
She chuckled, the sound coming out dainty and soft. “Honey, your daddy was blind as a bat on a hot summer’s night in a nationwide blackout when it came to you, and he was from the moment you were born. He named you Cash, after all.” She sighed. I could almost feel her running her hands through my hair like she did each time she wanted to sooth me. “There was a time he wasn’t sure if you’d graduate high school. But you did, and you made it into the company without trouble. Why do you ask?”
“Because it always seemed like he wanted me to be the bigshot he was, and now that he’s gone and I’m taking his place, I’m not sure I’m cut out for it.”
It was something I’d been thinking a lot since first coming to Fawn. Thinking it to myself had been difficult. Expressing it to Drew had been embarrassing. But confessing it to my mother, the woman who’d watched my father build Pennington’s from the ground up, the woman who’d witnessed him trying to guide me in his footsteps, was downright humiliating.
Like usual, she listened to me without interruption, and she took several long seconds after I’d finished to reply. When she did, it was in her patented soothing tone. “You know, son, it may not be such a bad thing if you don’t feel you’re right for the job.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, I never mentioned it because I wanted to support your father, and I didn’t want to negatively affect your opinion of him…” I scoffed, but she continued without acknowledging the interruption, “but there were a lot of things your dad did business-wise I didn’t agree with.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Yeah? Like what?”
“Like his expansion methods. He had an underhanded way of going about getting properties to raze for new stores. Apparently, there are some legal loopholes he took full advantage of, even if it meant cheating local business owners out of their land.” She sighed again. “Frankly, I started looking at him differently when he told me about that. I tried to talk to him once about it, about the morality of what he was doing, but he said I didn’t know what I was talking about and to leave business to the businessmen. You know your father.”
“The board is still trying to use those sly methods. I bet you know more about it than I do, because they only fully recently explained the eminent domain loophole to me.”
“I doubt it, honey. Chaz kept me in the dark about a lot of things.”
I plopped down onto the bed and reclined back against the headboard, catching a whiff from my shirt of the incense Gretchen had lit to cover the smell of burnt dough.
“What disturbed me more was how little he was willing to give back to the lowest on the company totem pole, though. He was so proud when he managed to broker low-wage deals for store employees, and he laughed at any suggestion of benefits.” She grunted her disapproval.
“You know, that’s my problem.” I covered my eyes with my hand, reluctant to say what I was about to say. “Dad built an amazing business without any help from anyone, and I respect that. Actually, I think I’ve always been an ungrateful little prick about it. But I’m finding out why he was so successful, and I just can’t see myself following along. Stepping on everyone else to stand on top isn’t my idea of success.”
I could hear her smile in her reply. “That’s because you’re a much better person ethically than your father ever was, honey.”
“That’s one way to look at it.” I shrugged. “I tend to see it as incompetence.”
“No, son. Incompetence is an inability to perform necessary tasks. You’re not incapable; you’re unwilling.”
“So, laziness then.”
She huffed, and I could easily picture the frustrated expression she wore whenever I cut myself down because of my father’s sky-high expectations. “If being an empathetic, compassionate human being makes you lazy, then I’ll agree with you. But it doesn’t, and I don’t.” Her voice became firmer, and I knew she was preparing to do what she’d done many a time in my childhood: stomp the esteem back into me that Dad had pushed out. “To be honest with you, I never thought you’d fit the mold Chaz had in his mind for the Pennington’s CEO. Not because you’re incompetent, as you say, but because you’re not him. You care about others as much as yourself, and you buck against every kind of dominating authority. I always pictured you working with charities or something.”
I blinked, stunned by this revelation, and chewed on what she’d said. “So… you don’t think I should continue the legacy Dad wanted?”
“I think you should do whatever makes you happy. It sounds to me like his legacy doesn’t make you happy.”
That was the long and short of it, the reason I’d been so uncertain about taking his place in the company since arriving in Fawn. “Don’t you want the legacy to continue, though? You were right there with Dad the whole way when he started Pennington’s. There has to be an emotional stake in it for you too.”
“Chaz made his mark. That company will always be his no matter who’s running it. The legacy isn’t going anywhere.” She snapped her gum, a habit she’d picked up since she quit smoking twenty years ago. “What matters now is what you want and why. Are you feeling this way because you’re overwhelmed or intimidated by the job? Or are you feeling this way because you know in your heart this isn’t right for you?”
