by Lisa Kleypas
"For God's sake," she heard Ben say roughly. And suddenly it seemed that it was not Ben with her at all, but a stranger. A stranger who pulled her into his arms and stroked her back, whispering something low and harsh. There was no passion in the way he held her, nothing but the casual comfort he might have given a frightened child.
Revolted by his touch, she tried to push him away. But his arm was a strong bar around her back, pressing until she fell against him in a soft collapse. One of his hands slid up the back of her neck and he was rubbing it with the tips of his fingers, and it felt so surprisingly good that she went still. The unshed tears faded away magically, and the pain in her chest began to subside.
Slowly she uncovered her eyes and let her arms drop by her sides as she leaned on him. You shouldn't let him touch you, she told herself dazedly, knowing how wrong it was, but she didn't want to move away from him. Not yet. His hands were strong but sensitive as they worked down to her shoulders. There was a brief hesitation before he let his palm drift along her spine, stroking gently.
A strange, overwhelming silence settled over them. Addie wondered why he was holding her in such a way, and why she wasn't fighting him. Of course it meant nothing. When he let her go, she would hate him just as much as she had before. But for a few moments she let herself bask in the feeling of being safe and protected. Was it really Ben Hunter holding her? He was warm and living and vital. No ghost, no demon, no shadow of the past. His arms were warm around her, his body sinewy and hard.
There was no sign of what he was thinking or feeling. His breath touched her hair in light, even gusts, while his heart beat steadily underneath ·her ear. The silence went on for so long that Addie knew it had to be broken. She searched for something to say, but the more she tried, the more difficult it was to think of anything. The odd panic grew until she was completely tongue-tied. It was with relief that she heard him speak.
"Are you in pain?"
"N-no." She pulled away slightly and raised a hand to her hair self-consciously. He looked down at her with those unnerving green eyes, causing her cheeks to flame. "I'm s-sorry," she stuttered, having no idea what she was apologizing for. "I couldn't breathe-"
"I know." His arms loosened and withdrew from around her, and he made a pretense of straightening his shirt collar. "It was obvious you were a little shaken up," he said tonelessly, looking around and reaching for her hat, which lay just a few feet away.
It dawned on Addie that they were both making excuses for what had happened. She accepted her hat without a sound, bending her head over it while the hot green scent of sun-warmed grass rose to her nostrils. The sun blazed on her hair, striking off golden highlights. Ben watched her covertly as she refastened the hairpins of her chignon.
She looked up then, her brown eyes wary, and Ben was startled by her tumbled appearance. He'd never seen her look anything but cool and perfect. The beginnings of a new awareness of her stirred inside him, and all his senses were awakening. To his disgust, he realized that with the slightest encouragement he would have taken whatever she cared to offer. She'd had him right where she wanted him.
But unlike before, she made no move to seduce, taunt, or tease. There was a touch of fear in her eyes, and no end of anxiety. Was it all an act? There was no way of knowing.
Addie fumbled with her hat, trying to set it on her head at the right angle, while her mind raced with worry. I can't pretend I'm Adeline Warner anymore. I'm no good at it. But was there any choice? There didn't appear to be. She was trapped here, and it seemed there was no going back. This was a real world, just as real as the one she had come from, and she could either thrive in it or be eaten alive. She would have to continue as Adeline Warner. There was nothing else to do, nowhere to go.
And she couldn't let herself forget, ever again, that Ben Hunter was her enemy. Addie looked at him, experiencing a shock when she met his eyes, so keen and aware. Some part of her was finally able to grasp the danger of him. Of all the disasters that could happen, the very worst would be to find herself close to him again. She moved away from him, trying to get up, and he took her hand, pulling her to her feet. Addie jerked her hand away as soon as she was able, rubbing the back of it as if to erase the grip of his fingers.
Ben shook his head slightly, his eyes locked on her face. "What's happened to you?"
She stiffened, her insides going cold. "Nothing's happened. What do you mean?"
