by Tony Dunbar
Safari-like, the party sloshed off down the street.
“Here comes another boat,” Big Top pointed behind them.
Two college boys in bathing suits were zipping down the street in a shiny aluminum canoe. They were doing acrobatics with their paddles and yodeling with their mouths open to drink in the rain. They had a case of Abita Beer between them, and they were looking for adventures and girls to save.
“Don’t lose the damn bags,” LaRue screamed and left Big Top and Monk on the sidewalk. He struggled into the current and waved his arms like a windmill at the canoe. Obligingly the boys steered at him and dug in their paddles to come alongside.
“Need help?” the one in front called.
LaRue didn’t answer. He just grabbed the boy’s ears and hair and pulled him headfirst into the water.
“Steal the boat!” he yelled at his cohorts. While they splashed into the deep water to comply and to stow their treasure aboard, LaRue advanced on the boy in the canoe’s stern. Alarmed by the loss of his mate, the young man raised his paddle in defense. LaRue grabbed it and yanked hard and tumbled the boy over the side.
The dethroned sailors struggled to regain their footing while Big Top and Monk clambered aboard. LaRue whacked at the bare-backed youths with the flat of the paddle until he had driven them to the sidewalk. Then he jumped in gasping and started stroking. Helplessly, the boys watched their vessel disappear toward Canal Street.
CHAPTER X
Hossein heard the call on his radio. He was parked in the K & B lot on Napoleon trying to decide if he should just quit for the day and try to get home to Harahan or whether he should roll down his window and acknowledge the fat lady with a plastic bag on her head who was thumping on the glass demanding that he give her a ride. He didn’t want anyone that wet getting into his cab, especially because he thought she was probably only going a block or two anyway. Cab needed on Versailles Boulevard, his radio informed him, and he snatched the microphone.
“Three-two-oh. I can do the pick-up on Versailles in five minutes.”
“It’s all yours three-two-oh,” the dispatcher replied.
It could be a trip to the airport. Rich people lived on Versailles Boulevard.
He gunned the engine, impervious to the woman angrily pounding on his hood and splashed through a shallow lake in the parking lot. The rain was coming down in sheets and drumming on his roof. Hossein had to cut off a bus to make a U-turn, and his White Cloud Caddy did a wide slide on the slick asphalt and sent a monster wave over a dog and his master on the sidewalk. Praise Allah, this was a lot of rain.
It took more than the promised five minutes to get there because all of the cars on Claiborne Avenue were crawling along, intimidated by the rising tide that was obliterating the curbside lanes. Hoss tried switching his lights on and off and blowing his horn, but nobody would move out of his way.
At last he reached Versailles, which was entirely covered by water. He shot up it like a speedboat on the lake, wake arcing behind him, looking for the address. Stopping in the center of the street, he blew his horn.
The door of the two-story brick home flew open and his two fares, towels covering their heads, ran toward him on the slate walkway. They had no luggage, meaning no airport trip, but anyone in this neighborhood ought to be a good tipper.
Collette and Bradley vaulted the last big puddle and fell into the back seat of the Cadillac. She was laughing. He was miserable.
“Wheee!” she screamed, flinging water everywhere.
“Where to, sir?” Hossein asked the young man.
“We’re just trying to get home,” Bradley said. “My car’s flooded and I’m going after a tow truck. But I guess we’ll take her home first.” He glanced at Collette with some annoyance, which she failed to notice.
She gave the cabdriver her address.
“That’s not very far,” Hossein commented.
Bradley told him that he lived out by the Lake.
“That’s a little better,” the driver said, only partly mollified.
“This sure is some rain,” Bradley said.
“Yes, sir. I have not seen much worse. It may be a flood.”
Indeed, a car up ahead had its emergency flashers on and was refusing to cross a particularly long pool.
“Sissies,” Hossein spat. He turned off onto a side street. “I do not think this will make for a good Mardi Gras,” he said. His taxi was fishtailing on the narrow street, almost colliding with the rows of cars parked along the sides. Collette grabbed the strap above the door for security.
