by London Casey
So this was all on me.
I took the extra work at the Cramer’s. I washed the dishes. Cleaned the floors. I even did their laundry, and not just the twins’ either. I washed, dried, folded, organized it on their massive bed. The biggest bed I’d ever seen. Their room smelled like a mix of really expensive perfume and cologne. I was jealous.
One night Mrs. Cramer came home after having one too many glasses of wine at the fancy restaurant they were at. Mr. Cramer had to take a call. He was some finance guy and apparently it was already tomorrow in China and he needed to handle some business.
Mrs. Cramer sat me at the table and made me eat the leftovers. She said that it was a big no-no to take food out of this place, but she knew the owner. It was the most expensive and fanciest meal I’d ever eaten. Even if it was only half a meal, the pieces of steak and potato and roasted carrots that Mrs. Cramer couldn’t finish.
I ate like I was starving… which I was.
Mrs. Cramer asked if I had dinner and I said no.
She then made sure to have a meal cooked for me each time after that when I came over.
They were such nice people to me.
Mrs. Cramer smiled as I ate, rocking back and forth because she was drunk. I had seen drunk a lot in my life. So I knew what to do if she got sick. Or fell over. I would need to turn her so she didn’t choke on her vomit. That was the trick. I learned that a long time ago.
Mrs. Cramer reached across the table and touched my wrist. She then whispered to me that she secretly wanted to adopt me. My eyes lit up. I told her I was almost eighteen. That I was going to be an adult. She said so what? and then asked me about college. I told her I wasn’t going because there was no way I could get into college… or afford it. I told her I wanted to do my bakery thing.
She didn’t laugh at me. She told me I was smart for knowing what I wanted to do. She said she could adopt me and then send me to culinary school. That she and Mr. Cramer would pay for it all! That Mr. Cramer knew a lot of people and I could get into any college I wanted.
My mind started to spin. That would be amazing.
Before I could ask anything else, Mr. Cramer came back into the kitchen. He told me to stay put as he helped Mrs. Cramer off to bed. When he returned he paid me… and gave me extra. I told him I should have been giving money back for the food I ate. He laughed and said I was a good kid. I was honest. That it would get me far. I sort of hinted about what Mrs. Cramer said. He laughed again. He said they liked me. They both liked me. That he would make a few calls about culinary school for me.
I left that night feeling like a million bucks.
A week later Mrs. Cramer was moved out of the house to go somewhere for her secret and growing drinking problem. Mr. Cramer had been sleeping with his secretary, who ended up pregnant. So he took the twins and moved to Maine. The house never sold because it was too big. I never had another babysitting job there again and I never got adopted and I never got into culinary school and I never…
Well, whatever.
What mattered was that as I sat on the floor in my bedroom, my back against the bed, I lifted the little pocket I made that held the notes. Under that was all the cash. After the Cramer’s thing fell though, I picked up two other babysitting jobs. And a cleaning job at night. I’d sneak out around two in the morning three times a week and clean a few offices owned by the same guy. He promised to not tell Aunt Beth. He paid cash, like the babysitting jobs. All those jobs combined didn’t pay what I made in one night at the Cramer’s.
But here was the good part - I finally had enough saved to get the dress.
I was going to buy the dress and wear it to show off for Aunt Beth. And I was hoping someone would see me and tell Evan. Because if he saw me in that dress there was no way in heck he wouldn’t ask me to the dance. And if I could get to the dance with Evan… maybe my life would change. I knew what happened after the dance. The parties. Drinking. Other stuff. I didn’t care. With Evan, I totally would do anything with him. But knowing him, he’d want to wait. Or if we did… he would make it extra special.
My cheeks burned hot as I thought about him.
I counted the money just to be sure. I had enough and a little extra. I would think of something nice to get Aunt Beth with the leftover money.
It was perfect.
Finally. Something was lining up the way I wanted.
My bedroom door blasted open with a shriek from Anna.
I gasped and hurried to put the notes on top of the cash.
“Adena?”
I poked my head up. “Over here.”
“Are you looking at dirty magazines? Guys or girls? Or both?”
Anna climbed across my bed on her knees wearing a dress. The dress pulled up showing way too much, but that’s probably how Anna liked it.
She leaned over and saw the notes.
“Notes? Tell me they’re from a boy.”
“No,” I said. “Just my friends.”
“You keep notes? Why?”
“I don’t know. Memories.”
“That’s weird. You need to get out and make other memories.”
“Right. Why did you come in here screaming?”
“Guess what happened?”
“What now?” I asked.
“Evan asked me to the dance,” Anna said.
Then she screamed again.
I quickly turned and shoved the shoebox under the bed. “What?”
“You heard me, Adena. Well… I mean, he’s going to. I heard it.”
“You heard what?”
“Are you deaf or stupid? Evan…”
I shook my head.
NO. This is wrong. This isn’t happening. I worked for all that money for the dress to wear to be with Evan.
“I’m going to the dance with him,” Anna said. “Me and him. Together. Isn’t that great?”
