by Lauren Dane
Kyle laughed and stood up to squeeze Cassie’s hand and reach around and smooch Maggie. It was an easy movement and Shane realized, not for the first time, just how good his brother was at making people feel safe.
Shane loved seeing Cassie so at ease and relaxed and hoped she’d come to be comfortable with his family enough to be like that all the time.
“Okay, we’re off for the tour. You boys behave. Dinner in thirty.” Polly took Cassie’s hand and they left the room.
Shane grabbed a beer from the mini-fridge in the corner and sat on the couch, grinning at his father.
“Go ahead on and grin, boy. She’s something else. Your momma sure does seem to like her and I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you this way with a woman before. You watched her, made sure she was all right. I like seeing you that way.”
“I’m sorry I spooked her, Shane. I didn’t mean to.” Marc might come off as cavalier in public but those who knew him, really knew him, understood he was a truly sensitive person.
Shane turned and patted Marc’s arm. “It’s okay. You didn’t mean any harm. She’ll get used to you in time. She’s really easy around Matt since she sees him every day. Women don’t seem to spook her at all.”
“She’s a totally different woman than the one who practically shoved me out the door when she first came to town. You’re good for each other,” Matt said.
* * *
At dinner, Cassie marveled at how close they all were. Such an ease of communication and friendly banter. It was clear they all loved each other very much.
And they all went out of their way to make her feel included and welcome. She missed that kind of connection to family. Terry had interfered so much she’d backed away from her father until the very end and she’d had to sneak around to see Brian. Sitting there at the table, listening to the joking and the teasing, a pang of longing cut through her, and a tiny ember of hope flared too. She wasn’t so far gone that this wasn’t possible.
It was a scary thought but not as scary as it would have been even three weeks before. Suddenly she could see herself at this table with these people. See herself as part of their family. See herself with Shane.
The danger of hope was the very real chance of losing it. She wasn’t sure she could afford it but her therapist seemed very happy and sure Cassie had the strength to succeed in a relationship with a man like Shane. She just had to find the strength to keep on believing in herself. To let go of the Carly she’d been and embrace Cassie and her future.
* * *
“You ready to run for Florida yet?” Shane teased as he drove her home.
“I like your family, Shane. They’re all very nice and worked to make me feel welcome.”
“They like you too, darlin’. I’d ask you to dinner next Sunday but with the party on Monday, I think my momma will be cooking and getting ready. The woman loves to throw a party.”
“But it’s her birthday. Oh see, I’m putting her out. I’m going to call a caterer so she doesn’t have to do all the work. I’d do it myself but I’m a terrible cook.”
Shane laughed. “Cassie, my mother loves to plan parties. She does. She loves to cook and be with her family. She lives for this stuff. You’ll see when Homecoming approaches. And I don’t want you spending any money anyway. I know it must be tight with just being part-time at the bookstore. My dad wanted to talk to you about some work in his office but he didn’t get the chance. You should call him about it.”
“I don’t need the job. I told Penny that. I really don’t. I have some money set aside and with the jewelry beginning to take off, things are very comfortable.”
“Comfortable? Come on, Cassie. I know you can’t be making much more than your rent. Where is the money coming from for you to live?”
“I told you, I have some money set aside.”
“From the divorce?”
Money was a sore subject. She’d fought over it with Terry many times as it was a chief way to control her movements. As a surgeon she’d made an excellent living but her checks were direct deposited and he kept a tight hold on their bank account.
“Shane, I told you all you need to know. I appreciate your concern but it’s not necessary.”
“You know, you have to give some too. It’s not fair of you to expect me to do all the compromising.”
“Do I ask you how you pay your bills, Shane? How is it a compromise on my part to tell you how much money is in my bank account and where it came from? I told you I had enough to pay my bills and be comfortable. I’m not sure how it’s any business of yours where it comes from.”
“I’m the sheriff; it’s my business if it’s from an illegal source.” He pulled in front of her building and stopped the truck.
“Are you accusing me of breaking the law? All because I won’t let you snoop in my finances?”
He knew he was in trouble when he saw the set of her jaw and anger flashing in her eyes. Put the way she’d said it, he saw her point. Still, it frustrated him that she kept trying to keep him out. He was a cop. He couldn’t turn it off even if he was dealing with his girlfriend. He knew that bookstore job couldn’t pay very much and even if her jewelry business was doing really well, it couldn’t be doing much more than paying her rent. He truly didn’t think she was involved in something illegal but he hated not knowing and hated her not sharing with him even more.
“I’m sorry. Yes, I did insinuate that but I don’t mean it. I’m just agitated that you keep hiding from me.”
“I am not hiding from you. I’ve let you in further than anyone else other than my brother. That doesn’t mean I’m going to let you snoop in my checkbook. I think I need to go in before we say something we regret.” She grabbed the door handle.
“Are you always going to run away when things get difficult?”
She turned to him, shock on her face. “You don’t know a fucking thing about it, Shane.”
He knew he should shut up but damn it, his mouth wouldn’t listen. “Then tell me! How can I know if you won’t tell me?”
