by Lauren Dane
Damn, he was falling for Cassie. Scratch that—had fallen for Cassie and he wasn’t running. No, he wanted more. Wanted to gorge himself on every drop of her he could get as long as he could get it. He wanted to see what kind of tomorrow he could build with this woman. Cassie Gambol wasn’t a casual indulgence at all, she was big league addiction and instead of fear, there was only joy that he’d found it at last.
It took every bit of his self-control to keep his hands resting at her waist instead of sliding down to cup her ass. She was so soft against him, so warm and pliant—everything sexy and earthy, he wanted to take her in the grass under the moon, the dew on his naked skin as he watched her in the silvery light. She was a goddess come alive in his arms.
Her head tipped back as he kissed down her neck. To keep her balance, one of his hands, splayed open on her back, moved up to her neck. He gripped her, sure but not hard. Still, she stiffened and pushed away.
“Whoa! What’s going on?” he asked as she scrambled off his lap and put some distance between them.
“I’m sorry. I...you touched a nerve. He did that to me when he...damn, what you must think. I don’t know why you even came over here after Maggie told you.”
“Told me?”
“About all the abuse, the...” her voice lowered “...rape. I don’t know if I can be normal.”
“Rape?”
Cassie paled. “Maggie didn’t tell you?”
“She told me you had problems with your ex-husband. She said she couldn’t tell me any specifics because she didn’t want you to not be able to trust her.”
“Shit. Never mind. It was bad. It’s over. But there are things that happen and I don’t even see them coming and I don’t know if I can be a normal person again. I seem to have a minefield of emotional shit because of him.”
“Sit down.” He pointed to the couch and went to retrieve a glass of iced tea. Coming back into the room, he pressed it into her hands and sat next to her. “Now I want you to tell me. Damn it, Cassie, trust me. Please. I can’t help you if I don’t know. We can work through the minefield together but I can’t if I’m blind.”
Closing her eyes a moment, she began to relate all that she’d told her friends the night before. She kept looking blankly out the windows as she did and Shane didn’t interrupt her.
By the time she’d finished, the sun was down and her tea was empty.
“I don’t even know what to say. Cassie, you’re so strong. Why didn’t you tell me before? Why hide this? Of course it freaked you out when I grabbed your neck like that. He must have when he hurt you, didn’t he?”
She jumped up. “Yes! Yes, okay? I don’t want to do this. I didn’t tell you because I hate it. I hate that it happened to me and that I let it happen. I hate the person I was and I hate that anyone would know I allowed someone to do those sorts of things to me.”
Gracefully, he stood and went to her. “You didn’t allow it. It happened to you and you got out. And damn if you did all the right things but were failed. I’m sorry.” A gentle hand moved to her cheek and his fingertips traced the line of her jaw.
“You’re not disgusted? Freaked out?”
“Of course I’m disgusted. But not by you, Cassie. How can any man do that to the woman he’s supposed to love and cherish? How can a man turn that love into something sick and twisted? Look at you. How can any man have had you at his side and perverted it instead of rejoiced in it? Fuck, I want to kill him for harming you!” Dropping his hand, he began to pace.
“Okay so here’s what we’ll do, you’ll be sure to get me the order of no contact from LA. My father can help you and get you in to see a judge to get it extended to here. Does the bastard know where you are now? We should assume he’s looking for you and take precautions. We’ll get you some better locks, a security system too. One of the guys I work with does installation of security systems on the...”
“Whoa!” she yelled, making the time-out motion with her hands. “I’m fine. I’m dealing. I’m moving on. I am so fucking done with the legal system right now it’s not funny. Let’s talk about something else please.”
“Hell no we won’t talk about something else. Cassie, you can’t just ignore this. You have to take care of the legalities so I can protect you better if he comes to town. In fact, why don’t you give me the name and number of the cop you dealt with and I’ll give him a call and he can fill me in and I can handle things for you that way.”
