Table of Contents
Title Page
COPYRIGHT
Also By Brittany Holland
Never Say Never Playlist
Dedication
Epigraph
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Un-Edited Advanced Review Copy
This is the ARC edition of Never Say Never (Written in the Stars, #1) by Brittany Holland with limited distribution. If you did not receive this e-book from the Author or one of her representatives, it is an illegal copy. You may not make this e-book publically available in any way. Copyright infringement is against the law. If you belive the copy of this e-book you are reading infringes on the author’s copyright, please notify the author right away at: [email protected]
COPYRIGHT
Never Say Never
Copyright © 2018 by Brittany Holland
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Book and Cover design by Designer: Najla Qamber & Qamber Designs
Edited by Monica Black, Wordy Nerd Editing
Formatted by Cary Hart
ISBN: 123456789
First Edition: June 2018
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Also By Brittany Holland
A Written in the Stars Series
Happy Ever Never
Never Say Never
Now Or Never (Coming Soon)
Standalone
Pillow Talk
Never Say Never Playlist
Break by Rebecca Roubion
Unsteady by X Ambassadors
Ghost by Halsey
Titanium by Jasmine Thompson
Issues by Julia Michaels
Heartbreak Story by The Wanted
Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande
Touch by Daughter
The After You by Miakoda
Yes Girl by Bea Miller
Smoke Filled Room by Mako
Love is War by RUNAGROUND
Hold Me Down by Halsey
River of Tears by Alessia Cara
Paralyzed by NF
Back of My Mind by Extreme Music
Crazy in Love by Sofia Karlberg
Lips on You by Maroon 5
Him & I by G-Easy, Halsey
Already Gone by Sleeping At Last
Starboy – Acoustic by Simon Samaeng
Let’s Hurt Tonight by OneRepublic
Shameless by Sofia Karlberg
Dynasty by MIIA
Leave a Light On by Tom Walker
Scared to be Lonely by Grace Grundy
I Found by Amber Run
Chains by The Sweeplings
Human by Natalie Major, Robot Koch
All Again by Ella Henderson
Swimming in Stars by Wayfarers
Dedication
To anyone who has a dream, don’t be afraid to take a chance!
To those who said I couldn’t… to some who I thought I shouldn’t.
This is for you. Without your darkness, there could be no light.
Epigraph
“What if I fall? Oh but my darling, what if you fly?”
~Erin Hanson
Prologue
Cohen
“Faster, Cohen!” My arm hurts from the way my mum is tugging on it, dragging me through the crowded train station. She tries to pretend we’re on an adventure, but I’m too tired to play games. The sun just came up.
“That hurts,” I whine, getting lost in the screech of the wheels and whistles of the trains coming and going from Paddington Station.
My mum ignores my pleas, and pulls harder.
“Why do we have to leave again? We just moved here.” She keeps walking, so fast, I nearly have to run to keep up. I grip Mr. Bear tighter, afraid of losing him.
I like it here. They have a troll bridge, a giant clock, and big red buses. The buses!
“The buses, mum. You promised we could ride one!” Digging my heels in, we jolt to a stop and she turns to me.
“Not now, Cohen. Please, don’t be a naughty boy! We have to hurry!” she hisses.
“You promised!” I yell out, and she glances around nervously as we gain the attention of people passing by.
Dropping to her knees in front of me, she grips my shoulders tightly. “Not now. Please, Cohen.”
“Ouch!” I whimper, wiggling to free myself.
“Baby, look at me. The bad men are coming. They found us. We have to go.” Her voice sounds funny, like she’s frightened. It’s the same way it always sounds when we have to move—when the bad men find us and she cries.
When her grip loosens and I look up into my mum’s eyes, they are filled with tears. I don’t want to be make her cry, so I’ll be a big, brave boy. I have to do whatever it takes to protect her and make sure she never cries again. Then maybe we won’t have to move anymore.
“Okay, mum. Let’s go.” I put my hand in hers and squeeze. We run through the station and board just before the train’s whistle blows.
She keeps a tight grip on my hand as we walk down the aisle. “Look, mum! Here by the window.”
The seat feels soft as I settle in, pressing my face to the cool glass as she puts away our bags.
“Job well done, Cohen,” she praises, taking the seat across from me.
“Here, Mr. Bear. You sit here.” I reach down by my feet, but he’s not there. “Mr. Bear?”
Standing, my heart thumps like a drum in my chest. “Mum! Mr. Bear?”
She looks all around. He’s gone!
“I didn’t have him, Cohen. I thought you did.” She keeps talking, but I can’t hear what she’s saying. I’m frozen looking out the window, and my eyes are glued to where Mr. Bear is laying on the platform. People are walking all around and someone will step on him! The train starts moving, and my fingers claw at the glass as tears take over.
