“I guess nothing happened,” Lizzie said.
“Huh.”
Rose put her chin in her hand and considered. She tapped her chin rapidly and occasionally murmured. But she didn’t add anything. Empathy is great, but I need a little guidance here too.
Lizzie crossed her arms over her chest, studying Rose. “What do you mean by huh?”
“I thought he’d take advantage of the opportunity. Intriguing, that’s very intriguing.”
“He’s not like that, at all. Mark’s a gentleman.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Lizzie turned away to look over the marsh behind her house. Rose likes Mark. Why would she suddenly think of him as a…cad? Unless…maybe in her experience if a man didn’t act at such a moment he wasn’t interested. Taking another long sip of her Coke, Lizzie tried to ignore the slight shake in her hands.
“Well, I think it’s safe to say he’s not interested,” Lizzie muttered.
Rose shook her head. “Nope, I don’t agree with that at all. I think he’s a gentleman.”
Lizzie held up her hands in disbelief. “Rose, nothing happened. I made a move. It’s done. And I think it’s time I start thinking about what I’m going to do next.”
I can’t play this game of will they or won’t they. Why am I even talking about him? I have to focus on myself.
“No, it’s not done. Not even a little bit. He just knows what I know.”
“What’s that?” Lizzie asked, confused.
“That you aren’t looking to date. You’re looking for a husband.”
“No I’m not.”
If Rose thought she knew Lizzie, then she was sorely mistaken. Lizzie couldn’t imagine trying to take on a serious romantic relationship. Maybe a casual dating relationship she could handle. But marriage? She didn’t have the emotional strength for that vulnerability and commitment.
“Sure you are,” Rose persisted.
Lizzie opened her mouth to speak and then closed it. Repeating her denial wouldn’t prove anything. She tried to take a different route.
“Maybe I’m now becoming ready to date,” Lizzie offered.
“If you were ready to date, believe me, I would have set you up with someone a long time ago. I know a lot of very eligible young men on this island.”
“So you’ve been holding out on me?” Lizzie teased, trying to get the conversation onto lighter, more comfortable ground.
“Ha, I’ve offered plenty of times. But, truth be told, if I’d thought you were ready to date, I would have sent one of them your way, without your permission. I can engineer a meet cute with the best of them.”
Lizzie had no doubt that Rose could. She was a woman of many talents, as Lizzie continued to learn.
“You’ve been hiding and now that you’re out of hiding, I can see it,” Rose continued. “I was exactly the same way as you. I was too busy and wrapped up in my life. I kept myself busy, so I wouldn’t have to waste time on the frogs. I wanted to get straight to my Prince Charming. And then I met him, my Cas.”
“Cas?”
“Casmir, my late husband? Good Polish boy from the Midwest, Chicago. Haven’t I talked about him before?”
“I knew your husband had passed, but you never talked about him. I wanted to respect your privacy.” Lizzie shook her head.
“He’s the love of my life. It’s hard to remember that he’s not here. He’s so much a part of me. I forget that you don’t know him and that he’s gone. Anyways, I met him when I was least expecting it. I met him at a gas station. I was out with my sister and we were filling our bikes up with air and along came these two good looking men.”
“How old were you?” Lizzie asked.
“Early twenties. That was a scandal back then, for a girl to still be single in her twenties.”
“And what happened?”
“I looked at one of the men and my eyes locked on him and I just… I felt a connection. In that instance I knew he could change my life if I let him. And, more importantly, I knew I was exactly the girl he needed to be with.”
Lizzie giggled at Rose’s recalled bravado. That sounded exactly like the Rose she loved.
“You know, if I had watched Dateline back then I never would have talked to him let alone let him steer the bike while I rode on the handlebars,” Rose added.
“And that was it?” Lizzie asked, marveling that such an important force in shaping the rest of her life could be boiled down to one moment.