Her eyes widened. “This is not going to happen. Do you understand me, Shane Chase? You will not manage me. I can take care of myself.”
“Yeah, sure! That’s why this guy hurt you so bad that when people bump into you in a nightclub you totally shut down.”
“You think you can wish all that away? Step in and make it gone? Poof, Cassie was never beaten up and raped by her ex? Stalked, nearly fired because of the harassment at the workplace? You. Can’t. Save. Me! It’s done. It’s over.”
“I have some skill and expertise here. I’m willing to overlook the fact that you didn’t even tell me until tonight about the years of abuse, but it’s unacceptable that you won’t let me help when I have the damned ability. I want to protect you. I know what you need.”
“I have had enough, and I mean always and forever, of men thinking they can protect me and that they know what I need more than I do. I do not need another pushy, overbearing, control freak man in my life. I do not need to be taken care of. Never again. Never again, do you understand me? I will not ever let anyone take me over and make me feel like I deserve to be beaten and treated like nothing. I like you, Shane, but not enough to give you my soul.”
“Are you comparing me to your ex-husband? Oh fuck no. You will not. I’ve made a lot of mistakes with people in my life. Trusted the wrong ones, didn’t trust the right ones, hurt those who trusted me. But I am not that filth you were married to. I care about you, Cassie. More than I’ve cared about a woman in...” he shoved a hand through his hair “...damn it, I’ve never cared about a woman this much. Have I harmed you, Cassie? Have I used my size to intimidate you? Does my wanting to be a cop and help you and keep you safe begin to compare to a man who’d punch your head?” His eyes were vivid with emotion and it cut straight to her gut.
“I don’t want your soul. I want your heart. I can wait for it and I want it of your own free will. But I’d never harm you to get it. If you’ll let me, I’ll cherish you, not control you. I can’t promise not to be an arrogant ass. Hell, I am an arrogant ass. But I can’t bear to think you’d class me with him. It’s not fair of you.”
Standing there, arms crossed defensively over her chest, she realized she’d just had a heated argument with him but he’d never jumped at her or menaced her. He’d raised his voice, yes, but not once did she feel afraid. Irritated, hell yes. The man irritated the heck out of her and it was clear he had white knight tendencies. But he was right, she wasn’t being fair and he wasn’t anything like Terry.
Sighing, she moved forward one step and then another until she reached him. She placed her palm over his heart and looked into his face. “You’re right. It’s not right. And I don’t think you’re like Terry. God, you’re a million miles away from his zip code.” She pulled back.
“But I don’t know if I can promise not to react again to something like this. Or anything. The panic attacks happen less and less frequently but when they do, they’re pretty bad. And I can’t be managed. You’re a very in-charge type, Shane. I have to make choices for myself. Even if it seems stupid to you, it’s everything to me. You should move on. Find a normal woman without baggage.”
“Are you dumping me?” A smile played at the corners of his mouth.
“Are you mocking me?” she asked.
“If you’re dumping me, I’m mocking you, yes. Cassie, darlin’, I knew you were hiding something that first night you came to town. I knew you had something that was eating at you. Bu
t I pursued you anyway. You know why?”
“My sparkling wit?”
He grinned. “Yeah. And your smile. And your intelligence and beauty and damned if you don’t have the nicest tits I’ve ever seen on a woman and I would very much like to see them naked and in a bed very soon.” He held up a hand to continue. “I know it won’t happen tonight, we’re both a bit ragged. I’m just saying.”
His arms encircled her waist and he held her to him. “Are you interested in me? In a relationship? For me, this is getting serious. You said you knew my history, well, it’s true. Not that I’ve been a womanizer, but I’ve played around a lot. I had one serious relationship but I never should have moved in with her much less asked her to marry me. Looking back, I thank my lucky stars that she cheated on me and got caught.