I smiled. I felt another sliver of my heart crack away.
“That’s… great…”
Anna threw herself to her back and kicked her feet on my bed. She messed up all my covers and then took handfuls of the sheets and pulled them over her. She kept screaming.
I stood there numb.
I was still going to buy that dress though.
I wasn’t going to give up on what I worked so hard for.
And even though I worked to save the money and I went through all the trouble to buy the dress… I wasn’t going to be the one wearing it.
Chapter Six
(A Beer With an Old Friend)
NOW
(Evan)
I looked at Mike’s house and laughed. The window on the second floor to the left. That was a spare bedroom where I had crashed too many times to count. One night during a party, things got out of hand. Some fists were thrown between me and another guy and he went through the window. Rolled down the roof and planted face first into the yard. It looked like something out of a movie. The guy popped up and started to run.
I had caught him in the room with someone in the bed. Someone that didn’t want to be in the bed with him. Someone too drunk to defend herself. So I had to step in and remedy the situation before it became something really bad.
I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked up the same concrete steps and made a fist and knocked on the same old screen door. It had a metal trashcan lid sound to it as I pounded.
The door opened and there stood Mike.
The years aged him three times over as he stood there with a bushy beard and a pot belly to match. He had been a star on the football team but never pursued it after high school.
“Doorbell,” he said to me.
“That doorbell hasn’t worked since I’ve known you, man.”
Mike pushed the door open and reached for the doorbell. He pressed the button and the doorbell inside the house made a ding sound.
“Well, look at that,” I said. “You got the house, the business, and finally fixed the doorbell. How’s the old man?”
“Has no fucking clue who he is and what ye
ar it is,” Mike said.
“Shit,” I said. I ran a hand through my hair. “I’m really sorry, Mike.”
“Come on, get the hell in here,” Mike said. “Let’s have a beer.”
I went into the house and damn near everything was the same. Just new furniture and a new big TV.
I threw my bag to the table as Mike opened the fridge. He grabbed two bottles of beer and handed me one.
“Had to move Dad last month,” Mike said.
“Move him?”
“To a new place to live,” Mike said. “He couldn't do it here, Evan. I couldn’t do it here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You know, he fucking put up with me. You. Us. All the shit we did. He never gave up on us. He might have beat the hell out of us a few times, but he never gave up on us. I had to give up on him.”
“I’m sure you didn’t give up on him.”
“I did. I had someone come pick him up.”
“I’m sure you had good reason.”
Mike laughed. “He broke into the neighbor’s house and started fixing their tub.”
“What?”
“The tub wasn’t broken. Guy next door is named Rob. He’s got a wife and a little kid. They were always sketchy around Dad. It’s scary to see someone go through that shit, you know? I felt bad for them. One night, Dad got up and thought he was working. Went next door and started working on the tub. Ended up busting their pipes. Flooded the bathroom. Scared the hell out of the little kid. Little girl named Avery. I thought I had everything locked up here. They threatened legal action so I just said fuck it and had him put away.”
“Ah, shit, Mike. Why the hell didn’t you call me?”
“What the fuck, Evan? You got out of here. What the fuck would you have done?”
“I don’t know, man. Maybe drive down and have a beer.”
“We’re doing that now,” Mike said. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay? I’m trying to stay above all this. Keep the business going. Get this house fixed up. Shit was left to fall apart while I tried to keep up with Dad.”
“Hey, if he’s safe where he is…”
“It’s like a prison. When he’s not all there in the head, it’s not so bad. But he has moments when he’s clear as fucking day and he hates it.”
Mike let out a growling sound. He then turned his head away.
I took a drink of the beer. I had to change the subject. “So… Anna…”
“Shit,” Mike said. “That was a long time coming, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess. What happened?”
Mike frowned. “Crashed her car.”
I shook my head. “I can’t believe she still had a license to drive.”
“You and me both. She would do her usual bullshit though. Get all twisted up, cry victim, sober up, then slip and fall.”
“Where was she living?”
“Where wasn’t she living?” Mike asked. He walked to the deck door and slid it open. He motioned to go outside. “She crashed wherever she wanted. Hell, I let her sleep at the shop a few times.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. She showed up in tears. Her clothes ripped. Makeup running down her face. Drunk, high, a mess. Begging me to let her hide there. I offered to take her home and she wouldn’t do it. I offered to bring her back here. She was afraid of Dad.”
“Your old man was a scary guy,” I said.
Mike grinned. “Yeah he was. Remember the time he busted out your taillight with that big ass plumber’s wrench?”
“Oh, man,” I said. “He got so pissed I took that case of beer. I tried telling him it was for good reason.”
“To get laid,” Mike said.
“And it worked.”
“Yeah it did.”
“You know, I got pulled over because of that taillight?” I said. “Got a fucking ticket over in Haneysville. I told the cop what happened and he laughed at me. He knew your father. So he fucking believed me about what happened to the light and he still gave me the ticket.”
“Prick,” Mike said.
“Cheers to that.”
We hit bottles together.
