by Lisa Kleypas
"What if…" She paused and gulped hard before continuing, "What if I don't want a repeat of your performance?"
"What if you don't?" He sounded interested by the idea, and he nibbled lightly at the juncture of her neck and shoulder as he gave it due consideration. "I guess we'll find the answer to that when we're both back at Sunrise. "
He was humoring her. She knew he had no doubt she'd still want him later. Even now she had to fight against the urge to nestle against him. Instead she wriggled in protest, pulling her shoulder away until he stopped nibbling.
“And don't be surprised to find some of the Sunrise hands keeping an eye on you. Before I leave, I'm going to make sure they understand there'll be hell to pay if he comes within a hundred feet of you. If I find out he's done so much as look at you, I'll make him regret it sorely.”
"Even at the risk of starting a range war?" she asked in a muffled voice, and he smiled grimly, amused by her feeble attempt at sarcasm.
"That's right. And if it has to start over you, darlin', you're looking at the man who 'll fire the first shot."
After Addie had restored her appearance as best she could, she spoke to May privately and pleaded a headache in order to avoid the rest of the evening. She couldn't face anyone right now, not when her thoughts were in a whirl and her head aching with confusion. Having gone to bed early, she lay in bed on her stomach with her arms clenched around a pillow, staring blindly at the wall. The Fanins' house was comfortable but hardly as elegant as the ranch house at Sunrise. The rooms here were small and plainly furnished, the beds lumpy and even a little musty. Leah was asleep in the bed against the opposite wall. They were sharing the room next to the one Caroline and Peter occupied.
Addie didn't want to think about what had happened that night, but she couldn't wish it away, and she couldn't forget about it. She kept hearing Jeff's voice, and what he'd said about Russell. "He's riding too high these days, honey. He has no right to hide you away from me … don't you worry, it won't be long …"
What had he meant by that?
"A little-boy threat," she whispered. "A frustrated little boy who wasn't getting his way. It couldn't have been more than that."
She sighed and rubbed her forehead, moving down to the comers of her eyes and pressing the pads of her fingers there. She closed her eyes and her mind continued to wander. Slowly the darkness behind her eyes became endlessly deep, and the echo of a husky voice came back to torment her.
“Addie, don't hold yourself back from me. I won't hurt you. " A warm mouth sliding over her skin, a hard body promising ecstasy as it fitted close against hers. "No one will ever know you like I'm going to. You can keep the rest of the world at bay, but you're going to let me inside. "
Addie writhed and sat up with an indrawn breath, her heart thumping. "Stop it," she whispered tightly. "Stop it."
Ben was her enemy. She wouldn't let him kill Russell. She couldn't let him tear her defenses down. Russell was her father, her real father, and his life was her responsibility. It was time to start doing something about it.
She would have to warn Russell. Somehow she'd have to find away. Addie stood up and paced back and forth across the room, her nightgown billowing out behind her. She tried to imagine Ben plotting to kill Russell, waiting until the new will was signed, and then creeping up to Russell's room and committing the murder. It was almost too logical and obvious a plan, and it bothered Addie. Ben would have to know he'd be the first one everyone suspected. Surely he'd be more subtle than that.
And then there were the Johnsons, who hated Russell. A lot of outfits would like to get their hands on the Sunrise Ranch, tear down its fences, and take possession of its livestock and water rights. Just about everyone around, in fact. But more than anyone else, the Double Bar did. Maybe the Johnsons were in on the murder.
She stopped in her tracks as she remembered Jeff's words again. "He's riding too high these days, honey … don't you worry, it won't be long …"
That was a threat, plain and simple. There was little doubt in her mind that Jeff and Big George wanted Russell out of the way just as much as Ben did. Were they all planning it together?
"No." She shook her downbent head in confusion. "Ben hates the Johnsons. He'd never plan anything with them. And he loves Russell. He wouldn't kill him. I can't believe he would." She didn't want to believe it.