As we start to pull away, Mr. Bear is lifted by a tall man with black hair and familiar blue eyes. He looks like a giant and he’s dressed in all black. He looks at Mr. Bear, then looks at the train. Before he sees me, I’m being pulled into my mum’s arms.
“I’m so sorry, Cohen,” she whispers, knowing how much I loved Mr. Bear. My only friend.
I cry and cry, big fat tea
rs that stream hot down my flushed cheeks. Mum is sad too, but she’s not crying. Not anymore.
“Mum, why can’t you just have my daddy protect us from the bad men?” I shut my four-year-old eyes so tight, they hurt. Since she is already sad, I take a chance and ask her about the one person she never wants to talk about. My dad. If I had one, Mr. Bear wouldn’t be all alone now. At least I still have my mum. Mr. Bear has no one now, I can’t help it, my lip shakes as I try to squeeze the tears in.
“Oh, baby.” She hugs me tighter. “Your daddy is the captain of the bad men, and he doesn’t want us. He threw us away.” My brow wrinkles, but I leave my eyes closed and pretend it’s all just a bad dream.
“Would you like to gear a story?” Mum asks.
I nod, as she begins telling me a story about a lovely mermaid who loved a brave pirate, who loved someone else…a fairy princess.
“The pirate was the strongest in all the land, but he was very sad because the princess, with dragon fire hair, couldn’t have any babies to fill his castle. So while out to sea, he found a mermaid. She called him in with her siren song, and he pretended to love her too. She followed the pirate across the seas, leaving her family and greatest treasures behind. When she gave him a very special gift, a magic pearl that would turn into a baby, a prince for his empire, he grew angry with her. He banished her away and threw the pearl into the ocean.”
I feel myself lulled to sleep by the sad but magical words as she continues her story.
After some time, the pirate regretted his choice and commanded the sea to tell him where the beautiful mermaid was. She was nowhere to be found. The sea had not been kind to his long-lost love, so she remained hidden in the shadows, the darkest recesses of the blackest caves. to protect the only treasure she had left: her pearl.
I wake with a jolt from the nightmare I always have when we’ve been in one place too long. The one with a lost bear and train ride. Stories of pirates and hidden treasure. Sitting up in bed, the scratchy sheet falls to my naked waist as I look around trying to remember where I am. Sunlight blinds me and my lids lower in defense of the morning light streaming through the open window. Kimber? Kami? Katie?
Oh, yes. Katie. The pub. The university girls on holiday. Dancing. Going back to her room. My head throbs as I attempt to sweep away the cobwebs of the dream from a mind still a bit fuzzy from a night of heavy drinking. One last tumble with Katie is just what I need to lose myself, then I’ll be on my way.
Rolling over and settling between her legs, I study her black hair spread out—a sharp contrast to the pale hotel sheets—and her pink pouty lips slightly parted as she sleeps. Attraction has my cock springing to life. Anticipation has my heartbeat pulsating in my chest. But there is nothing beyond the physical. No misguided feelings of love or romantic notions. Just lust and pleasure. I’m very upfront with the ladies and vocal about my practices: using each other to fulfill a primal need. They don’t always feel that way in the morning, though. Which is why girls on holiday are my favorite.
My latest conquest stirs to life under me as I wake her with my mouth. Slow licks up her inner thigh and the nip of my teeth on her jutted out hip bones has her moaning out my name.
“Cohen,” she purrs, stretching her long, tan limbs.
“Morning, love,” I whisper against her skin, growing harder at my name falling from her lips.
“Good morning indeed.” She grips my hair tightly in her hands, pulling the strands as she holds me in place and bucks her hips. I wince from the pain, but love her hands on me.
Her salty taste and sweet smell surrounds me.
My fingers dig into her hips, her soft flesh turning red from the pressure, and my mind empties as I bring her to ecstasy. A woman coming apart in my hands is the most empowering feeling.
Not taking—never taking. But making them need it so bad, and fulfilling that desire…it’s a heady drug. One I’ve become quite addicted to.
A couple years ago, I learned I could either lose myself in drinking and drugs or I could get high on pleasure. I know how to make a woman see stars with just the swipe of my tongue.
Leaning over, I brush a kiss across her abdomen as I reach into my trouser pocket for protection. Instead, my hand grips cool metal that begins to vibrate with an incoming message. Hanging over the side of the bed, tangled up in Katie and sheets, I look at my mobile and find twelve missed messages from the past few hours. They increase in urgency. The most recent, in all caps, has the same effect as jumping in a pool of cold water.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE! COME HOME NOW!
I roll off the bed with a thud, the chilled wood cold as ice on my bare back. What has she done now?
