I read his text a few times and debate on whether I should answer or not. I really don’t know what I should say, so I stick the phone back in my purse and begin to snack on my granola bar. The rest of the day goes by just at the right speed and when I head to my car, I check my phone one more time. Nothing. Before I pull out of the parking lot, I call Caleb’s mom Lillian.
“Sybil, is that you? I should be fussing at you, it’s been too long!” she fusses.
“It’s been a week,” I laugh. “I’m sorry, things have just been different.” Very different but I don’t elaborate.
“Cory still giving you problems? You are too good to him, I’d have kicked him in the butt by now. You aren’t his mom.” She states. She knows about all the problems he’s given me with his drinking escapades. At least he hasn’t tried to bring random women into the apartment, I don’t know how the hell I would have handled that. Instead, he tries to kiss me and my lips begin tingling at the memory.
“No, he’s good. I just, I wanted to see if I could come stay the night. I just need a break from him.”
“I understand. All guys are difficult at some time and especially when you aren’t in a relationship with them. You can’t boss them around as easily.” She laughs.
I laugh back but a little uneasily. “I’m leaving school and I already have my bag so I’ll head your way in a few minutes. Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
“You must have planned this Sybil,” she chuckles. “We will see you soon.”
I drive the long way to Caleb’s parent’s house. I do it so I don’t have to pass by Cory’s apartment. I should let him know when I get there so he doesn’t worry but for the life of me, I can’t understand why I am thinking that. What does it matter? The note said where I would be.
I pull up and park in the same spot I always have. I look around the yard and my eyes roam towards the magnolia tree, the same tree Cory comforted me under after we read Caleb’s note. Cory. Everything comes back to Cory whether I want it to or not. It seems like my mind is trying to tell me something but I ignore it and turn away from the tree. It’s just a tree Sybil.
I walk up to the front door and before I can knock, Lillian opens it and pulls me in for a hug. I hug her back tightly. We walk inside and she leads me upstairs to the spare room where I will be sleeping tonight. I set my bag down on the bed and let out a sigh. I reach into my purse for one of my chocolate squares and my fingers tingle when I touch the wrapper. All I can think about is his hand touching mine and I’m almost positive that it was pure electricity I felt. How can I feel that for him though? I never felt anything weird around him when Caleb and Megan were alive. Why now?
I sit on the bed and put my head in my hands. I can’t help but feel frustrated and wonder why this is happening to me. I look up as Lillian comes walking in with a glass of tea. I gladly accept it and take a sip before setting it on the nightstand. She sits beside me on the bed and places her hand on my knee.
“Something is bothering you isn’t it? You know you can talk to me and I have a feeling that’s why you’re really here.”
Damn this woman is good. I look at her with worried eyes. What if she thinks I’ve gone completely off the deep end and betrayed her son? Oh my God, I have no idea why I came here.
“Something is happening and I don’t know what to do.” I sheepishly admit.
She looks at me with a caring smile and no sign of judgment on her face. “What is it that’s got you looking like this?”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. When I open them, I begin to slowly speak. I’m scared to look her in the eyes but that’s the only way I can get through this. “It all started not long after I moved in with Cory. He was there for me when I needed someone and sometimes it seems like we’re all that’s left of what we had. I guess it’s been slowly building and maybe I didn’t want to see it. That’s the only way I know to describe it.”
I stop taking a deep breath. She grabs my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s ok Sybil, go ahead.”
I psych myself up to get ready to betray her. Tears well up in my eyes but I keep them at bay as I continue, “He looks at me differently. He doesn’t look at me like plain Sybil anymore. Last night, he, he kissed me.”
She looks at me and I’m waiting to be kicked out of the house but her eyes are still kind and she doesn’t show any signs of being upset. “Sybil, sometimes we can’t control how things happen. In this situation, you think it’s wrong and you feel guilty am I right?” she asks. I nod my head yes and she continues, “Did you feel something when he kissed you?”
Abruptly, I jerk my head towards her and just look at her. She sees through me, I already know. Lying isn’t going to make this any easier so I give her the best answer I can. “I think so, I mean I don’t know. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I don’t understand. Aren’t we betraying Caleb and Megan?”
“Dear, they are no longer with us and we can’t change that no matter what. The heart wants what it wants. Cory’s heart wants you. You two have been through more than most couples have been through and you’re still standing. You have the best support system and already know everything about each other. Is it possible to fall in love? Why not? You aren’t betraying anyone though and if you two want to be together, then you have my blessing.”
I stare at her like she’s speaking gibberish. Instead of a speech about how wrong we are, it is the complete opposite. “He doesn’t know how I feel. I can’t tell him. I mean I couldn’t even tell him face to face I was staying here tonight. I wrote a note for him and left it on the table.”
“This isn’t supposed to be easy Sybil. You both are hurting and you both can’t just rush into this. Don’t rush into telling him how you feel. Make him chase you, and at the same time chase him. When it’s meant to be, it will be. Maybe call him in a little while and let him actually know you are ok so he doesn’t worry.”
