by Harper West
“And? Did he sit down and like, have dinner with you?” Penny asks with a giggle. “I mean, I’m sorry – I know it’s crazy, but like, I just can’t picture it.”
“Not exactly.” My stomach rumbles, but I set the rest of the muffin down on the counter. My whole body is still so shaky and jumpy that for once, I can’t think of eating anything.
“My god, I can’t believe this, it’s like I’m pulling teeth,” Penny complains. A mischievous look comes into her eyes and she goes to the fridge, pulling out orange juice and a bottle of sparkling wine.
“What are you doing?”
“Making you talk,” Penny says. She grins at me as she pours a generous splash of sparkling wine into two glasses, then tops each drink off with orange juice.
“Pen, it’s morning,” I say. “Only alcoholics drink this early.”
“It’s Sunday,” she counters. “Everyone drinks mimosas on Sundays.” Taking one glass in her hand, she clinks it against the other and eyes me. “To being open with best friends,” she says. “Because I want to hear everything.”
Penny leads me out onto the back deck of our apartment. I can tell that the day is going to be a hot one, based on the lack of clouds in the sky and the giant ball of sun shining down. But for the moment, it’s nice – warm, not unpleasant, and I settle down in a wicker chair like a cat getting ready for a nap.
The sun and the mimosa work their magic, and soon, I’m telling Penny everything, giving her a play-by-play of the night before.
“You let him fuck you in the ass?” Penny asks, dubious.
“I know, I know,” I say, looking away because I’m blushing too hard to meet my best friend’s gaze. “It sounds really gross and weird. But in the moment, I wanted him so much that I couldn’t stop myself from saying yes.”
Penny is still making a weird face at me. “Don’t tell me you liked it,” she says skeptically. “That sounds so painful.”
“It hurt a little bit, at first,” I say. “But he was ... well, he eased me into it. And after a few seconds, it felt totally natural, like something I should have been doing all along.”
“These guys are turning you into a sex-crazed maniac,” Penny jokes. When I don’t laugh, her face falls. “I’m kidding,” she says. When I still don’t say anything, she reaches out and cuffs me lightly on the shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she says. “That was probably like, super rude of me and totally contradictory to what I am always telling you.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that,” I tell her. “I mean, I do think about sex ... like, a lot more now.”
“But there’s something else, too,” Penny says. “I can tell. You’ve been acting super weird over the last few days.”
I bite my lip. “I know it sounds crazy, but like, I think I’m falling for them.”
“With Mason? Can I be maid of honor?” Penny asks.
“Not exactly,” I tell her.
“With Jay? How are you going to tell Mason?”
I look up and meet Penny’s eyes. When she sees the expression on my face, her smile fades.
“I ... I think I’m falling for both of them,” I tell her, swallowing hard.
“How? How can you be in love with two people at the same time?”
“I don’t know if its love exactly yet. And I know that sounds crazy, but this chemistry is instant and magnetic, like I’ve always been destined for them.”
“I get it, it’s just I never thought that kind of connection was possible.”
I don’t want to admit that I have no idea how it’s possible either, so I shrug.
“I don’t know,” I tell her finally. “But like ... think about it like this. Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean that we can’t have other friends.”
“That is way different, and you know it,” Penny says. “You’re totally high on the hormones. What’s going to happen when things cool off? What’s going to happen when you get in a fight with one of them? You think they’re going to be happy to share you? What about when one of them sleeps with someone else?”
Jealousy and pain race through my body and I bite my lip.
“I don’t know,” I say, feeling helpless and lost, like a dumb little kid. “I really don’t. I haven’t thought about it.”
“Clearly,” Penny says. “Sorry,” she adds a second later. “That sounded really bitchy. I just don’t want you to get hurt when all the sex-hormones calm down and reality sets in. Like you want to fuck them like crazy? Go for it, but don’t toss your heart into the ring this quick, Jilly. It’s dangerous.”
I shake my head. “No,” I tell her it. “It’s just, ... I never thought I would be in a situation like this, you know? I mean, I never thought I’d even want to have sex with more than one person at a time, much less two guys. I always thought it would be weird and overwhelming.”
“It does seem kind of overwhelming,” Penny admits.
“But when I’m with them, god, you have no idea what it’s like,” I breathe, taking a sip of my mimosa. “It’s like they draw all of my attention, they make me feel like I’m bigger than just my body. It’s not just sex. It’s an experience.”
“Which one of them do you like more?”
I shake my head. “I can’t answer that.”
“Why not?”
“Because they’re both so different,” I say slowly, rolling the words in my mouth like marbles. I’ve never drank sparkling wine on an almost-empty stomach before, and I can feel that I’m starting to get tipsy.
“Mason is so dark and intense,” I say. “He’s so stern. I don’t think I’ve seen him smile more than once, and I’ve never heard him laugh. He’s so commanding, like his word is the law.”
“And Jay isn’t? He sounds like a typical rich guy.”
“Jay’s not like that,” I say. “I mean, he’s intense. He orders me around in bed more than Mason does. But he’s really charming and extroverted, in a way that makes you think he doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about him.”