“I bet you guys are really busy,” Bradley called to the front seat. “I couldn’t even get through on the phone to the other companies.”
“Very busy, sir. Everybody wants to ride a taxi when it rains. You must be very careful whom you pick up though.”
“What do you mean?”
“People want rides into the projects where they rob you. You can’t pick up everybody.”
“How do you know we won’t rob you?” Collette asked, holding tightly to the strap.
“Oh, miss, I know,” Hossein laughed. “I can look at you.”
“What he means,” Bradley explained to the dummy, “is he doesn’t pick up black people, isn’t that right?”
“That’s right, sir. Very seldom. One must be practical.”
“I can’t believe I heard that,” Collette cried. “You don’t pick up black people? I’m sure that’s illegal.”
“Well!” Hossein clamped his jaw shut and shook his head.
“C’mon, Collette,” Bradley said. “Get real. Once you let somebody in your cab you’re at their mercy. He’s right to be careful.”
“Of course you should be careful,” she said angrily, “but you can’t judge whether someone is dangerous by the color of their skin.”
“I bet you can ninety-nine percent of the time,” Bradley said.
“I can’t believe you’re saying this,” Collette shrieked. Didn’t these people know what century this was? And Bradley was supposedly from Ohio.
“I must say he’s quite right, ma’am,” Hossein chimed in. “Colored people are not at all to be trusted.”
Collette refused to look at either one of them. Seething, she stared out the steamy window at the rain pouring down. “You’re both idiots,” she whispered.
“No, we are the wise ones,” Hossein said, gunning his engine to plow through a long lake that stretched the length of the block.
A huge wave washed over the windows, frightening Collette so much she almost jumped across the seat into Bradley’s arms. She caught herself just in time.
“Whoa,” Hossein cried when he realized that his front wheels were not responding to the steering wheel.
Like an old expiring beast, the engine coughed, bucked, sputtered and died. The Cadillac floated on a few feet and stopped.
“Oh, no,” Hossein moaned.
“Are we stuck?” Bradley asked.
Collette wiped the fog off the glass to try to figure out where they were.
“I think this is Calhoun Street,” she announced.
It was a residential block crowded with shotgun houses built close to the sidewalk. People were hanging out on the porches of some of them watching it rain. Now they were watching the stranded White Cloud Cadillac.
Hossein tried the ignition but got no more than a red light on the dashboard.
“Oh, no, very bad,” he crooned again.
“Wow, this looks like a really crummy neighborhood,” Bradley reported. “What the hell are we gonna do?”
“Look!” Collette exclaimed, pointing to their feet where the blue carpet was being stained a deep indigo by water seeping in from below.
“There’s like two feet of water out there,” Bradley estimated.
Hossein looked forlornly at the brown faces watching them from the porches.
“Oh, no,” he groaned miserably and pounded his fists on the steering wheel. His banging was drowned out by the din the rain made beating do
wn on the car’s roof.
CHAPTER XI
Ignorant of his daughter’s plight, Tubby relaxed when his client walked out of his office at 4 o’clock. Touched by her story but glad to be rid of her, he waved and went back to his desk to stare at the downpour outside the window. He toyed with the $2,000 check she had given him as a retainer and thought it was going to be hell driving home.
Once he got there, however, a warm house and a big pot of chili he had made on Saturday afternoon from his special recipe awaited him. He might catch a basketball game on TV or track down his friend Raisin Partlow and see what he had on his mind for Fat Tuesday. He could take care of Mrs. Lostus’s problem on Wednesday, if he could find a judge, that is.
“Mr. Dubonnet?”
He jumped and came close to injuring his nose where he had pressed it against the window glass.
“The elevators don’t seem to be working,” Mrs. Lostus announced in a soft voice.
Neither were the phones, it turned out.
This had happened before in the Place Palais building, and it had taken a long time to get fixed. On a holiday, the outlook was dismal.
“How about a drink?” Tubby suggested.