My heart pounds at the idea of hearing his voice. My emotions are all over the place and I suddenly wish I were back at the apartment but I have to do this. “I will. Thank you, you know for talking to me.”
“You’re welcome, Sybil. I knew something was wrong when you called but I wasn’t going to pry unless you wanted me to. You and Cory are lucky to have each other. Life has a funny way of things.”
“Yeah, I see that.” I laugh. She leans in to hug me and then stands to leave the room. She shuts the door behind her and I’m alone with my thoughts and her words. I look at the time and realize Cory should be home right now. He’s home alone and I hope he can handle himself for one night.
Chapter 26
Cory
This is the first time I’ve been alone in this apartment since Megan died. I’m not too sure how I feel. It’s my fault Sybil isn’t staying here tonight. I just kissed her though, it’s not like I walked around naked and completely disrespected her. I heat up a leftover steak from last night and open a beer from the new case I bought on my way home from school. I decide to eat in the living room with the TV on. I can’t take the silence in this house already and I just got home.
I finish eating and clean the kitchen up. I grab the vase of flowers that I bought on my way home and place them on the table along with a bag of her favorite Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Raspberry squares. This is a corny apology but it just know she’ll love it. I wanted to write a note, but decided against it this time.
I lie on the couch and settle on watching some movie on Comedy Central. I’m not in the mood to laugh but at least it’s not some chick flick. If I had to look at love right now, I’d probably break the TV. Love isn’t real, love is just bullshit. Megan loved me and I loved her but what did love do for us? Love isn’t all you need, it wasn’t enough to keep her alive. Sybil could never love me, I am nothing but her deceased fiancé’s best friend. I hate love.
My mind is overloaded and my eyes begin to grow heavy. I should get up and make my way to my bed, but I don’t feel like moving. My phone buzzes and my eyes jerk
towards the coffee table. No one really calls or texts me anymore. I have no one but Sybil and she’s pissed at me. I reach for the phone and pick it up. My heart stops when I see her name on the screen. I blink my eyes and read her name a few times before realizing that this is very real.
I don’t understand what’s taking me so long to open this message and read it. Maybe it’s because I’m scared of what it will say. I know what it says, she’s not coming back. I fucked this up and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I draw in a deep breath and tap the message to open it. My heart hasn’t started beating again when I decide to read it:
Sybil: I’m so sorry for leaving the note the way I did. I was wrong for that. Truth is, I don’t know what’s going on or what’s going to happen and it scares me. There I said it, I’m scared. I was going to call you but I just think this is better for now. I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.
I stare at her words and finally feel my heart start back up. She’s coming back. Thank you God. When she walks into the door tomorrow I don’t care, I want to grab her in my arms and hold her tight. I just want her to know she’s safe with me and that I would never hurt her. I never want to let her walk out that door upset with me ever again.
Me: I should have never made you feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t help myself and I’m sorry. I’d have never forgiven myself if you didn’t come back. I never meant to feel this way about you Sybil, it just happened.
A few moments pass before she replies and I hold my breath as I open it. I just spilled my feelings to her and I never meant to do it through text but she had to know.
Sybil: I know. Me neither.
She feels the same way? For the first time today, I smile and suddenly I can’t wait for tomorrow. I text her to have a good night and she replies right back. I’ve never had a feeling like this before and when I close my eyes I feel happy for once, like the hole in my heart has been filled.
***
This has been the longest day in the history of the world, or so it seems. I can’t seem to make time pass quick enough. I survived the mundaneness that is my classes and even went to the grocery store to buy a bottle of wine and the ingredients to make lasagna. I feel completely whipped but I just want to do something nice for her to make up for my stupid mistakes.
I uncork the wine and set it in the refrigerator and begin to prepare dinner. It smells amazing cooking and I can only hope it tastes just as good. I haven’t heard from her since the texts last night but she should be out of class soon. I almost light a candle but that seems to be a bit much so I decide against that idea.
I’ve just pulled the lasagna from the oven and set it on the stove to cool when the doorknob turns. Sybil walks in carrying her bag and when her eyes meet mine, a faint smile appears. I smile back and reach for her bag. She slowly hands it to me and I go set it in her room. When I return, she’s standing in front of the stove looking at the lasagna. I fight the urge to wrap my arms around her waist, I just got her back. I don’t want to scare her again.
She turns to face me and smiles, “This looks great, you made this?”
“I did. I hope it tastes as good as it looks.”
“I’m sure it does.”
I reach into the cabinet and hand her a plate. I cut her a small piece and set it on her plate. I fix my plate and then set them down before filling a wine glass for her. I hear her gasp and turn to make sure she’s ok. She’s staring at the flowers and the chocolates.
“What is this Cory?”
“It’s another part of my apology. I really want you to know how sorry I am.”
“You remember exactly what chocolate it was?” she asks like she can’t believe it.
“Well yeah, I remember everything about you.” I say.
She tries to keep herself from blushing profusely but fails. She sits at the table and brings the wine glass to her lips. She looks so damn beautiful right now, I’m trying to control my urges to scoop her up. She picks her fork up and digs into the lasagna. When the first bite hits her mouth, she moans and licks her lips. God, she really needs to stop that.
