Saving Us

by Ashley Johnson

  Slowly, I lie back on the couch and he hovers over me. His lips never leave mine. He runs his hand under my shirt until it cups my breast. I moan as I arch my back begging him for more. I reach around him pulling him closer, I need to feel him closer to me. He breaks the kiss leaving me more breathless as he removes my shirt. He licks his lips before pulling my breast into his mouth. Oh my god, this feels amazing and right now, I don’t want him to stop. He continues for a moment longer before crushing his lips to mine once more. His hand moves down to my stomach and then touches the waistband of my shorts. I feel my breath hitch and he looks at me with hooded eyes waiting for my answer. All I can give him is a half-smile and his hand dips below. It feels like an eternity since I’ve been touched by someone other than myself and it feels amazing. He rubs his thumb over my clit before sliding two fingers inside me. I wince at first before my body welcomes them and I begin to lose myself as he slides them in and out. I’m so close and I’m almost ashamed to say that already but my body can’t wait any longer. He’s shattering my world.

  “Oh God, Caleb,” I say not realizing fully what I said until Blaine stops and looks at me. Immediately, I’m embarrassed. I can’t believe I just called him Caleb. I want to cry but I’m so in shock, nothing comes out.

  He sits up abruptly pulling away from me like I’m diseased. “Who did you call me?” he asks quietly. He’s not even angry, he sounds hurt.

  “I’m so sorry. Shit, I didn’t mean that.” I say trying to somehow make this better but I know I’ve ruined this night.

  “I need to go.” He says adjusting his erection before standing.

  I scramble off the couch trying to keep my dignity together. “No please, Blaine. Let me explain.” I wince at the pain in my leg as I stand in front of him.

  “You don’t need to explain anything Sybil. I’ll see you later, ok?”

  “Wait, what about your truck. Can I at least drive you to it?”

  He looks at me sadly before responding, “I’m going to walk.”

  With that, he slowly walks past me and out the front door. What the hell have I done? I want to cry, I want to scream, but instead I stalk to my room and pray to fall asleep fast. Maybe I can forget about this in the morning.

  ***

  Blaine

  This night feels like it was doomed from the beginning. I should have known when Cory showed his ass up. She actually asked me to take her back to her apartment and I did because I’m a gentleman and I wanted more time with her. I saw the pictures of Caleb Thomas in there but I ignored it. He’s gone, I’m not threatened by him. Maybe by what they shared but not by him. I had to kiss her, I had to feel her. I want her so badly. But she fucking called me Caleb and that killed everything. I know she didn’t mean to. The mortified look on her face told me that, but I couldn’t stick around. I need to get some fresh air and think.

  It killed me to see her face as I turned to walk out her door. It’s a good few minute walk to my truck but I don’t care. So I walk slow thinking about everything. I think about how her body responded to my touch. She wanted me as badly as I wanted her and in the blink of an eye, it changed. I wanted to hear her say my name. I want to hear her moan my name as I bring her body to places it’s never been before.

  The walk seems to last an eternity and I’m relieved to see my truck. I climb in and slowly begin to drive back to my apartment. The thought to go back to her crosses my mind. She wanted to explain. Would she have told me about Caleb? What the hell would I have said? It’s not like I could have said that I know exactly who Caleb was. I couldn’t have said I know all of his dirty secrets and you have to handle his unfinished business. Dammit.

  I walk up to my apartment and find the door open. I know I shut it when I left. I kick the door open slowly and step inside. I make myself completely aware of my surroundings looking to see if anything is out of place. Everything seems to be where I left it so I move on to the next room. Everything is clear, what the hell?

  I walk to the fridge grabbing a beer. I drink the whole thing in almost one sip. I feel the worst case of blue balls coming and it hurts like hell. I just want to go lie down in bed and imagine that this night didn’t end as fucked up as it did. How could everything go from almost perfect to ending like it did?

  “Well, nice to see you finally made it home lover boy.”