But Russell would have to be killed by an insider, someone who knew about his sleeping habits and which room was his, and how to get through the house. Someone who didn't have to get past the line riders that protected the property around the clock. It had to be Ben, especially since-according to history-he would leave town after the murder and never come back.
"Oh, Ben, that's not you. It's not you." She leaned against the wall and bit her lip.
Strong hands, touching her gently, coaxing purest fire to blossom inside her. "I want you to remember this. Remember every time you think of me. "
Why is this happening to me?" she whispered in agony. "What have I done to be put through this? I'm still Addie Peck… but I'm Adeline Warner too. I'm remembering things from two different lifetimes, and I don't know which me is real." She fell silent as she saw the small figure stirring on the other bed, looking like a lump under the sheets. Leah had awakened.
"Aunt Adeline?" she said sleepily.
"Yes, Leah?" Slowly Addie walked over to her, trying to compose herself.
In I930, Leah said that Aunt Adeline had been a schemer, materialistic and selfish. The memory of Aunt Adeline had made Leah uneasy. Why? What had Leah seen or heard to make her feel that way?
The child yawned and rolled over, staring at her with heavy-lidded eyes. "What are you walkin' around for?"
"I'm sorry I bothered you. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about a hundred things, and I just had to get up."
"What were you thinkin' about?"
"Someone."
"I saw you go off with Jeff Johnson today," Leah said, those dark eyes losing all traces of sleepiness. "You're thinkin' about him, aren't you?"
"You saw me with… but… I thought all the children were playing by the corral."
"I came back early. I was followin' you and Mama into the house, and then you stopped an' sneaked off with Jeff Johnson. Mama said I shouldn't tell anyone, or you'd get it from Grampa."
"Yes, I would," Addie said ruefully. "I'd rather you didn't tell anyone. Why are you wrinkling your nose like that?"
"Why'd you sneak off with him?"
"I had to talk with him, Leah."
The girl wrinkled her nose again, as if she had smelled something unpleasant. "Oh."
"What's the matter? You don't like Jeff? Why not?"
"You told me not to say why."
"Oh… I…" Addie paused and looked down at her, while curiosity leapt inside her. "I don't remember telling you that, Leah."
"You said it was our secret."
It took all of Addie's strength to swallow down her sudden raging impatience and keep from shaking the secret out of the child. She smiled and sat down on the bed, keeping her tone light. "Well, if you don't refresh my memory, I really won't be able to get to sleep. Why would I forget such a thing? Tell me what our secret is. "
"Aunt Adeline, I'm tired-"
"Tell me, and then we'll both be able to go to sleep."
"Don't you remember? I was hidin' under the veranda, and you and Jeff were in the porch swing, talkin'. "
"Was it in the morning or evening?"
"Evenin'."
"Was it a long time ago, or a short time?"
"Short time," Leah said solemnly.
"What were we saying?"
"You were talkin', real quiet, tellin' Jeff things about Grampa and Ben… and…"
"And what?"
"And a will. Grampa's will. And I made a noise, and you got real mad when you saw I was there. Don't you remember?"
"I… maybe a little." Addie closed her eyes, feeling dizzy. Russell's will.
Rushing down the p
orch steps, grabbing the frozen, dumbstruck child by the shoulders, hearing her own voice, soft and terrible in its icy rage. "What did you hear? What did you hear?" And then, gentle and cajoling and cunning: "Don't cry, Leah. I've decided you're a big girl now, old enough to share a grown-up secret. What you heard is our secret, Leah…and you can't tell anybody …"
That was all she could remember.
"What was I saying about Grampa and Ben?"
Leah turned her face to the wall. "I don't want to talk about it."
Slowly Addie leaned over and kissed Leah's forehead. "I'm sorry if! scared you when I got mad then."
"It's okay, Aunt Adeline. Is it still our secret?"
"Yes, please, Leah," she replied, her voice thin, insubstantial. "You have sweet dreams, you hear?"
The child turned over and flopped onto her own pillow, sighing.
Her knees weak, Addie walked to her own bed and sat down.