“You don’t get every part of me! I am the only person entitled to all of me. If you need to know every bit of me and what I do, I can’t offer it to you. I won’t. I’ve been there and I will not go back.”
“I’m sick of you comparing me to him, Cassie.”
“Well, let me make it easy for you then. I won’t compare you to anyone. Goodnight, Shane.”
She got out of the car and began to walk to her apartment. He sat in his car and watched until she got inside and drove off.
Chapter Ten
For the next several days, he tried to tell himself he didn’t need the aggravation of such a difficult woman in his life. He needed a woman who’d share with him without reservation.
He avoided the side of town the bookstore was on. Tried not to think about her. Matt was annoyed as hell at him. Gave him a lecture about how of course Cassie got her back up when she’d been controlled all those years and how Shane had a tendency to steamroll people to get what he wanted. Made the infuriating comment that Cassie was as stubborn as Shane was and that he’d met his match in her.
On Thursday he walked past The Honey Bear and saw the familiar fall of ebony hair and that long tall body. Cassie sat inside having lunch with Marc of all people. Shane stood at the door for a while, watching his little brother laugh and flirt and cajole Cassie. Just when he was ready to go in there and snatch his brother bald headed for moving in on his woman, Shane realized Marc was trying to get her to eat.
Marc looked up, face darkening when he saw Shane in the doorway, before moving his eyes back to Cassie. A sick feeling gathered in Shane’s stomach and he went inside.
“Hi, mind if I join you?” He kept his voice light until he saw her face. Dark circles, impossible to cover completely with makeup, smudged the normally flawless skin below her eyes. Eyes that had lines of fati
gue around them.
“I’m just leaving.”
The caramel of her voice was flat.
“You haven’t finished eating, sweetie. You promised me you’d finish half that sandwich. You wouldn’t break a promise would you?” Marc cajoled her.
“I’ll take it to go. I promise I’ll eat it when I get home.” She smiled at Marc.
“Cassie, please, can we talk?” Shane wanted to touch her, had burned to touch her since she’d walked away from him Sunday night but his pride had stopped him from calling her. Damn it.
“I think we’ve said all we needed to.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve missed you. You look terrible. I’m sorry.” He scrubbed hands over his face and took a deep breath. “Can I walk you to your car at least?”
“I’m going to go get this wrapped up for you, okay, Cassie?” Marc stood and grabbed her plate.
“Thank you, Marc.” She turned back to Shane and met his eyes. Their connection sparked. “I didn’t drive. I walked.”
“Okay. Can I walk you home then?”
Marc brought her a bag and handed it to her, kissing her cheek. “You promised. Don’t make me give you my pouty face. I’m told it’s quite devastating.”
Cassie laughed. “I promised. Thanks, Marc.”
He shrugged and moved past his brother, shooting him a glare over her shoulder. “Of course, sweetie. That’s what friends are for. Now I’ll see you Monday. You promised that too.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll see you then.”
She watched Marc go and then grabbed her handbag and the paper sack that held her leftovers.
Moving so she could see him coming, Shane reached out to touch her arm. He knew there was hope when her eyes closed a moment. “Darlin’, I’m a pushy bastard. But damned if I don’t just think you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I think we covered the arrogant ass part in an earlier conversation. I’d like to refer you back to that.”
“You can walk me home,” was all she said as she headed toward the door and out onto the sidewalk.
“Would you like me to drive you? It’s awfully warm out here and you look tired.”
“I can walk. It’s five blocks. And I am tired.”
“Okay. How about I carry your leftovers so you can hold my hand?” Without saying anything she handed him the paper sack after a block and he took her hand in his. Relief rushed through him.
They didn’t speak much on the walk but she invited him in.
“Only if you’ll finish eating. I haven’t eaten either. You have any food inside?”
She rolled her eyes and jerked her head, ordering him inside.
He’d been unsure what to expect. His own place was a pit, he’d been eating out a lot and sleeping on the couch, but her apartment was clean enough.
“Sit down, I’ll make you a sandwich.” She looked him up and down. “Two. You want iced tea?”
He grinned and she made a soft sound, part annoyance, part affection. He watched her as she moved in the kitchen, making him sandwiches and putting her leftovers on a plate. Within moments she placed the plates on her small table and went back to grab the teas, sitting down with a sigh.
“You haven’t called.”
“Neither have you.” It sounded petulant even to his own ears.
“No. Because I’ve told you I can’t deal with feeling controlled. That may not have been your intention but I was up front with you from the start that I have hot-button issues. What’s your excuse?”
Damn she was direct. He swallowed hard. “I don’t have one. Pride I guess. I’m a damned fool.”
She looked him up and down and nodded shortly. “Yeah. But you’re well meaning.”
Unable to hold back a smile, he gave her one and took her hand. She let him. “Okay, the deal is, you and I have some major chemistry. But we’re both stubborn. I think this will lead to fights.”
“You’re brilliant. You should have pursued rocket science.”
