by Aja Cole
She lifts her eyes to mine, and there’s a faraway look in them.
“I was wrong. To make a long story palatable, my parents are criminals. They’re members of a crime syndicate with their hands in multiple pies. Illegal arms, drugs, money laundering. I haven’t heard that they’re involved in human trade as of yet, but who the hell knows. Whatever happened to my sister was most likely connected to that. And tonight, Elias came to the conclusion that she might be alive after all.” On those last words, she chokes up and my heart drops at hearing the pain in her voice.
“Elias is the agent working the case,” I say quietly, dropping my chin to my chest.
“You know he’s an agent?”
“It’s a very small circle.” I rub my hands over my eyes. “How long have you known this?”
“A few days before the hospital. I went to a bar to…forget about you and he…we…” She hesitates.
I look at her sharply. “You what?” My hands clench in my shorts reflexively.
“I was going to sleep with him, but nothing ended up happening. He told me the real reason he was there and he told me what he knows. He asked for my help, wanted to know what I knew.”
“So almost a week,” I say slowly. “Almost a week, you’ve known, and you didn’t think I should know about something affecting you that much?”
“We just got back into each other’s lives. I didn’t want to burd—”
“Don’t give me that burden bullshit!” I interrupt her, my words a lot more cutting than I mean them to be. But fuck it, I’m hurt. I’m worried. I’m angry. “I’ve told you over and over again that you’ve never been a burden to me. You fucking matter to me. Why don’t you get that?”
“I just wanted to know more before I told you, and I’m telling you now.” Her voice is tired. “I can’t argue about anything else right now, please.”
That makes me feel like a complete asshole, and I sigh, looking away from her. I try to get a handle on my own feelings, because I know that whatever I’m feeling, the shock of finding out the shit she has must be even greater.
I’m just so tired of her deciding that she knows what’s best without me.
“So, why now? What else happened? Elias isn’t here just for you to tell me what you know, right?”
“I got a package in the mail with surveillance pictures. Of me, of you, of my parents. There was a warning.” She stops, taking a deep breath. “There was a warning that Elias thinks is from Naja.”
“Your sister is not only alive, but she’s sending you ominous notes now?” If my voice sounds skeptical, it’s because this is some wild shit.
“The note said to find Elias, and that I needed protection. Elias wants me to go to a safe house, but I don’t want to do that. I want to talk to my parents and get some answers.”
“What the fuck do you mean, you don’t want to go to a safe house?” I scowl. “If you’re in danger, you’re going to a damn safe house.”
“We all are. We can’t all just hide out, it’ll be obvious. I agreed to an undercover detail in the meantime, but there are answers I want first.”
“You’d put your safety in jeopardy just to have your parents probably lie to your face like they’ve done for years.” I’m heated.
She lifts her chin. “I want to hear it from them. They owe me that, at least. I have to try.”
I want to pick her up and drag her to protection my damn self. Maybe sedate her and give her to Elias so he can stash her for her own good.
But I know I can’t force her, not when she feels so strongly about talking to her parents first. She would be safe, but she would hate what I did. She’d hate that I took the choice away from her.
“If you get answers from your parents, will you agree to go to a safe house?”
She hesitates, searching my face. “Yes.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” I grit my teeth, hating it but knowing it’s the only thing I can do. If she’s hellbent on being reckless, then we’ll be reckless together.
“Elias!” I bark, and he saunters over, all calm arrogance.
Fucker.
“If your team is shit and a hair on her head is touched, I’ll fuck you up more than any criminal ever will,” I warn. He gives me a respectful nod, something like approval lighting his eyes.
“They’ll protect her like she’s mine.” That mocking look is back, and I take a deep breath, knowing that he needs to be alive to protect her.
“You’re a bastard.”
“I know.” He pulls out his phone, walking away to make arrangements, I assume. I turn back to Nova, amazed at the turn that this morning has taken.
I just wanted a broccoli and bacon omelet, that’s all. Maybe some toast, a little coffee. Simple things.
Not a whole goddamned conspiracy.
“When Elias leaves, we’ve talking about this ‘sex club,’” she says, making air quotations, disapproval on her face.
Wonderful.
20
Nova
I study Asher while he strums lightly on his guitar, skirting my eyes back to my book when he looks up.
The light melody stops.
“How long are you going to do that?”
“Do what?” I ask innocently, turning a page that I haven’t even read yet. Sorry, Joe McNally. I’ll read more about small hot shoe flashes and lighting once I stop feeling so conflicted.
I’m actively not letting myself think about the other shit going on. Today is my birthday, and I just want to pretend everything is normal for a little bit.
I’m having dinner with my parents tomorrow. That’s early enough to think about it all.
“Stare at me like you have no idea who I am.”
“It’s just…not what I imagined. It’s taking some time to sink in.”
“You’re acting like I told you that I eat drywall for fun.”
“No, you just drip hot wax onto women for fun,” I repeat, closing the book because I’m not even going to pretend to read it anymore.