Panic creeps into my veins as my nightmare comes back to haunt me, hitting me full force. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth and I realize I’ve bitten the inside of my lip.
“What the hell?” Katie’s sleepy voice giggles, pulling the sheet up around herself.
“Sorry, love! Raincheck?” I keep my voice light, struggling to get my trousers on without alarming her with my sudden need to get the hell out of here. As I gather up my things, and get dressed, she rolls over and curls into her pillow.
“I’ll be in town all week.” She yawns in a post orgasm haze.
“I’ll find you.” I place a kiss to the back of her neck, whispering promises I can’t keep. I won’t be here after today. I have no idea where I’ll be.
Because he’s found us. Again.
The door quietly clicks shut as I slip from the room. The corridor passes in a blur as I rush to get home. Not to run. Not anymore. He can’t hurt us. I’m a man now. I can take care of us, but first, I want the truth—all of it.
She’s going to spill the secrets she’s been keeping, and then I’ll take her away. Go wherever she wants. From there, I’ll plan my revenge.
Chapter One
Scarlett
A sea of black surrounds us. Black suits, black dresses, and even black hats. I stand here, between my two best mates, in a lovely black dress, the woven fabric the same dark shade as the broken heart barely beating in my chest. An invisible veil of guilt hangs over me as I think about the one person who’s not here and should be. Willow isn’t here to say a final goodbye to her aunt Wendy, and I can’t help but wonder how much of that falls on me. We stand shoulder to shoulder, our fingertips brushing as my body shakes in a hopeless effort to keep the tears locked away. They trail down my face, a curtain of shame. Thankfully, I decided to forgo my Dior mascara today. The thought of the sticky black tears marring my skin makes me shiver, even in the warm spring sunlight.
Piers wraps his arm around my waist as Teddy slips off his jacket and places it over my trembling shoulders. Even as close as we all are, they don’t realize the chill has nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with me. Nevertheless, we stand as a unit on one side of the pale, silvery-blue casket being lowered into the muddy earth.
The minister reads a beautiful scripture about death not being the end. One can hope there’s more than this, even for people like me.
Across from us stands James Black, Wendy’s husband. He didn’t love us the same way, but he provided for us, cared for us even. I hadn’t seen him in years, until Piers recently took over his struggling company. Things didn’t end well with him and Piers the night Willow left—for any of us, really. It hasn’t been the same since. The acquisition was like petro on a smoldering fire.
Felling James’ heated stare on me, I don’t dare look up. Piers tenses beside me, feeling it too. The minister now talks about how much Wendy loved all the children of Everlend, and how it was her life’s mission to build a home for the lost and broken. James mumbles, and anger radiates from Piers in waves.
James was always a proud, jealous man. But the hatred he felt for Piers was something else entirely. Before Wendy met James, it’s no secret she loved Peter Nichols, Piers’ father. Even though she chose James, Piers paid for the sins of his father just by being born. Wendy loved Piers fi
ercely. After all, he’s the piece of Peter that remained after he was killed at sea. Wendy and James could never have children of their own, so we were her kids. Her orphaned niece, Willow, Piers, Teddy, me…and all the lost and broken boys and girls of London, who were lucky enough to grace the doorstep of Everlend Estate.
How someone could be so heartless they would resent those very children for taking the love and affection he wanted from her, I’ll never understand. My heart may be dark and broken, but at least I have one.
Dirt being tossed onto the casket catches my attention. The way it covers the white garden roses, tainting them, makes me terribly sad.
Inside that shiny box, covered in white blooms and brown dirt, lies the only real mother any of us ever had. There’s a crowd full of mourners standing behind us who also loved Wendy Darling like a mum. Who wouldn’t be standing here today had it not been for her love and compassion.
Things she showed me countless times, even when I didn’t deserve it. She taught me about forgiveness. She gave it when I was too cowardly to ask for it, when I didn’t think I needed to, and even when I didn’t think myself worthy. I thought I would have more time to thank her, to tell her how much I loved her for being one of the few people who saw good in me. A sob rips through my throat at the thought of disappointing her. Now that she’s gone, will the light fade completely, if no one else can see it?
At the conclusion of the service, I ask Piers and Teddy to take me home, and we quickly depart. On the way, we stop off at a pub for a drink to honor Wendy. As badly as we would like to return to the estate for the wake, we know it’s probably not the best idea. James wouldn’t want us there, so we respect his wishes and stay away.
“To Wendy.” Piers lifts his glass in salute.
“To Wendy,” Teddy and I reply, clinking the overflowing glasses before downing the whiskey.
It burns as it goes down, but I welcome it—and the numbness that will soon follow.
Never Say Never (Written in the Stars Book 2) Page 1