He snorted but laughed anyway. “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you. But I think if we know this and you absolutely know I’ll not raise my hand to you ever, we can be mad, take a few steps back for a few hours and work it through. No more three days without speaking.”
“Four days, asshole.”
“You’re a hard woman. Yes, four days. No more, okay? We’ll work it through? Because you’re worth it to me. I’ve missed you like crazy. Matt isn’t speaking to me and I’m pretty sure after Marc tells my momma what you look like, I’m in big trouble from her too. My arms have been empty without you.”
She softened. “You know I’m nearly helpless when you say that stuff. All right. I’ve missed you too.”
“You look like hell.”
“I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that. We’re done with that now. I’m sorry too. And I’ve just had some bad dreams. My therapist called in some pills to help me sleep better. I picked them up yesterday.”
“And are they helping?”
“I haven’t taken them. I...” She didn’t want to be that far under in case Terry found her. If he broke in, she’d be helpless and he’d kill her. She’d dreamt of it over and over since Sunday night.
“You?”
“I just don’t like narcotic sleep. It makes me feel out of control.”
He nodded. “You working tomorrow?”
“Yes. Every Friday.”
“I’m on shift until six tonight. I’ll be back here with Chinese food and some clothes by seven. Don’t worry, I’ll sleep on the couch if you like. But you’re going to sleep tonight and I’ll be here to make sure you’re safe. You’ll take those pills and start feeling better because you’re the guest of honor at a big party in just a few days.”
She started to refuse but she wanted him here. He did make her feel safe. She didn’t have the strength to refuse him. And she didn’t want to.
“Okay. Thank you, Shane.”
He came to kneel before her. “Cassie, I care very deeply about you. I’m sorry you’ve felt unsafe all this time while we’ve both been stupid. But you don’t know how happy it makes me that you’ll let me help, in even such a small way. Now eat.”
* * *
That night he’d slept beside her, her body in his arms, breath on the skin of his neck. They’d made love but she’d kept her shirt on and the lights off. He knew she had body image issues and he didn’t push her but he wanted her to know how beautiful she was. He hoped she’d trust him enough to let him see all of her some day soon.
He’d gotten up and ready first. She was a bit groggy when her alarm had gone off but some coffee and toast helped her wake up. When he’d left for work she was already looking better for her full night’s sleep.
Chapter Eleven
Labor Day morning dawned bright and warm. Cassie had deliberated on what to wear for the last several days until she finally decided on a pair of denim shorts and a deep red sleeveless shirt. The collar was enough to hide the edge of the scars and she was able to wear her hair in a high ponytail.
Shane had wanted her to sleep over at his house the evening before but then he’d gotten called out for work at nine-thirty and she’d just headed home. She wasn’t comfortable enough in his house to be there alone just yet.
She’d headed to Penny’s first thing but Shane was already there with his mother and brothers, setting everything up.
“I thought I’d be able to beat you here.” Cassie smiled at Polly, her hands on her hips.
“Honey, you’d have to get up a lot earlier to beat me to it.” Polly laughed and pulled her into a hug. “I’m glad to see you here. Come on out here and tell me what you think.”
Penny’s backyard had been transformed into the perfect place for a party. A canopy was set up near the big oak tree and several tables r
ested beneath it for shade. Several stations of tubs filled with ice and cans and bottles of soda dotted the area. Penny’s dock had several floats and donuts for the kids to play on lying around.
“Wow. It looks great.”
Shane saw her and dropped what he was doing to come and swoop her up into a hug. He dropped a kiss on her lips. “Morning, gorgeous. Sorry to have to duck out on you last night.”
“Well, I suppose it’s one of the hazards of being a cop’s girlfriend. Is everything all right?”
He smiled at her and Polly laughed. “You just said you were my girlfriend.”
“I am aren’t I? I thought we’d discussed it.”
“We did. I just like hearing it.”
Cassie rolled her eyes.
“I like hearing it too. It’s about damned time.” Polly harrumphed and moved back out into the yard to order people around.
Before too long, people began to show up and two very large barbecues began to fill up with burgers and chicken.
Shane heaped food on Cassie’s plate and got up to get her another glass of tea. He’d been very careful to make sure she stayed hydrated and ate well after she’d scared him several days before. At first she’d been testy when he insisted she take care of herself and eat better but to his relief, she finally let him take care of her. She did appear to be sleeping better though and the dark circles were gone.
“You’re good together.” Liv patted his arm after he’d gotten the glass of tea. “I wish...well, I’m glad for you and Cassie. She’s a good person. And she clearly makes you happy. Love is a good thing, Shane.”
He saw the sadness on her face and her eyes moved to Matt and then away. “I’m real sorry things didn’t work out with Matt. I hope you find what I’ve got with Cassie. You deserve it.”
Liv shrugged. “I wish it had worked too. But you can’t make someone love you. They do or they don’t. It was a nice time. He was lovely to me. He just didn’t love me and after a while I couldn’t deal with loving someone when they didn’t love me back. Love changes you. Look at you. You were an asshole, Shane. God, you treated Maggie like shit. But you see now, you see in ways you couldn’t then. That’s good.”