by Blue Saffire
“She will understand,” Nico says, causing me to look up at the doorway.
I beam-pout at him. “I know,” I grumble.
Nico chuckles. “I have something that will cheer you up,” Nico says and holds out his hand.
I scoot off the bed and clasp his outstretched hand as I meet him at the door. Nico leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. I look up at him and beam, reaching to smooth my finger across the scar over his brow.
“I love you,” I say getting a little emotional.
Nico’s brows draw in and he pulls me into a hug. “And I, you. More than you will ever know,” Nico says and presses a kiss to my forehead.
He takes my hand again and starts for the stairs to the rooftop. I look at him suspiciously, but he doesn’t look back at me. For the first time, I realize Nico is dressed in dark slacks and a white dress shirt that is open at the collar, but he hasn’t gone anywhere today.
Again, I wonder what he is up to. I have been in yoga pants and a t-shirt all day. I know for a fact Nico was in sweats the last time I saw him. When we make it to the rooftop I have my answer. The air is brisk but it is still a nice evening for a rooftop candle lit date, I guess.
At least, I thought this was a date at first, that is until I see it. The words spelled out in the bottom of the pool in red and pink. Will you marry me, is somehow illuminated in the water. The water is literally glowing with the question. Beams of light are dancing over the water making it look as if the words are hovering in the air as well.
I cover my mouth with shaking fingertips. I have been dating Nico for over a year, never once have we ever spoken of getting married. I was burned so badly in my last marriage, I never really thought too much about it. However, this is Nico. When he wants something he lets it be known. I don’t know why I’m so surprised.
I mean, I love him and I can’t see myself with anyone else, but…I don’t think I’m ready to be married again. There are so many reasons I don’t think this is the right thing to do. I feel the panic rise inside as Nico drops to one knee.
The ring he is holding up is gorgeous. It is twice the size of my old engagement ring and I have a feeling that was done on purpose. It is simply, stunning in its simplicity. It says me, better than I thought any piece of jewelry ever could.
“Reese, I never thought I would love someone as much as I love you,” Nico starts, I shake my head and back away. Nico’s eyes grow wide and he frowns. “Reese,” he growls with his Italian accent thickening as he continues. “Don’t, all of that is in our past. I know you love me and you know I adore you. Nothing else matters.”
“Nico, yes it does,” I sob. I swallow hard. “I started spotting this morning,” my voice comes out in a strained whisper. “You are thirty-eight, Nico. You want a family. I will not be selfish and take that from you. I’m not saying no because I don’t want to marry you. I’m saying no because it will kill me to have to give you up if I can’t give you what you want,” I choke out.
Nico lift to his feet and rushes me. He cups my face and as I look up at him, I can see the pain. He places his forehead to mine. “Why didn’t you tell me,” he asks gently.
“I didn’t want to worry you. It could be nothing,” I say softly.
Nico nods. Without speaking a word, he lifts me into his arms. I don’t protest because right now I need to be held. I am barely holding myself together at this point. Nico carries me back downstairs to our bedroom and places me in the bed.
When I am tucked in, Nico kicks off his loafers and climbs in bed beside me. I turn on my side and look up at him. A few tears slip free when I see the hurt in his face. Nico reaches to wipe them away and kisses me be gently.
“What you don’t understand, Cara mia, is that I will love you till the day I die. Do I want to be a papa, yes. I would love nothing more than to have beautiful children with you, but if it is not meant to be, I will still love you and want you with every breath I take,” Nico says with conviction, but I cut him off.
“But will you be happy? Can you honestly say it wouldn’t sting each time you see your brothers and your sister with their little families? Will you still love me if I lose this baby too,” I breakdown.
I haven’t wanted to admit that this is my greatest fear. That Nico will see me as a broken woman and leave me to find one that can fulfill the things I cannot. My heart breaks at the thought of losing him.