“I’m not sure.” I shrugged again even though she couldn’t see me. “Maybe both. I’m supposed to be convincing the last store owner on the block to sell her property to Pennington’s, but she doesn’t want to, and I don’t want to force her. And Harlan’s been going behind my back to contact her after reminding me over and over again that Dad would’ve had the deal done already.”
She hummed. “Are you unwilling to do what the board wants you to do because you don’t think it’s right?”
“Yes. She’s sentimental about the building, and she has the right to decline our offers, but the board is starting to make it known they plan to go about getting the land however they have to without a care for her wishes.�
�� My blood started to boil at the thought, and an image of Gretchen’s broken spirit from the night before flashed in my head. I gritted my teeth. “It’s infuriating.”
“It sounds to me like you care about her happiness.”
There was a singsong note in Mom’s tone that made it clear she was reading between the lines, but I didn’t shy away from the accusation like I had with Drew. “I do. The building used to be her grandmother’s bakery. She, Gretchen, lives in the upstairs apartment now, and she told me she used to live there as a kid too. It’s special to her.”
“That’s an awful lot to know about someone you’re just doing business with,” she said.
“Yeah, well…” I considered whether I ought to come clean about the relationship between Gretchen and me. “We’re not just doing business. Hell, we’re not really doing business at all, seeing as she’s refused all my offers and shut down every opportunity I’ve presented.”
She chuckled. “No wonder you’ve been in Michigan so long.”
I puffed my cheeks up sheepishly, then let the air spill out in a raspberry. “Mom.”
“No, I think that’s great.” She was practically giddy. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Mom had been on me about finding a wife and having kids since I was in my mid-twenties, and she constantly asked me if I was seeing anyone. At least, she did prior to my dad’s passing. “Is she pretty?”
“Mom.”
“Cash, honey, I know I’ve bothered you about settling down, but I want you to listen to me.”
I sighed heavily but conceded with a grunt.
“As far as Pennington’s goes, you need to do what feels right for you. If you want to follow the path your father laid out for you, if you want to remain at the company but change things to better suit your vision, or if you want to leave completely to chase your dreams, I will support you. I will never be disappointed in you for turning your back on the whole family legacy dream if it’s not your calling.”
My throat had clogged with so much emotion it was difficult for me to say, “Thank you.”
“But…” She put so much emphasis on the word that I knew she was dead serious about what was coming next. “I would be extremely disappointed in you if you turned your back on your heart. Now, I don’t know what your feelings are for this woman, nor what your relationship with her amounts to, but I know when something matters to you. And I can hear in your voice that she matters.”
My face grew hot, and my stomach flipped. I hadn’t realized my affections for Gretchen were obvious enough to hear through a phone call.
“Follow your heart, son. That’s the best advice I can give you.”
I started to protest, but I had nothing to protest against. Her advice was the soundest I’d heard in a very long time, and she’d never been wrong in her advice yet. Plus, following my heart was what I had wanted to do the whole time, but hearing my mother say it was the validation I needed.
“Thanks, Mom.” A small smile turned up my mouth. “I think I’ll do exactly that.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Gretchen
My whole body was tingling from top to bottom. Heat projected from my palms as I floated my hands slowly and methodically over my midsection. It was a much-needed reiki session to clear myself of all the negative energy that had been surrounding me for so many months, but I had so much on my mind that I couldn’t concentrate properly.
The day hadn’t been a bad one, but I was in a relentless mental fog. After the fight with Cash and the fire, then the night we spent together after, I was a confusing mix of relieved, anxious, giddy, and dubious.
When he left the next morning, I focused only on the good things, his admittance that he cared more about me than Pennington’s and the catharsis of venting all my frustrations. But then the suspicions I’d been harboring started creeping back into my subconscious.
He cared about me. I knew that now for certain. He also was more willing to ensure my happiness than that of his peers. The problem remained, however, that he was still the CEO of Pennington’s, and I still didn’t want to say goodbye to my beloved shop and apartment. A fantasy romance was wonderful to think about, but how could we ever work while we remained on opposing sides of the fence?
So, when yoga didn’t help clear my mind, I decided to take it a step further. It was going on midnight, and I was putting all my effort into cleansing my energy through self-reiki, if only to provide myself the clarity I needed to figure out where to go from here. It wasn’t working, though. I was too distracted.
Sighing, I tried to quiet my thoughts and focus all my energy into healing. The moment when I managed to calm myself, though, a loud jangling ripped me right out of my Zen. I groaned, slapped my hands down onto my thighs, and looked around. My phone was vibrating itself across the surface of my coffee table, the screen lit and the speaker shrieking the ringtone. I clambered up onto my knees and stretched to grab it, but I saw the name on the screen before I reached it and immediately retracted my hand.
