by Suzanne Hart
“Auntie Elsie!” I heard Emma’s voice and my phone dropped from my hand. I looked up to find her holding Jared’s hand. She was tugging him along in my direction.
“Emma!” I ran to her, pulling her into my arms and holding her tightly to myself. “Where were you? Oh my God, Emma, don’t ever do that to me again!” I cried and stroked her pretty hair. Emma pouted her lips.
“Are you crying, Auntie Elsie?” she asked, and I kissed her cheek.
Jared was standing behind her, looking at us with a grin on his face.
“She was out on the streets, chasing a fox squirrel,” Jared explained. I narrowed my eyes at her angrily.
“You know you’re not supposed to do that, Emma! You’re not supposed to go anywhere without permission. You know better than that, don’t you?” I scolded her, but I couldn’t be angry with her. I was so relieved to have found her. Emma nodded her head and threw her arms around my neck.
I lifted her up, meeting Jared’s eye.
“Thank you,” I said to him curtly and he smiled.
“Don’t worry about it. I can imagine how scary it was for you,” he replied. There was a new kind of softness in his gray eyes.
“I should take Emma home. I need to tell Mona what happened,” I told him and he nodded.
“Of course, you do what you have to do.”
I was about to walk away, I should have…but my feet were frozen to the ground.
“I’m sorry I blamed you,” I murmured meekly. Jared’s grin grew. Was he actually going to smile? A real smile?
“It’s okay. You were panicking,” he told me, and I realized that he wasn’t trying to be arrogant. He genuinely meant it.
“Maybe we can…I don’t know…maybe we could continue our conversation some other time?” I asked. I tried to hide the hope from my voice. The last thing I wanted was for him to know that I missed him still, and how happy I was to see him again. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it till now.
“I would like that too, but I’m leaving Chicago tonight. I have a meeting in LA in the morning that I have to attend,” Jared said. I nodded my head. I could feel the tears drying on my cheeks.
“Yeah, of course. Some other time then. If you’re ever in Chicago again.” I was quick with my words, trying to hide my disappointment.
“Unless you’re free over the weekend?” he asked. I crossed my brows at the suggestion.
“This weekend?” I asked.
“I have a cabin up in Vermont. I was planning on spending the weekend there, a little getaway. You could join me?” Jared asked.
Bad idea. Terrible idea.
A whole weekend of us locked away in a cabin together? Why would he even suggest such a thing! What was he expecting us to do there?
Jared searched my eyes.
“You can have your own room, of course,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m not suggesting…” he allowed his words to trail, conscious of Emma in my arms.
“I’ll have to think about it,” I said quickly, and he nodded.
“Well, you have my number now. Goodbye, Elsie,” he replied and waved at Emma, who waved back.
I watched Jared leave the park, with his hands stuffed into his pockets. I put Emma down and gripped her hand tightly.
“Are you really going to tell Mommy?” Emma asked, interrupting my thoughts. I looked down at her and nodded my head.
“Yes. I’m sorry, honey, but we tell each other everything,” I lied to her.
Mona was serving us dinner, while Emma was in her room. She’d been punished by her mother and sent to bed without dessert. I tried to protest, but Mona held her ground.
“That was a very dangerous thing to do, Elsie, she needs to know better,” Mona had said.
Now, the two of us were preparing to sit down to eat. Her husband, my brother-in-law, was out of town on a business trip.
I had a glass of wine in my hand, which I swirled around. I still hadn’t told her anything that was happening with Jared. Surprisingly, Emma hadn’t mentioned him either.
Mona finally sat down at the table with me, with a dish of lasagna between us.
“Nobody warns you how scary it is being a parent. I’m constantly worried that I’m doing something wrong. That Emma isn’t going to grow up to be a happy person,” Mona said, shaking her head.
I was watching her closely, still trying to decide whether to tell her what happened with Jared. When she looked up at me, I smiled at her weakly.
“You’re doing fine, Mona. Emma is lovely and happy. You’ve learnt from the best…Mom and Dad,” I said.
Both our parents had passed away recently. We were all very close. Mona and I spoke about them often, remembering the good times from our childhood.
Mona sighed now, while she served herself some lasagna.
“They were great, yes, but honey, they weren’t perfect either,” she replied. I crossed my brows in surprise. I’d never heard Mona speak of them that way. She was their golden child…the one who made them proud in every aspect and never had friends like Jared.
“What are you talking about, Mona?” I asked and I noticed that my sister was avoiding my eyes.
“I’m just saying that everyone makes mistakes. Mom and Dad…well, they loved us dearly and everything they did, they did because they thought it was for the best. But they weren’t always right,” she said and ate her food.
I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but it seemed like Mona wasn’t in the mood to explain either. The tone of our conversation…talking about family…all those things made me realize that I shouldn’t be keeping secrets from Mona.
Since Jared disappeared from my life, my sister was the only real friend I had. I cleared my throat and took a long sip of my wine.