Why would I be telling Jeff about the will? There was no reason to. Unless … unless I was plotting something with Jeff. Oh, but I couldn't have been. Not about the will. Why, that would mean…
Suspicion spread through her like poison. Wilfully she tried to deny it.
I was-am-Russell's daughter. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, no matter what I was like before. I know I wouldn't.
"My God, what's going on?" she said through dry lips.
What kind of a person had she been before she had returned to Sunrise?
A schemer. And maybe something far worse.
6
THE WEDDING WAS HELD OUTSIDE IN THE COOL MORNing air. Addie sat through the entire ceremony without hearing a word of it, her mind feverishly occupied with questions. Until now she had been certain about Ben's guilt and her own innocence. It had been so easy to picture him as the villain, and herself as the heroine who would save the day. But nothing was black or white anymore. Ben wasn't all good or bad, just as she wasn't. And the most horrifying thing of all was that if he wasn't guilty of plotting to kill Russell, she might be. She couldn't forget what Russell had said to her about the will.
"Aw, honey … I know you're prob'ly a mite disappointed at gettin' Sunrise in trust instead of all that money … you'd be a rich woman if I did that … you'd have enough money to do whatever you wanted for the rest of your life …
A rich woman.
How badly had she wanted to be a rich woman? If only she could remember more about the things she might have done in the past. If only there weren't so many shadows crowded in her mind.
She cast her eyes over the congregation until she saw Jeff's hatless head, his mahogany hair shining in the morning light. He hadn't even looked at her this morning. Boyish, blue-eyed Jeff. Had he really been that clumsy drunken stranger in the blacksmith shop last night? She could hardly believe it. It seemed like a dream.
Ben was just a few seats away from her. She was astounded by the strange part he had played in all of it. He was the last one she would have cast as her rescuer. His head turned in her direction, and she looked away before their eyes met. She couldn't look at him, not after what had happened between them.
Wincing, Addie couldn't dispel the picture that flashed through her mind, the two of them writhing on the floor of the blacksmith shop. She could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment as she bent her head to hide her face. The way she had let him touch her, the way she'd encouraged him… no, she could never bear to meet his eyes again.
In the last twenty-four hours she'd become a stranger to herself. Addie smiled bitterly as she recalled how this unwanted nightmare had begun. How full of fire and conceit she had been, so eager to convict Ben, so certain she would be Russell Warner's savior. But last night she had found herself clinging to Ben like a wanton, drunk with desire for him, with no thought of Russell or anything else to sober her. It had never been like that before, not with anyone. After her first resistance she had made no effort to push Ben away. So much for herself-righteous intentions.
And what Leah had said later that night in the privacy of their room was more disturbing than anything else so far. Addie hadn't forgotten a word of it. It made her more than a little afraid. What had Leah overheard her planning with Jeff? What had she and Jeff been conspiring to do?
No, I wouldn't have planned anything that would have hurt Russell, she thought frantically. Not my own father. I may have been different then, but I would never have done something that horrible.
Addie was alerted by the burst of happy cries from the congregation when the ceremony was over. Blinking as if newly awakened, she raised her head and looked at the people standing up around her. Caroline tapped her on the shoulder after Peter helped her to rise.
"What are you daydreamin' about?"
"Nothing," Addie said quietly, rising from her seat and fussing with the sleeves of her dress.
Caroline was in a mood to tease. "Maybe you were thinkin' about the wedding you'll have someday."
Ben, who was standing just behind Caroline, happened to overhear. "A wedding?" he repeated, looking over Caro's blond head and making Addie the target. of a polite, faintly curious glance. "You fixing to marry someone soon, Miss Adeline?"
As she looked at him and flushed, his green eyes flickered with a subtle light she couldn't mistake. Suddenly the whole world was filled with nothing but the two of them and the private memory of those sweltering minutes in the blacksmith shop. Addie felt trapped, as surely as if she'd been chained to him. Ben caught her look of alarm, and he smiled, allowing just a touch of smugness to shine through.
