by Cara Roman
The smell of food hit her then, and instead of turning her stomach like she expected it to it kind of smelled surprisingly good. Crawling out of bed with sloth like speed she snagged Nolan's shirt from last night and pulled it over her head. It hit her mid thigh, covering everything as long as she didn't move around much, which was just fine by her. Plopping ungracefully down on the couch she watched Nolan lay out their food. He ordered them each tall glasses of orange juice and waters. Feeling like she had traveled the vast desert and half of it was still lingering in her mouth she grabbed the water gulping it down in big, grateful swallows. There was toast, and scrambled eggs. Simple, easy, and wouldn't be too terrible if it happened to come back up later. Nibbling on her toast she looked over at Nolan determinedly scooping eggs into his mouth like it had to be done, even if he didn't much like it. Laughing at the pair of them she said, "we're absolute messes this morning Nol."
He leaned over and kissed her temple, "Yer not a mess, just beautiful, and maybe a wee bit pale." He said with a wink. She wasn't brave enough to eat more than half a toast, and a few bites of the eggs, but the orange juice tasted like the nectar of the gods to her. They sat there for awhile next to each other, her body curled into his larger one looking through yesterday's pictures on her phone.
Finally her bladder protesting its fullness had Caitlyn making her way into the bathroom. Glancing at her reflection in the mirror she winced. Mascara smudges under her bloodshot eyes, her hair looked like a demented bird had attempted to build a nest but was unable to tame it. If Nolan could see her looking this rough and still tell her she was beautiful he was either blind as all hell, or a complete goner over her. Sitting on the toilet she reached for the toilet paper after peeing. Glancing down she noticed there was something shiny on her thighs. Touching it tentatively with the tips of her fingertips it felt sticky. Standing up quickly in a panic she said, "No. No, no, no, NO! Nolan!" Her volume increasing from a shaky whisper to yelling out his name. He came rushing in the bathroom a bewildered look on his face.
"Whats wrong, love?" He asked looking around for the problem.
"Everything!" She pointed down at herself. "I'm all sticky. I'm pretty sure its cum, shit, shit, shit! Please tell me we remembered a condom last night?" She said, tears already welling up in her eyes.
Nolan stood there completely still for a few long seconds before slowly shaking his head back and forth. Ripping his shirt up and over her head Caitlyn stumbled into the shower turning the water on. Feeling completely stupid she scrubbed the stickiness off her thighs, knowing it didn't change a damn thing at this point. When she stepped out of the shower she saw Nolan sitting on the floor, exactly where he had been standing. He must have just dropped like a stone there. His knees bent, head hanging low, hands in his hair. He reached a hand up and caught hers as she walked past him heading for her clothes.
"Caitlyn I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking. I've never in me whole fucking life forgotten to wear protection, ever. I'm clean, I get meself tested regularly." His eyes looked like the light shining up from a frozen lake, and even now she was struck by how beautiful he was. "Are ye on the pill?" He asked her, a glimmer of hope in his voice.
"Nope. I didn't need to be. You were the first man since my ex-husband. Its not like I expected to come over here and stumble into a steamy affair Nolan. " She said, her voice shaking with the tears she was trying to hold back from falling.
"OK, OK.. No matter what happens, I'm yer man, and I've got ye." He said. She knew he meant that if she ended up pregnant he would stand by her. There was no shred of doubt in his eyes, plenty of apology, a little regret, but no doubt. He would one hundred percent, without a doubt change his entire life because of one night of irresponsible sex. He was the best kind of man, and knowing that she pulled her hand gently out of his.
"I'm going to go for a walk. I'm not mad at you, Nolan. I didn't think about it either. I just need some time alone." She pulled on a soft pair of black leggings, white tank top, and the long gray cardigan. Grabbing her purse she walked out of the room, her hair still hanging wetly down her back.