“I want you to know you mean something to me. I’m going to try to be totally up front here because I want this to work. I want us to be together. Let’s work through your panic attacks. I’ll try to curtail my need to take care of the people I...uh...care about. I can’t promise to stop, it’s who I am, but you can yell at me and I’ll never, ever, raise my hand to you in anger. I might be an asshole from time to time but I’m not a thug or a bully. Let me in. Let’s see where this can go.”
Her forehead rested against the hard muscle of his chest as she thought. Thought about what a relationship with Shane would be like after the morass of messed up she’d been married to. He made her smile. He cared about her and wasn’t afraid to say so. That touched her deeply. And without a doubt, he was the sexiest, handsomest and downright most wonderful man she’d ever met.
“Are you sure? I’m a mess, Shane.”
“I’m totally sure, Cassie.” The bass of his voice vibrated through his chest.
Taking a deep breath, she leaned out and looked into his face. “Okay. But don’t manage me, Shane, or I will chew you up and spit you out. I mean it.”
He grinned. “Promise?”
Startled laughter bubbled from her gut and she rolled her eyes. “Cassie, do you trust me to touch you? I know we won’t sleep together tonight but I’d very much like to touch you.”
To demonstrate, his hands slid down the curve of her back and down to cup her ass.
“Oh, that kind of touching.” Cassie couldn’t help but smile.
The tips of his fingers brushed against the satin of the exposed skin just below the frayed hem of her shorts. Shane felt the gooseflesh erupt there as he stroked that sweet spot where the curve of her ass met her inner thigh.
He watched her eyes, waiting for her to refuse before moving his hands anywhere else. He needed her terribly but he also knew he’d have to take it slow with her at first. She had some wounds and he intended to heal them. Okay, to help her heal them.
Step by step he moved her back to the door behind them. He stopped when her back met it. The eyes locked with his showed trust and no small amount of desire and curiosity.
His mouth moved down and took hers. Her lips called to him, her taste tantalized and seduced. Unable to resist, his teeth caught her bottom lip, giving it a sharp nip before sweeping his tongue along the sensual curve there, laving the sting.
She sighed and his mouth caught the sound, swallowing it, taking it into himself greedily. Her palms slid up the muscles of his forearms and biceps, up his neck and into his hair as he feasted on her lips.
Their tongues slid together, sinuous and sex laden. He knew that once they got into bed together it would be incredibly powerful. Their chemistry was off the charts. That knowledge helped him stay in control.
As much as he wanted to be inside her, he wanted to be inside her heart first. Wanted her to be totally sure she could trust him not to hurt her.
He brought a hand up to free her hair and it tumbled down, the scent of her shampoo filled his senses. “Everything about you smells good,” he murmured as his lips moved to the column of her throat and ever-so-slowly, one palm slid up her stomach, beneath the hem of her T-shirt and found her breast.
Emboldened when she arched into his touch, he moved his other hand, slipping down into the front of her shorts. The skin of her belly was soft and warm. Fingertips traced over the front of her panties, against the silky fabric. He felt her heat, her wetness through the material.
A soft moan slid from her lips, vibrating against his mouth on her throat. The hand on her breast moved out of the way and he caught her nipple between his teeth through the cotton of her shirt. She cried out, rolling her hips forward.
Clever fingers moved the panties out of the way and slid through the heat of her pussy. Shane groaned at the same time Cassie did, finding her so wet, knowing she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
She tried to reach down to his cock but he held himself out of reach. “No, not right now. Let me love you, Cassie.” She made a sound of disapproval until his fingertips found her clit and her head knocked on the door behind them. He only barely resisted chuckling, instead, he moved to the other nipple, his hand replacing his mouth on the one he’d just left behind.
Cassie hadn’t had an orgasm given to her by another person in several years. Since the second year she and Terry were married. She’d wanted Shane for weeks now and her body was primed to his touch. There was no fear, only the roar of desire in her ears and the burn of want in her muscles.
