by Sujit Das
situations.
3. Relationships with others.
4. Ability to control impulses.
Personality disorders are considered to have their onset in late adolescence or early adulthood. A diagnosis of personality disorder to children is very rare because children’s personalities are still in the process of formation which may change considerably by the time they are in their late teens. One of the ten major personality disorders is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
3.4: Understanding “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”
“Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who in the land is fairest of all? ”
“You, my queen, [you] are fairest of all.
Famous is thy beauty majesty ”,
(…but behold, a lovely maid I see
Rags cannot hide her gentle grace
Alas, she is fairer than thee .)
From “Snow White”, a fairy tale by Walt Disney
NPD is defined more distinctively as a pattern of grandiosity (exaggerated claims to talents, importance, or specialness) in the patient’s private fantasies or outward behavior, a need for constant admiration from others, and a complete lack of empathy for others.
The myth from which narcissism gets its name is in Greek mythology. According to Greek folklore, Narcissus was a hero who was renowned for his beauty. Once he fell in love with a reflection in a pool, not realizing it was his own, and perished there, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection in the water. He was so mesmerized by his own unattainable reflection that he exclaimed “ then let me look at you and feed my wretched frenzy on your image” (Vazire et al, 2008, p. 1440). Havelock Ellis was the first student of psychology to incorporate the Narcissus myth into the body of psychological literature.
DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) specifies nine diagnostic criteria for NPD. For the clinicians to make the diagnosis of a Narcissist, an individual must fit five or more of the following descriptions (Livesley, 1995, p. 205; Benjamin, 1996, p. 143),
1. He has a grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerates activities and demands to be considered superior without real evidence of achievement).
2. He lives in a dream world of exceptional success, power, beauty, genius, or “perfect” love.
3. He thinks of himself as “special” or privileged, and that he can only be understood by other special or high-status people.
4. He demands excessive amounts of praise or admiration from others.
5. He feels entitled to admiration, compliance, or favorable treatment from others.
6. He is exploitative towards others and takes advantage of them.
7. He lacks empathy and does not recognize or identify with others’ feelings.
8. He is frequently envious of others or thinks that they are envious of him.
9. He has an “attitude” or frequently acts in haughty or arrogant ways.
The above diagram can best be understood if compared with the abnormal mindset of the wicked queen of snow white. This queen is not asking the mirror because she is curious. She is asking because her identity is wrapped up in her unchallenged beauty and superiority. Rather than just accept she is a typical woman subject to short-lived beauty, gray hair, wrinkles, weight gain, etc, and that she must compete fair and square with her competitors on the great catwalk of life; instead she insists on being numero uno, forever. She is not actually number one, but she is definitely number one in thinking that she is number one. Secondly, in the event the mirror drops the bomb and breaks the bad news to her that indeed she has been replaced as Grand Champion, she needs to know who the lucky lady is, so that the opponent can be eliminated from the scene, thus replacing the balance of her own private universe.
The Narcissist’s personality is based on a defensive false self that he must keep inflated at any cost in order not to feel the underlying rage and depression associated with an inadequate, fragmented sense of self (Masterson, 1990, p. 90). This “inflated false self” is like a balloon. If there is a leak in the balloon, i.e., the inflated false self cannot be preserved, he feels very miserable and insecure because it punctures the narcissistic grandiosity and reflects the discrepancy between NPD expectations or fantasies and the reality what he wants to deny at all costs (Beck & Freeman, 1990, p. 239). About 1% of the general population and 2 to 16% of the clinical population have NPD. Seventy-five per cent Narcissists are male.
As long as this false self is adequately inflated, it provides him “energy” to float high, oblivious to frustration and depression. This is the reason a Narcissist seems to immune to life’s changes (both positive and negative) much to the admiration or envy of those around him. In fact the common impression given by a Narcissist is that depression is simply not a part of his life. But this is an illusion. Successful Narcissists (successful in the sense that his perception of the world and his place in it manages to prevent him from questioning his importance) appear to be very creative. But actually they are not capable of creating anything new; they just “assemble” or “copy-paste”. Hence, all his “creativities” are haphazard which contributes nothing valuable to the society he lives. Narcissism is always a losing game. His only creation is his false self.
Narcissists are strongly determined. Often he is quite talented to develop a life style through deception and manipulation that will resonate to his grandiose projections of himself and fuel his narcissistic needs. In this air-tight cocoon of narcissistic enjoyment he relaxes, and life seems to be pretty good. He feels very comfortable and secure, and as long as nothing punctures this closed circle, he will not be aware of any serious personality problems. The emperor must not be told that he does not have cloths.
Narcissists are pathological liars, which means either they are unaware of their lies or feel completely justified and at ease in lying to others. They are masters of deception. First they tell a lie and then they genuinely believe in their own lies (Vaknin, 1999, p. 24). This way they are capable of even deceiving themselves. They are extremely offended if contradicted or even criticized. They often see the difficulties that they have with others as external and independent of their behavior or input (Beck & Freeman, 1990, pp. 5, 6). They enjoy “putting something over” on other people, obtaining their feelings of superiority by lying to, victimizing and manipulating them.