“You don’t get to decide that I will stop loving you,” Nico says losing his patience. He pauses to reel his anger in. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Nico thumps a fist to his chest, hard. “I know in here that it is not possible to stop loving you. Have I not shown you this? I will not live in his shadow, Reese. I am not your ex-husband.”
“Nico, I never said you were,” I sniffle.
“No, you don’t say it, Cara mia, but you didn’t have to,” Nico says then stand up from the bed. He walks to the door and with his back to me he says. “I will not push you. I want you as my wife. No, Cara, I need you as my wife. So I will wait as long as I need to. Maybe this will show you who I am.”
With those word Nico leaves the room. I break down and throw myself into his pillows. I want to marry Nico so bad, but I know I am right. He wants a family too badly for me to rip that from him. All I am asking is that he wait until we are sure I can give that to him.
I pray I can give that to him.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Losing Everyone
Reese
Seven weeks later…
I woke up to a 911 text from Tam this morning asking me and the girls to come over to her place. Let me first say that Tam never sends 911 texts unless the sky is falling, so I am up and dressed before I can think about it.
Nico wasn’t that happy about me rushing off. I have been spotting on and off over the last seven weeks, nothing consistent, just enough to keep us on pins and needles. If it were up to Nico, I would be tied to the bed and under his watch twenty-four hours. I don’t fault him. He is worried about both me and the baby.
Although I am distracted by thoughts of Nico and the baby, I notice right away that something is up with Tam. She looks a right mess, Tam never looks a mess, ever. Honestly, none of us do. Alee keeps her girls on point. I think we are all a little shocked to see Tam looking like this.
“Okay, so are you going to tell us what is going on,” I ask Tam with a raised brow. As I shoot Nico a reply to his text. He wants to know that I made it safely and that me and the baby are fine. I am sure Tony, -who he insisted drive me here, has already told him that I arrived safely.
“What I’m going to tell you, you can’t share with anyone. Ellerie is going to lose it,” Tam says as tears well up in her eyes. I’m getting really nervous now, this is all so out of character for her.
I take a peek at Alee as Tam mentions Ellerie. Oh God, that is a story for another day. You think I need to get my shit together. I just can’t with Alee and that mess anymore. I roll my eyes as she sits silently, but frowns. When Alee catches us looking in her direction she schools her expression and nods.
“Okay, sweetie, you know I won’t say anything you don’t want me to,” I reply as I look back at Tam and I mean it. I am more concerned about her and what’s going on.
“Whatever it is, please spit it out, you have me breaking out in hives,” Stacey complains. I have to fight back a laugh because I am thinking the same thing. I almost let it slip until Tam utters out her next words.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurts as the tears run over onto her cheeks.
“Wait, what,” I gasp, my mind starts to work quickly. Tam doesn’t have a boyfriend and she hasn’t been dating. Oh shit, wait she did meet that guy the night I didn’t meet up with her and Stacey. My mouth is moving before my brain is finished processing. “The ballplayer from the club?”
Tam bites her lip and nods. My thoughts are still trying to catch up. We’ll figure this out. Michael is good at finding people. He and Uri can help. I know they can. Before I c
an say a word Stacey offers up a solution.
“Okay, so we just tell him. Troy text me the other day asking me to meet up before playoffs start, I can ask him to pass a message along,” Stacey offers.
“No,” Tam shakes her head.
“Maybe Nico knows him and can talk to him or tell us more about him. I know they play different sports, but Nico and his brothers know tons of people. If they don’t know him, I know his brother can find him. This Troy guy, what team is he on? He can, at least, give us a name,” I suggest this time.
“No, no, no, I don’t want to know. He walked out. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t leave a way to contact him. This is not his problem. I’ll handle it on my own,” Tam sniffles.
I have to say I am stunned. This is not the reaction I was expecting. I mean, I know we can find this guy. It’s his baby too.