“That was it. I never dated anyone before Cas, but I’d never been interested. And I think… You’re not a girl to date either.”
“I don’t know Rose.”
But, she didn’t know. True, she didn’t have time to date and she had no interest in dating. She couldn’t imagine opening herself up to a relationship. But with Mark, hadn’t she been doing that? Hadn’t they slowly developed a relationship over the past two months? Last night she might have put herself on the line, but she’d chosen a safe moment. She’d used liquid courage to get up the guts to kiss him, something she’d been thinking about since the moment she ran into him at the resort.
“Just think about what I said and what you want,” Rose said, interrupting her reverie. “If you’re ready, don’t wait. You don’t want to waste anytime. Trust me. You’ll regret all those missed days you spent mopping around here watching TV in your pajamas.”
“Can’t I take one sick day? I’m trying to process everything that happened over the past four days,” Lizzie said, fighting to keep the whine out of her tone.
“Fine, take one day. But that’s it. You need to be honest with yourself and be honest with him. And stop this grad school nonsense; we both know that isn’t happening. You’re not leaving this island, you’re going to go in and demand more pay and a promotion because you did all the work anyways, and you’re going to get the guy.”
“Fine, I’ll go back in tomorrow.”
“Good.” Rose drained her Coke and handed the glass to Lizzie before standing up. “And now I’ve got to get going. Just because you missed our date doesn’t mean I can go flitting around all afternoon. I have commitments.”
“Of course,” Lizzie replied, taking the glass and smiling.
* * * * *
Mark walked into the office after lunch and expected to see her there. He put his hand on the knob to turn it, paused to take in a deep breath, and pushed the door open. But he was greeted by silence. She’s not here? Still? I’ve been waiting all day. He slammed the door shut behind him and shuffled over to his desk. He pulled back his chair and sank into it, turning on his computer monitor and staring at the screen without looking.
He hadn’t realized until she didn’t show up that he had been looking forward to seeing her. He had wanted to talk to her. He wanted to explain why he had to do this. And maybe I wanted her to make me reconsider. But she hadn’t shown up. Perhaps that was for the best. He didn’t need any more distractions or anything else to confuse him or get in his way. He’d drifted in his life for the past decade, it was time for him to take charge again.
Pulling up his email, he started typing. He wrote out a thorough explanation. He poured himself into the words on his computer screen, discussing everything that happened that led to his choice and what he wanted next. He sat back and read the lengthy draft, and decided against hitting send. He didn’t owe Frank Cade that much detail or insight; not after the way he’d witnessed him treat Lizzie.
I wish she’d show up so we can talk. He blew out a sigh and put his hands behind his head, leaning his chair way back. Her clean fresh scent smell wafted over. Righting his chair, he stared at the door expectantly. Come on Lizzie, walk inside. But the knob didn’t turn.
Turning his chair toward the window, a peek of gray caught the corner of his eye. She’d left behind a cardigan sweater on her desk chair. Not her.
Opening the top drawer of his desk, he surveyed the contents. He had no personal belongings in the office. He shoved the drawer shut and pushed back his chair, grabbi
ng his briefcase. He got up and paced the room for one final time. Everywhere he looked he saw Lizzie. He smiled, thinking about her exasperating need for details and hand-written to do lists. She needed tangible things, maybe because she’d always had them.
Keeping his head down, he didn’t look back as he left the office, letting the door swing shut behind him. His shoes ground a loose shell on the tabby path. The crunch under his foot as the shell crumbled was satisfying. I could crush a few more and maybe I’d feel better. No, he couldn’t waste time smashing shells.
A breeze picked up, the brackish smell of the marsh especially strong in the early afternoon. Turning his head to the side, he was tempted to slow his pace and walk across the lawn. No, I can’t. Mark shook his head and continued on, focusing on his feet. If he gazed across the lawn, through the gaps between the live oaks to the marsh and the sound, he might want to stay. He couldn’t reconsider. I have to go. If I leave, she can stay.