Caitlyn walked aimlessly for awhile, lost in her own thoughts racing through her head. Emotionally exhausted, she sat down on a bench in the park and hugged her knees up to her chest as tears streaked slowly down her face. How could she have been so stupid? She wasn't young and naive anymore. At 35 years old, with two teenage sons she knew better, dammit. And the look on Nolan's face, she just couldn't do it. This was not going to be the story of his life. Dragging him away from his country, ruining his whole life. He might think he was doing the right thing now, but eventually he would come to resent her, she was sure of it. The thought of Nolan ever looking at her like she was everything wrong in his life would kill her. Pulling out her phone, Caitlyn made up her mind.
The sun was going down by the time she made it back to the hotel. Her tears having finally stopped once her decision was made. She found Nolan pacing the room when she walked in. He was still in the athletic shorts from earlier, but he had added a shirt sometime during the day. The lost look on his face told her the day had been a long one for him too. Walking up to him she wrapped her arms around his waist, and laid her head on his chest, listening to the soft thumping of his heart.
"I don't want to talk about it, please. We don't know for sure there is even anything to discuss right now. Can we worry about all of that later? Just be with me tonight Nolan, please." She whispered. "I need that."
"Anything for ye, my love." He said softly back. She tipped up her face, meeting his lips as his head came down. Reaching up into his hair she held him to her as she poured everything she felt inside of her soul into him. Walking him backwards she led them towards the giant four poster bed. When he was standing next to it she slid her hands up into his shirt lifting it up and off of him. Pulling down his shorts she pushed him gently back onto the bed. As he climbed up she carefully took her own clothes off, setting them in a little pile on the floor. Kneeling next to him on the bed she leaned over kissing him. Running her hands along his body she kissed a path slowly down low, and lower until she could see his chest heaving with anticipation.
Taking her time she licked up one side of his dick, and down the other. Tracing the veins with her tongue before she swirled it around the swollen head, just like she knew he liked. His toes were curling by the time she finally took him in her mouth, and sucked him deep. When she felt him swell even bigger in her mouth she quickened her slow pace and cupped his balls gently in her hand. Nolan gripped her hair, and letting out a low groan came in hot spurts down the back of Caitlyn's throat. She swallowed it all down, slowly sucking him clean before lifting her head.
Laying next to him she ran her hands in lazy patterns on his chest. When he made to pull her up to his face and return the favor, she leaned down and licked along his shoulder instead. It didn't take long before her mouth tracing patterns all over his shoulders and chest had his dick growing hard again. Grabbing a condom, she told him to lay back and let her put it on him. She took her time rolling it down his length slowly, teasing him. Throwing a leg over his hips she leaned down, her hair creating a red curtain around their faces, blocking out the rest of the world. Sliding down his dick slowly, and inch at a time she watched his eyes as his body filled hers. Stealing pieces of his heart she rode him exquisitely slow. Making love to him for hours, every time she felt him getting close she slowed down easing him off the edge. Caitlyn had lost count of how many times her own body trembled and bucked on top of his when he finally couldn't take any more. As she arched way back, her long hair tickling the top of his thighs his fingers dug into her hips holding her in place. As she cried out her orgasm she could feel him twitching deep inside of her, finally finding his own release. Leaning down she kissed his lips rocking her hips softly, milking every bit of pleasure out of their orgasms.
Finally she climbed off him, and he stumbled into the bathroom and took care of the condom. Nolan climbed back into bed, and she pressed up
close to his side, wrapping her arm around his middle. "Caitlyn, it's gonna be OK." He said his fingers drifting into her hair. Not having the words to say to him, she nodded her head and counted his heartbeats as his breathing deepened. Nolan drifted off into a deep, exhausted sleep.
Caitlyn eased slowly out of the bed, feeling like she was ripping the skin away from her body with every inch between them. Standing there she almost gave in and crawled back next to him, but instead she forced herself to turn away. Picking the clothes up from the pile she made earlier she pulled them on. Walking quietly around the room she packed her suitcases, afraid he would wake up any moment. Pulling out her purse she ripped the note, out of her always present notebook, she had written him in the park hours before. She set it down on the desk, setting the navy blue flat cap she had bought him the day before next to it. Unable to help herself she tiptoed back over to him, smoothed his soft brown hair off his forehead and laid a soft kiss there.
