Dave and I went to the Speight’s Ale House for a meal. What we did today had to be done but I’m so glad it’s over. What an emotionally draining day it has been.
I took Uncle Dave to the airport and was sorry to see him go, I think he was too. So good of him to come down for us. I managed to hold it together till he left then had another good cry at the unfairness of it all. Went to Nichols Garden Centre and ordered a ‘Sophy’ rose with vouchers my nursing friends from Invercargill had given me. Then I drove into town to go to McRobie’s for the graduation photos. The lady said to have a look in a book and point out the photo number I wanted printed. I said I didn’t need to and told her the circumstances. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘I’m so sorry,’ as if she was meant to recognise me. She said, ‘Ray wants to see you.’ She went out back for a few minutes then this man came out with a parcel. He opened it and there was a photo of Chris receiving your degree already framed plus six other copies. He said he wanted to give them to us for free. I promptly burst into tears — seems to be the best I can do. I was so overwhelmed. As I keep saying, Soph, there are kind people out there.
Friday. Nick arrived today. Dad picked him up at the airport. Nick is just the same, full of life and it is so good to have him here. Actually both the graduation and depositions would have been hard going for Chris and Nick so it was good that they split up their visits and did one each. We have ordered a load of wood for Nick to cut up and stack. You know what he’s like, always looking for something to do.
Uncle Dave and Ann arrived on Sunday and Dave spent time going over things with me again. It gives me confidence to have him here. Although I have been summonsed, I’m not sure if I’ll be on the stand yet. Apparently his QC lawyer says she doesn’t want me on. I have told the prosecutors I want to speak and I don’t want a ‘hand up’. That would mean no one gets to hear what you and I went through on that dreadful day. Of course his counsel doesn’t want me because it’s too damning. The prosecutor said he’d like either me or the 111 call or both. In the end we got both — thumbs up, great stuff.
We all trooped down to the court at 9.15. Trevor Johnson, our ex-policeman neighbour, was there to usher us in a side entrance away from the media. I felt amazingly calm. Perhaps I was helped by the drugs, but I also reminded myself we were there for you. I took a whole lot of photos and gave them out so our friends and family could remind themselves of what this was all about. I have your photo tucked into my bra, as close to my heart as I can get you. I was told I was first up, which gave me a bit of a fright, but honestly I didn’t have much time to think. I was ushered in after the preliminary statement by the prosecutor, Robin Bates. After taking the oath I looked around but couldn’t see Weatherston in the dock. I thought he couldn’t have been there, but as it happened he was sitting at a table behind Judith Ablett-Kerr. He spent pretty well most of the four days head down, reading.
Marie Grills, one of the prosecutors, started questioning me with basic questions then got on to the incident and how it happened. This went on for some time and was pretty harrowing, but I was determined to give my evidence with my head held high. When answering questions I would pick out a spot to focus on and had a picture of you in my mind. Because I was doing this for you, I got through the evidence-in-chief easily, considering what I had to say.
During the lunch break I just had to get away so went for a walk with Dave and called into a café for a brief lunch before going back to court. Mrs Ablett-Kerr then cross-examined me. It wasn’t too bad and I think I was lucky to get out of her clutches unscathed. In all I was on the stand for four hours with only the one break.
My evidence was read back to me and I had to sign each page. A bit archaic really. Clayton would not look at me. I kept firing filthy looks in his direction when they were reading back my testimony. He was all dressed up in a suit, white shirt and tie. His hair is quite long with no gel and he kept putting his fingers through it. Looks like he’s lost weight and is very pale. No sun, no doubt. Serves him right. I look at him and think, how could he not only stab you but cut through your skin like slicing meat? It is hard for me to comprehend. What he did was so animalistic. I wonder what it feels like to him now. Does he think about it, does he have nightmares, does he even imagine it? How can he sit in front of all these people who know him and show no emotion? It beats me. You always said to me you’d give him another chance, but quite frankly I’ve come to the conclusion that has been the story of his life, always given another chance. He must have hurt and let down so many people in his life. We wish we could have got you to see the light about him, but you are pretty stubborn and strong-willed, just like your Grandma Winnie.