Ash sighs, putting his guitar on its stand. He moves in front of me and sits on the coffee table, resignation on his face. I lean back into the couch, crossing my arms.
“Go ahead, get it all out.” He demands.
“I did.”
“You didn’t.”
“You inside my head now?”
“I wish I was, so I knew what the hell your problem is.” His eyes flash, and I raise a brow, scoffing.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you having secret interests and me having to find out from Captain Control Freak.”
“I was planning on talking to you about it. It’s not a big deal, just something I…do occasionally.”
“At a sex club,” I say, in case he’s forgotten. “One that our friendly neighborhood agent is also a member of, apparently. Tell me, are there orgies, too?”
“If you’re into that sort of thing.”
“Are you?”
“What if I am?” He doesn’t blink.
I quiet, looking away. Shrugging, I move to get up but he pulls me to him instead so I’m standing between his legs. Petulantly, I still don’t look at him.
“What’s the real reason, Nova? Come on.”
I don’t want to say it aloud because I know he’s going to think it’s ridiculous.
“I haven’t even had sex, and you’re on a completely different level.” Automatically, I try to bring my fingers to my lips to bite my nails, but he holds them fast. “I feel like I’m not up to par, once again,” I mumble.
“I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to hear me, and know that it’s out of love.”
“I feel like that’s the equivalent of don’t be offended.”
He rubs his hands over my hips without a word, like he’s soothing me for whatever is about to come. It makes me nervous.
“You need to understand that those kind of thoughts are from you, not me,” he starts. “And feel free to take this with a grain of salt, because it’s not like I’m win
ning any awards for awareness. What I keep hearing from you is that you keep thinking I see you a helluva lot worse than I do. If you don’t get a handle on that, or tell me what you need from me to stop thinking of yourself so damn negatively, we’re going to run into problems.”
I don’t know what to say.
I don’t really know what I can say, because I know he’s right.
I can’t get butt-hurt over something that I can’t deny, even if it sucks to hear.
I blow out a breath, scanning my eyes over his face. It’s endearing how hesitant he looks.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” he repeats, surprise in his voice.
“Tell me something, why did you always worry about my feelings so much? Did I seem really sensitive to you?” I’m genuinely curious, because it’s another thing we have to get over if we want things to work in the present.
His forehead wrinkles a bit like he’s thinking.
“I just…I know you hid a lot because of your parents, and I didn’t want to ever hurt you with my words.”
I look away, swallowing back the emotion that starts to clog my throat. I turn back and press my lips to his forehead, lingering there before I move my lips down his face and softly kiss his lips.
There aren’t enough words to express how grateful I am for him. I don’t feel like I deserve someone so good and genuine.
“I’m so scared that now that all of this is out in the open, you’re going to wake up and wonder what I give you because I can list so many reasons why I’ve always loved you,” He starts to protest, probably to tell me off again, but I put a finger to his lips. “But I know that’s unfair to you. So I’m going to try to stop thinking like that. You know my family. Aside from Sasha and Letty, I was pretty alone after Naja. Until you.”
“And you don’t ever have to be alone again,” he promises, pulling me firmer between his legs. “And maybe it’s time to start remedying that inexperienced feeling you have.”
“You think so?” I trace the neck of his t-shirt lightly. Even I can hear the hope in my voice. I’ve only truly wanted him since before I really understood what arousal felt like.
“I do.” He slips his hands under the edge of my shirt, sliding them around my hips and caressing the sensitive skin of my lower back. “And then after we get a bit of practice in, we can move on to more advanced subjects.”
“Like candle wax?”
He stands, mischief in his eyes and a seductive smile on his handsome face, not bothering to reply. Ash tugs me by my hand down the hallway towards his bedroom, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from tripping over my own feet in my excitement.
He lets go of my hand and goes to his closet. I watch him, sighing. His body is full of power, and it’s evident in his every movement.
I’ve seen him in my dreams, and I have endless curiosity about reality. With another guy, I might wonder if he would live up to the impossibility of fantasy.
I’m not worried about that with Asher.
He comes back with a gift bag and holds it out to me, beaming.
“Alright, so, I didn’t know what to get you because you know I’m shit at gifts. But I remembered that you used to love this one body scrub and wash, and you were disappointed when they discontinued it.”
I take it, sitting on the bed and moving aside the vibrant blue tissue paper. Reaching into the bag, I pull out a clear jar and a large glass bottle with a pump dispenser.
There are no labels on them, though, and I’ve had a few products I really like get discontinued.
“Smell it.” He crosses his arms, a proud look on his face. If nothing else, I’m even more excited because of how excited he seems to see my reaction.
I unscrew the jar carefully, and immediately, I’m hit with the smell of cedar mixed with creamy vanilla and gingerbread.
“Cozy Blanket.” I breathe it in. “How did you find it?” I bring it closer to my nose, closing my eyes and inhaling the familiar scent. It throws me back in time in the most comforting way.