It was Cash. Of course. The one person I needed to separate myself from long enough to get some sense was calling smack in the middle of my reiki session. I wondered if he might actually be psychic after all.
I waited until the phone stopped ringing, then returned to centering myself.
Jingle! Jingle!
“Seriously?”
I glared at my cell. His name was scrawled across the screen again. For a second time, I ignored it and waited for silence. The moment it stopped, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
Jingle! Jingle! Jingle!
“Oh my god.” Frustrated, I launched myself toward the table and slid my thumb across the phone. “What do you want?”
“We need to work on your greetings.”
The sound of his voice alone was enough to send a shiver down my spine, but I refrained from letting the thrill show in my response by keeping a measured tone and staring blankly at the wall in front of me. “It’s pretty late, Cash.”
“Yes, darlin’, it is, so I’d appreciate it if you’d come downstairs and let me in.”
I cranked my entire body around, knocking myself sideways off my ass, like I expected to see him standing behind me. He wasn’t, of course, but I heard some noise outside. “You’re here?”
“Right outside your door.”
“Why?”
He made a low growling sound. “Because I want to see you.”
I clawed myself back into a proper sitting position, but I didn’t move to stand and go downstairs like he was asking. My stomach was flipping with arousal like it always did when it came to Cash, yet I couldn’t reconcile going to him, letting him upstairs, and succumbing to the temptation another time when I couldn’t picture a future with him as long as our lives were at odds. Continuing to spend the night with him would only make it hurt that much worse when reality tore us apart.
“You know, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea right now.”
He laughed, and my insides quivered. “It’s never a bad idea to see your beautiful face, darlin’.”
“It is when I’m not sure where I stand.”
“Ah.” He fell silent for a breath. I waited, unsure if I’d offended him. “Then, I really think you should come down.”
I frowned and looked toward the stairs. I didn’t want to be the girl who went running every time a man told me I was beautiful, but I also didn’t want to be the stubborn jerk who stomped her feet and glowered needlessly.
“All right. I’ll come down,” I agreed.
I went down the stairs, figuring there was no chance I was going to get back what little concentration I’d managed to wrangle up for my reiki session anyway, and opened the door with the phone still pressed to my ear. Cash beamed upon seeing me and moved forward to come inside. Rather than stepping back to allow him entrance, however, I edged my way through the door and the jamb to speak to him outside.
His left brow curled into an arc. “Well, that’s unexpected.”
“What?”
“The shut-out.” He gestured to the door. “I’m not trying to sell you something, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I know. I just…” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and crossed my arms across my chest as the blast of the November breeze whipped against my skin. “There’s a lot on my mind, and I’m not sure where to go with it.”
He leaned against the wall, also crossing his arms. His biceps bulged slightly beneath the sleeves of his jacket, and I found myself admiring the way his jeans hugged his hips. Cash always looked drool-worthy in his suits, but in a way, he was more appealing in his casual wear. Desire sprang in hot dampness between my legs.
“Can you explain that a little?” His eyes bored into mine. I wondered if he could see the blush in my cheeks through the darkness of midnight.
“Everything… I don’t…” I shrugged, rocking back onto my heels. “We’re so different, Cash. Hearing you tell me how you felt about me was wonderful, and I care about you too. Our chemistry is great. We talk and have fun. It’s amazing. But there doesn’t seem like there’s a future for us as long as you’re Mr. Pennington, and I’m… me.”
“Darlin’.” He kept his back against the wall but bent his head forward to close the space between us a bit. “Mr. Pennington is my name.”
I smiled slightly. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t.” Holding out a hand for me to take, he tilted his head to one side. I eased my hand into his, and he curled his fingers to capture it. “You’re doing that infuriating double-talk women are prone to do.” I narrowed my eyes in warning, and he gave me that lazy grin to show he was kidding. “No, really, though. Are you saying that we have no future because my job conflicts with yours?”
I looked down at our hands, our fingers intertwined, the way his index finger lightly stroked the back of my hand with the kind of gentle affection I’d always craved from a partner. “To some degree, yeah,” I murmured.
“Then, it sounds to me like you know exactly where to go with all those things on your mind.” He didn’t sound hurt like I would’ve thought, nor did he look the least bit put off. If anything, his expression was mild and understanding, like he truly wanted to figure out where I was coming from so we could talk it out.