Grabbing all her luggage she walked out of the room while she still could. The whole time she was waiting by the elevator she stared down at her room door willing it to burst open, and Nolan to come running out stopping her from leaving. She was still staring at the door when the elevator doors closed, stealing it from her sight. As the floors dinged by down to the lobby there didn't seem to be enough air, and she struggled to drag breaths into her lungs. Handing the man at the front desk her key card with a shaking hand she asked for a delayed check out, letting him know that although her train left soon, her friend needed the room until tomorrow morning. He must see all kinds of strange things in this business, so he just nodded, passed paperwork over to her to sign, and wished her safe travels to her destination.
The valet called a taxi for her, and she sat silently numb the whole ride to the train station. It wasn't until Caitlyn was sitting on the train heading north that the tears streaked hotly down her face in a never ending stream.
Chapter 14
Nolan,
The time I've shared with you has gone a ways past memorable, its been completely unforgettable. I've found more happiness in your arms than I have ever known before. Thank you for showing me your country, and your beautiful heart. My only regret is that I have to say goodbye to you, sooner than I had planned, and that I know its going to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I know you would give up everything here if I asked you to, but how could I do that to you? I would never be able forgive myself for costing you that. You are a treasure, and you deserve so much more. Remember I'm leaving my heart there with you. Take care of it please.
Caitlyn
Chapter 15
It was still dark outside when Caitlyn stepped off the train in Belfast, Northern Ireland. She had tried, while crying on the park bench in Dublin, to switch her flight home to something sooner, but was unable too. Knowing that if she stayed in Dublin she wasn't going to be able to make herself stay away from Nolan, even though she knew she should. She just wasn't strong enough for that. So after hanging up with the airline, she booked a hotel, and bought a train ticket up to Belfast. Telling herself it was better this way. After all, how could she explain to her family back home she abruptly cut her trip short, the trip she had spent a lifetime wanting to take. No, that wasn't a conversation she planned on having. 'So kids, I fell in love with a handsome man I met in a pub. Everything was going great until we idiotically forgot to use a condom, and it burst my stupidly happy bubble, making me realize I could be ruining his life, so I ran away from him in the middle of the night.' Yeah, right.
The sun was just beginning to lighten the sky when she walked into the hotel. Thinking it was a real shame all the splendor of the place was wasted on her at the moment she walked into the lobby. She barely managed to hold it together until she was up in her room, with the door closed behind her. Her luggage still sitting stacked where the porter had set it, she crumpled to a heap on the floor. She curled into a ball and started sobbing. The wild pain filled, keening sounds ripped up from the very depths of her soul. Nothing had ever hurt Caitlyn this much, not even the dissolution of her marriage. Thinking about Nolan waking up alone, imagining his face when he realized she was gone, tore through her bringing another round of sobs wracking her body. She cried for hours, until she finally sobbed herself to sleep, still on the floor barely inside the room.
She dreamed of Nolan, running after her, and no matter how much she tried to turn around or stop, her feet just kept pounding the pavement sending her further and further away from him. He voice so full of pain echoed out as he yelled her name, begging and pleading with her to come back. Waking up with a start she sat up on the floor. Reaching a hand up she felt the tears already racing down her cheeks. Looking around she saw the late afternoon sun burning in the sky outside of her window. Crawling to her luggage she pulled her laptop out and sat back down, leaning with her back against the wall. Turning it on she let her sons know she was up in Belfast now, and the name of the hotel she was staying in. There was no need to worry them should they try and get a hold of her at The Westbury back in Dublin. Logging back out of her email account she turned off her computer and set it down next to her.