"You've been acting strange ever since Cade found you yesterday. Your face, your expressions… everything's different."
No one else noticed a difference in her, not even Russell or May. Uneasily she wondered just how perceptive he was.
"I don't feel like humoring your whims, Mr. Hunter. Nothing about me has changed."
"Then tell me this-how is it in the space of twenty-four hours that you've forgotten how to ride? Why didn't you remember about what happened between us in the stable? Why are you walking around as if you're seeing everything for the first time?"
"My father doesn't pay you to pester me with stupid questions," she snapped, and he grinned, seeming more at ease.
"That sounds like the Adeline I'm used to. And for once you're right. I don't get paid for asking you questions. I get paid for taking care of business, and that's what I'm supposed to be doing. So if you're feeling better…"
"I… " Nervously she looked at Jessie, who now stood with the reins hanging down to the ground. "I need a few more minutes. "
He stood up and resettled his hat. "I've got to be at the Double Bar. Right now. "
"Then go! And take Jessie with you. I don't want anything more to do with her. "
"Are you serious? How the hell are you planning to get back home?"
"I'll walk back."
"Don't be a fool. That'll take you hours. No knowing you, it'll take days." As she met his eyes defiantly, he swore, and his hands flexed as if he longed to shake her. "Of all the mulish, unreasonable, troublesome females I've ever come across…" In the silence which followed, he noticed the trembling of her lower lip, the residue of her reaction to all she had just gone through, and his exasperation was tempered with an emotion she couldn't quite identify.
"Adeline." He reached out with one hand, and she froze. His thumb brushed across her lower lip in a touch so light she thought she might have imagined it. A flutter went through the center of her body, lingering in the pit of her stomach. She jerked her head back.
"Don't touch me!"
He half-smiled, shaking his head at her behavior, which clearly struck him as ridiculous. "Of all the things about you I've ever taken exception to, the one thing I could never fault was your riding. Until today you've always had a good seat and light hands. What's wrong? Is it the horse?"
Her eyes fell before his. "I can't ride sidesaddle any more."
For some reason, he didn't press for a more explicit answer. "Then don't. After today. But for the rest of. the morning you'll have to put up with it."
"I can't."
"You sure as hell don't expect me to switch with you, do you?" he asked, nudging her chin upward with the edge of his forefinger. This time she didn't protest, knowing it wouldn't do any good.
"It would m-make it easier for me."
"Adeline, just think of how it would look. Me, perched on that dainty little saddle, riding up to the Double Bar to do business with Big George Johnson. I'd planned to make a few threats to him-that's the only way to get through to him. Oh, I think Big George is gonna shake in his boots today, especially when he sees me prancing up on a sidesaddle with my knee hooked around the pommel. "
"Stop it." Addie found herself smiling unwillingly at the picture he painted. "I just want to know what you're going to tell Rus-my father after I get thrown again and wind up with a broken neck."
"It sounds as if you're asking for a riding lesson." Ben's amusement disappeared all too quickly, replaced by a sneer. "Imagine that. Adeline Warner needing a few pointers from little 0l' me."
"You're crazy if you
think I'm trying to get attention from you!"
"Then why the attempt at femme fatale?" He cast a meaningful glance at the patch of ground where they had both been.
Addie swallowed back a sharp-tongued retort, wondering if it would be more in character for her to argue with him or pretend that her fall from Jessie had been a silly feminine ruse to get his attention. He seemed inclined to believe the worst of her-why not play on his ego? Besides, she had to come up with some explanation of why she'd handled the horse so ineptly. Ben might as well think she'd fallen on purpose.
"I should have known you wouldn't be enough of a gentleman to oblige me," she murmured, peeping up at him through her lashes. There. That sounded flirtatious, and perhaps it would throw him off-balance. Let him believe this entire episode was a ploy to attract him. He'd expect nothing less from Adeline Warner.
Instead of being disconcerted, Ben was frankly amused. "The merchandise doesn't appeal to me, honey." He gave her an assessing glance. "Not that it doesn't come in a pretty package."