“So you plan to keep it, right,” Alee asks. “I mean I never thought you would be the first, but I just can’t see you doing anything other than keeping it.”
“It’s my baby,” Tam murmurs. Her words pull at my chest. I know Tam. Probably better than anyone else. Her mind is made up and all we can do is be here for her.
“Well you know I am here for you whenever you need,” I say soothingly. It is all I can do. Tam is not going to change her mind.
“My sentiments exactly,” Alee chimes in.
“I wish I could say the same,” Stacey says with a distant look on her face. Tam, Alee, and I all look at her like she is crazy. I get ready to curse her silly ass out until she explains. “Oh Doll, not like that, I mean I’m here whenever you need me, but I just won’t be here, here, as in New York. My dad is pissed about me burning through my divorce settlement and my trust and he has some clauses he is threatening to use to cut me off, if I don’t move to Texas where he can keep an eye on me.” Stacey sighs then shrugs.
I saw that one coming months ago. Stacey’s crazy ass sent me a damn Hermes bag as a ‘cheer up, get well soon gift,’ after I lost the baby. She also sent me this ridiculously expensive bracelet as a ‘thinking of you,’ gift when she went to Paris for three weeks. She sent Tam and Alee each one of the same bracelet.
She is lucky her daddy put up with that mess for this long. I think he only does out of guilt for divorcing her mother when she was younger. Stacey has always been able to use that against him.
“I’ll come with you,” Tam says breaking into my thoughts. I look at her like she has two heads. I know she is not saying what I think she is saying. I think this heifer has lost her mind.
“What? To Texas, are you serious? But what about your job, you wanted to be a lawyer?” Stacey says half excited, half concerned.
“I can take the bar exam there and find a job. My dad can probably help. There are just as many athletes in Texas as there are in New York. I can travel if needed. I want to go. He was from Texas I think, it would be kind of cool to have the baby there,” Tam shrugs. Yup, she has lost her mind.
“You do know Texas is huge. It’s not like you are going to run into him at the grocery store or something,” Stacey says and presses her lips. Once again I try not to laugh.
“I’m not going there to run into him at the grocery store,” Tam huffs.
I stop and really think about what Tam is planning to do. I think I get it. If I were separated from Nico, I would want to be somewhere that reminds me of him. I would want our baby to be born somewhere that I can say is a part of him. I get it.
“I think I get it,” I say with a smile. “I also think you can’t hide forever. These things have a way of coming out.”
“Reese, you of all people should understand why I’m doing this. What if he has someone that loves him? I don’t want to drop a baby on her doorstep, and I don’t want to come in between them.”
I look away as Tam’s words sting a little. I heave a heavy breath as her words touch home. Yup, I totally get her. Tam is not the type to ruin a happy home, even if the guy was just as willing in the matter.
“He had no problem coming in between your legs,” Alee snorts. As always Alee is on point, but I keep my mouth shut.
“Ugh, why do I bother,” Tam laughs and puts her head in her hands.
“You’re really coming to Texas,” Stacey squeals.
Tam nods and gives her a smile. Poor Texas, my best friends are going to turn it upside down. It dawns on me that I am happy for Tam. I feel none of the disappointment and hurt I have felt in the past when finding out others close to me are growing a family.
I am going to miss them like crazy, but I feel like this is going to be good for Tam and Stacey. I wish I could be so certain about my own life. I look at my friends and I am overwhelmed with the thought that, whatever happens with this baby I am carrying they won’t be there for it. They won’t be there if I have a healthy new baby that they can spoil and they won’t be there if I need them to help me put together the pieces.
Tears sting my eyes but I bite them back. I will still have Alee and Valentina and the girls have become like sisters to me. Still, I can’t help feeling like I am losing everyone.
“You heifers are leaving me,” I frown.
“Like you have time for us anyway, Tam wouldn’t be in this mess if you were there that night to save her from me,” Stacey chides.