“Well, maybe a Coke,” she said.
“I’m having something stronger,” Tubby said. He opened the small oaken cabinet beside his sofa that hid a bar and extracted a bottle of W. L. Weller with a couple of inches left in it.
“Not much of a party,” he said, opening her can of Coke and pouring it over ice.
With a faint wheeze and a click, the air conditioning shut down.
A wave of rain washed against the window, and it visibly vibrated.
“At least we’ve got lights,” he said.
They flickered.
“Who would think life could be so complicated,” she added.
Tubby knocked back his drink and collected his briefcase.
“C’mon,” he said. “There’s nothing to do but start walking down the stairs. Maybe the elevators are working on another floor.”
“Okay, but my feet aren’t so good. I’ve got a fungus in my big toenail.” She made that point again after they had opened the door marked “Emergency Exit” which let them into the bare concrete stairwell and descended two flights.
“Just forty-one more to go.” Tubby tried to cheer her up.
* * *
Nothing had ever seemed so monotonous. Nothing had ever taken so long. Mrs. Lostus held tight to the handrail and took one careful step at a time, leading off with her left foot and waiting for her right to catch up.
Tubby tuned out her complaints at floor 38, his own sore hamstring at 31, and decided to desert her at 25.
They had been joined for part of the journey by two young travelers, law school types, Tubby judged, forced to stay late in the office after all the partners had long since departed. They all swapped stories about where they had come from and theories about what they might find at the bottom. But the strangers were moving at a faster pace, and soon their voices could no longer be heard below.
Finally, at the thirteenth floor, Tubby and Mrs. Lostus encountered a security guard who confirmed that the building was not working due to extraordinary flooding in the streets. He guided them through normally locked doors to the parking garage and left them to continue their slow walk downward.
Tubby sprawled on the hood of his car on the third floor. He unlocked the door with fumbling fingers, and gratefully collapsed in the driver’s seat. He leaned over to push open the passenger door for Mrs. Lostus when she closed the hundred step gap between them. In time, she flopped beside him with a loud “Whoowee! I’m pooped!”
He cranked the engine and flipped on the air conditioner. He instantly felt better to be in charge of machines that worked again. Joyfully, he drove them to the ground floor, where they found out what all the trouble was about.
“This is big,” Tubby said.
Mrs. Lostus bent over the dashboard and peered through the windshield. Inches from the LeBaron’s front tires was a swirling soup of impure water floating plastic cups and Pepsi cans. It reminded her of something she had seen growing up in Goose Creek, Kentucky, and about which she had had nightmares most of her life.
She started screaming.
Unprepared, Tubby jumped so that his head hit the roof and he nearly screamed himself.
“For goodness sake,” he pleaded. “It’s just a rainstorm. It happens all the time here.”
“Like that?” she pointed hysterically at the main channel, which to Tubby appeared to be about two feet deep in the middle of the street.
“Well, that sure is a lot of rain,” he conceded. “Lemme go take a closer look.”
He got out of the car and stood in the garage driveway at water’s edge, trying not to get his shoes soaked.
A woman, blouse pasted to her body, was pressing through the stream with determination in the vicinity of where the sidewalk should be, water just below her knees.
“C’mon in,” she invited Tubby. “You won’t melt.”
“What’s the temperature like?” he asked.
“Not too bad. A little cool maybe.” She splashed on.
“What should we do?” Mrs. Lostus called out the car window.
The rain was still pouring down. In Tubby’s experience floods, once begun, did not end until at least a couple of hours after the rain stopped. It took that long for the mammoth pumps that guarded the city to suck the overflow out of the reclaimed swampland that constituted the Big Easy and push it uphill and over the levee to Lake Pontchartrain. Once it got there it would nurture blue crabs and nutria and all manner of other local delicacies before flowing back into the Gulf of Mexico.
The choices as he saw them were to stay put in the garage for, quite possibly, the rest of the night, with Mrs. Lostus, minus any food or drink— or, wade four or five blocks to the French Quarter where there were restaurants, bars, Mrs. Lostus’s hotel, and more diverting companionship. This overflow must be localized in the downtown area because everyone knew the French Quarter never flooded.