“Wow,” Penny says slowly.
“And I know it’s totally nuts, but I feel so much better when I’m with both of them at the same time. They make me feel like they’re taking care of me, like they know what’s best for me.”
“What’s best for your pussy, anyway,” Penny comments.
I ignore her.
“It’s just a feeling I have in my heart,” I say. “I can’t imagine being with just Mason or Jay now. It has to be both.”
“And?”
I take a deep breath and finish the last swallow of my mimosa. It’s practically all sparkling wine, but I barely notice.
“It’s more than just sex,” I say quietly. “Being with them makes me wonder what my life would be like if we kept this up.”
“You’re falling in love with them?” Penny asks skeptically. “Seriously, Jilly? This is a big deal. What would your parents think?”
I blush with shame at the idea of my parents seeing me with Mason and Jay.
“I mean, I have a cousin who was in an open relationship for a few years,” Penny says thoughtfully. She taps her chin and squints up at the sky. “And it was a big deal when her parents found out. She said that she’d had to hide so much of her life for so long that it didn’t feel worthwhile to keep it a secret anymore, and even though her parents were pissed, she said it was better to have things out in the open.”
“I ... I don’t think this is like that,” I say finally. “I don’t even know what this is.”
“Well, you’re fucking two of the city’s most eligible bachelors,” Penny says with a smirk. “Why not just enjoy it?”
I know she’s right. I know I shouldn’t pin my hopes on a future with Mason and Jay. But I also know that I can sit here and tell myself this all I want, but the moment I see them, it’s going to fly out of my head like it was never there.
No question about it, I’m hopelessly enamored with both of them.
“I just don’t want it to end,” I admit. “I know I ha
ven’t known either of them very long, but I can’t imagine going a day where I don’t see or talk to them.”
Penny doesn’t say anything. She raises an eyebrow at me and finishes the last of her drink.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Penny says. She takes a deep breath. “Look, Jilly, I don’t want this to come off as condescending or anything, but this is like, your first time, you know?”
I nod.
“And I got my heart broken so many times when I was younger, just because I came on too strong,” Penny says. “You have to play by the rules.”
“I am playing by the rules,” I say. “It’s not like I’m the one who started this.”
“Right,” Penny says. “But these guys are older, and they’ve been around the block a few times. You’re really inexperienced, you know?”
“I wish you’d stop saying that,” I tell her. “It hurts my feelings.”
“I’m not trying to do that,” Penny says quickly. “Really. I’m not. I just ... I don’t know, Jilly, you’re dealing with all of these unknown variables. You work for these guys, you know? Like, what happens when one of them gets sick of sharing you? They’re partners – they own the company.”
“So, you think I should break it off before I ruin SMX?” I ask. “Seriously?”
“I ... I just think it might be helpful if you take a step back,” Penny suggests. “Focus on your own career, you just started there. You don’t want to be the girl who came in and started sleeping with both CEOs right away. People will be jealous of you and try to ruin your reputation if it gets out.”
My head is spinning, and I get to my feet, rubbing my temple with one hand.
“I think I should lie down,” I say. “I don’t feel so well.”
“Jilly, honey, wait,” Penny calls, but I’m already on my way inside. I close the porch door behind me, put my glass in the sink, and make my way to my room.
My stomach hurts, and I wish I hadn’t been dumb enough to drink that mimosa. I can’t stop thinking about what Penny said.
I don’t get it. I know she’s not jealous of me – at least, not jealous enough to try to ruin my happiness. And I know she has a point with what she said about SMX.
What happens when Mason and Jay don’t want to play this game anymore?
Am I really going to ruin their partnership, their company?
Selfishly, I don’t want to stop. I want to spend the rest of my life with Mason and Jay, snuggling them and making them come and letting them play with my body until I’m spent and sore.
But maybe we should, I tell myself, rolling over in bed.
With a sigh, I pull the pillow over my face. I know that I’m powerless to stop this, that there’s no way I could look Mason and Jay in the eyes and tell them that we’re over.
No.
I’m held hostage by my own emotions and feelings, and I have no choice but to ride this out for as long as I can.
Chapter 14
Mason
Jay and I are sitting at a crowded Manhattan bar, not talking. It’s Sunday, and there’s some asinine game on the television, but neither one of us give a shit about that.
I know why we’re here.
He called my secretary, Allison, and asked her to set an after-work meeting.
He hasn’t said shit, but I know why we’re here.
After intruding on my date with Jilly, Jay avoided me for over a week. I can’t remember the last time we spent so many days without talking – we’ve never really fought, not even when I told him that I was getting married. I know it sounds so fucking stupid, but Jay and I have been ... well, partners for so long that the addition or anyone or anything else always feels like a threat.
We spent a rare weekend without going to the gym or for a run together. I didn’t call him. The truth is, I was beyond angry when I saw Jay striding into the restaurant that I had rented, just for me and Jilly.
But whenever I see Jilly and Jay together, something changes. I can’t explain it, but that always makes the anger fade. Knowing that he makes her happy makes me more inclined to be charitable with him.
