by Lisa Kleypas
"Jeff didn't bother me at all," she said, making an effort to sound nonchalant. "He didn't say a word to me the entire time. Of course, he stared a lot-"
"You should be used to that by now."
"I haven't been around him in a while."
"But he's not the only one who likes to stare at you."
Addie set her mouth sternly in order to prevent a smile. "I'm getting tired of this game. It's ridiculous. You're even causing Daddy to have strange ideas about the two of us."
"I've got a few in mind myself."
"I don't want to hear them."
His hands tightened on her waist when she would have moved away. "There's no way you can get out of it."
"Don't bet on it, slicker," she said in the tart manner of a flapper, and he grinned at the change in her voice.
"Every now and then you sound like… " He paused and shrugged. "I don't know what it is. But I have a suspicion there's more behind those big brown eyes than anyone else imagines."
"You'll never find out."
"Not for lack of trying," he assured her.
"Ben!" came Russell's voice from the house, and immediately Addie was released.
"He wants a report on everything that happened while he was gone." Ben's mouth twitched in amusement as he looked toward the window of the room Russell used as an office. "We'll talk later."
"Did anything happen?" she asked, touching his arm in an unconscious gesture, her eyes dark with concern. "Any trouble?"
The muscle underneath her fingertips tensed as if he'd received a small shock at her touch. Ben went very still, looking down at her with an intensity that weakened her knees. "No trouble," he said carefully. "Only when you're around, darlin'." Her hand trembled, but she didn't let go of him, overwhelmed by the yearning that had swept over her. Did Ben feel the ache of it too? He stared at her for what seemed to be hours, his face hard. All the forbidden longing in her heart was released in a torrent.
I could love him, she thought dazedly, if I let myself. And she already would, if he were anyone else in the world.
Lord, what am I going to do?
There was another roar from the house. "Ben, did you hear me or is somethin' blockin' your ears?"
"I'll be there in a minute," Ben called back with an impudence no one else in Texas would have dreamed of showing to Russell Warner.
"Go,"Addie said thickly, releasing her grip on his arm, and he hesitated.
She would have expected him to make some sardonic remark. But there was nothing playful about his manner as he spoke to her huskily.
"I want to hold you, Addie."
She couldn't deny him, or deny that she felt the same. "Please go," she whispered. He nodded slightly, his eyes moving over her face. There was no need for further words. They both understood all that was left unsaid.
It was a fundamental part of the ranchers' code that when cowboys came to visit, they were welcome to a free meal, lodging, and whatever else the host's hospitality might include. Although the half-dozen men who appeared at the Sunrise Ranch were strangers, it was obvious by their appearance and smell that they'd lived in the saddle all summer long. The women of the household were busy all afternoon, distributing towels and soap for the men to have much-needed shaves and baths. Then there were piles of soiled clothes to wash and mend, so many that the air was pungent with the scent of lye and hot water.
By the time the visitors were seated at the table, May and Caroline were almost too exhausted to enjoy their own dinners. Although Addie had worked just as hard as they had, she wasn't tired at all. She was filled with a nervous energy that wouldn't subside. Methodically she ate everything on her plate, hardly tasting anything, listening while Russell involved himself in a conversation with the cowboys.
She and Ben tried to ignore each other. But a steady flame of awareness burned inside her. She was conscious of every movement he made, every word he spoke. And when she looked up from the intent perusal of her plate and caught a wayward glance of his, she was filled with a surge of delight.
When the meal was over and they were all replete, the men remained at the table and talked while the women discreetly cleared away the dishes. After most of the work was done in the kitchen, Caroline put a hand to her lower back and sighed wearily.
"I'm too tired to wiggle. Mama, would you come upstairs with me and help me out of these things? Peter won't go to bed for a good long while, but I've got to have some rest."
"Would you like me to help you?" Addie offered. "That's all right," May said, patting her shoulder gently. "I will. After all you've done today, you should get to bed early."