After Robert’s [Alexander] evidence was heard they played the 111 call. Nick said he couldn’t stay in the courtroom so I said that was OK. I think he heard some of it though. As you know it’s pretty awful and even hearing it for the second time, it sent shivers down my spine.
I think everyone in court was crying (someone even told me Clayton was, but I don’t believe it). Trevor and I were holding your father down as he was hissing, ‘I’m going to kill the bastard.’ I don’t really remember much after that. I think it was about 4.30 when we took Dad to the room we had allocated to us. The court decided to adjourn for the day as everyone was so moved. As we were coming down the steps, Judith Ablett-Kerr was talking to Mike Bracegirdle. As she went off towards her chambers, Mike came up the stairs and I said, ‘Don’t tell me she is crying,’ and he said yes, with obvious surprise that even Mrs Ablett-Kerr had been so moved.
Have I told you about Treasury? The Great I Am wasn’t so great after all. I’ve heard he was given a low grading early on and apparently he went berserk. Does that sound like Clayton ‘I’m the best for the job’ Weatherston?
Dear Soph,
I need to go back to the end of the first day of depositions and what happened when we were driving home. Uncle Roger rang and your father was in the back seat talking to him on the cellphone. Uncle Dave was driving. Dad made a comment to Roger about the 216 stab wounds and I started yelling because I didn’t know this. The prosecution had stated the number in their summary that morning, but I didn’t hear it because I wasn’t allowed in the court at that stage. Everyone had forgotten. I was mortified. Why did he stab you so many times? My God, what got into him? Dad and Uncle Dave had a terrible altercation as both were trying to protect me. Then your father began yelling about the law and how ridiculous all this was and I thought, great. All I could do was cry at what Weatherston had callously done. If only the police or the prosecution had told me. I knew your death was brutal, but had no idea he had stabbed you that many times. Poor Dad, Uncle Dave and your family and friends heard this first in open court and I heard it in Dave’s car. Why, oh why can’t victims be warned about such things? That incident was a shocking blow to me.
On Wednesday, Sarah from the marketing department gave evidence of spending an hour with Weatherston before he came up to our home to kill you. She was really upset and said to me she was so sorry but she had to say the things she did because that’s what he had told her. Clayton actually told Sarah that you were going to commit suicide that day. How weird. He must have been going to make it look like suicide, but because I was there he couldn’t. In his conversation with Sarah on that dreadful day, he referred to you as his psycho girlfriend. What a laugh. If anyone was psycho he was. She was upset when she came out after giving evidence. I felt so sorry for her and I told her she had to tell the truth even if what Weatherston had fed her was all lies.
Jess also gave evidence. It was so hard for her, especially having to read some of your last text messages. Poor Jess, she was crying uncontrollably and it was awful, but you would have been proud.
Then came Erin. I bet Judith Ablett-Kerr thought she could walk all over her, but Erin was no walkover and as you know is a bright, intelligent person. She told the court about the assault you had told her about.
The last day of depositions was on the Thursday when Cons
table John Cunningham took the stand. He was the arresting officer and what a lovely, engaging young man he is. I thought even better of him when he referred to finding ‘a woman in her mid-forties’ (meaning me) lying prostrate on the grass when he arrived at our house. I wasn’t going to correct him by saying I’d been married 40 years! Mrs Ablett-Kerr asked him to go through what he did. He said he knocked on your bedroom door and told Weatherston to open up or he would kick it in. The cross-examination then went on and on about who said what, whether Constable Cunningham read Clayton his rights and why did John help him to his feet after getting him to lie down to put handcuffs on. ‘You helped him get up?’ she asked, to which Constable Cunningham said, ‘Yes, Mrs Ablett-Kerr, it’s quite difficult to stand up with hands cuffed behind you.’ Honestly, Soph, it seemed like everyone was trying not to laugh.