  I turn to see Dante standing in my kitchen. Motherfucker. “What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?”

  “What? You aren’t going to offer me a beer?”

  “What the hell do you think? Get out, I’m not in the mood.” I say trying to walk past him.

  He grabs me by the neck shoving me against the wall. My back spasms as he holds me there not loosening his grip. “Landon called and when you didn’t answer he sent me to look for you. You know what happens when you don’t answer Landon.”

  “Fuck you and Landon. I’m a grown fucking man. I left my cellphone here.”

  “Wrong answer.” He says as he delivers a punch to my jaw.

  Blood fills my mouth and I spit it in his face. His face boils with anger as he delivers another punch and then another. He waits for me to cough before saying, “Landon changed his mind by the way. You only have one more week or its lights out, motherfucker. He’s done playing your games. If you don’t have his money or her by next week, I’ll take care of her which is probably what should have happened all along. And when I say take care of her, I won’t be charming the panties off her, she won’t have a single breath left to breathe.”

  He loosens his grip and lets me fall to the floor with a thud. He walks out leaving me struggling to breath. When I finally am able to stand, I grab the chair from the pub table and throw it across the room. “Dammit!!”

  I walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I can’t go to the bookstore looking like this tomorrow, which means a day lost. I need to get her to forgive me for walking out. I need to convince her to leave the city with me, it’s the only way I know to protect her without people getting hurt. How the fuck am I supposed to do that when she has just come around to talking to me? I can’t tell her the truth can I? This whole situation just turned more fucked up that it already was and I’m stuck in the middle. No matter what I do, someone has to pay. I never could explain why I felt I needed to save her, but I do. I have less than one week to devise a plan and get her the hell out of this place. To me, it’s the only way I can save her. I can’t let Dante get his hands on her.

  Chapter 16

  Sybil

  I can’t take all this guilt away, no matter how hard I try. I can’t sit here thinking about what I did, or mainly what I said. I’m such a freaking idiot! I could sit here and mope and cry but I don’t want to. Pity party for one isn’t what I want to be having. Suddenly it makes sense, there is only one place I want to be. I grab my keys and run to the truck. I try to block out the memories of Blaine driving earlier. I know I asked him to drive and maybe that was a bad decision on my part.

  Thoughts fill my head that I don’t really want there. If I hadn’t called him Caleb would we have gone all the way? Would I have begged him to fuck me thirty ways to Sunday? I know how I felt when he touched me and it felt good. I felt everything a person is supposed to feel and now, I feel empty. I don’t know what to think now.

  I continue to drive not stopping until I reach the cemetery. I jump out of the truck and run to where Caleb lies. I stop in my tracks when I see Cory standing there crying. I try to stand still, hoping he didn’t hear me but he turns and looks at me with tear stained cheeks. After our encounter earlier, I wasn’t expecting to see him anywhere, let alone here. The urge to turn and run back to the truck crosses my mind. I’m not ready to talk about any of this and I sure as hell don’t want to argue in front of Caleb’s grave.

  He continues to look at me, neither of us saying a word. This was a bad idea, I’m certain of that. I turn on my heel prepared to walk away when he breaks the silence.

  “Sybil,” he whispers. I turn back to f
ace him and he continues, “Please don’t leave. I’m so damn sorry. I made Caleb a promise and I feel like I let him down.”

  I can’t help it, I take off running towards him and hold him tight. “You didn’t. You did just what you promised him.”

  He shakes his head no and lays his head on my shoulder. I haven’t seen Cory like this since the day we saw Caleb’s body. I look around to see if Megan is near but there are no traces of her.

  “Does Megan know you’re here?” I ask quietly.

  “Yeah, I told her I needed to clear my head. I never meant to push you, Sybil. I didn’t see you standing there. Megan’s pissed at me but that’s the least of my worries right now.”