In short; a Narcissist has two different personalities or two selves – the true self which is the real one, and the false self which is the fabricated and projected one. These two selves are at serious conflict with each other. Many celebrities, politicians, movie stars (in general, the prominent personalities and public figures) and show-off men have two personalities – the “real” one which they reserve for their family and relatives and the “forged” or “false” or “concocted” one which they exhibit in public. This is perfectly healthy behavior as long as the real self and the false self are not in clash with each other. These prominent personalities and public figures are not necessarily suffering from any mental disorder. But for a Narcissist, as Masterson (1990, p. 174) wrote, “ The Narcissist resembles a psychological turtle with a hard, impenetrable shell inside of which is an equally soft, fearful center; the impaired real self. ” As Kernberg (1985, p. 2) wrote, “[The Narcissists are] having a cohesive, albeit highly pathological, grandiose self which hide the inner identity diffusion and aimlessness .”
A Narcissist has no genuineness. The more successful is his false self, the more he becomes divorced from his true self and married to his false self. His true self is so much dominated by the false self that the true self is actually paralyzed. His life is constantly on the display – the display of the false self, a monodrama in an open theater where everyone has an access. For a sane person, the false self and the true self are at friendly terms with each other and never try to subdue each other which a Narcissist is deprived of. The false self is not overprotective to the true self; it is simply defensive to the true self. The false self is so
suspicious that it exercises censorship on his dreams also (Riviere et al, 1960, p. 8). For a Narcissist, his true self is the worst enemy of his false self. The biggest fear of a Narcissist is that his true self may get accidentally activated.
3.4.1: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
Hotchkiss (2003, part 1) identified a characterization what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism. This characterization is a clear, well set out, very readable examination of the nature, effects, provenance and prevalence of narcissism and a concise summary of the symptoms of narcissism.
Shamelessness– Shame is the primary painful feeling for not being good enough, or while experiencing humiliation. It is a basic emotion that begins early in life. Shame can keep a normal individual from developing close relationships with others and from enjoying life itself.
The Narcissist has the opposite problem. Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism. He appears to be abnormally shameless because he cannot process the shame in a healthy way; he simply accuses others when he is at fault. Actually he feels shame, but he is capable of bypassing the shame or simply dumps the burden of shame onto others. So it appears that the shame does not touch him or he is immune to it.
Magical thinking – Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking which often has a placebo effect. Some very common narcissistic magical thinking are – I am immune and completely safe, nothing can happen to me, I am the best, the world revolves around me and I am at the center, the world is created for me, without me the humanity is a failure, I am not answerable to anyone, sin cannot touch me, etc.
There was a Narcissist who constantly compared himself to Christ, because he was Jewish and born in late December (Twenge & Campbell, 2010, pp. 212-3). If magical thinking really worked, it would be possible at any time for a group of us to get together for few seconds and visualize world peace, a stable global economy, no child molesters, no murderers, and no violent crimes of any type, no pollution, no famine, no homelessness, no poverty and no disease. We could prevent, even undo, tsunamis, tornadoes, hurricanes and nuclear disasters. We could resurrect the dead. In this case we would be God. Though a lot of healthy people spend some time in magical thinking, they do not deny the hard reality. This is where the Narcissist fails. He does not even score higher on objective IQ tests (Twenge & Campbell, 2010, p. 28). For him, his magical thinking replaces reality.
Arrogance – Humbleness is the opposite of narcissism. Arrogance is the divorcement from reality – a life of deception and lies. Arrogant people are often skilled liars and deceivers who wear their deception without the suspicion of others. Arrogance cannot handle critical situations and might simply resolve to violence. An arrogant Narcissist is interested only with self, not with the welfare of others. In spiritual arrogance the Narcissist has an unhealthy inflated opinion of the self. He lives in self-importance, succumbs to flattery and praises of men and builds his self-glory in monument out of human viewpoint. He cannot respect others because he has too much respect for himself. When he feels deflated, he re-inflates his false self by arrogantly diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else. He has contempt for those he views as inferior. The real downside of arrogance is negativity. Arrogance in a Narcissist leader invariably leads to megalomania and it results in collapse of ethics. Though he is simply too proud to be humbled, below the surface there is often a thin veil of insecurity.
Envy – Narcissists are constantly envious of other people. They may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using disrespect to belittle him. This is their unique way of interacting with the world. They envy others their success, or brilliance, or happiness, or good fortune. If a Narcissist comes across someone who appears to know more or have more than he does, he will attempt to devalue that person. Sometimes he may even choose to destroy the “object” (for a Narcissist others are merely objects) that gives him so much grief by provoking in him feelings of inadequacy and frustration. By this way the Narcissist elevates himself. The alternate favorite way out is the Schizoid Solution (complete avoidance from meaningful social and emotional contact with others). When the Narcissist finds that it is too painful for him to see the success and the happiness of others and he cannot do anything to devalue them, he prefers loneliness. He simply withdraws himself from the society or engages in such jobs where he can avoid mixing with the people he envies. So he creates a bubble universe, something like a dream world where he is the king.