“Mona, I have to tell you something. Today, at the park, I was with Jared. We were talking and I got distracted. That is why I lost Emma.” I was looking down at my lap with shame. I didn’t want to meet her eyes and I could sense that she was staring at me.
There were a few moments of silence between us. I thought Mona was going to erupt, that she was going to give me an earful. Instead, she sighed.
“It could have happened to anybody. You’re not expected to stare at Emma constantly. She’s supposed to learn right from wrong too. You being with Jared was not the reason why you lost Emma. Stop blaming yourself.” When I heard Mona speak, I looked up with a jerk.
I thought she would lose her calm. The last thing I expected was for her to speak casually about Jared.
I drank some more wine. I was too shocked to say anything.
“How long is he going to be in Chicago?” she asked next.
“He’s leaving tonight. He has some meeting in LA tomorrow,” I replied, and Mona nodded her head.
“So, you’re not going to see him again?” she asked, and I looked up at her with a pinched, nervous face. I knew she could sense the turbulence raging inside me.
“He’s invited me to his cabin in Vermont over the weekend. I haven’t given him an answer yet,” I said. Mona’s eyes were widened; she was considering my words quietly.
“Do you want to see him again?” she asked and I gulped. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to say anything.
“Elsie…there’s nothing wrong with forgiving him, if that’s what you really want to do,” she spoke softly.
Those didn’t sound like my sister’s words. All these years, every time she spoke about Jared…she stressed on how important it was for me to forget him.
“I don’t know if he wants to be forgiven. I don’t know what he wants,” I told her. Mona nodded.
“You should find out, Elsie,” she said firmly. I drank more wine. I didn’t know what was going on, why Mona was taking Jared’s side…was she taking his side?
“Elsie, honey…” she began and reached for my hand over the table. “All I want is for you to be happy. These past ten years…you’ve just been lost,” she continued.
“I’m fine, Mona,” I
argued, but she wasn’t buying it.
“Every relationship you had with a man, you ended. Nobody was ever good enough for you. You’re still in love with him.”
I was shocked to hear those words coming from my sister. She’d never said it so directly before. In love with him! I’d never admitted it to myself.
We were staring at each other, but Mona’s gaze was softened.
“Maybe you should go to Vermont, honey. Find out what he wants. The last time when he left, you got no closure. Maybe this time, if things don’t work out, at least you’ll know for sure. You can finally move on.” Mona was surprising me with each word. However, her little speech was also tipping me over the edge.
I hadn’t mentioned the job to her. That was the real reason Jared invited me to Vermont, wasn’t it? He wanted to recruit me. This had nothing to do with feelings or love or even friendship.
Mona smiled at me…it was a sympathetic smile. I couldn’t smile back at her.
Jared
I arrived at my cabin in Vermont on Friday evening. Elsie texted me the day before to say she’d be interested in visiting Vermont. I offered to pick her up from Burlington Airport, but she insisted that she wanted to rent a car and drive down.
I hadn’t expected her to accept my offer of a weekend away. I thought I was just taking a wild chance by even saying it to her. When I got the text, I felt victorious though. It was working. I was breaking her!
The caretaker of the cabin, Peggy, was waiting there for me. I asked her to make sure that the kitchen and pantry were all full, and the rooms were cleaned and dusted. After that, I asked her to leave me alone for the weekend.
The next morning, I woke up early and went for a walk. Elsie hadn’t given me a time for her arrival. The walk was the perfect opportunity for me to catch up on my thoughts.
The last few days in LA were busy. I’d missed a lot of meetings and had to catch up on them. Ralph was on the phone with me several times, trying to figure out the progress of the new recruit. I kept telling him I was working on it. It was too early to give up and it seemed I was finally making some progress.
I thought about Elsie on my walk. What else was there to think about? Had she accepted my invitation because I helped her find her niece? Was she doing it out of gratitude? Was it possible that she hated me a little less now?
I’d invited her to my cabin on a whim. This wasn’t a part of the plan. When she told me that she wanted to talk to me again, I realized that I still might have a chance. I wasn’t going to give up this opportunity.
When I returned to the cabin after my walk, I saw the car first.
“Hello?” I called out and Elsie appeared from around the back of the cabin.
“Sorry, I didn’t know where you were,” she told me.
My eyes skimmed over her. She was in a floral printed dress with a slim belt at her waist. Knee high flat boots covered her long slender legs. She seemed to have curled her hair today, because it looked wavy around her shoulders.
“I was just out for a walk. I didn’t know when you would arrive,” I told her as she approached me.
“This place is lovely. It’s so quiet and serene,” she said with a smile as she looked around.
“Yeah, it’s the perfect getaway,” I told her, and our eyes met.
“I bet your life can get pretty hectic,” she added.
Strangely enough, Elsie wasn’t being as aggressive with me as she usually was. Had something changed? Could it be possible that she was considering my proposal?
“Can I help you with anything?” I asked, peeking into her car. There was only one small bag inside.
“I’m not staying very long. I have tickets for flights tomorrow,” Elsie said, when she saw me looking at the bag.
“Of course,” I replied politely and led her up the porch and into the cabin.