At the end the JPs asked Weatherston, ‘Do you plead guilty?’ and he said very loudly, ‘No.’ What arrogance. How could he stand there and say that after what he did? He was then taken back to the prison at Milburn near Milton to await trial.
You would laugh at this, Soph. During a lunch break he was in a court cell and asked the police if he could have better reading material. I believe they sent him down a Woman’s Weekly!
Well that huge ordeal is over and that night we went to the Speight’s Ale House. Quite a few family and friends. It was a good night for us all to be together. Everyone was concerned for us but so wonderfully supportive of you and devastated by this tragedy.
Uncle Dave and Auntie Ann left late this morning. What incredible support they have been. Dave is pretty exhausted after having to support me as his big sister, but also with his legal hat on, giving advice and explaining things to me. How victims normally cope I don’t know; there is so much we wouldn’t have known or understood had Uncle Dave not been there to advise us.
Nick left today and not surprisingly it was hard to see him off. He found depositions real hard. I guess just the reality of what had happened to you and seeing Weatherston all so cocky each day really got to him. I didn’t cry this time when he left, surprise, surprise. As usual I was a bit down, but we will see him again soon. So much for the load of wood we got for Nick to exert his energy on; he only did a small amount. The wood is in the garage keeping dry and Dad will put it away (or me if I can conjure up some energy).
The Laings invited us to Wanaka for some muchneeded time out. You know, Soph, they have been so good to us. It wasn’t good weather-wise but we didn’t care. Sharon cooked her usual superb meals yet she says they are ordinary. She underestimates her ability. David took Dad to Omarama to see a glider competition and it was good for them to get away and do ‘boy stuff’. Sharon and I sat by a cosy fire and about mid-afternoon I said I felt sleepy and would have a siesta. This was the first time since you died I have actually had a proper sleep. I guess the culmination of all the stress of depositions and being at Wanaka in peace, quiet and the tranquillity of their home was just what I needed.
Back in Dunedin and am finally on my own. Once again there are lots of tears and of course the constant why, why, why? God, I miss you, Soph. Who are we kidding, carting your ashes around in a box trying to console ourselves? Nothing really helps.
I rang the hospital and said I couldn’t make work and took the week off. It was only two shifts anyway. I know the unit is busy but I just can’t help it. You know me, I can usually rally to any challenge but not any more.
Thursday today. God, what a busy day. I had a call first thing from the editor of Close Up. They want to do a 30-minute segment on depositions and the Criminal Law Reform Bill. Garth McVicar of the Sensible Sentencing Trust said I might be prepared to talk on what it was like for me being a witness. I said I would. I was contacted by their reporter Jendy Harper, who is based in Christchurch. She wants to come down and do filming tomorrow, probably for two hours. Clash!! I have Karen Arnold coming up from Invercargill at 1pm to interview me about a Sunday Star-Times article on relationships, sort of power and control stuff. Obviously I can’t do both so rang Karen to ask her to come later and she was happy with that.
Jendy and a cameraman came and we went through the usual set-up and reorganising furniture. After they left I had three hours with Karen — phew — hope you appreciate this, Soph. I feel I have to do this for you and all the other battered/bullied women out there.
Close Up aired tonight but unfortunately there were only ten minutes of interviews and no debate. Political party reps wouldn’t come on the programme, but someone from the Law Society appeared.
This morning I got an early call from the editor of Close Up telling me that they had received advice from the defence last night to say it was my choice to be on the stand for depositions and that I could have just handed up my statement. I said yes, that is right. There was a long silence … he then inferred that I had deceived them by not saying I had a choice. I said yes, I did have a choice, but the programme wasn’t about that. It was about what it was like to give evidence. I told him I was the only witness to the crime so why would I not take the stand in a depositions hearing when one is proving that there is a case to answer? Silence again, then … ‘Oh yes, you are right.’