Entitlement – The Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves uniquely special. Any failure to comply will be considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered to be an “awkward” or “difficult” person. The Narcissist simply assumes – “I deserve”. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage. Often Narcissists will only interact with people they feel are their equals. A sense of unhealthy entitlement is a substantial barrier to forgiveness. For them forgiveness is hard to do because they “lose face”. Forgiveness is too costly in terms of pride, so they do not want to face the costs of forgiving others. They have to remain “honorable” in their own eyes. For this reason they are often very cruel. If necessary, they will create hypothetical offence situations to inflict pain on others. Over time, such unforgiving tendencies may prevent the healing of wounded relationships and lead to social alienation.
Exploitation – It can take many forms but always involves the unjustified use of others without regards for their feelings, interests or preferences. Often the other is in a submissive position where resistance would be not easy, or even impossible. When we replace worn out objects we do not grieve for them. Similarly Narcissists do not grieve for those they discard. There is a complete lack of empathy and humanity. The Narcissists have emotional maturity of a five year old child and they are satisfied with their distorted personal ethics. The standard line for a Narcissist for several thousand years is – “You owe me”.
The Narcissists are often very charming and can make people around them feel special and desired. They do that in order to leverage what they want out of them: validation, respect, and favors they are not entitled to. When people question this behavior or challenge the Narcissist, he devalues them and casts them aside, only to find soon new “friends” to exploit. The Narcissist is best at his exploitation when he wears a religious mask. The religious Narcissist takes advantage of tragedy and grief of other people to secure future narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic abuse may sometimes go unnoticed by others even by the victims themselves. This is called ambient abuse. This is the most dangerous type of abuse, because it is more difficult to pinpoint and identify. In the long term the ambient abuse erodes the victim’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Slowly the victim loses faith in his ability to manage and to cope with the world and its demands. His self-confidence is destroyed, and a kind of mental paralysis encroaches him.
Bad Boundaries – Everyone has a right to protect and defend himself. Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him, and how he will respond when someone steps outside those limits. The ability to set up personal boundaries is recognized as an essential component of a healthy relationship. It is the same old “yours, mine and ours” concept which determines – what belongs to you, what belongs to me and what we share.
When a reasonable boundary is set, it defines the limit of personal (physical, emotional and mental) or professional behavior. A normal person understands his own boundary and the boundaries of others with whom he interacts. The boundaries are not negotiable, and others can neither determine it from the outside nor should have a say in setting them or in upholding them. Only the person decides when they have been breached, what constitutes a transgression,
what is excusable and what not. In the mind of a Narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other; he is simply not aware of it. He fails to understand that others are separate and are not extensions of him, and cannot define where individuality ends and the world begins. Others either exist to meet his needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the Narcissist will be treated as if they are part of the Narcissist and be expected to live up to those expectations.
3.5: Understanding “Malignant Narcissism”
Malignant narcissism is a syndrome consisting of a cross breed of NPD, the antisocial personality disorder (also often referred to as psychopathy or sociopathy), as well as paranoid traits (a dysfunctional thought process heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion). It differs from NPD in that the malignant Narcissists derive much higher levels of psychological gratification from accomplishments over time. This way their mental disorder worsens with time. Also, they suffer from many other mental disorders. This is called co-morbidity. Because the malignant Narcissist becomes more involved in this psychological gratification, he is prone to develop the antisocial, the paranoid, and the schizoid personality disorders. The term “malignant” is added to the term Narcissist to indicate that individuals with this disorder tend to worsen in their impulse controls and desires over time.
Malignant narcissism is believed to be the worst of all the personality disorders. This psychological problem sometimes can be partially treated with medications and therapy but this can help to reduce aggravating symptoms only. Though NPD is found in the current version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, malignant narcissism is not. Hence it should be considered a theoretical or experimental diagnostic category, not as an official diagnosis; rather a syndrome. Individuals with malignant narcissism would be diagnosed under NPD.
Erich Fromm first coined the term malignant narcissism in his 1964 book The Heart of Man, describing it as a “severe mental sickness” representing “the quintessence of evil” (Monte, 1995, p. 595). He characterized the condition as “the most severe pathology” and “ the root of the most vicious destructiveness and inhumanity”. For a malignant Narcissist the outside world “has ceased to be real” because he has made himself the substitute for reality – his own “god and the world.” He is great not for something he has achieved but for some presumed quality he has. As a result, he does not “need to be related to anybody or anything” (Fromm, 1964, pp. 65-8, 77). In doing so, he removes himself even more from reality and becomes more and more isolated in a fantasy realm of grandiosity.