Elsie seemed impressed as she looked around the place.
“Coffee? Scotch?” I offered with a smile, as we walked into the living room. She dropped her bag to the ground and headed for the mantle above the fireplace. There were photographs of me in frames, with acquaintances and some celebrities.
“They’re not exactly family photos,” I said when I saw her peering at them.
“I can see that,” she murmured.
“My decorator told me that photographs on the mantlepiece add warmth to a room. I didn’t have any others,” I explained, and Elsie looked at me with a smile.
“I’m not judging you, Jared,” she told me, but I knew she was. She was wondering how I lived my life without an actual family. The answer was simple—I lived an uncomplicated life with no strings attached.
“Was Emma okay when you took her back?” I asked, while Elsie walked around the room admiring the various art pieces and decorations on the wooden walls.
“Yeah, she was fine. She got punished by her mother, but she’s okay,” Elsie replied.
“Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry? We have a fully-stocked pantry at our disposal,” I told her, and Elsie looked up at me, her eyes shining brilliantly.
“I’m not hungry, but I wouldn’t mind going for a walk. I know you just came back from one…”
“Let’s go. I know the perfect trail!” I suggested. Elsie smiled and she followed me out of the cabin and past her parked car.
“I can’t remember the last time I went for a walk like this. I’ve had a very busy couple of years,” Elsie said as we walked beside each other down a woodland trail. I looked over at her, at her profile…walking with her like this brought back memories. I looked away.
“Well, then you definitely deserve this weekend,” I told her, and she smiled.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“You’ll see.”
I led the way down the path and she followed me in silence. I was relieved to find that Elsie was in a better mood, less inclined to fight with me. I might be able to convince her after all. Maybe she had forgiven me, and we could have some sort of friendship again.
Who was I kidding?
Our friendship was ruined. We had sex…we were intimate twice. I was inside her. She came while my fingers were in her pussy.
What kind of friendship was that?
The truth was that any hope of picking up where we left off ten years ago was now ruined. The only thing I could do was hope that she would accept the job offer. Maybe we could build a professional relationship. Maybe that would work?
Elsie
I tried not to stare at Jared as we walked. Instead, I focused on the serene and breathtaking woodlands walk. It was peaceful and quiet and reminded me of our walks in Madison Green. Was that what he was thinking too? Was he being transported to our teenage years?
I wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do. What was I doing here? What did the weekend hold for me?
I didn’t know what I was expecting. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to be close to Jared. This could be the very last time we got to spend time together. Like Mona said, I needed the closure.
I heard the sound of a waterfall before it even came into view. Jared quickened his pace and I followed him. We were jumping over rocks and laughing as we continued on our way.
For some time, it seemed like we didn’t have any problems. Neither of us spoke of serious things. It was like we were play-acting a scene from our childhood. I knew where Jared was taking me. We were headed to a waterfall.
Very soon, it came into view. We had climbed a slow and gentle incline to get to the top of a large boulder. From there, the view of the waterfall was breathtaking.
“How did you find this place?” I asked him, staring at the steady stream of frothy water. We were at least forty minutes away from the cabin now.
“I spend every available weekend here. I’ve spent a lot of time exploring these woods,” Jared replied. I breathed in deeply, allowing the fresh, cool air to fill my lungs.
This was one of the most beautiful things I’d seen in a long time.
“I couldn’t find a lake for us to go to,” I heard Jared say. His voice was a deep whisper beside me. We were standing close together and the water splashed on us in a light shower. If I kept standing there, so close to the edge of the boulder—I knew I would get wet soon.
I didn’t want to move though. I could have stayed right there, at that spot, all day.
“This will do,” I told him with a smile and we faced each other.
“Elsie, I’m glad that you agreed to come here. We can finally talk,” he said. My breath was caught in my throat. What was he going to say to me?
“What do we have to talk about?” I asked, and Jared clenched his jaw tightly as he stared at me.
“About how we’re going to move on from this,” he replied.
He was speaking in riddles. I didn’t know what to make of what he was saying.
“Move on from what?” I asked.
“From what’s happened between us. It shouldn’t have happened. I want you to know that I’ve always respected you.”
He was talking about the sex. He was talking about moving on from it…which meant that he didn’t think there was any sort of future for us.
“It’s very simple, Jared. We do what you did the last time. We cut each other off from our lives,” I said. My throat had gone dry. I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted him to admit that’s what he wanted.
Jared looked away from me and at the waterfall.
“I know you won’t believe me now, Elsie, but that was the hardest thing I did. Cutting you off,” he told me.
Hot tears pricked the backs of my eyelids.
“Then why did you do it?” I asked and there was a strain in my voice now.
“I told you, Elsie. I don’t know why,” he said. I groaned and turned from him. He caught my hand and pulled me back.
“Not so close to the edge,” he warned. I looked down at his hand on mine. Every time he touched me, electric shocks ran up and down my spine. I was weak in the knees again. I felt like I had no control over myself.
“That answer is never going to be good enough for me,” I told him.