Getting into the car, he turned the key in the ignition, and pulled out his phone. Instead of the lengthy missive he started, he kept the email direct. Effective immediately, I resign.
Immediately after hitting send, he raced off the island as fast as he could. Now that he’d quit, he had to leave. He drove directly to Phil’s and burst into his house, not even knocking, without a call or a text. He opened the door and strode into the kitchen, surprising Phil as he ate a sandwich at the table.
“We need to talk,” Mark said sternly, standing over the table and frowning down at Phil.
Phil motioned for Mark to sit down while he finished chewing and took a drink of his water.
“What’s going on? Why are you here? Is everything okay?”
“I’m leaving,” Mark said, his tone flat.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m leaving.”
Mark closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with one hand. Why was this so hard to discuss with Phil? But coming over to tell Phil his plan, Mark had been preparing himself for a fight, he realized. He’d never had a fight with him. They’d never raised their voices at each other. Sitting up straighter, he looked his friend directly in the eye.
“I have a job in Miami. I’m going back to what I do best. I’m taking over catering at a boutique hotel. I start next week,” Mark said, striving to keep his voice expressionless.
He didn’t want Phil to think his decision was open to discussion. Because as far as he was concerned, he’d made the choice. This move was happening. For her sake, he simply had to leave.
“Miami? When did this happen?” Phil asked, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Yesterday after I left here.”
“That fast? How did you get a job in a couple hours?”
“I’ve had a standing offer for a few years. I’ve never really taken it seriously before. But with everything that’s happened, this is the right choice.”
Phil pushed his plate to the side, leaned back in his chair, and looked at him sternly. Mark flinched. He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable to be so near Phil. He rested his forearms on the table, leaning on them with his weight. After a minute he found that stance awkward and he cleared his throat and got up from the chair. He paced behind the table while Phil continued to stare him down.
“What?” Mark finally asked, stopping to face Phil, breaking the tension.
“You’re running away. This girl has you scared.”
Wincing, Mark absorbed the words. I’m not running away from her. I’m trying to help her. But how could he explain when he hadn’t really sorted out his feelings. He couldn’t walk away from Phil’s unnerving gaze.
“I’m not running away and this has nothing to do with her,” Mark lied.
He sighed in exasperation and started moving again. What was Phil even talking about? He doesn’t understand at all.
“It has everything to do with her,” Phil continued, raising his voice to drive his point home. “You could live the life you say you want here. You want to slow down? You want to start having a personal life? You could do that here.”
“No I can’t,” Mark muttered under his breath, his hands balling into fists. Looking about the room, listening to the hum of the dishwasher, and breathing in the smell of cookies lingering in the air, the differences in their lives couldn’t have been more glaring. He has a home and a family. I want this. I thought maybe I’d found my chance but…
“Well, you could. But you won’t.”
“If I leave, she gets the job she wants,” Mark said, stopping to put his hands on his hips and glower down at Phil. “She wants it a lot more than I do. It’s hers.”
“You could stay here and give her the job.”
“No, I can’t.”
Phil shook his head. “You’re afraid. You have to stop doing things out of fear.”
Mark threw up his hands in the air. “What else have I done out of fear?”
“Stayed in a relationship with someone who didn’t love you because you were comfortable with the familiar.”
“I loved her,” Mark protested.
“Yeah, but not the way you should have. You can’t turn away when life gets hard. I know you have this image of me with my family and my bar. But you’re completely wrong. My life is hard in ways I never could have imagined. There are days that are so tough I don’t think I can keep going, but I do. I have been more scared in the past two years. But that’s when it’s most important that I’m here. I need to be here for them and for myself.”
Mark turned away. He didn’t want to hear what Phil was saying. Focusing on all the ways Phil’s life was better than his, instead of all the ways Phil’s life was harder, gave him a reason to ignore his advice.