Oh, she absolutely detested him! "You're too kind," she said stiffly.
Suddenly he grinned, the hint of malice leaving his expression. "Why the antics this morning? Just bored, hmmm? Am I the only man left in the county who isn't head over heels in love with you?"
"Probably," she said carelessly, causing him to laugh.
"Don't try again, Adeline. It's a dangerous game. I'm nothing like the boys you like to dangle by their heartstrings.”
"I'm sure you like to think so," she said disdainfully. "But you're all alike. No matter what age, you're all just boys. You like to play the same ridiculous games over and over again, and… " She closed her mouth with a snap.
"And what?" he prompted. As she remained silent, his gaze seemed" to bum through her. "What do you think the difference is between a boy and a man, Adeline?"
"I wouldn't know. I have yet to meet a real man." He gave her a jeering smile, and when he spoke, his voice was smooth and drawling, sending tremors up and down her spine. "I don't think you could recognize one, darlin'."
"A man is someone who has principles," she said, enunciating the word as if it would surely be unfamiliar to him. "And the strength to stand by them. Someone who wouldn't always put himself first, others second. And also-"
"Please." He held up a hand as if in self-defense. "I'm sure it's a long list, and very entertaining. But I don't have the time."
"You'd never measure up to it anyway."
Ben chuckled. "Darlin', you're hardly an authority on the subject."
His condescension rankled. She knew more about men than he thought! Although women back in these days were raised on silly Victorian principles, she had grown up in a time that was far less prudish. Her peers had prided themselves on being modem and sophisticated about sex. They had seen plays and read books about it until they ceased to become shocked by such openness and had merely been bored by it. Although Adele had never had an affair, she was part of a generation which had come to adulthood wondering what all the commotion was about.
"I'm not as sheltered as you seem to think," she said.
"I have an idea you're not as experienced as you seem to think."
"How do you know? I believe you said that you resisted my… er, advances in the stable."
"You still can't believe I turned down your offer, can you? I had no idea how much it bothered you."
"Don't look so smug. It didn't bother me at all! I'm thrilled nothing happened between us. You can't imagine how… What are you doing?"
He took her arm in a firm grip and pulled her over to Jessie.
"Don't," Addie said, her voice changing rapidly. "I can't manage her."
"You're too rough with her. Her mouth is sensitive, and you're fixing to tear it up. You're also bumping your heel against her side, which doesn't exactly set her straight about what you want her to do."
"I admit I'm not handling her well." Stubbornly Addie turned away from the horse as Ben urged her nearer to the animal. "But the rest of the problem is the fact that that animal is mean and bad-tempered, and that's nothing you can fix."
"She just needs the right handling. Like any female." Ben rested his hand on the saddle, preventing her from slipping by him. "Now, get on."
"Stop it. I've had enough of y-your orders." The rage she felt was directed more at herself than him. She had gotten herself in this mess by not putting her foot down this morning. She should have refused to go in the first place. Now there was nothing to do but get back on the horse.
"Enough," he said, turning her around and taking her by the waist. "I don't know what inspired you to play this game-"
She managed to knock his hat off as she struggled with him. "It's not a game!"
"-but if you want to pretend you don't remember how to ride, then I'll oblige you. You want a riding lesson? I'll give you one hell of a lesson, Adeline."
Before she could say a word, he handed her the ends of the reins and lifted her up into the saddle. Instinctively she scrabbled for a secure position on the horse's back, clutching at a coarse mane, and Jessie started to fidget. Addie closed her eyes and clung tighter, knowing she was going to be thrown again. Ben swung up behind her, his powerful thighs clamping down on the mare's sides.
"She's jumping around again," Addie gasped, drawing in the reins as tightly as she could.
"Stop yanking on those," he said, sounding irritated. "You're going to bruise her mouth."