"Yes, Mama."
Feeling strangely lost, Addie wandered out of the kitchen and into the hallway. The sounds of the men's voices, the flap-flap of cards and the clinking of bottles and glasses were clearly audible. For them, the evening was just beginning. Addie glanced at the stairs. The thought of going up to her room and closing herself inside four walls was unbearable. She looked at the front door, craving the freedom beyond it, and slipped outside before she had second thoughts.
The air was soft and sweet, the sky like black velvet. Hesitantly Addie walked down the front steps with no destination in mind, wandering alongside the house. On nights like this she and Leah used to sit with the windows open to catch the breeze, and they would listen to the radio for hours.
The ghost of a song went through her mind. I never knew… a heart could ache like this … I never knew … I'd miss your sweet embrace … Straining to remember the rest of it, she stopped walking and stood still. I know I won't forget you, can't accept we're through … Until the day you left me, dear, I never knew. …
Something stirred in her heart, the memories of sitting cross-legged in front of the radio and daydreaming… walking into Leah's room and sharing gossip… tinting her mouth with sassy red lipstick before going on a date with Bernie… making Leah laugh by doing a modified Charleston in the middle of her bedroom. Strange, how difficult it was to picture Bernie's face, or Leah's face. How faded the image of the house at the end of Main Street was, and the rooms inside, and the hospital where she'd worked.
Absently she hummed the rest of the song. Now every night. .. I close my eyes and dream of you. .. I never knew … how sweet a dream could be … I know I can't expect you to regret we're through … Until the day you left me, dear, I never knew. …
Addie folded her arms around her middle and sighed. It was impossible to believe that the house she had grown up in was gone. Leah was gone, and Addie would never be able to go back to the Sunrise she had known. And what did she have instead? That was an interesting question. Thoughtfully Addie considered her newfound circumstances. She had a brother and a sister, a mother, a closet of pink dresses and a bad tempered horse, a reputation as a breaker of hearts, an ex-boyfriend, a father who loved her, and a man who wanted her. A man she wanted in return.
Don't you understand what you're doing? Stop thinking about him, stop dreaming about him, for Russell's sake if not your own. You don't belong with each other.
There was the sound of booted feet on the stairs, moving with incredible quietness, and Addie froze. Her pulse drummed as the footsteps drew closer and she saw it was Ben. He stopped right next to her, his eyes translucent in the darkness. She knew, what he wanted.
Don't let it happen, she thought in panic, but there was a sense of inevitability about it all. Their coming together was as natural as the sun rising and falling.
Ben didn't move or speak. There was a hollow sensation in his stomach, a feeling he'd experienced only a few times before. He'd been aware of it as he went home to face his father the day after graduation, and once again while being chased through the county by a noose-brandishing mob. He'd never been nervous because of a woman, not even his first one. But Addie wasn't just any woman, and he wanted her as he'd never wanted anyone else. He needed her too much for his own good-he knew that, but there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop himself.
N
o man could withstand the temptation of her sleek body and silky hair, and a face that was at once wholesome and sensual. And there were other things that attracted him to her just as forcefully. She was strong willed, forthright in expressing her opinions, a woman who would stand by a man in times of trouble. Sometimes she was vulnerable, wearing an expression of loneliness that started an ache in his own heart. He wanted her to trust him, give him the right to comfort and protect her.
"How did you know I'd be here?" she asked. "Because I wanted you to be."
"The others-"
"Are concentrating on a bottle of deadshot and a deck of cards. The game didn't interest me."
Addie made an effort to sound flippant. "I'm sure they'll miss you."
"Not as much as you would have."
"You're so conceited. I w-wouldn't have missed you."
"Just the same, I couldn't let you stay out here alone underneath all these stars."
"I wouldn't have minded being alone," she said, her breath catching as his hands slid behind her neck. "I've never minded it."
His palms traveled up to the hollow beneath her jaw, coming to rest on either side of her face. He couldn't keep from touching her any longer. "Then say you want me to leave. Go on. Say it."