Blow me, today Parliament passed the second reading of the Law Reform Bill. Depositions had been a sticking point with not enough votes for that section and the changes to procedure about who would be eligible to go straight to trial. I received a congratulatory email from Garth McVicar. He reckons I swung it. I’m not so sure. I think it was more of a coincidence and perhaps it was why the politicians were not prepared to debate on Close Up. Many people have made some comment, but I’m yet to be convinced. They needed the National vote to pass the legislation and they got it. The Bill still needs a third reading and I wonder how long this will take. It has been on the table for four years and at this particular sticking point for over a year. I think this is shameful. Those MPs are up in Parliament arguing and fighting and name calling — a little less of that and more work at running the country might be better for all.
Anyway, Soph, maybe you and I did finally swing it. Maybe you are giving me the drive for this.
Hi Soph,
Early this morning I had a call from Kallum Croudis. I was still in bed, having worked a late shift. He said he wanted to see me and his tone wasn’t as friendly as usual. I asked him, what have I done? Kallum said my appearing in the media was getting over the top and way too much. He had received calls from the solicitor-general and Mrs Ablett-Kerr about the Close Up and Sunday Star-Times reports. I went to the police station at 11am and Kallum, who had promised to take me for a coffee, ushered me into the police cafeteria. So much for a nice coffee somewhere! He told me there had been enough stuff in the media and if we were not careful, we could jeopardise the trial. I said neither the Close Up programme nor the Sunday paper article was specifically about the case. Kallum agreed but said if I continued with media comment Weatherston’s defence could make it appear as if it would be difficult to have a fair trial. With you sitting on my shoulder, Soph, I’m not going to bow to any threats from Mrs Ablett-Kerr or anyone else, but I’m also not going to jeopardise the trial. There is no way I want to give Weatherston grounds for an appeal.
I’m a wee bit confused about who the contacts in the police are now, Mike or Kallum? I like them both with Mike being the main contact, but he now seems to be out of the loop. I must say that in more recent contact he doesn’t seem to know anything anyway. I came away actually feeling a bit miffed. I feel our lives are being controlled by Weatherston and his defence counsel. To my mind everyone — police, lawyers and the court — bow to her. As Dad says she’s met her match with us. For you we will do anything.
Your twenty-third birthday — what a bloody awful day. Dad decided to take the day off. Damn, I wanted to cry all day and cuddle your Sophie bear. We went to Alexandra for lunch at the Sidewalk café and had dinner at the Post Office café, both places you like. It was a dull, cold day, very much in line with our moo
d. We could barely talk about you. I wished we’d stayed in Dunedin. Before going to Central I put flowers by your plaque at the university. The lovely thing is so many others had remembered you on this special day. Robert, Chris and Frank put beautiful flowers there and Lindsay again left lovely red roses and a very sincere card. She is so lovely. There were other tributes from your friends including one beautiful bouquet of white roses with pink tinges.
Your girlfriends had met at Capers at 8am for waffles. God bless them. They did comment you would never have made it by eight as you’d have had hair, make-up and clothes trouble. I laughed because they knew you so well. You would have made it, Soph, but no doubt you’d have been late.
I’ve been to Dot and Trevor’s across the road for tea — goodness I feel very spoilt. I only wish I had the energy to have people over here.
I also had a call from the Woman’s Weekly who wanted to do an article on you. I reminded them we were sub judice. Yes, yes, the reporter said, they were aware. I wouldn’t give her anything. She finished by saying they wanted exclusives and would pay. Talk about bribery. God, Kallum Croudis would not be at all pleased. Anyway I’m not giving Weatherston and his team any excuses.
I spent the day with Mum and would have liked to finish tidying her flat but I could see she wasn’t keen. She just wanted to talk about you. She wasn’t keen to watch the funeral DVD again so I showed her just our eulogies because she couldn’t hear them well at the time. We went to Brighton for lunch and sat by the beach. I can’t believe how different she has been since you died. I get the feeling the spark has gone out of her since your death and I feel she is ready to die and is keen to be with you. We didn’t talk about that specifically, but I had asked her a few months ago if she’d look after you when she got to heaven. It might be more a case of you looking after her!
Sophie’s Legacy Page 7