She stared numbly out the window her mind replaying every moment spent with Nolan over and over again on a heart crushing loop. She meant what she had said to him. No matter how much pain she was feeling right now, she would never regret him. Hugging her knees to her chest, she laid her face down on them and watched the light fade from the room through the watery veil of her tears. Sometime later when there seemed to be no tears left inside of her she trudged woodenly to the bed and laid down, still fully clothed. Curling herself into a tight ball she wondered what Nolan was doing. Knowing that each tear that fell from his beautiful ocean eyes was her fault. She hoped selfishly that he didn't feel as much for her as she did for him, if it saved him from the pain she was feeling. It was hours before she drifted to sleep feeling cold without Nolan's warmth pressed against her body.
She dreamed of him again. He was standing out on the cliffs, his voice raw, screaming her name out to the open sea. Bringing his hands up he clenched desperately at his hair and fell to his knees in the grass, tears flowing unheeded down his face. Caitlyn tried to take him in her arms to offer some comfort to him, but her hands passed right through his body. She sat there next to him crying as she watched him suffer unable to do a damn thing to make it better.
Caitlyn woke up with the covers tangled all around her, from restlessly tossing and turning no doubt. The dream had a fresh surge of guilt bubbling up to the surface. She laid in the bed, her face pressed into the pillow screaming, her tears soaking into it. When the tears ran dry once more she wandered into the bathroom. Seeing her reflection in the mirror she knew it was a good thing she hadn't been able to get home sooner. Even she could see the pain etched onto her face, the hollows under her red-rimmed eyes, her red hair hanging in limp tangles all over the place. She surely would have terrified her sons if they saw her like this. How had she managed to keep it together throughout her entire divorce, but losing a man she had in her life for only a week was bringing her to the lowest of lows?
Suddenly feeling pissed off at herself for wallowing when it was her fault in the first place she turned the shower on. Walking back out she rummaged angrily through her suitcase until she found her bathroom stuff. Carrying it into the bathroom she took a much needed shower ignoring the tears that fell mingling with the water down the drain. "How much can one person cry anyway? I don't have the right to these tears, dammit!" She yelled at herself. Thinking that since she had broken Nolan's heart, her own pain was the rightful punishment.
Stepping out of the shower she stood there, her hair dripping water everywhere staring into the mirror. There were still patches of red where Nolan's beard had rubbed against her sensitive skin as he made love to her. She still had a little hickey marking the side of one breast. Ripping the towel off her she threw it with an angry shriek at the mirror not wanting to look at herself anymore. Walking out of the bathroom sh
e put on the first clothes she pulled out of her bag, not caring one bit what she looked like.
Sitting back in the bed she pulled her laptop onto her lap. Checking her email she saw there was one from her boys, and one from her ex husband. She read the boys letter, and replied back, as cheerfully as she was able to. Taking a deep breath she opened the one from Bryan. She expected him to be upset with her for changing her plans yet again. Instead she was surprised by what he had to say. He told her to have fun, and take some pictures of the Giant's Causeway for him since she was up in Northern Ireland. Not really planning on going out to see the area she realized that if she didn't everyone back home would wonder why she hadn't. Every other day of her vacation she had basically inundated them with pictures, they would definitely notice now if she didn't.
Pissed off at herself again she logged out and powered down her computer. Pulling on her sneakers she picked up her purse and begrudgingly left the room. Down in the lobby she asked if they could book her on a guided day trip tour to the causeway for the next day. Once that was settled she headed out of the hotel.
Caitlyn wandered around the city for hours, taking pictures of everything, but not really seeing anything. A few times she thought she saw Nolan, but when she got closer they were always just strangers. Realizing she was probably freaking random men out rushing up to them like a pathetically deranged woman she made herself stop. After all, what the hell would she even say to Nolan? 'I'm sorry. I still live on the other side of the world. I still have to leave you no matter how much I love you.' Feeling like she had never been more alone in her whole life she walked back towards her hotel in the fading light. It was dark by the time she made it into her room, and she collapsed onto the bed, crying herself to sleep again.