She closed her eyes, fiercely willing herself to say the words, but they wouldn't come out. "I can't," she whispered in despair.
"Because you belong to me."
"No, not to anyone. I… I don't know why I want you. I don't even like you."
He smiled and brushed a kiss on her lips, so light she could hardly feel it. The hint of warmth was enough to make her gasp. Then he waited patiently, waited while seconds dragged by, silently daring her to make the next move. Finally her face nudged past the frame of his hands and her mouth came in search of his. Her lips were soft and seeking, and Ben made a low sound in his throat, tightening his arms until she was forced to stand on her toes. Hungrily she answered the pressure of his kiss, the movements of his tongue, knowing she would never get enough of the taste of him.
He slid one hand up to the back of her neck and pushed his fingertips into her hair, wanting to bury himself in the softness of her. Addie touched him as she had dreamed so many times, moving her palms in circles across his back, straining her fingers through his hair, rubbing the pads of her fingers across his face and savoring the rough-smooth surface of his jaw.
"Finally," he breathed when their lips had parted, and she nodded, understanding his infinite relief… she felt it too.
"Don't look at me like that," she said, her fingers drifting across the back of his neck.
"I can't help it." One comer of his mouth lifted in a half-smile, and she smiled back at him unsteadily.
"It makes me nervous. You look like you're about to swallow me whole. "
He pressed his mouth to her forehead and then strung kisses from her hairline down to the tip of her nose. "I've got better things in mind, darlin'."
She was overwhelmed by the pleasure of being close to him. "This is… just awful," she said, her voice catching. "What am I going to do?"
Nothing could stop Ben from kissing her again, with a need that had built up in him for weeks. Her mouth shifted under his, alternately playful and demanding. Their passion burned hotter than before, and he lost all awareness of everything but her. A shudder escaped him, and he fitted his hands over her hips, clamping their bodies together.
Addie wrapped her arms across his broad back.
Wrong or right, she couldn't deny him, when her entire being begged to be filled with him. She could feel his hands skimming over her back and waist, but the sensation was blurred by her thick corset. Never had she resented the prison of laces and stays so much. All she wanted was to be naked in bed with him, learning the secrets that lovers shared.
Suddenly she realized how far she had traveled, the distance between what she'd once been and what she was now. With a shiver she pulled her mouth away, resting her forehead against his shoulder to keep him from finding her lips again.
"Addie?" he breathed, and she shook her head, gasping. He hooked an arm around her slender neck. "Tell me," he said, his mouth close to her ear. "Tell me."
"This isn't right."
"Oh, yes it is. It was meant to be like this between us. "
"I sh-shouldn't. Not with you."
"Why not?"
"Something tells me I should be afraid," she said in a stricken whisper.
"Of me?" he asked, becoming so gentle she hardly recognized him. "Why darlin'?"
"B-because wanting each other this way isn't enough. Once the desire is satisfied, there'll be nothing to keep us from tearing each other apart. And I won't survive it. Don't you understand?"
"No, I don't. Do you think I'd turn on you someday? Is that it? I'd never hurt you, Addie-I couldn't if I tried. You have to believe that. "
She looked up at him and nodded, her eyes glittering in the moonlight. The sight took Ben's breath away.
"God, you're beautiful.".
"I'm not." Self-consciously she tried to turn away, but he caught her chin and stared into her eyes.
"You are. Sometimes I can't take my eyes off you.
I can't sleep without dreaming about you."
"I dream about you too."
"And about this?" He cupped her breast in his palm and low-ered his mouth to her neck. She sighed and nuzzled her face into his shirt, pressing her cheek against the hard muscles underneath. Shivery delight raced through every nerve as he bit gently at a sensitive place on her throat. His thumb rushed over the peak of her breast, teasing, drawing pleasure from her body with every stroke.