  “Quit blaming yourself for everything Cory. You can’t protect me all the time. You can’t be everywhere. I’m strong, you know that. I was just trying to get you to calm down and listen to me.”

  He picks his head up and breaks away from me. He looks at me before wiping his eyes. “Did I ever tell you what Caleb told me the day he met you?”

  I look at him shaking my head no.

  He lets a small laugh out before continuing, “He told me he met the most beautiful woman and I remember thinking he was just being horny and stupid, but then I met you. God, you two made me sick sometimes but I knew what you two had was real. Before I came out here, Megan told me to quit being so hard on you. If you like this guy, I promise to stand behind you but if he hurts you, I’d never forgive myself. Caleb would want you happy and I want you happy. He fucking loved you so much Sybil.”

  I cling to him again crying. I don’t know what to say because I’m sure Blaine hates me now. “I’m scared to be happy again, Cor. I’m scared of so much. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined having to live without Caleb. I could have never done it without you and Megan. It’s not fair, he was supposed to be my happily ever after.”

  “Maybe, you have another happily ever after out there. I promise not to stand in your way. I don’t want you to think you can’t come to me for anything.”

  “I never wanted life without Caleb.”

  “I know, but life doesn’t care what we want. It’s fucked up.”

  We stand there for what seems like an eternity talking and making our peace. Being out here definitely keeps my mind clear and I desperately needed that.

  “Let’s get out of here, Cor. I’m going to head back home.”

  “You ok with being alone tonight? You can come to the apartment if you want. We can order pizza and hang out.”

  I smile at his offer and reply, “I’ll follow you there.”

  ***

  “I’m glad to see you two are talking again. That was the longest few hours ever.” Megan smiles pulling me in for a hug. She looks down at the band aid on my leg and frowns. “How bad is it?”

  “Just a scrape. It’s all cleaned up though, I’m ok.” I almost let it slip that Blaine cleaned it up. That would’ve opened a can of worms that I’m not ready to deal with myself, much less tell Megan about right now.

  “Good, I love him but I could have kicked his ass when he told me what happened.”

  “Ok, can we drop it please,” Cory pleads. “I’ve learned my lesson and I told Sybil I’m going to let her be.”

  “Good. The pizza is on its way so I hope ya’ll are hungry.”

  “I guess I am.” I say. Actually, I don’t have much of an appetite and I’ve already eaten pizza today but I keep that to myself too.

  The doorbell rings moments later and Cory gets up to answer the door. He hands the pizza guy money and Megan turns to face me. “So, have you talked to Blaine since this afternoon?”

  Oh man, if she only knew. I try to keep from blushing but she sees right through me. She smiles, but slowly that smile falters. “Something happened didn’t it? Spill it sister and fast before Cory comes back in.”

  I think about my options and running isn’t one of them, because Cory is blocking the door as he gets ready to grab the pizza. I can strangle her, that’s another option, but I’m not too keen on spending time in jail. I guess she will win and I’ll tell her.

  “Well, um he brought me home. We kissed and it may have gone a little further but I called him Caleb.”

  “WHAT?!”

  I grab a pillow and shove it over her face to shut her up. She yanks it away and tries to pick her jaw up off the floor.

  “Shut up, you heard me. So, yay for me. I have Cory’s blessing but I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

  “Have you talked to him?” she genuinely asks.

  “No,” I shake my head. “He got up and said he had to go. I asked him to let me explain but he wouldn’t let me.”

  “Holy shit. You should text him later, do you know where he lives?”

  My jaw hits the ground. “I am not going to show up on his front door and no by the way, I don’t know where he lives.”

  “I’m just trying to help.”

  Cory comes walking in with the box of pizza and I could literally hug his neck for saving me from the conversation from hell. I look at my phone on the coffee table and think about Megan’s words. Is it ok to text him? If he doesn’t respond, I don’t know if I would be ok.