“This is amazing Cory. Thank you.”
“Anything for you.” I say before I realize it comes out. I meant to just think it.
She practically finishes the wine in the next sip she takes and when she swallows it, she looks up at me. “Why me, Cory?”
I know all the reasons in my head but I don’t know if I can really say them all right now without freaking her out so instead I reply, “Why not you Sybil? You’re beautiful and I can’t help but want to be around you. You make everything better.”
“Cory, I’m scared of this.” She stands to put her plate in the sink.
I follow her but I don’t corner her like I did last night. “I’m scared too but what if this is how it’s supposed to be?”
“I don’t know,” she replies quietly.
My heart is pounding in my chest and I’m waiting for her to walk off and go to the room but she sets her hands on the counter and lets out a breath. Slowly she turns to face me again. I grab her hand and rub the top of her hand with my thumb. She doesn’t pull away and it almost looks like she’s struggling to breathe. I want to tell her not to worry, that I’m struggling too but I don’t. Instead I lean forward and press a lingering kiss on her forehead.
“I’m not trying to rush anything with you. I just wanted you to know how I felt. You’re important to me Sybil and I’ll do anything I can for you.”
She tilts her head up and my lips softly land on hers. I almost move back as I remember last night but her lips open and invite me in. Cautiously, I kiss her back waiting for her to show me that this is really ok. She tastes so sweet, I could kiss her and never get tired of this. She lightly moans as the kiss slowly begins to deepen. I reach around and pull her closer to me. Her chest is pressed against mine and it feels too perfect for words. I’m so glad she came back.
She breaks the kiss first and her cheeks are a rosy pink. I can’t help but smile like a fool but I don’t care. She turns like this was something completely normal for us and helps me clean the kitchen. She doesn’t stop smiling even when we go sit on the couch to watch TV. I don’t try to hold her hand or sit too close to her, that one kiss was plenty to keep me happy. I told her I wouldn’t rush anything and that’s one promise I will keep. The friendship line has really been crossed and there’s no going back.
***
Sybil
Cory has always been nice. He’s always put himself over others but he’s so damn thoughtful. We finished dinner and cleaned up the kitchen an hour ago. I can still smell the aroma of the lasagna and even better than that, I can still taste his kiss on my lips. A yawn escapes my mouth and I quickly put my hand over to cover it. Cory lets out a small laugh and I just stare at him. Yes, we just kissed but at the same time, I still don’t know how to react to a lot of these interactions that are taking place. This is too new and although I’ve known him for years, it still almost feels like someone brand new. Maybe that’s because this part of him is brand new to me.
I check the time and another yawn escapes. “Excuse me, I didn’t realize how tired I was.”
“Long day at school?” he asks.
“No, long night. I couldn’t sleep last night, too much on my mind.” I admit.
“I understand.” He says with a smile. Of course he understands because I’m sure the exact same thing is on his mind.
His hand reaches out and he places it on my shoulder. He gives it a gentle squeeze that lights me on fire in ways I wish weren’t there right now. I don’t want to feel this affected right now, not this soon.
“If you’re tired, go lay down. I’m probably going to do the same in a few.”
I look at him and smile. “I think I will. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I stand and look back at him before walking to the room. “Goodnight, Sybil.” He looks like he wants to say something else but the words never come, so I smile and disappear into my room
.
I shut the door and almost lock it, but that feels unnecessary. He’s not going to come barge into this room and sweep me off my feet. He wouldn’t do that, or would he?
I strip down to my panties and change into a more comfortable t-shirt before lying under the covers. I stare at the ceiling and replay our kiss through my mind. There was something about that kiss, something possibly life-changing. My body reignites just thinking about it and there’s a tingling sensation below that I can’t ignore.
I let out a soft moan as my fingers dip below the waistband of my panties. I suddenly realize I can’t hear the noise from the TV and there’s complete silence in the apartment. I can’t let him hear me that would be so embarrassing. He’d obviously figure out that I am thinking about him. When I feel its ok, I let my fingers continue to work themselves down and I close my eyes as I begin to bring myself over the edge. I bite into the comforter to keep quiet as my body convulses. Dammit Cory, what are you doing to me?
***
It’s been a week since the kiss and things have slowed down to something awkward. One day things seem fine but then I upset the balance and pull away. Just when I think it may be ok to really embrace my feelings for him, I seem to become sensible. I can see the agitation on his face sometimes but I try not to let it bother me. It’s not like I’m the only one who has pulled away. Two nights ago for example, I decided to try. I still have a hard time walking up to him and just placing my arms around his waist. He seems to be getting better at it, but I’m slowly getting the courage. I tried to place my hand on his shoulder when I stepped up behind him at the kitchen sink, but he stepped away causing my hand to fall. I felt defeated in that moment, like I couldn’t do anything to make him see I was actually trying. The tension felt so unreal, that I decided to just go sit in my room and read a book. I could hear his footsteps as he walked to his room and I swore I could hear him stop in the hall but the last sound I heard was his door shut.
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