“And why do we associate with you again,” I tease through my own guilt. Stacey is right. I probably would have talked Tam out of sleeping with that guy.
“Girl you stole the words from my mouth,” Alee laughs.
“I have no idea,” Stacey says and looks at her nails like she is bored, and then looks at Alee and me, giving us a big smile. “I’ll miss you guys.”
“I’ll be back at least once a month to get my hair done,” Tam says pointedly to Alee then looks at me. “We can hang out then unless you get Nico to move to Texas,” she wiggles her brows at me.
“Not happening, have you met the man? He is fierce about his family. So unless one of his siblings moves to Texas, it’s not happening,” I chime, besides. I don’t know what my future holds anymore, but I put on a brave face. “Speaking of which he has been asking if you are ready to take on some new clients. So when you get yourself together know he has your back with a few clients, and I will be spreading the word that my girl is handling business.”
And just like that I lose two of my best friends to Texas.
g
“Is everything okay,” Nico asks as I walk into his arms, when I return home.
“It will be. Tam is pregnant and now she and Stacey are moving to Texas,” I sigh.
Nico pulls away and searches my face. “This is not good,” he frowns. “You will miss them.”
“Yeah, but they are both doing what is best for them. I’ll get over it,” I smile weakly.
Nico kisses my forehead. “Uri and Sam already complain that their wives spend too much time with you. I guess they are about to really have it in for you,” Nico chuckles.
“Oh, they won’t be the only ones. I plan to kidnap Sim one of these days. She will be a part of my little posse soon enough,” I grin.
“Good Lord, I will get the bail money ready,” Nico rolls his eyes. “That reminds me, Desha called. Cole has her phone again. She wants to have lunch with you this week.”
I smile. Cole is a nutcase and Desha is as sweet as pie, until she’s not. I guess I do have a lot of friends here. They won’t replace Tam and Stacey, but I have them.
As if reading my mind Nico looks me in the eyes. “You have a support team here, my love and you will always have me,” he says and kisses me passionately.
The Beginning of the End
Part Two
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
What Now?
Nico
Five years later….
It is my forty-third birthday. Time seems to fly by as you blink your eyes one moment to the next. I would not be a man of honesty if I said I am completely happy with my life. I have lost too much to feign happiness.
I have l
oved, I have lost. I have watched my friends and family do the same. We have all become stronger through it, but we all know pain.
I have lost a total of five children, five. Reese lost our second baby a week after Tam and Stacey left for Texas. We have lost three others since. I feel like a broken man all over again.
The loss of my children has a bite of its own, but it is the fact that I cannot give Reese the one thing she asks of me that tears me apart. I have watched it literally eat at her. Piece by piece it has chipped at her and chipped at our relationship.
Reese still refuses to marry me, no matter how many times I have told her that nothing else matters to me. I want her. That is all I have wanted from the start.
Now that Reese is going on thirty-one and we still don’t have children, she has really fallen into a depression that I don’t know how to handle. I love that woman. I love her with everything I am. If it were up to me, I would have married her years ago. However, I am a man of my word, so I have waited.
It is against my nature to let this go on this long, but I would do anything for Reese, even go against who I am. Although, I think that is the problem and I have had enough. I want my wife. I cringe every time Reese tells someone that I am her boyfriend. First, I am not a fucking boy and we all know I have taken this thing way beyond a friendship a long time ago.
Her miscarriage last year was the tipping point for me. Reese cried so hard in my arms I lost a part of my heart. I couldn’t let her continue to torture herself like this so I demanded she start birth control. Either she went on the pill or I would start to wear condoms.
I then started the process of looking for a surrogate. It has been a year and we still haven’t agreed on the right surrogate for our baby. Reese also hasn’t agreed to marry me. This all stops.
“It’s your birthday,” Uri says as he walks up beside me. I have been staring off into the distance from the rooftop as everyone mingles for the party. “You should not look like someone kicked your puppy.”