  Cory and Megan dive into the pizza and I grab a piece and slowly begin to nibble on it. I grab my phone and pretend to check my email, but I open a new message and type:

  Me: Will you please talk to me?

  I sit there nibbling on the same piece slowly, waiting for an answer that never comes.

  ***

  Blaine

  I read her text over and over again while nursing a beer. I want to get out of the apartment, but thanks to Dante, that isn’t going to happen. She wants me to talk to her, but I’m not sure what the hell I’m supposed to say. Maybe this is the sign I needed to see, the sign that points to the reason I’m here. I do want to get her out of here and make sure she’s safe but I need more time to process this. I don’t answer and she doesn’t text back. I wonder if she honestly cares or if she just feels bad.

  The beer bottle is still cold so I take it and hold it against my face. The coolness makes it not hurt so badly and I can only hope that tomorrow it doesn’t look bad. I don’t have time to waste.

  My phone rings and I get up to walk to my room to see who is calling. Part of me wonders if it’s Sybil, maybe she’s being persistent and figures I’ll answer. I look at the screen and the one name I dread pops up. I know I have to answer. I’ve already ignored several calls from leaving my phone here.

  “Hello?” I answer trying not to sound agitated.

  “Did the wake-up call work? I’m assuming it did unless you really have a death wish.”

  “I got the message Landon, I’m done fucking around.” I lie easily.

  “Good. I’d love to give you more time but all you’ve done is piss it away so one week or Dante handles it his way. I like you Blaine, so don’t make me regret this and for Christ’s sake get your shit together.”

  I love our chats, they always seem to piss me off more. Maybe I should quit wasting time and just answer her text. If she wanted to see me, she’d have to see me like this and I have no idea how the fuck to explain my face. It’s not like I can say Cory did it, because she knows better. I’m screwed no matter what I do. If I do my job, she finds out who I am and everything is ruined. If I can convince her to run away with me, we risk being found and then she’d really know who I am.

  I’m fucking exhausted trying to figure this out so I lie down on the bed and close my eyes almost praying I won’t wake up in the morning.

  ***

  I call Mrs. Horn first thing in the morning and give her some bullshit lie about feeling like I’m coming down with the flu. She buys it and tells me I can come in tomorrow, if I feel better. I know I’m just prolonging the inevitable of seeing Sybil and time is constantly ticking. Surprisingly, my face isn’t bruised beyond belief but it is still sore. I lounge around and find myself constantly thinking about her. Does she miss me? Is she worried about
me? She hasn’t texted me since yesterday so maybe she didn’t really give a shit.

  I run a thousand different dialogues through my head about how everything is supposed to go. Everything ends up with the scenario of her hating me and telling me to fuck off. Those scenarios also end up with Cory telling her I told you so and I don’t want her to have to hear those words from him. He already gives her enough shit.

  I can’t stand not being near her. I can’t stand not knowing whether or not she’s safe. Dante is lurking around campus which means she isn’t. I grab my keys and run to my truck. I’ll keep an eye on her from a distance. It’s the only way. I can’t stay cooped up in this apartment all day.

  I park far back enough to where I can see her truck but she’d never be able to pick me out in the parking lot. I check my phone. She should still be in class right now and then shortly, she’ll be heading to the bookstore. I want to be closer, but that would risk blowing my cover. I can only hope and pray to God that Dante stays the hell away from her.

  Chapter 17

  Sybil

  Blaine never messaged me back and I never let Megan know I tried. I just finished my night with them and then drove home. I stared at the couch where everything happened and then retreated to my room where I locked the door and hid under the covers. He has to see me today, he has no choice. Whether he talks to me or not, well that’s a different story. I survive the morning with multiple cups of coffee. I feel like a walking zombie but warm fuzzies invade my insides as I approach the bookstore.

  I look towards the bench he sometimes sits at and he’s nowhere to be seen. He must be already inside, hopefully alone and not with some girl like yesterday. I look around but still no sign of him. I clock in and walk around doing my normal duties.