“So what happened with Anna at your shop?” I asked.
“Oh, that. Yeah. So I let her sleep there. Found her the next morning still passed out. Woke her up, got her some coffee and food. She asked to stay and help. So I put her to work. Ah, fuck, I had some dumb ass dream of me saving her and she would end up with me.”
“Really? You liked her?”
“I don’t know. I mean, she was with every guy in town. Kind of hard to look past that. But I’m not pushing the women away myself, you know? So I let her work the day. I gave her some cash and bought her dinner. Offered to bring her back here but she said no again. Then she…” Mike scratched as his beard. “Well, she offered me a payment. For the help.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Oh,” I said. “So you got added to the list, huh?”
Mike shrugged his shoulders. “I couldn’t do it, Evan. Her eyes were so desperate and sad. It felt wrong. I told her to sleep there and we’d talk in the morning. I came the next morning and the door was wide open.”
“No…”
Mike nodded. “Yeah.”
“She took cash?”
“No. I don’t keep cash at the shop. I deposit it all. Not that we handle much cash in the plumbing business. She took pipes.”
“Pipes?”
“Copper pipes, Evan. Swiped about five hundred bucks worth. I didn’t see her for a month after that.”
“Jesus,” I said. I shook my head. “And here we all are, getting together for her funeral.”
Mike stepped back and sighed. “You and I both know we’re not all here for Anna.”
That comment hit me in a tender spot in my heart.
Of course I wasn’t there because of Anna. Or for Anna. Or to say goodbye or some fake shit.
I was there to see Adena.
“You ready for this?” Mike asked. “I’m going to get showered and changed. We need to leave in about thirty minutes.”
I gave a nod and Mike walked away.
Was I ready to see Anna be put into the ground? Yeah, sure. It really had been a long time coming. Fuck, if anything maybe the world would rest easier with her gone. And I knew how messed up that sounded.
But was I ready to see Adena?
The simple answer…
No.
Chapter Seven
(All Boxed Up)
NOW
(Adena)
Riley held my hand as the car came to a stop. I was supposed to be in Tommy’s SUV but Zoey’s uncle owned a car service and gave us a limo for the ride to the cemetery. Which struck me odd because I had never been in a limo in my life. Neither had Anna. We weren’t limo people. Neither was this town. Even for dances and whatnot, you walked or got a ride. Or you’d fill up the back of a pickup truck.
A limo driving through town? It was ridiculous. And stupid.
But Zoey insisted on it. She was very worried about death and always had been. She would get upset about any kind of death. I remembered as a kid if someone stepped on a caterpillar to see its green guts shoot out of its body Zoey would cry.
The driver was a plump guy who took his time walking around the front of the limo, fighting with his pants to keep them up. He hurried to open the door and nodded.
“I’ll be waiting right here,” he said. “Take your time.”
I glanced at him. Take my time?
What the fuck did that mean? He had somewhere else to be? And take my time doing what? My baby sister was stuffed into a fucking box that cost four grand and was going to get dropped into the ground and covered up in dirt. And everything she ever did while living was left for me to carry or left as a scar on me.
Yeah, I was going to take my good ‘ol fucking time here…
I walked with Riley and she started to rub my arm.
“You okay?” she whispered.
“No,” I said. “Everyone needs to leave me t
he fuck alone.”
“Right. Sorry.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“Adena, this sucks,” Riley whispered. “So bad.”
“Yeah, it does.”
The hard part wasn’t seeing my sister’s coffin. It was seeing the headstone next to my sister’s grave. The one with Aunt Beth’s name on it. My heart felt ripped up like a piece of a wet paper. I would always wonder how many years had been cut short on Aunt Beth’s life… how long she would have lived if me and Anna hadn’t been thrown into her care. There had been only so much I could do to help Aunt Beth. Most of the time she didn’t want my help. She’d get mad at me for getting involved.
I looked at Riley and felt it coming. Maybe I should have taken a few more sips from the flask. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken any sips at all.
Tears filled my eyes and I lost my edge.
At least Riley was the one next to me. She knew when to shut up and just hug me. Sometimes that’s all I really wanted, desperately needed.
I was crying for Aunt Beth. She had tried too hard. I was crying for Anna. No matter what, she was my sister.
Through hazy eyes because of the tears I saw someone mixed in with the group of people approaching.
It was Evan.
He was really here, huh?
After all these years.
The way he left. The words unsaid. The time wasted.
And now he was back.
And it was the same as before.
Him looking at my sister instead of me.
Chapter Eight
(From Across the Grave)
NOW
(Evan)
I wasn’t sure Anna ever stepped foot in a church. And yet a priest stood at the head of the casket, a small bible in his hand, both arms outreached, closing the services with a prayer. I knew this was more for the respect of Beth than Anna. Poor Beth. That woman had fought a losing battle for years, never once giving up on Anna. The amount of times I met Beth and just did the cool guy teenager shrug to her. She knew I would protect Anna, but she never really knew how far I had gone to do just that. All the crazy stuff Anna did.