The way he touched her was reverent. It made her want to weep. This big man treating her with such gentleness in the middle of his wicked carnal assault on her senses wrecked her.
She felt her orgasm coming, begin to burn in her muscles. He had two fingers inside her and his thumb applied just the right pressure to her clit. There was something to be said about a man who’d been with a lot of women. He certainly had experience.
Shane moved his mouth to her ear. “Let me have it, darlin’. Give me your orgasm. I want to feel you come around my fingers, I want to hear the sounds you make when you climax.”
A cry, low and deep, broke from her lips as orgasm opened up around her and swallowed her deep. Pleasure soaked her, sapped her strength and she held on to him as it buffeted her over and over again.
Her parched cells filled up, replenished, and she began to feel whole after being broken for so long. Serotonin flooded her brain and lethargy, warm and heady, stole over her as a smile crept over her lips.
It was his chuckle that made her open her eyes finally. His face was flushed, eyes desire-dark as he put her shorts back to rights and planted a kiss on her lips.
“I do believe I have never seen a more beautiful sight. Your neck arched, lips parted, a flush on that gorgeous face. You’re amazing, Cassie.”
She felt the tears in her throat but she didn’t free them. They were bittersweet tears but she felt like giving in to them would have let Terry win and continue to fuck with her head. Instead, she embraced happiness and the thought that she might be able to have a real life, a real future and that just maybe, Shane Chase would be a part of it.
“You’re good with the compliments, Chase. Now, it’s your turn.” She raised a brow and he laughed and shook his head.
“Not tonight. I want this first time to about you. We have so much time, Cassie. We’ll take our baby steps and when we end up in bed, it’ll be right and incredible.”
She must have had a distressed look on her face because he laughed and kissed her again. “That look is almost as good as sex, Cassie. I like that you want me too. But we’re not ready to go there yet.”
She wasn’t? She didn’t know. She didn’t think it was a problem. She wanted him to fuck her right then. But she also didn’t know if she’d freak out either and so close to their fight and the panic attack yesterday, he was probably right. She vowed to make it extra good when she did get her hands on him. She hoped she could.
Shane led her to the couch and pulled her down with him, pulling her into his side and snuggling with her. “A whole lot is goin
g on in there.” He tapped her head. “You wanna share?”
Terry had seriously eroded her confidence about sex. Not just about her own sexuality but her ability to please men. He’d always told her she was frigid and lousy in bed. What if he was right? What if she couldn’t please Shane?
“Hey, no, get that look off your face right now. Talk to me, please. We can’t move forward if you don’t share with me.”
“I’m fine. I’m working on getting past all this stuff with my therapist. Man, I never thought I’d say, my therapist in this context, you know? It’s just something that Terry, my ex, made me feel like.”
Shane took her hand and kissed her fingertips. “Like what, darlin’?”
“Unattractive. Frigid. Like I couldn’t please a man.” Her voice went quiet. She knew Terry was wrong, but what your mind knew and what your heart knew were sometimes very different.
“Cassie, your ex-husband is an asshole. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’m not lying. And the way you just flew apart in my arms? You telling me that’s frigid? He’s the one with problems. Any man who’d force a woman has big issues with sex and power. That is not about you. And I’d scare the bejesus out of you if I put your hand over my cock to show you just how pleased you make me. Trust me, you do.”
With a soft sigh, she snuggled into his body and he held her tight while they watched a movie.
He waited until she’d fallen asleep in his arms and then carried her to her bedroom. Checking to be sure everything was locked up tight, he set the air conditioning and left her a note, telling her he’d call her the next day.
Outside, he double checked that the door had locked behind him and scanned the area for anything amiss. The lighting was good on her porch. He’d noticed she’d put in a higher watt bulb and made a note to himself to put some security lights out back for her. He was sure Chuck wouldn’t mind him doing it. The added security was a plus for any future tenants anyway. He’d also put in a new dead bolt for her, after he figured out a way to make it seem like her idea.