“Let’s take the plunge,” Tubby said.
He had to talk her into it, but she wanted to go to the bathroom and surely did not want to remain in the garage and miss all her shows.
While Tubby parked the car again a little higher up the ramp and locked his briefcase in the trunk, he tried to buoy his client’s spirits with anecdotes about past floods and hurricanes. Her expression was troubled when he strung his shoes round his neck and rolled his pants legs above his white knees.
Mrs. Lostus said she was game for the trip, but she had no interest in taking off her Nikes which she had recently purchased at the Payless Shoe Source near her home. They could just get wet. Same with her orange JCPenney slacks. She expected her lawyer to demand reimbursement for her dry-cleaning bill from the time-share people.
“Ready, my dear?” Tubby asked gallantly.
Hand in hand, like a pair of bad school children, they stepped out of the sanctuary of the Place Palais garage and waded into the storm, guided through the drenching rain by the distant flashing neon of Canal Street.
“I don’t like this,” Mrs. Lostus said immediately. “Oh, this water is cold.” Memories of Goose Creek were coming back.
Tubby tried to comfort her, but her complaints did not stop. He had not realized, standing back in the garage, that there was a current in this water, and it was running against them. Their progress was very slow, and before they had made the first block Mrs. Lostus gave a shriek and plopped down backwards into the grimy water. She floundered about, unsuccessfully trying to keep her purse above the surface, while Tubby strained to help her get erect.
“I stepped off the curb, I think,” she sobbed when she regained her feet.
Tubby got his arm around her waist and propelled her forward once more.
“Oh, oh,” she moaned with each step. Whiskey and dry clothes seemed very far away. Two more miserable, sodden humans would be hard to imagine.
<
br /> “It’s a boat!” Mrs. Lostus screamed, pointing out a canoe bearing down upon them.
“It sure is,” Tubby said. “Hey, guys!” he hailed the vessel.
There were three men in the canoe. They heard Tubby calling but kept paddling on a course down the middle of the street.
“Hey, guys! Help this woman!” Tubby yelled.
The men kept stroking, and even veered toward the far side of the channel. Clearly these fellows did not plan to rescue a pitiful damsel in distress.
“C’mon men,” Tubby pleaded. “Those bastards are going to pass us up,” he said to Mrs. Lostus.
“Like hell they will,” she exclaimed. Breaking free from Tubby she plunged into the street, where the water quickly rose above her waist. Hands waving in the air, she leaned into the flow and struggled to intercept the passing boat.
“Hey, Mrs. Lostus,” Tubby yelled. Swearing, he stepped off the curb to follow her.
He saw her make a grab for the aluminum gunwale and get her hand on it.
He heard one of the men say, “Let go, lady.”
He saw the man in the back raise a gun and point it at Mrs. Lostus and pull the trigger.
He heard the report, quickly dampened by the rain, and he saw Mrs. Lostus sink beneath the surface. The canoe sailed on.
Tubby dove headfirst into the stream and thrashed about blindly, groping for his companion.
He felt a shoe and latched onto it, but the foot slid out. He came up for air, holding a wet brown Nike.
Desperately, he went under again, reaching here and there for Mrs. Lostus. Between dives he could barely make out the faraway canoe sailing across Canal Street; then it was gone. He could not find his client.
Tubby stood in the middle of the flood, clutching her shoe, yelling incoherently at the rain.
CHAPTER XII
Oblivious to the state of his clothing and the dazed stares of other refugees flattened in doorways, Tubby splashed and swam to Canal Street. Here the many bayous converged to form a shallow brown sea. Stalled buses lined the neutral ground. The drivers were still in some of them, faithfully guarding the Regional Transit Authority’s property, and a few passengers had remained aboard others. There was a pay phone outside Rubenstein’s, and Tubby pressed 911. It rang and rang, but there was no answer.