“There is nowhere I’d rather be than here,” Phil said, standing to clap a hand on his shoulder. “No one I’d rather be with than my family. But I don’t want you to think we live some kind of fairytale. Real life is so much more complicated than that. Don’t run away because of some girl or some idea of chivalry.”
“I understand. But I can’t stay here,” Mark’s voice came out, barely greater than a whisper. “I’m leaving tomorrow to meet with the staff and then I’ll be back to pack. Will you watch Scooter for me?”
Dropping his hand, Phil took a step back. And then he took a few more until he reached the table. Sinking into his chair, Phil slumped, defeated.
Why is he upset? Mark bristled, crossing his arms over his chest. Mark knew. They were family. Maybe the relationship had always seemed unbalanced. Maybe he’d always assumed he needed Phil more than the reverse. Maybe I’ve always been wrong.
“Sure. Drop him off before you go.” Phil’s voice sounded detached, preoccupied.
Mark froze. The distance between them suddenly stretching from Jekyll Island to St. Simons. He’d never felt so separated from Phil before. But I can’t stay. Suddenly, he understood. His choices had pulled him away from his friend and into a different orbit. He stood still, rooted in place, tension tightening his jaw.
“Thanks,” Mark nodded.
Hands in his pockets, he stared at Phil, hoping to unnerve him. Make me stay. Yell at me about this. But he could see in the hunched shoulders and rounded back, that Phil didn’t have any fight left. Mark walked across the hardwood floor, painfully aware of each scuff and click of his soles against the walnut. Turning the doorknob, he let himself out, still hoping for Phil to stop him.
But Phil didn’t move. Mark kept his eyes focused on his friend until he shut the door. This is the best choice. My only choice. Why can’t he understand? Shaking his head, Mark jogged lightly down the steps. Phil wasn’t coming after him, no one was. Story of my life.
Chapter Seventeen
“You can do this. Frank Cade can’t scare you out of your job a second time. And you know what? If he can’t handle the truth, you can move on,” Lizzie told the reflection in the vanity mirror of her visor.
Lizzie got out of the car, took in a deep breath of the briny air, and purposefully strode towar
ds the main hotel building. As she’d promised Rose, she’d shown up for work the next day. But instead of heading down the path to her office, she needed to take charge of her situation first.
Crossing over the verandah, she walked through the French doors without looking back. Her heels clicked against the hardwood floors and Lizzie pulled back her shoulders and raised her chin as she opened the door and took the stairs up to the second floor. Like the first time I ran into Mark at work, when I’d been full of confidence, before Frank Cade had torn my self-esteem apart.
If she closed her eyes, she imagined she’d smell Mark’s woody Old Spice deodorant. She bit her lip, remembering how the fragrance had become stronger, more tangible when they’d been running around the event together. Or when I had my nose next to his collar as we danced. Lizzie reached the top step and looked down the hall, wishing she’d somehow have run into him.
What would I say? Her stomach turned over like it did every time she forced herself onto a flume ride. She hated flume rides. But she hated her ridiculous fear of them even more. I hate my ridiculous fear of talking to Mark the most.
She wanted to apologize. She wanted to explain that despite whatever he thought after he dropped her off at her house, he was wrong. She liked him. She hadn’t been trying to work some angle. And if he’d told her about his family and his ex to make her feel sorry for him, she refused. She cared for the man that she knew, that she’d come to rely on, that she couldn’t go through a day without thinking about. He could offer her all the excuses of his past and he could build up a wall around his heart, but she would tear it down.
No, she stopped herself. She had to get this done first. Business than pleasure.
Her muffled steps on the hall carpet gave no indication of the determination in her step. She opened the outer door to Frank Cade’s office and strode up to the secretary’s desk. She stopped right in front and didn’t have to wait for acknowledgement from the lady. The secretary looked at her as she walked in and—maybe only her imagination—Lizzie thought she caught a nod of approval.
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