Addie longed to spit out some words that would wipe the masculine smirk off his face. "At the moment there's not a man in the world I'd agree to marry," she said sharply.
"Glad to hear it," he commented lazily, appreciating the way the sun struck off her honey-colored hair. She was unbearably tempting, all bristled up and uncertain, her mouth pursed and her brows drawing together.
Caroline eyed the pair thoughtfully and then turned to her husband with-a smile. "Peter, take me into the house, please. If I don't have a glass of water in the next minute, I'll die of thirst. "
Ben gave them an absentminded nod as they left, and re-turned his attention to Addie, while the excited crowd milled around Ruthie and Harlan. He noticed the shadow of a bruise on Addie's wrist and frowned, reaching out to catch her forearm in his hand. She made no move to pull it away as he looked down at her delicately veined wrist.
"From him or me?" he asked gruffly.
"I don't know." She sounded much calmer than she felt. "Does it matter?"
"Yes, it matters." Though his voice was laced with irritation, his thumb was gentle as it stroked over the bruise. "I didn't intend to hurt you."
Her breath shortened. The movement of his fingers on her skin, there in the middle of hundreds of people, caused her heart to drive crazily against the wall of her chest. This couldn't continue. She had to make certain things clear, about what she would and wouldn't tolerate from him.
"Ben, what happened last n-night can't… You and I… just can’t.”
"Yes we can," he returned softly. "And will as soon as I get half a chance."
"No, Ben-"
"You look a little tired, darlin’." His eyes caressed her strained face.
"That's your fault. I couldn't sleep after we… after you… I spent the whole night tossing and turning."
"I wish I'd been there to join you."
"Hush up! Someone will hear, and please don't touch me like that!"
He released her wrist with deliberate care, and Addie knew the wisest thing to do would be to turn around and leave as quickly as possible. But something rooted her feet to the ground, keeping her there, close to him but not quite touching.
"When are you leaving?"
"Soon." Ben laughed quietly. "You're not anxious for me to go, are you?"
"Yes. Oh, stop looking at me like that. I think Mama just noticed us talking together-"
"So?"
"She doesn't want me to a
ssociate with someone like you."
"I know that. But what do you want?"
She took a deep -breath and looked at him directly. "I want us to forget about last night. It was a terrible misunderstand-ing."
"Not at all," he countered. "I think we understood each other quite well."
"Do whatever you want. I'm going to forget it ever happened. "
"Do you actually think you can?" Ben raised his eyebrows and folded his arms across his chest as he peered down at her. "No. It's going to be there between us from now on. Every time I look at you I'll remember the taste of your lips, the feel of your-"
“Damn you," she whispered, now more worried than before about the mess she was in. She could manage him when they were fighting, when he was angry, but not when he was gentle and teasing. Not when he was looking at her with a gaze that seemed to burn through her clothes. She could remember the taste of him, too, and the devastating touch of his hands on her body. She was shaken by the urge to wrap her arms around his neck and press her face against his throat and simply breathe in the smell of him.
"I want you to stay away from me from now on."
"Don't tell me you don't want me to hold you ever again. Or kiss you, or-"
"Never again!"
"You want it right now," he said, smiling at her appalled expression. "Just as much as I do."
"Ben, stop it," she hissed, aware that people were beginning to turn around and look at them. Picking up her skirts, she brushed by the rows of chairs and headed toward the house, discarding her pride in order to beat a quick retreat. Ben was right on her heels. Aware of his presence behind her, the long, measured strides that carried him so much farther than hers, she turned to face him as soon as they reached the veranda.
"You don't make any sense at all, Ben Hunter! All of a sudden you've decided you want me, when you wouldn't have me on a silver platter that day in the barn. What changed your mind?"
"Damned if I know. I haven't bothered to analyze it. "
"Of course not. Like any man, you chase after the nearest female whenever the urge to rut strikes you. I seem like a good prospect this week, is that it? Well, you won't be welcomed in my bed, not ever, so set your sights on someone else."