And it honestly seems that she’s happy with both of us at once than she was the first time I fucked her, when it was just the two of us.
No, Jay has something to him, some quality, that Jilly obviously finds impossible to ignore.
“Why are we here?” I ask in a low voice.
“You know why,” Jay says. He takes a long swallow of beer and sets the bottle down on the bar. “It’s because of her.”
“Say it,” I order him.
“Jilly.”
I take a sip of cognac and turn to him. “That’s not just it.”
Jay sighs. He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head.
“Look, man,” Jay says. “I don’t know how much more explicit you want me to be. I ... just, what the fuck, man? Is this a temporary thing, or what?”
“What, you mean fucking her? With me?”
“I don’t know what I mean,” Jay mutters. “This is all so fucking strange.”
“Right,” I say slowly. “But it keeps happening.”
“And I love it,” Jay admits. “I can’t close my eyes without thinking about her sweet ass. But we gotta be careful.”
I snort. “Why,” I demand. “You haven’t been careful, not at all. You’ve been the fucking opposite. Demanding my whereabouts from Allison and then storming in like you own the goddamned place? What was that about?”
Jay swallows. “Look, man, I was fucking jealous, okay?” He groans. “I can’t believe I just admitted that. To you, of all fucking people. I should be in fucking therapy over this.”
“You? Jealous?”
“What did you think when you walked in on her and me, about to fuck in my office?” Jay counters. “What did you feel?”
I try to remember that day. It was only a couple of weeks ago, but it feels like much longer. That was before I knew Jilly was a perfect slutty woman, someone who wouldn’t just be okay with being shared between Jay and myself.
She isn’t just okay with it because she fucking revels in it.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” I say slowly. “I was shocked, and stunned, and really fucking angry. I didn’t want you fucking her when I wasn’t there to make sure that she was okay.”
“Well, she’s obviously fine,” Jay says. He snorts. “You weren’t jealous?”
I frown. “That’s hard to say.”
“It’s not,” Jay says. “God, man. I admitted it – can’t you?”
A silence falls over us and suddenly, my ears are filled with the bland, boring conversations of the bar patrons around us. Their concerns – football and stocks and in-laws – all seem so trivial when I can’t keep my mind off Jilly and her luscious body.
“I don’t want anyone else having her,” I say after a long pause.
“Me, either,” Jay says.
This feels like a truce, but in reality, I’m not sure what’s going on. Are we only admitting this because we have no secrets? Because we’ve always shared everything?
It’s killing me. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t wholly in charge of something, or at least in charge of something with Jay’s permission and knowledge.
“What about me?” I challenge him. “What if I fuck her without you?”
“You think she’d let you?” Jay asks with a smirk.
“She did before,” I growl. “And I made her come so hard she was shaking.”
“But I bet she didn’t come as hard as she did when she had both of our cocks stuffed in her holes,” Jay says. He raises an eyebrow at me. “She’s addicted to us, Rhodes.”
And we’re addicted to her, I think, unable to stop myself.
“I never want another man touching her,” I say, as a horrible image of Jilly and some faceless young shit fucking fills my head.
“Fuck no,” Jay growls. “She’s ours.”
Ours.
I swallow hard and re
ach for my drink, suddenly wishing that I’d ordered a double. Raising my hand in the air, I make eye contact with the bartender and signal for a refill.
“Ours,” I repeat, trying the word on for size.
I’ve never thought seriously sharing a woman – especially a woman like Jilly – with anyone else.
But on some level, it makes sense. Jay and I do everything together.
It’s only fitting for us to have the same mistress.
Pleasing her together is better than pleasing her alone was, and even though I have no interest in men sexually, I love watching Jay fuck Jilly. I love watching her big brown eyes roll back in her head from the pleasure of his cock.
And I love taking her together.
“Fine,” I say, unable to keep myself from shaking my head. “It’s done.”
“What?” Jay asks. “What is?”
The bartender slides another glass of cognac to me, filled nearly to the brim. Picking it up in my hand, I throw it back in one gulp.
“She belongs to us,” I say, finally turning to Jay. “But no one else.”
Jay nods.
“Can you live with that?”
Jay nods.
“Good,” I say. “Because I can’t lose her. It would fucking kill me?”
To my surprise, Jay chuckles.
“Rhodes, man, I never thought I’d hear you say that about a woman,” Jay says, shaking his head.
“Yeah, well, ...” I trail off, unsure of the words to continue. For the first time in my life, they’re failing me. “She’s perfect. She’s the woman I’ve always wanted.”
“Shit,” Jay says. “She’s more than perfect.”
“She is,” I say.
“Because she belongs to us,” Jay finishes.
In a way, I’m relieved that Jay and I have finally sat down and had this conversation.
But in a way, I’m motherfucking terrified. Now that I’ve acknowledged just how much I care for Jilly ... and that I’m fine sharing her with my partner, what’s going to happen? Will she freak out if we tell her? Won’t she eventually get sick of being with two older men when she could find some guy her own age who would have the time to worship her?