“At first, I couldn’t remember the name, but I kept wracking my brain. I kept texting Riley asking if stuff sounded right, and finally, we got it. One of the wives makes homemade products, so I found the scent list and we tried to get it as close as we could. I smelled a lot of formulations, okay.” He shakes his head.
What did I do in my past life to be blessed with him?
“I love it, Ash.” I raise my eyes to him, hoping he can see how much it means to me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He looks relieved. “Happy birthday, baby.”
I laugh a little, my heart full. It’s odd to hear that endearment now. But it is very, very welcomed.
“I’m glad I get to spend it with you again.”
“We had some good times, didn’t we?” He nods, coming closer. Every step he takes steals a little bit more of my air. I can see the change in his demeanor, when he goes from my best friend Ash to my lover Ash.
He takes the body wash I’m holding and sets in on the bed, pulling me to standing. Hovering his lips so close to mine that I follow him unconsciously when he moves a little, he strokes his hands on my nape.
“Shower, take a bath, do whatever you need to do. I want tonight to be special.”
“It’s you.” I spread my hands over his chest, holding his tender gaze. “It’ll be special no matter what.”
His eyes darken and smolder, and even that small change sends an ache through me.
“One hour, baby girl. Then you’re mine.”
21
Asher
Nova being insecure about her experience is crazy to me. Seasoned or not, this is what matters to me because of how deeply I love her.
When I opened the door the day we met and saw her on the doorstep, half-eaten brownie in hand, messy dark curls, curious brown eyes, and a tentative smile…I knew.
And now everything is coming full circle and I’m as terrified as I am ready. I haven’t felt this kind of bone deep nervousness with a woman since my first time, and even then, it was only for about two seconds.
I finish lighting the last candle, placing it on the nightstand and making sure nothing flammable is near it. That’d be memorable, but not the kind of memories I’m going for.
I stand in the middle of the room and look at my handiwork, feeling pretty good. I have a large four poster bed frame, and I draped that white gauze stuff over it. I sprinkled some red rose petals on the bed, and stashed condoms and lube in an easily accessible place.
Thank God there are stores right below my place or else this wouldn’t have been possible before Nova comes out.
I took a quick shower in the other bathroom, cleaned the boys up a little. Maybe we’re not teenagers and this isn’t my first time, but it’s our first time together and that means something.
My eyes fly to the bathroom door when it opens, and Nova comes out wrapped in the short black robe that she left in there last time.
She scans the room, a small smile lifting her lips, then meets my eyes. “You’re too much.”
“This?” I gesture to the candles and the gauze draping the bed. “I snapped my fingers and this all appeared. Took zero effort on my part.”
“I’m glad that I didn’t do this with anyone else,” she admits quietly, brown eyes earnest.
“No pressure,” I quip. If I keep things light hearted, I know it’ll go a long way for both of our nervousness. Hell, maybe she’s cool as a cucumber and I’m the only one sweating here.
There’s a small silence, and I think we’re both trying to figure out where to go from here.
I need to take control, and I need to remember that Nova’s not as fragile as I think of her sometimes.
“Come here.” I sit on the bed and she comes to me, fiddling with the edge of the belt on the silky robe. Cupping her cheek in my hand, I bring her face to mine and capture her lips. She gasps against my mouth, tongue searching mine out, and I grip her closer, fingers lightly digging into the soft
skin of her thighs. I take the time to taste her fully and completely, setting the tone for the rest of the night.
I have her. She can trust me. She’s safe with me.
And I want her so fucking badly that it hurts.
“You smell intoxicating.”
“I loved this line for awhile, but then I started loving it even more because you always complimented me on it,” she confesses, and I bury my nose in her skin, smiling happily.
“What do you want?” I ask, rubbing her thighs, letting my hands go higher every time. I watch her face, watching her lips part when I near her sex only to skirt my hands away again. I want her as crazy as I am with need, completely out of her head and focused on all the pleasure I want to give her.
She leans in like she has a secret to tell me, and her words send desire firing through my blood. “I want you to show me what I’ve been missing.”
Fuck.
I untie the sash of the robe and it falls to the floor. Her robe joins it immediately. I’m speechless at seeing her body for the first time, bare in front of me. For me. I let my hands shape the weight of her pert breasts, running my thumbs over her nipples until they’re beading under my touch.
“Are they sensitive?”
“Not really.” She bites her lip, “When I…”
“When you what?” I know what she’s going to say, but I want to hear it from her lips.
“When I play with them, it takes awhile to warm up,” she finishes, and I circle one nipple with my fingers and take the other into my mouth, tugging it softly with my teeth. Moving to her other breast, I trace her darker areola with my tongue before I take it between my teeth too. “Okay, you’re definitely quicker.” She does this endearing hybrid of a moan and giggle that makes me smile.
I stroke my hand down her abdomen as I pull away. “Lay down on the bed, on your back.” She sits and slides back, laying down, her hair spreading out underneath her.
All laid out for me like the most delicious buffet. I don’t know how long I’m going to last. Rising on my knees, I strip my shirt off my head and throw it away.