"Does that feel good?" He caught her more firmly against him, continuing to fondle her lightly. "Does it?"
"Yes," she choked, knowing the admission was an invitation for him to do more. Ben kissed her again, his heart thundering. He was drunk on the taste and feel of her. Her scent seemed to follow a pathway from his nose to his loins. Now that he'd had a taste of her, he'd never be satisfied with anyone else. There was a natural combustion between them, the kind of affinity some people never found despite a lifetime of searching.
Addie molded against him, thigh to thigh, chest to chest, and still it wasn't enough. Wanting to climb inside him, she slid her arms around his waist and clung fiercely. Suddenly he broke their kiss with a low sound, pressing his mouth against her temple.
"Wait. Shhh… be quiet."
"What-"
"Hush darlin'. "
She realized he was listening for something, that he'd heard something, and she went still. There was a shuffling sound in the darkness, the scrape of unsteady footsteps across the well-packed dirt, the hum of a muffled monologue. Ben looked toward the noise intently, willing his mind and body to cool down.
Addie sensed him drawing away from her, and she couldn't help making a sound of distress. "Hush," Ben whispered, stroking her back in a soothing motion, staring in the direction of the darkness beyond the corral. After a minute she let herself rest against his chest, her ear pressed to his heartbeat. She heard him sigh in exasperation.
"What is it?" Addie asked thickly.
"It's one of the boys walking a few feet off the ground. Watts."
"You mean he's had too much to drink?"
Ben grinned in spite of his frustration. "Give or take a quart."
Reluctantly he reached behind his neck to disentangle her arms.
"What are you doing?"
"I've got to see to him."
"He can't see us," she persisted as he unlocked her hands with gentle insistence. "He'll go away if we just ignore him."
He laughed and bent his head to kiss her swiftly. "I can't let him wander around the ranch like that, honey. He needs help."
Addie realized how shameless she had sounded, and how selfish, and she colored. "I'm sorry-"
"Don't start that or I'll be another ten minutes. Just go on inside. " Ben loosened his arms from around her and started to leave her, swore softly and stole
one more kiss.
Addie stood still, watching him stride off to the staggering cowboy. The night seemed cooler now, the blackness of the sky overwhelming. Instead of going into the house, she drew deeper in the shadows, her eyes dilating as she stared after Ben. He reached Watts and laid a hand on his shoulder to stop his pacing. Watts stumbled.
"Whoa, boy," she heard Ben say. "I see you had a good night in town." She couldn't make out the other man's mumbled reply, but it looked as if he would fall without the support of a steady arm. "Why don't you head in the direction of your bunk?" Ben turned Watts to face the bunkhouse. "You're gonna have a hell of a morning tomorrow. Might as well get a little sleep."
Another slurred remark from the cowhand, louder than the first.
"Jis… bin doin' little sshelebratin'…"
Ben laughed quietly. "Yeah, I can see that. Come on, pardner. No more celebrating tonight."
Suddenly Watts tore away from him and swiveled in a drunken lurch, cursing as he tried to stagger away.
Addie frowned in disgust, having a low opinion of men who liked to drink until they couldn't see straight. Having no further interest in the scene, she headed toward the front steps. But a new note of concern in Ben's voice stopped her. "What in the hell's gotten into you tonight? I've never seen you this soaked."
Abruptly the cowhand's muttering disintegrated in a long groan of pain. Addie gripped the railing on the side of the steps as his mournful wail sent chills down her spine.
"Aw, Bennn… why'd she hafta do it… why… " Ben gripped him by the shoulders and shook him slightly. "Who? A lady-friend? What happened?"
But Watts merely buried his face in his hands, and Addie realized with surprise and a sense of embarrassment that he was crying. She wished she had gone into the house, wished she hadn't been a witness to his private grief. Slowly she crept up the stairs, wondering what could have made him break down like that. She couldn't make sense out of his sobbing, but Ben seemed to understand it. She heard the compassion in his voice as he murmured to Watts.