"She's trying to kill me, and you're worried about-"
"Give me the reins." He took them in one hand and' slid his other arm around her midriff, pulling her against him as Jessie tried to rear on her hind legs. Addie's breath caught in her throat, and she clung blindly to the arm around her, frozen with fear. Contrary to her expectations, she didn't fall off. Ben's hold on her was hard and. secure, his body perfectly balanced as he accommodated Jessie's motion with no effort at all. The mare quieted soon, sensing the futility of opposing his commands. "Turn your heel out. You're kicking her again."
She was paralyzed. "I'm just trying to stay on."
"Turn your heel out."
As soon as she realized Jessie was going to stay still, Addie let out a taut sigh and obeyed, loosening her death grip on Ben's arm. Slowly his hand slid to the front of her midriff, settling in a place perilously close to her breasts. "Now, take the reins. And keep them loose. "
"S-stop talking in my ear," she said, uncomfortably aware that his murmur had produced a tickling sensation in the tops of her thighs. "And take your hand off me."
"Isn't it what you wanted?" he asked, and his hand remained where it was.
"You are the most insulting-"
"Take her around the cottonwood and back.”
"Do you mean walk or run or-"
"That depends on how much time you intend us to spend together."
Addie had had enough of his ridicule. In a flash of anger she gave Jessie a heartfelt kick in the side, hoping the mare's jerk forward would dislodge Ben. He only laughed and settled one hand on her hip. Swift as the wind, they flew toward the cottonwood tree, and Addie's eyes half-closed as the warm spring air rushed against her face.
"We're going so f-fast," she protested, her lips stiff.
"Then make her go slower. She'll do what you tell her." He sighed impatiently. "You're a hell of an actress, Adeline. I'd almost swear you didn't know how to ride this damn horse. And we both know better, don't we?"
Tentatively she increased the tension on the reins, surprised to find that Jessie obeyed the signal. "Not so hard," Ben directed, his hand covering hers to adjust her grip. Instinctively she shifted her weight in the saddle, finding a more comfortable seat. And then an unexpected feeling of ease stole over her.
"Bring her around the tree." His voice grazed the hollow behind her ear and skimmed down her spine. "Gentle. Don't pull sharply." The body of the horse leaned into the turn, and Addie found it all too natural to relax against Ben's chest. He sounded mildly exaperated as he adju
sted her hold on the reins. "She's getting away from you. Slow her down. Like this. Yes."
"She doesn't want to go that way-"
"It doesn't matter what she wants. You're in control."
"Should I just-"
"Gentle. Be easy on her."
Addie's face was drawn in concentration. The rhythm of the horse's gait seemed to echo in her head, pounding, pounding on a locked door, while an elusive memory struggled to break free. Staring at the horse's fluttering mane, the land around her, the blue sky with its white clouds yawning in the distance, she searched her mind and tried to remember. Then it happened. One moment there was nothing but blankness, and in the next, a bolt of understanding burned through her. All of a sudden she knew what she was doing, as if she had remembered something she had learned long ago. But that was impossible. She had never been able to ride.
"Take her around the other way and bring her to a walk," Ben directed, and Addie discovered that the mare obeyed with just the lightest pressure on the reins. Magic. Addie gave a breathless laugh, and she could sense Ben's wry smile.
"All coming back to you?" he inquired dryly, his hand sliding upward until his thumb rested in the valley between her breasts. The heat from his palm seared through her blouse. Swallowing hard, she said nothing, concentrating on bringing Jessie to a stop.
When the sound of the mare's hooves had gone and all was still, Addie was acutely conscious of that hand, the caress of his thumb in the hollow of her bosom. "And this was all for my benefit," Ben said softly. "I had no idea it would be such an enjoyable morning. Tell me, how far in advance did you plan this? Or have I been treated to a spontaneous performance?" One part of her mind demanded that she struggle away from him in outrage, but she was confused and strangely weak. Not a sound escaped her lips. Her heart was thrashing in her chest, her breathing shallow. His thumb stroked the undercurve of her breast as she sat there facing away from him, and Addie was tormented by shame and pleasure as she felt her nipples harden. What am I doing? she wondered frantically. Stop him!